MademoiselleMtl

Curious to know if anyone has split their time between two countries as a solution to part of a couple being unhappy.

(Read my previous posts if you need to refresh your memory on my situation)

The latest solution that my husband and I have discussed is that I would spend every 2nd month back home in Montreal.


Sounds like it might work but will that lead me to feeling more torn? I already have one foot in, one foot out syndrome, will this increase it?

How does one do this along with trying to figure out a career for themselves?

If anyone has tried this option I would be curious to hear the outcome.


Any thoughts on this would be appreciated. Thank you

TruBrit

i've been doing that for the last 3 yrs whilst trying to sort myself out. it's great having a place back in the uk, we bought it as a pied-a-terre for me as i was so unhappy here and it helped but it's not solved the prob.

give it a try, it might work for you, i hope so

chicagojlo

I can't see how you are going to be able to work with that arrangement. There aren't many jobs you can do every other month and I thought that part of your problem was that you couldn't work.

MademoiselleMtl

The work issue is the part that still does not fit with splitting time in both places. Every option I come up with is faulty to some degree and it is driving me crazy!

Englishmum

I know some couples who live and work in different countries - not because of unhappiness but because of their (lucrative) jobs and obviously no-one knows what goes on behind closed doors but to the best of my knowledge their marriages are strong.

One couple lives in my town in NJ; they're English and the husband's employer - a European investment bank - posted him back to London, even though they had sponsored him and his family for green cards. His wife refused to go back to the UK as their three children were settled in school here and she loves her beautiful home and didn't want to leave it. The husband rents a small flat near Paddington Station (handy for the Heathrow Express trains) and he flies back to the US every fortnight to spend a weekend with his family and tries to wangle meetings back in New York whenever possible. However, he's now landed a job with another bank in NYC so he will have a much shorter commute to work!

We have English friends with successful careers (no children - they never wanted any) who live about 15 miles from Heathrow airport. The husband used to live in Amsterdam during the week and go home at weekends. He changed jobs and stopped doing this for a couple of years, but now has a new job and we recently heard that he is now working in Dublin and is again commuting home for the weekend.

My husband is always travelling on business trips and his next one is a round-the-world trip; tomorrow he flies from New York to go to meetings in Hong Kong, then more meetings in Beijing, a few days at a conference near the Great Wall 2 hours from Beijing, then London to work at HO for a couple of days and gets back to New Jersey on Easter Saturday. When we lived in Singapore on an expat posting he was away about 60-70% of the time on business trips in Asia and beyond. It was pretty much the same scenario for most of the expats based there that we knew.

I also know of an Aussie who works in Hong Kong and commutes back to Sydney every 2-3 weeks to see his wife and children. I personally think it would be very hard if I had young children.

There are many couples posting on the boards here who spend time apart due to work; some are merchant seamen, some in the military (on active service! ), working in the offshore oil industry or long-distance lorry (tractor-trailer) drivers. Some people get used to it - the reunions are nice - whilst perhaps some people don't and the relationship withers.

It is highly likely that later this year my spouse may be posted back to London. Our son wants to stay in the States (he left England at age 6) and since the housing market has tanked I'm seriously considering splitting time between the US and UK....haven't worked out the logistics yet....

PS: the actress/radio reporter Donna Hanover (ex-wife of former NYC mayor Rudolf Guliani) recently re-married. Her spouse - a businessman - lives and works in LA and they commute at the weekends to see each other.

ann m

We've toyed with this idea too, and I'd also be interested to hear your replies. We have considered hubby applying for a one-month-on, one-month-off type scenario - they can only say no

anabella

It's worth trying if you are up for it. What were you doing in Canada? anything that you could do freelance or remotely?