weez75

sor-ry!! said in a stroppy teenager way!!!!

Tiggs+Graz

i know just the voice you mean!!! oooh i have had enough of stroppy teenagers lately!!

Tiggs+Graz

just 3 weeks after we moved into the house my parents arrived from the uk. I really did think it was too early for visitors, especially as i was only just beginning to feel comfortable in myself, but they were desperate to get over and see the house and play with the kids and i didnt have the heart to say no. Their 8 week stay actually went better than i would have predicted. There were no major dramas and it was pretty good. The only real downside for me was that tbh they didnt help around the hosue as much as i would have exptected and by the time they left i was pretty tired from looking after a family of 7/8 for two months (no idea how you girls with big families manage it all the time!?!) The day i dropped them at the airport i wasnt sure how i was going to feel ... would i suddenly find myself back to square one? ... but no. i was sad to see them go but i headed home without any tears.

Our eldest, A, had arrived in oz in january adamant that he would not be going to high school. He had pretty much messed up the year before in the uk and he was now determined that he was going to go to college. I had talked to other expats with older teens and thier advice had always been to get him into school so i had phoned the high school made the appointment and when we got there he picked subjects and agreed to start year 12 on the monday. Phew. For the first few months he really go stuck into the work, enjoying the more relaxed teaching and the (to him unusual) supportiveness of his peers. He started hanging around with a lovely set of kids, he had a girlfriend and i was so pleased with the positive changes i saw in him. Unfortunately it didnt last. By june/july i was again getting phone calls from teachers about missing assignments and then missing attendances ... by the end of term 2 he was trying to get me to let him drop subjects which i refused to do. In the end i taked to his head of year and between the three of us we agreed a compromise that let him drop some subjects but take on others that would at least mean he graduated from high school with his diploma but he would no longer have the necessary points to get into uni even if he wanted to. He promised me that with his new set of subjects he would start putting the effort in again and get himself back on track.

At the end of july my little sister and soon to be BIL landed in oz and validated her 136 visa. The arrived in adeladide at the start of august and we had a fantastic week trying to persuade them that when they make their permanent move to oz they should come here. We didnt quite do that but i am still working on it This time when my visitors left i did cry ... for a whole day - but i am glad to say it was only the one day.

By now our home life had settled into the usual routine ... work/school/running a house during the week but now we found ourselves with much more family time at the weekends. We started to regularly take a trip or a visit to somewhere new each weekend and with so many places being free or so cheap (compared to the uk) we could do so much more than we had ever done before. Even the weather in the oz winter allowed us more opportuntities to get out and about and as we did more we kept finding more things to do ... i think i have just about every weekend for the next 6 months planned out already!
I was feeling increasingly comfortable with not only the area were we lived but adelaide in general. I could get in the car and happily set off to somewhere i had never been before and be halfway there before i realised that i didnt have my map in the car and i was going to have to work it out as i went! I could walk around a shopping centre that i had never been in before and see shops and brands that i recognised and be happy just to wander. One of the things that had surprised me when i first got to oz was how aware of my accent i was ... but now it was no longer even occuring to me and i would be a little taken back when someone asked me where in the uk i was from. In short i was getting the hang of things

xx

Tiggs+Graz

In august the company Graz works for were taken over and very soon after the expected announcement was made that jobs would go. Graz was pretty sure that his job would be ok but in these circumstances there are no guarantees and it would take the company until november to announce the first round of redundancies with promises that more would go in january. With a bigger mortgage than we had ever anticipated and me still at home with C we had to take stock of our finances 'just in case'.

We had bought our house as a renovation project and had put aside a small but significant amount of money to get us started on the work. Our long term plan had been to use this money to do the first job on the house and while that was underway we could be saving for the next job and so on. Quite obviously this was now going to change. This money had to become our safety net in case Graz's job did go and there it remains even now in the bank helping us feel more secure ... but for the forseeable future this means no work is going to happen on our house. My 80's kitchen with its dated oven and lovely yellow glass panels is set to be around for quite some time ... our constantly running toilet (that we have tried to patch but cant) gets turned off by hand at the stopcock once the cistern is full (this is an interesting one to explain to house guests!!) and our leaking roof is patched with the plastic lids from margarine tubs (no i am not kidding!!) to name just a few. But after spending years doing up our house in the uk tbh these sorts of things just make me feel like i am at home

October brought the next big change when my youngest C finally started kindy. He had been doing full time pre-school in the uk so he was really looking forward to getting to kindergarten. He went off as happy as could be and i found myself suddenly without all the weekly activities that i had been using to not only fill C's time but also to get me out with other people as well. Julia was the next mate to the rescue and she got me out doing the 'ladies who lunch' thingy dragging '3 Go Mad' along with us for good measure!! Another big thanks to you girls we have sort of fallen out of meeting up over the last couple of weeks ... we really need to start that up again

By now it was apparent that A was not at school most days ... the teachers stopped calling about missing assignments but was that not because he was doing the work but because they knew it was a waste of time to chase him. Even when pressed to do a piece of work he simply didnt do it. I put my foot down and said he HAD to go to school and with a combination of threats at least got him there every day ... even if he wasnt doing the work. Increasingly he was hurtful towards me, downright insulting to Graz and nasty to our youngest boys (who are too young to understand why someone would act this way) and our house was full of arguements and tension. I had been pressing A for some time about what he was going to do in december when he finished year 12 and his answer was always he didnt know. I suggested looking at college courses but he didnt know what he wanted to do and was not about to accept any guidance from me. By November i really had had enough. I sat him down and insisted that he tell me what he was planning. Hi answer was that he had decided to take a year out and look for a band to join (he plays the bass guitar (really rather well)) and maybe look for a part time job to get a bit of cash. I put him straight on a few things. I told him that unless he went to college we were simply not preparted (and tbh not able) to support him financially. I told him we would expect him to find a job and pay board for his upkeep. His response was to storm out and we didnt see him again for the best part of a month (until yesterday in fact). Well he returned yesterday and i had some lingering hopes that he might have spent his month in a productive manner but it would appear that he has done absolutely nothing in that time, he has not looked for a college course, a job or even a band to join. I can see a very big crunch coming in the very near future ... at least it will be an intersting way to start my two year update!!!!

ok only one more part to go ...

somme

Oh and this reminds me how much I have to write today ................or maybe over the next week

Tiggs+Graz

lol ... most people write a lot less - i was intending a couple of parts at most but once i started writing the words just sort of kept going

have you started/done your update?? i am off to have a look for it x


EDITED TO ADD: ooh i cant find anything ... get writing girl!!!! x

Tiggs+Graz

Well i have finally made it to december! i cant believe how much i have written and when i started this update i certainly didnt intend to spend three days on it!! Somehow though once i got going the words just kept coming out.
I have been very aware as i write that negatives have dominated a lot of what i have said, but i guess that is pretty inevitable for someone who has taken so long to settle. I hope in writing this i havent made people think that there were no good times ... i can assure you there have been many and i dont suppose i could have got through the tough times without them! Maybe the next time i start this writing thing i will be able to focus more on the positive

Before i sign off for this year there are just two more things i want to do. Firstly i want to spend a couple of paragraphs talking about not settling when you emigrate (just because i feel it is important for me to do this) and secondly (and i promise very quickly) i want to talk about the future.

i have tried (unsucessfully) before to explain how i felt those first few weeks in oz. The best i have ever been able to come up with describing it in terms of what it WASNT like ... it was not a 'homesick' feeling and i have never really wanted to go back to the uk, it was not a missing people feeling (although i do at times but that is different), it was certinaly not a dislike of where i was - i really do like being in australia .... it was more a ... well like a .... a feeling of not quite being where i belong. I'm here, my family and my home are here, but i am really a person from somewhere else. Does that make any sense?

I seem to have spoken to so many other expats in the last year who have felt exactly the same way ... we tend to have an odd conversation something along the lines of "i dont know why but i feel not quite right" and the reply "oh i know exactly what you mean i feel like that too". But what i have found without fail is that this simple conversation, that doesnt even make any real sense, brings people together, makes them feel that they are not alone and validates their feelings ... just knowing that someone else understands how they feel makes such a difference.

I know there are those who have loved oz since the moment they stepped off the plane (Graz is one of these people ) and i have heard people talk about the 'bloody hell i actually live in Australia' feeling but i have never been there myself ... and i cant really imagine that i ever will now (i suspect it is something you either feel pretty early on or you dont ever). We all emigrate with the hope (belief?!) that this will be us and it can be really tough for those that dont feel that way ... but please dont assume that means you/they have made the wrong choice - it just means you need to take on board your new feelings and work out your next move from there. Onwards and upwards

And finally .... when we made this move we agreed that whatever happened we would stay in oz for 2 years - someone asked me the other day what would i have done if we had said 1 year and we were making our stay/return decision now. Tbh i simply couldnt answer. If someone handed me a ticket back and said there are no repercussions you can simply go back i have no idea what i would do ... but that is me.
Graz loves it here ... and while he would go back in an instant if i asked him there is no way i would do that. The boys all love it here, are settled in schools, have friends they would be devastated to leave, love the family time we get together and the things we can do here.
I have an absolutely fantastic set of friends, people who i would be more than just sad to leave behind, lovely people that i can see still being in my life for many years to come ...

... in short we are going nowhere anytime soon! ... and in all honesty that idea does not worry me in the slightest.

The future for us is certainly in oz ... we have plans (finances allowing) to visit our way around SA and then around the whole of Oz. Our house is a blank canvas just waiting for us to renovate and make our own. On a personal level i am looking forward to a year where i can finally get stuck into the things that i really want to do for ME! With C due to start full time school next october i have a year of choices ahead where the world really is my oyster ... if only i could decide what i want to do next!

One thing i do know for certain ... next year i am going to start writing my update at least a week in advance!

Adele xx

cavysqueak

Phew! That was a bit of a saga, but a well written one. Its good to hear that things are coming into place (except perhaps A).

On the day we left your house I hadn't realised why Graz was at home - it was Mam who enlightened me later on! I didn't do too badly as the tears were interfering with navigation so I had to pull myself together! Your new BIL is as bad as our Dad with navigation (unless he is in a car on his own & then he is fine! Also like Dad!) so I had to be looking around as well.

I hope your second year flows more easily than the first & you get to really enjoy Australia. XxX

Jaycee1

Bloody fantastic that Adele!
Take my hat off for such a honest and down to earth update.
Thanks for sharing
J x

Homebird

Fantastic post, really enjoyed reading it. Thank you, take care xx

Sparky wife

Brilliant update-thanks for sharing that.

Tiggs+Graz

Hi you ... didnt know you were reading
lol you are supposed to get the 'official family version' (when i actually manage to get it finished!!) it contains a lot less crying and a lot more 'look at all the exciting things we have done' plus lots of piccies!!

i did cry lots when you went ... i really didnt want you to go ... just waiting for you to come back now

hugs A xx
(p.s. dont mention the bit about mam and dad not helping to mam and dad xx)

Tiggs+Graz

thanks to all for the positive feedback. i did want to do more than just list what we had done ... although i might have got a little carried away!!
I actually enjoyed writing it all ... i just have 3 days of housework to catch up on now!

A xx

weez75

wow i don't know whats more of an achievement, surviving the 1st year or writing about it
well done girl!!XX

The A Team

Loved reading that, thanks for sharing