Go Back   British Expats / Living & Moving Abroad / Australia / The Update Forum

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools
Old Feb 27th 2013, 9:50 pm   #1
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 369
steve-n-jo is a name known to allsteve-n-jo is a name known to allsteve-n-jo is a name known to allsteve-n-jo is a name known to allsteve-n-jo is a name known to allsteve-n-jo is a name known to allsteve-n-jo is a name known to allsteve-n-jo is a name known to allsteve-n-jo is a name known to allsteve-n-jo is a name known to allsteve-n-jo is a name known to all
Default Life Happened While I Made Other Plans - 8 Years On

I am writing this more for emotional therapy than “informing others” this post is neither a complaint nor adulation about either Australia or England, just one Mans personal story...Mine!

We emigrated here to Adelaide in 2005, It took a couple of years to get the visa and me, my wife and three kids 10,8 and 15 months boarded the plane and headed off. In so doing, we both left close families with brothers, sisters, nephews, nieces, aunts uncles etc etc. I also shut down a very successful construction business and laid off workers I had employed for over 7 years. At the time life in England was pretty much perfect, a close family, we had a nice house, money, nice cars, had several holidays a year, usually one of which was visiting Australia, and being the boss I could come and go as I pleased. Why did we leave? Because I saw it as a great adventure, live in Australia for two years get a passport and if we’re not happy move back knowing we can return whenever we wanted.

I decided to emigrate after our second holiday to Australia, the kids were keen because as youngsters they had great recent memories of kangaroos and koalas! The wife was happy because her brother lived here, (on the proviso that we lived close to him), it was a compromise I was happy to accept as I got to move to Australia just not the exact part I wanted to move too! so we applied and were accepted.

We told the family who on my side were horrified, saddened and were in disbelief, my inlaws were far more pragmatic and just took a deep breath and wished us all the best. The house was sold, container packed and the very hard goodbyes had been said with many tears and we boarded the plane.

My inlaws have visited us nearly every year since we moved and my parents only made the trip once. My dad was taken ill in January 2009 with fluid on his lungs which was later diagnosed as Mesothelioma (asbestos lung cancer) he died boxing day 2009. I flew to England the week before Christmas 2009 and spent a week living in the cancer hospice, my dad fell into a coma a couple of days before Christmas so I decided to fly back to my wife and children in Australia and landed Christmas morning where I was greeted with ‘welcome home banners’ made by the kids, a huge difference from the horrific goodbyes to my mum and sisters at the hospice along with a last kiss for dad, I also felt like I was walking out on my sisters and mum in their hour of need. All because of my decision 4 years earlier I now had 2 families which were half a world apart and have to be cared for individually. I could not stand the thought of not spending Christmas with my kids. My sister phoned on boxing day saying Dad had died, I never made it back to the funeral.

I had dreams during the early days of pre migration and after migration that mum and dad, inlaws and sisters would visit and spend quality time by the pool, and this would make up for me not being around them. Sadly this generally hasn’t been the case.

I have worked extremely hard here, re trained and now have a well paid job. My wife has a part time job. The kids are “Australian” they sound Australian, friends are Australian and they do not consider themselves as “poms” this is because they all have now spent the majority of there lifes living here. We have a large house with a pool, we have four cars parked in the drive (1 each). My eldest is now at University, our middle daughter leaves school next year and the youngest has a while to go yet!

Is my wife and children happy? Yes, very. Am I happy? NO! Would they leave either Adelaide or Australia? NO. Would I? Yes I would love too.

As I said at the opening of this essay on my recent life,’ It is neither a complaint nor adulation about either Australia or England’ I neither love or hate either country, they are uniquely different and half a world apart, both have things I love and things I hate, both annoy and both delight, you have to work and pay tax in both!!

I have had one constant problem with the journey of migration, that problem is “ME” I am an Englishman living in Australia and am now living with an Australian family (even though it is mine!) I miss all things England, especially the family and I find it sad that my kids are generally uninterested in the ‘English family’. I miss the hustle and bustle, I miss the smallness of England and how close it is to the rest of the world, I miss the sometimes bad food and very busy pubs, I miss the unpredictable weather, I miss Poole Quay. I miss the English humour. I miss the ‘ME’ that migrated, as is often said there are turning points in your life and living at the cancer hospice was mine, I went into it as big kid and came out a wiser man, being the only Son with three sisters I feel i should be around them. We have been here nearly eight years, It hasn’t been easy, I do not have rose tinted specs and often wonder why we bothered to move.

Is “life” better now? Who can tell what may have been, the only thing I am sure of is that life is definitely far more complicated now. I have learnt that you have to look inside yourself to find 'better' and not at the world around you, I now realise I had the answer all along, I just never understood the question.

Steve
steve-n-jo is offline  
Old Feb 28th 2013, 8:21 pm   #2
Witchy Hermit
Premium Member
 
Pollyana's Avatar
 
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: Keep true friends and puppets close, trust no-one else...
Posts: 91,077
Pollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Life Happened While I Made Other Plans - 8 Years On

Quote:
Originally Posted by steve-n-jo View Post

.............I have had one constant problem with the journey of migration, that problem is “ME” I am an Englishman living in Australia and am now living with an Australian family (even though it is mine!) I miss all things England, especially the family and I find it sad that my kids are generally uninterested in the ‘English family’. I miss the hustle and bustle, I miss the smallness of England and how close it is to the rest of the world, I miss the sometimes bad food and very busy pubs, I miss the unpredictable weather, I miss Poole Quay. I miss the English humour. I miss the ‘ME’ that migrated, as is often said there are turning points in your life and living at the cancer hospice was mine, I went into it as big kid and came out a wiser man, being the only Son with three sisters I feel i should be around them. We have been here nearly eight years, It hasn’t been easy, I do not have rose tinted specs and often wonder why we bothered to move.
Is “life” better now? Who can tell what may have been, the only thing I am sure of is that life is definitely far more complicated now. I have learnt that you have to look inside yourself to find 'better' and not at the world around you, I now realise I had the answer all along, I just never understood the question.

Steve
Hope the emotional therapy worked, at least a little
I can so identify with parts of your post - the things you miss, whhen you leave you think there is no way you will miss them, but........
And that one phrase which I have often said about myself - I miss the ‘ME’ that migrated


Thanks for sharing
__________________
So when you think of me do so with pride, Honour and Bravery ruled by my side.
And in your memory I will remain; I will forever be within the flame.....
Don't shed a tear for me,I stand alone. This path of destiny is all my own.
Once in the hands of fate,there is no choice, An echo on the wind,you'll hear my voice............"
Pollyana is offline  
Old Feb 28th 2013, 9:16 pm   #3
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: Oct 2008
Location: Brisvegas
Posts: 459
Chortlepuss is a glorious beacon of lightChortlepuss is a glorious beacon of lightChortlepuss is a glorious beacon of lightChortlepuss is a glorious beacon of lightChortlepuss is a glorious beacon of lightChortlepuss is a glorious beacon of lightChortlepuss is a glorious beacon of lightChortlepuss is a glorious beacon of lightChortlepuss is a glorious beacon of lightChortlepuss is a glorious beacon of lightChortlepuss is a glorious beacon of light
Default Re: Life Happened While I Made Other Plans - 8 Years On

What a great post. I have often wondered if I managed to get a fulfilling job here whether I would want to stay. And I have to say, I think probably not, even though it would address the financial pressures. My husband and eldest daughter love it here, and Australia has been good for them. It's a real privilege to have been able to scratch the itch that prompted me to experience life here. But the small things that are part of being British do chip away at you and for some people including me, it's hard to let them go. Right now, I'm treading water until I can get home and start my life again! Food for thought
Chortlepuss is offline  
Old Mar 1st 2013, 5:54 am   #4
ocean 
Just Joined
 
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 9
ocean is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Life Happened While I Made Other Plans - 8 Years On

I have hardly ever posted on this site but have been a regular for probably around the same time as you ( i remember your name ) But just want to say that your post as made me cry as it is so real and its really touched a nerve inside of me.

All the best to you and your family with this journey we're all on xxx
ocean is offline  
Old Mar 1st 2013, 2:51 pm   #5
Premium Member
 
Kelli28's Avatar
 
Joined: Apr 2004
Location: High up in Joondalup.
Posts: 4,228
Kelli28 has a reputation beyond reputeKelli28 has a reputation beyond reputeKelli28 has a reputation beyond reputeKelli28 has a reputation beyond reputeKelli28 has a reputation beyond reputeKelli28 has a reputation beyond reputeKelli28 has a reputation beyond reputeKelli28 has a reputation beyond reputeKelli28 has a reputation beyond reputeKelli28 has a reputation beyond reputeKelli28 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Life Happened While I Made Other Plans - 8 Years On

Great honest post, I'm sure there's a few of us that have similar feelings
Kelli28 is offline  
Old Mar 1st 2013, 10:06 pm   #6
Witchy Hermit
Premium Member
 
Pollyana's Avatar
 
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: Keep true friends and puppets close, trust no-one else...
Posts: 91,077
Pollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Life Happened While I Made Other Plans - 8 Years On

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chortlepuss View Post
What a great post. I have often wondered if I managed to get a fulfilling job here whether I would want to stay. And I have to say, I think probably not, even though it would address the financial pressures. My husband and eldest daughter love it here, and Australia has been good for them. It's a real privilege to have been able to scratch the itch that prompted me to experience life here. But the small things that are part of being British do chip away at you and for some people including me, it's hard to let them go. Right now, I'm treading water until I can get home and start my life again! Food for thought
Very good question - the fulfilling job - I have a job I love to bits, and a good wage. But its one I fought for and worked up to and I have nothing on paper to say I can do it, If I go home I go back into basic admin positions - not much call for my kind of job, especially with no paper to back it up.
I lose the financial freedom, and the knowledge that I have a good job which I do well.
One day i know I will go back, but I can't realistically see it happening before I have to retire from work. Too much freedom and self esteem at stake... and yet when I make those trips home, I think....if only the UK had cyclones........
__________________
So when you think of me do so with pride, Honour and Bravery ruled by my side.
And in your memory I will remain; I will forever be within the flame.....
Don't shed a tear for me,I stand alone. This path of destiny is all my own.
Once in the hands of fate,there is no choice, An echo on the wind,you'll hear my voice............"
Pollyana is offline  
Old Mar 1st 2013, 10:28 pm   #7
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: Mar 2008
Location: Manly, NSW
Posts: 313
Russ_Sarah is just really niceRuss_Sarah is just really niceRuss_Sarah is just really niceRuss_Sarah is just really niceRuss_Sarah is just really niceRuss_Sarah is just really niceRuss_Sarah is just really niceRuss_Sarah is just really niceRuss_Sarah is just really niceRuss_Sarah is just really niceRuss_Sarah is just really nice
Default Re: Life Happened While I Made Other Plans - 8 Years On

thats a good post.
Russ_Sarah is offline  
Old Mar 2nd 2013, 2:13 am   #8
Account Closed
 
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 4,374
Margaret3 is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Life Happened While I Made Other Plans - 8 Years On

Quote:
Originally Posted by steve-n-jo View Post
I




I have had one constant problem with the journey of migration, that problem is “ME” I am an Englishman living in Australia and am now living with an Australian family (even though it is mine!) I miss all things England, especially the family and I find it sad that my kids are generally uninterested in the ‘English family’. I miss the hustle and bustle, I miss the smallness of England and how close it is to the rest of the world, I miss the sometimes bad food and very busy pubs, I miss the unpredictable weather, I miss Poole Quay. I miss the English humour. I miss the ‘ME’ that migrated, as is often said there are turning points in your life and living at the cancer hospice was mine, I went into it as big kid and came out a wiser man, being the only Son with three sisters I feel i should be around them. We have been here nearly eight years, It hasn’t been easy, I do not have rose tinted specs and often wonder why we bothered to move.

Is “life” better now? Who can tell what may have been, the only thing I am sure of is that life is definitely far more complicated now. I have learnt that you have to look inside yourself to find 'better' and not at the world around you, I now realise I had the answer all along, I just never understood the question.

Steve

Fantastic summary and i am positive alot of people have similar feelings (including me).
Margaret3 is offline  
Old Mar 2nd 2013, 9:08 am   #9
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 710
Irish Guinness is a splendid one to beholdIrish Guinness is a splendid one to beholdIrish Guinness is a splendid one to beholdIrish Guinness is a splendid one to beholdIrish Guinness is a splendid one to beholdIrish Guinness is a splendid one to beholdIrish Guinness is a splendid one to beholdIrish Guinness is a splendid one to beholdIrish Guinness is a splendid one to beholdIrish Guinness is a splendid one to beholdIrish Guinness is a splendid one to behold
Default Re: Life Happened While I Made Other Plans - 8 Years On

Quote:
Originally Posted by steve-n-jo View Post
I am writing this more for emotional therapy than “informing others” this post is neither a complaint nor adulation about either Australia or England, just one Mans personal story...Mine!

We emigrated here to Adelaide in 2005, It took a couple of years to get the visa and me, my wife and three kids 10,8 and 15 months boarded the plane and headed off. In so doing, we both left close families with brothers, sisters, nephews, nieces, aunts uncles etc etc. I also shut down a very successful construction business and laid off workers I had employed for over 7 years. At the time life in England was pretty much perfect, a close family, we had a nice house, money, nice cars, had several holidays a year, usually one of which was visiting Australia, and being the boss I could come and go as I pleased. Why did we leave? Because I saw it as a great adventure, live in Australia for two years get a passport and if we’re not happy move back knowing we can return whenever we wanted.

I decided to emigrate after our second holiday to Australia, the kids were keen because as youngsters they had great recent memories of kangaroos and koalas! The wife was happy because her brother lived here, (on the proviso that we lived close to him), it was a compromise I was happy to accept as I got to move to Australia just not the exact part I wanted to move too! so we applied and were accepted.

We told the family who on my side were horrified, saddened and were in disbelief, my inlaws were far more pragmatic and just took a deep breath and wished us all the best. The house was sold, container packed and the very hard goodbyes had been said with many tears and we boarded the plane.

My inlaws have visited us nearly every year since we moved and my parents only made the trip once. My dad was taken ill in January 2009 with fluid on his lungs which was later diagnosed as Mesothelioma (asbestos lung cancer) he died boxing day 2009. I flew to England the week before Christmas 2009 and spent a week living in the cancer hospice, my dad fell into a coma a couple of days before Christmas so I decided to fly back to my wife and children in Australia and landed Christmas morning where I was greeted with ‘welcome home banners’ made by the kids, a huge difference from the horrific goodbyes to my mum and sisters at the hospice along with a last kiss for dad, I also felt like I was walking out on my sisters and mum in their hour of need. All because of my decision 4 years earlier I now had 2 families which were half a world apart and have to be cared for individually. I could not stand the thought of not spending Christmas with my kids. My sister phoned on boxing day saying Dad had died, I never made it back to the funeral.

I had dreams during the early days of pre migration and after migration that mum and dad, inlaws and sisters would visit and spend quality time by the pool, and this would make up for me not being around them. Sadly this generally hasn’t been the case.

I have worked extremely hard here, re trained and now have a well paid job. My wife has a part time job. The kids are “Australian” they sound Australian, friends are Australian and they do not consider themselves as “poms” this is because they all have now spent the majority of there lifes living here. We have a large house with a pool, we have four cars parked in the drive (1 each). My eldest is now at University, our middle daughter leaves school next year and the youngest has a while to go yet!

Is my wife and children happy? Yes, very. Am I happy? NO! Would they leave either Adelaide or Australia? NO. Would I? Yes I would love too.

As I said at the opening of this essay on my recent life,’ It is neither a complaint nor adulation about either Australia or England’ I neither love or hate either country, they are uniquely different and half a world apart, both have things I love and things I hate, both annoy and both delight, you have to work and pay tax in both!!

I have had one constant problem with the journey of migration, that problem is “ME” I am an Englishman living in Australia and am now living with an Australian family (even though it is mine!) I miss all things England, especially the family and I find it sad that my kids are generally uninterested in the ‘English family’. I miss the hustle and bustle, I miss the smallness of England and how close it is to the rest of the world, I miss the sometimes bad food and very busy pubs, I miss the unpredictable weather, I miss Poole Quay. I miss the English humour. I miss the ‘ME’ that migrated, as is often said there are turning points in your life and living at the cancer hospice was mine, I went into it as big kid and came out a wiser man, being the only Son with three sisters I feel i should be around them. We have been here nearly eight years, It hasn’t been easy, I do not have rose tinted specs and often wonder why we bothered to move.

Is “life” better now? Who can tell what may have been, the only thing I am sure of is that life is definitely far more complicated now. I have learnt that you have to look inside yourself to find 'better' and not at the world around you, I now realise I had the answer all along, I just never understood the question.

Steve
I know how you feel,it's such an empty feeling that no matter how we try to explain it,the words just don't seem to explain the emotion that is so painful.
I have been in oz for 57 years and still get those awful homesick feelings
. Oh by the way your post brought tears to my eyes,there's that feeling again.
Irish Guinness is offline  
Old Mar 2nd 2013, 9:10 am   #10
BE Forum Addict
 
chris and farideh's Avatar
 
Joined: Feb 2006
Location: In an ice box
Posts: 2,969
chris and farideh has a reputation beyond reputechris and farideh has a reputation beyond reputechris and farideh has a reputation beyond reputechris and farideh has a reputation beyond reputechris and farideh has a reputation beyond reputechris and farideh has a reputation beyond reputechris and farideh has a reputation beyond reputechris and farideh has a reputation beyond reputechris and farideh has a reputation beyond reputechris and farideh has a reputation beyond reputechris and farideh has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Life Happened While I Made Other Plans - 8 Years On

Quote:
Originally Posted by Margaret3 View Post
Fantastic summary and i am positive alot of people have similar feelings (including me).
And me 6 years on & Im not even a Pom but grew up in UK & cant relate much to the place where I was born, just like your children then.

really could relate to a lot of your story, wishing you all the best for future!
chris and farideh is offline  
Old Mar 2nd 2013, 11:19 am   #11
BE Enthusiast
 
Wendy66's Avatar
 
Joined: Nov 2008
Location: NSW
Posts: 402
Wendy66 is a glorious beacon of lightWendy66 is a glorious beacon of lightWendy66 is a glorious beacon of lightWendy66 is a glorious beacon of lightWendy66 is a glorious beacon of lightWendy66 is a glorious beacon of lightWendy66 is a glorious beacon of lightWendy66 is a glorious beacon of lightWendy66 is a glorious beacon of lightWendy66 is a glorious beacon of lightWendy66 is a glorious beacon of light
Default Re: Life Happened While I Made Other Plans - 8 Years On

Enjoyed your update a great deal.

Thankfully I've loved it here from day 1 but loved your honesty and story thanks for sharing hope it helped
Wendy66 is offline  
Old Mar 2nd 2013, 3:51 pm   #12
Concierge
 
spouse of scouse's Avatar
 
Joined: Jan 2013
Location: Wirral UK
Posts: 6,672
spouse of scouse has a reputation beyond reputespouse of scouse has a reputation beyond reputespouse of scouse has a reputation beyond reputespouse of scouse has a reputation beyond reputespouse of scouse has a reputation beyond reputespouse of scouse has a reputation beyond reputespouse of scouse has a reputation beyond reputespouse of scouse has a reputation beyond reputespouse of scouse has a reputation beyond reputespouse of scouse has a reputation beyond reputespouse of scouse has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Life Happened While I Made Other Plans - 8 Years On

Quote:
Originally Posted by steve-n-jo View Post
I am writing this more for emotional therapy than “informing others” this post is neither a complaint nor adulation about either Australia or England, just one Mans personal story...Mine!

We emigrated here to Adelaide in 2005, It took a couple of years to get the visa and me, my wife and three kids 10,8 and 15 months boarded the plane and headed off. In so doing, we both left close families with brothers, sisters, nephews, nieces, aunts uncles etc etc. I also shut down a very successful construction business and laid off workers I had employed for over 7 years. At the time life in England was pretty much perfect, a close family, we had a nice house, money, nice cars, had several holidays a year, usually one of which was visiting Australia, and being the boss I could come and go as I pleased. Why did we leave? Because I saw it as a great adventure, live in Australia for two years get a passport and if we’re not happy move back knowing we can return whenever we wanted.

I decided to emigrate after our second holiday to Australia, the kids were keen because as youngsters they had great recent memories of kangaroos and koalas! The wife was happy because her brother lived here, (on the proviso that we lived close to him), it was a compromise I was happy to accept as I got to move to Australia just not the exact part I wanted to move too! so we applied and were accepted.

We told the family who on my side were horrified, saddened and were in disbelief, my inlaws were far more pragmatic and just took a deep breath and wished us all the best. The house was sold, container packed and the very hard goodbyes had been said with many tears and we boarded the plane.

My inlaws have visited us nearly every year since we moved and my parents only made the trip once. My dad was taken ill in January 2009 with fluid on his lungs which was later diagnosed as Mesothelioma (asbestos lung cancer) he died boxing day 2009. I flew to England the week before Christmas 2009 and spent a week living in the cancer hospice, my dad fell into a coma a couple of days before Christmas so I decided to fly back to my wife and children in Australia and landed Christmas morning where I was greeted with ‘welcome home banners’ made by the kids, a huge difference from the horrific goodbyes to my mum and sisters at the hospice along with a last kiss for dad, I also felt like I was walking out on my sisters and mum in their hour of need. All because of my decision 4 years earlier I now had 2 families which were half a world apart and have to be cared for individually. I could not stand the thought of not spending Christmas with my kids. My sister phoned on boxing day saying Dad had died, I never made it back to the funeral.

I had dreams during the early days of pre migration and after migration that mum and dad, inlaws and sisters would visit and spend quality time by the pool, and this would make up for me not being around them. Sadly this generally hasn’t been the case.

I have worked extremely hard here, re trained and now have a well paid job. My wife has a part time job. The kids are “Australian” they sound Australian, friends are Australian and they do not consider themselves as “poms” this is because they all have now spent the majority of there lifes living here. We have a large house with a pool, we have four cars parked in the drive (1 each). My eldest is now at University, our middle daughter leaves school next year and the youngest has a while to go yet!

Is my wife and children happy? Yes, very. Am I happy? NO! Would they leave either Adelaide or Australia? NO. Would I? Yes I would love too.

As I said at the opening of this essay on my recent life,’ It is neither a complaint nor adulation about either Australia or England’ I neither love or hate either country, they are uniquely different and half a world apart, both have things I love and things I hate, both annoy and both delight, you have to work and pay tax in both!!

I have had one constant problem with the journey of migration, that problem is “ME” I am an Englishman living in Australia and am now living with an Australian family (even though it is mine!) I miss all things England, especially the family and I find it sad that my kids are generally uninterested in the ‘English family’. I miss the hustle and bustle, I miss the smallness of England and how close it is to the rest of the world, I miss the sometimes bad food and very busy pubs, I miss the unpredictable weather, I miss Poole Quay. I miss the English humour. I miss the ‘ME’ that migrated, as is often said there are turning points in your life and living at the cancer hospice was mine, I went into it as big kid and came out a wiser man, being the only Son with three sisters I feel i should be around them. We have been here nearly eight years, It hasn’t been easy, I do not have rose tinted specs and often wonder why we bothered to move.

Is “life” better now? Who can tell what may have been, the only thing I am sure of is that life is definitely far more complicated now. I have learnt that you have to look inside yourself to find 'better' and not at the world around you, I now realise I had the answer all along, I just never understood the question.

Steve
I think you've probably helped people a lot Steve, even if that wasn't your main reason for posting your story. Being born in Australia and living all my life here, I haven't experienced the alienation and other feelings you are but the person I love most in the world (my husband) has, and continues to. He's the youngest of 13 children and one of 3 surviving, all brothers, all in their mid to late 60s. Bill came to Australia 23 years ago with his wife and 2 young boys, because one day he looked around his home of Liverpool in the late 1980s and despaired of them having the sorts of opportunites he wanted for them.
His wife, Margaret, totally agreed with the reasons for the move, although it was much harder for her to leave her family and it took her several years to settle into Australia. She went back once, when her brother died.
Margaret died in 2007 after a long and difficult battle with cancer. Bill's boys are grown and settled, and Australia is their home.
But Bill's home is and always has been Liverpool. We visit there once a year and although he doesn't say a lot, I can see that it's getting harder, and sadder, for him to leave. His goodbyes to his brothers just about break my heart - they're not mawkish or sentimental, they're stoic and 'thump thump on the back' and 'alright la' - which is bloody sadder!

Anyway, we're going 'home' just as soon as we can. It will be a couple of years, but we've started to make plans. And although I already wanted this for Bill, and thought I understood how he felt, your story has added immensely to both my understanding and my compassion for him.

Thanks mate xx
spouse of scouse is offline  
Old Mar 3rd 2013, 9:15 am   #13
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 369
steve-n-jo is a name known to allsteve-n-jo is a name known to allsteve-n-jo is a name known to allsteve-n-jo is a name known to allsteve-n-jo is a name known to allsteve-n-jo is a name known to allsteve-n-jo is a name known to allsteve-n-jo is a name known to allsteve-n-jo is a name known to allsteve-n-jo is a name known to allsteve-n-jo is a name known to all
Default Re: Life Happened While I Made Other Plans - 8 Years On

Quote:
Originally Posted by spouse of scouse View Post
I think you've probably helped people a lot Steve, even if that wasn't your main reason for posting your story. Being born in Australia and living all my life here, I haven't experienced the alienation and other feelings you are but the person I love most in the world (my husband) has, and continues to. He's the youngest of 13 children and one of 3 surviving, all brothers, all in their mid to late 60s. Bill came to Australia 23 years ago with his wife and 2 young boys, because one day he looked around his home of Liverpool in the late 1980s and despaired of them having the sorts of opportunites he wanted for them.
His wife, Margaret, totally agreed with the reasons for the move, although it was much harder for her to leave her family and it took her several years to settle into Australia. She went back once, when her brother died.
Margaret died in 2007 after a long and difficult battle with cancer. Bill's boys are grown and settled, and Australia is their home.
But Bill's home is and always has been Liverpool. We visit there once a year and although he doesn't say a lot, I can see that it's getting harder, and sadder, for him to leave. His goodbyes to his brothers just about break my heart - they're not mawkish or sentimental, they're stoic and 'thump thump on the back' and 'alright la' - which is bloody sadder!

Anyway, we're going 'home' just as soon as we can. It will be a couple of years, but we've started to make plans. And although I already wanted this for Bill, and thought I understood how he felt, your story has added immensely to both my understanding and my compassion for him.

Thanks mate xx

Glad I helped, although every story is so individual and complex.
My outlook on life is totaly different after this journey, my life is different after this journey, my family both here and in the UK are significantly different from that of 8 years ago. I always saw myself as one of lifes 'go getters' and that is a large part of the problem today (and why we're here!!)my family here are settled and I am the most unsettled I have ever been, I did not give up my family and everything else in England for what I have now, it is not a 'fair swap'.
My mind tries to compute a solution to the current problem but the only answer I get is 'Fatal Error - computer will shut down'
As I said before, nothing is wrong but nothing is right.
steve-n-jo is offline  
Old Mar 3rd 2013, 10:30 am   #14
Concierge
 
spouse of scouse's Avatar
 
Joined: Jan 2013
Location: Wirral UK
Posts: 6,672
spouse of scouse has a reputation beyond reputespouse of scouse has a reputation beyond reputespouse of scouse has a reputation beyond reputespouse of scouse has a reputation beyond reputespouse of scouse has a reputation beyond reputespouse of scouse has a reputation beyond reputespouse of scouse has a reputation beyond reputespouse of scouse has a reputation beyond reputespouse of scouse has a reputation beyond reputespouse of scouse has a reputation beyond reputespouse of scouse has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Life Happened While I Made Other Plans - 8 Years On

Quote:
Originally Posted by steve-n-jo View Post
Glad I helped, although every story is so individual and complex.
My outlook on life is totaly different after this journey, my life is different after this journey, my family both here and in the UK are significantly different from that of 8 years ago. I always saw myself as one of lifes 'go getters' and that is a large part of the problem today (and why we're here!!)my family here are settled and I am the most unsettled I have ever been, I did not give up my family and everything else in England for what I have now, it is not a 'fair swap'.
My mind tries to compute a solution to the current problem but the only answer I get is 'Fatal Error - computer will shut down'
As I said before, nothing is wrong but nothing is right.
"Nothing is wrong but nothing is right" sounds like a perfect summation of your story.

When your youngest is off your hands and your wife's not so caught up in the kids/school thing, she may be agreeable to a move back? I'm going to be presumptuous here (because I'm too far away to be kicked), but have you talked about how you feel to your wife? If not, it might be worth thinking about. She may think you're happy as Larry here.
spouse of scouse is offline  
Old Mar 3rd 2013, 11:03 pm   #15
quoll Female
Lost in BE Cyberspace
 
quoll's Avatar
 
Joined: Sep 2007
Location: Cambridge
Posts: 7,928
quoll has a reputation beyond reputequoll has a reputation beyond reputequoll has a reputation beyond reputequoll has a reputation beyond reputequoll has a reputation beyond reputequoll has a reputation beyond reputequoll has a reputation beyond reputequoll has a reputation beyond reputequoll has a reputation beyond reputequoll has a reputation beyond reputequoll has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Life Happened While I Made Other Plans - 8 Years On

Oh yes - the loss of "me" when you are stuck in a place that feels alien certainly resonates with me! I agree - talk to your wife, she may be prepared to compromise, you never know! As for the kids - you never know with them either - in fact your subject line is precisely that which my son used when he wrote an update for his OldBoys Association - he went to UK on a post uni gap year and has no intention of returning to Aus (11 yrs later!) even though he lived there virtually all his life to that point - it wasn't in his plan but for him it has been better.

I am now living in UK despite my husband insisting he would never live here (it would make him depressed!) - he's perfectly happy and I have reclaimed "me" so don't despair, you never know what will happen and you might well find your life going in the direction you want!
quoll is offline  
Closed Thread

Go Back   British Expats / Living & Moving Abroad / Australia / The Update Forum


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT. The time now is 3:07 am.


Powered by vBulletin: ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
© 1999-2010 BritishExpats.com