OT - opinions on shared living expenses
Nov 24th 2001, 3:37 am
#16
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As I'm sure there are many women in America who aspire to be wealthy Mrs. xxx xxx, MD
or DDS, only to be disappointed when said HMO employer only pays $10 for an office
visit, I have no doubt that there are legions of foreign woman who believe marrying
an American man to be the (false) road to an easy life.
People of their own kind eventually find each other. So it doesn't surprise me in the
least that your wife found her support group.
There are plenty of Russian and other foreign women who don't aspire to marrying an
American meal ticket. They would be more than content to find a partner of the vast
unwashed middle class and join the legions of Dilbertettes which make their average
28 minute commute to work every American business day.
So look at that silver lining. Your wife has the self confidence (and probably the
looks) to go for the meal ticket, as opposed to settling for another minion. That she
didn't find one - well, that's not her fault, is it?
Tell your wife that Mrs. Laura Bush once felt the same way she does now.
Paulgani
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funny you say that I'm aspiring to be more like him!
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As I'm sure there are many women in America who aspire to be wealthy Mrs. xxx xxx, MD
or DDS, only to be disappointed when said HMO employer only pays $10 for an office
visit, I have no doubt that there are legions of foreign woman who believe marrying
an American man to be the (false) road to an easy life.
People of their own kind eventually find each other. So it doesn't surprise me in the
least that your wife found her support group.
There are plenty of Russian and other foreign women who don't aspire to marrying an
American meal ticket. They would be more than content to find a partner of the vast
unwashed middle class and join the legions of Dilbertettes which make their average
28 minute commute to work every American business day.
So look at that silver lining. Your wife has the self confidence (and probably the
looks) to go for the meal ticket, as opposed to settling for another minion. That she
didn't find one - well, that's not her fault, is it?
Tell your wife that Mrs. Laura Bush once felt the same way she does now.
Paulgani
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funny you say that I'm aspiring to be more like him!
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Nov 24th 2001, 4:28 am
#17
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jkhd wrote:
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I don't think it's regeional, I think it is just different types of people with
different beliefs.
Michael
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I don't think it's regeional, I think it is just different types of people with
different beliefs.
Michael
Nov 24th 2001, 6:18 am
#18
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I agree although I think these people come from different regions.
Grinch
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I agree although I think these people come from different regions.
Grinch
Nov 24th 2001, 3:56 pm
#19
Guest
Posts: n/a
A well rounded liberal education pays for itself when the pharse "the vast unwashed
middle classes" is pulled out when appropriate. As for the original poster, it is the
thin end of the wedge of misery when the sorority of spouses who can speak in tongues
start comparing compromises they had made to get membership.
middle classes" is pulled out when appropriate. As for the original poster, it is the
thin end of the wedge of misery when the sorority of spouses who can speak in tongues
start comparing compromises they had made to get membership.
Nov 27th 2001, 10:23 pm
#20
Guest
Posts: n/a
I am sure you will find it interesting Ed
RUSSIAN WOMEN TYPES
I'll try to describe major types Russian women can belong to. The
classification is based on the principle of correlation of four factors: 1)
appearance, 2) IQ, 3) self-evaluation, 4) social status.
1st type: Russian women with bright prepossessing appearance, considerable
mental abilities, with an adequate self-evaluation and a rather high and stable
social status. Lately, the women of this type can be encountered in greater
numbers in Russia, but they are mostly city-dwellers. Most women of this type
live in industrial and commercial centers.
For: You won't be ashamed of your choice: you will have a right to be proud
when taking such a woman out; she will make a good companion for your mind, as
well as for your heart, as the Russian saying goes. She is able not only of
taking, but of listening as well as giving sound advice. Your self-esteem will
be satisfied: if such a woman has chosen you, then you are a really worthy man.
Against: Leadership is in man's nature. That's why before you bind yourself to
such a woman, think it over whether it will be easy for you to comply with her
leadership; won't her overwhelming positiveness cast a shade upon your own
personality and assimilate it: won't you feel a free supplement to her merits?
2nd type: Beautiful and intelligent Russian women of a high social status, but
for a number of reasons (upbringing, failures in private life) their
self-esteem is short of adequacy.
For: It is much easier to make the relationship take shape with such a woman;
she will think of you as of a winning ticket which the wind of fortune has
thrown into her humble path; you'll get hold of a 1st type woman but for
awareness of her own attractiveness. It will make you feel a lucky gold-digger
who has come upon a nugget.
Against: Women of this type can get scared of the prospect of relations with
you, can refuse to believe in your good feelings and intentions because of
I-don't-deserve-him attitude, so that you will be forced into proving the
contrary time and again with a risk of getting bored to death; besides, you
risk marrying a woman who doesn't love you for very often women of this type
choose a man obviously inferior to them to make their own beauty and
intelligence more prominent, emphasized by such a 'background', and you will
agree that being a 'background' is not a most pleasant thing. Therefore, make
sure that her feelings are genuine before you marry a woman of this type.
3rd type: Beautiful but rather limited Russian women who are usually in love
with their own person. As a rule, they prefer to work as models, secretaries
and aspire to becoming actresses.
For: Is there a man who, even for a moment, hasn't dreamt of marrying Claudia
Schiffer or Marilyn Monroe? It is great to take such a woman out for she
provokes envy almost in everybody.
Against: Such beauty can be compared to a box of chocolates: they are sweet.
But it is in human nature that a person can't survive on chocolates only, in
the long run he will long for something more nutritious. It's the same with
women: after all, some day you'll want to talk with her, to share you joys and
sorrows, to get her advice and help. But do not expect this from the woman of
the 3rd type. Women of this type can be placed into the category of women to
beware of (see the unit "Russian Women to Beware Of").
4th type: Russian women of unprepossessing appearance and of very high level of
intelligence. They are usually engaged in scientific work. Depending on the
self-evaluation two subtypes can be distinguished:
a) adequate self-evaluation. Women of this type find a partner without much
difficulty. They are aware of their winning and losing points and learn, in
the long run, to emphasize the first and to smooth over the latter.
For: Such woman will never bore you, since she'll always find a topic for a
conversation. You will never know the throe of jealousy: there are few men who
are indifferent to looks craving for exclusively intellectual intercourse;
you'll always remain a superman for her.
Against: Not all of your acquaintances will appreciate your choice: people will
judge your choice by its exterior;
b) understated level of self-evaluation. Such women are colloquially called
"grey mice". Their own neuroses present the strongest restriction to
their life.
For: The same as in the first subtype.
Against: It will take you much time and effort to raise her level of
self-evaluation up to adequacy, to make her feel self-assured; her neuroses may
start to interfere with your life: she may shun the society of your friends and
making visits: she may give up pretty clothes not to draw attention to herself.
5th type: This type takes a middle position. Women of this type can be called
neither beautiful nor ugly; they will not set the Thames on fire but are far
from being stupid, have an adequate level of self-evaluation; in most cases
they belong to the middle class; they do not like to take the responsibility in
business on themselves.
For: Women of this type are the most complete personification of qualities
inherent in the Russian woman in general; they are domestic, comforting, not
intricate at all. You'll always feel at ease with them, they value their
husband and know how to please him, they make the best mothers and housewives.
Against: If you favour surprises, mysteries, surges of emotion, tension of
passions, diversity - this is not your type.
6th type: Women of unprepossessing appearance and low level of intelligence,
whom you are unlikely to get interested in. Women of this type of an
inadequately high level of self-evaluation may be considered dangerous: you'd
better get round them(see the unit "Russian Women to Beware Of").
Apart from this classification, the Russian woman can perform several social
parts: the Mother, the Mistress, the Wife.
The Mother
In Russian mentality the woman is, above all, identified with a
mother. A kind, patient, child-loving, wise, with a maternal instinct of
support and protection, strong-willed, strong and just, caring patroness.
The Wife
Tranquil, even tempered, virtuous, rational, modest, caring, practical, neat,
prefers to dress well but not provocatively. In her relations with the man she
values most of all reliability and stability. She will take care of her man's
looks and his proper diet. Has a tendency to sacrifice her own interests. Her
attitudes are conservative.
The Mistress
Emotional, impressionable, unpredictable, playful, flirtatious, capricious,
sexual, sensuous, prefers to dress in bright, striking colours. In her
relations with men she values most of all the amorous atmosphere, sex. She
seldom worries about marriage. Bringing up children is not her idea of life.
Thus, the type a specific woman belongs to is determined by a combination of
various factors and by her personality. Your search of a woman with a clear-cut
mark of an isolated type from the above mentioned is most likely bound to be a
failure because each Russian woman will try on several roles in her life.
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RUSSIAN WOMEN TYPES
I'll try to describe major types Russian women can belong to. The
classification is based on the principle of correlation of four factors: 1)
appearance, 2) IQ, 3) self-evaluation, 4) social status.
1st type: Russian women with bright prepossessing appearance, considerable
mental abilities, with an adequate self-evaluation and a rather high and stable
social status. Lately, the women of this type can be encountered in greater
numbers in Russia, but they are mostly city-dwellers. Most women of this type
live in industrial and commercial centers.
For: You won't be ashamed of your choice: you will have a right to be proud
when taking such a woman out; she will make a good companion for your mind, as
well as for your heart, as the Russian saying goes. She is able not only of
taking, but of listening as well as giving sound advice. Your self-esteem will
be satisfied: if such a woman has chosen you, then you are a really worthy man.
Against: Leadership is in man's nature. That's why before you bind yourself to
such a woman, think it over whether it will be easy for you to comply with her
leadership; won't her overwhelming positiveness cast a shade upon your own
personality and assimilate it: won't you feel a free supplement to her merits?
2nd type: Beautiful and intelligent Russian women of a high social status, but
for a number of reasons (upbringing, failures in private life) their
self-esteem is short of adequacy.
For: It is much easier to make the relationship take shape with such a woman;
she will think of you as of a winning ticket which the wind of fortune has
thrown into her humble path; you'll get hold of a 1st type woman but for
awareness of her own attractiveness. It will make you feel a lucky gold-digger
who has come upon a nugget.
Against: Women of this type can get scared of the prospect of relations with
you, can refuse to believe in your good feelings and intentions because of
I-don't-deserve-him attitude, so that you will be forced into proving the
contrary time and again with a risk of getting bored to death; besides, you
risk marrying a woman who doesn't love you for very often women of this type
choose a man obviously inferior to them to make their own beauty and
intelligence more prominent, emphasized by such a 'background', and you will
agree that being a 'background' is not a most pleasant thing. Therefore, make
sure that her feelings are genuine before you marry a woman of this type.
3rd type: Beautiful but rather limited Russian women who are usually in love
with their own person. As a rule, they prefer to work as models, secretaries
and aspire to becoming actresses.
For: Is there a man who, even for a moment, hasn't dreamt of marrying Claudia
Schiffer or Marilyn Monroe? It is great to take such a woman out for she
provokes envy almost in everybody.
Against: Such beauty can be compared to a box of chocolates: they are sweet.
But it is in human nature that a person can't survive on chocolates only, in
the long run he will long for something more nutritious. It's the same with
women: after all, some day you'll want to talk with her, to share you joys and
sorrows, to get her advice and help. But do not expect this from the woman of
the 3rd type. Women of this type can be placed into the category of women to
beware of (see the unit "Russian Women to Beware Of").
4th type: Russian women of unprepossessing appearance and of very high level of
intelligence. They are usually engaged in scientific work. Depending on the
self-evaluation two subtypes can be distinguished:
a) adequate self-evaluation. Women of this type find a partner without much
difficulty. They are aware of their winning and losing points and learn, in
the long run, to emphasize the first and to smooth over the latter.
For: Such woman will never bore you, since she'll always find a topic for a
conversation. You will never know the throe of jealousy: there are few men who
are indifferent to looks craving for exclusively intellectual intercourse;
you'll always remain a superman for her.
Against: Not all of your acquaintances will appreciate your choice: people will
judge your choice by its exterior;
b) understated level of self-evaluation. Such women are colloquially called
"grey mice". Their own neuroses present the strongest restriction to
their life.
For: The same as in the first subtype.
Against: It will take you much time and effort to raise her level of
self-evaluation up to adequacy, to make her feel self-assured; her neuroses may
start to interfere with your life: she may shun the society of your friends and
making visits: she may give up pretty clothes not to draw attention to herself.
5th type: This type takes a middle position. Women of this type can be called
neither beautiful nor ugly; they will not set the Thames on fire but are far
from being stupid, have an adequate level of self-evaluation; in most cases
they belong to the middle class; they do not like to take the responsibility in
business on themselves.
For: Women of this type are the most complete personification of qualities
inherent in the Russian woman in general; they are domestic, comforting, not
intricate at all. You'll always feel at ease with them, they value their
husband and know how to please him, they make the best mothers and housewives.
Against: If you favour surprises, mysteries, surges of emotion, tension of
passions, diversity - this is not your type.
6th type: Women of unprepossessing appearance and low level of intelligence,
whom you are unlikely to get interested in. Women of this type of an
inadequately high level of self-evaluation may be considered dangerous: you'd
better get round them(see the unit "Russian Women to Beware Of").
Apart from this classification, the Russian woman can perform several social
parts: the Mother, the Mistress, the Wife.
The Mother
In Russian mentality the woman is, above all, identified with a
mother. A kind, patient, child-loving, wise, with a maternal instinct of
support and protection, strong-willed, strong and just, caring patroness.
The Wife
Tranquil, even tempered, virtuous, rational, modest, caring, practical, neat,
prefers to dress well but not provocatively. In her relations with the man she
values most of all reliability and stability. She will take care of her man's
looks and his proper diet. Has a tendency to sacrifice her own interests. Her
attitudes are conservative.
The Mistress
Emotional, impressionable, unpredictable, playful, flirtatious, capricious,
sexual, sensuous, prefers to dress in bright, striking colours. In her
relations with men she values most of all the amorous atmosphere, sex. She
seldom worries about marriage. Bringing up children is not her idea of life.
Thus, the type a specific woman belongs to is determined by a combination of
various factors and by her personality. Your search of a woman with a clear-cut
mark of an isolated type from the above mentioned is most likely bound to be a
failure because each Russian woman will try on several roles in her life.
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Europe )
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care
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husband
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Nov 28th 2001, 4:17 pm
#21
pharrya's troublen strife
Joined: Mar 2001
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 348
Alvena
You've done it again- your "point 4 " pretty much sums up American life for all of us.
What my husband and I did was to set up a "joint account" for household expenses. Whoever is making the most money at the time would put in proportionally more money. Right now he is still looking for work, so I am putting in more money to this account. Hopefully, he will eventually land a job and he can began matching my contributions evenly again. Then, we also have serperate "personal accounts", where we keep money for our personal expenses like clothes, grooming supplies, books, etc.
I view marriage as an equal partnership. I, and women before me,fought for "equal pay for equal work" in this country. I feel that my personal philosophy must reflect in my life, as well.
But let's say one of us, my husband or me, eventually got a job paying three times as much as the other one. (wouldn't happen,tho, when my husband works we make close to the same thing)Well, it would not be fair to make one person match equally in the household expenses (as its not now, with my husband out of work). I think the one person would contribute a proportianate amount to the kitty. Or if you made a ton more, than maybe you would pay the household expenses, but she would use her pay to pay for her personal expenses. But if she made a ton more, she would pay more towards the household expenses.
Ya'll have got to sort this out now, and come to some sort of compromise. If she expects to be a kept woman, than you've got no one to blame but yourself. A suitable partner is one that is of the same mind when it comes to couple finances, along with the way they see the world, mutual intrests, in addition to mutual attraction and "passion" and love and all that.
Alvena is right about money being one of the main things couples fight about, but I can say that "knock wood", even with my husband out of work, we fought more about this when we were dating, actually. As a married couple, you should be there for each other in whatever way you decide and agree to handle the finances ahead of time and should always discuss how money is to be spent and agree, both of you, ahead of time.
I don't think her opinion is a typically Russian one. My friend Larry is married to a Russian woman, they both work, and they seem to have a pretty even marriage that way. She was already legally working and living in the US when they met.
good luck to you.
What my husband and I did was to set up a "joint account" for household expenses. Whoever is making the most money at the time would put in proportionally more money. Right now he is still looking for work, so I am putting in more money to this account. Hopefully, he will eventually land a job and he can began matching my contributions evenly again. Then, we also have serperate "personal accounts", where we keep money for our personal expenses like clothes, grooming supplies, books, etc.
I view marriage as an equal partnership. I, and women before me,fought for "equal pay for equal work" in this country. I feel that my personal philosophy must reflect in my life, as well.
But let's say one of us, my husband or me, eventually got a job paying three times as much as the other one. (wouldn't happen,tho, when my husband works we make close to the same thing)Well, it would not be fair to make one person match equally in the household expenses (as its not now, with my husband out of work). I think the one person would contribute a proportianate amount to the kitty. Or if you made a ton more, than maybe you would pay the household expenses, but she would use her pay to pay for her personal expenses. But if she made a ton more, she would pay more towards the household expenses.
Ya'll have got to sort this out now, and come to some sort of compromise. If she expects to be a kept woman, than you've got no one to blame but yourself. A suitable partner is one that is of the same mind when it comes to couple finances, along with the way they see the world, mutual intrests, in addition to mutual attraction and "passion" and love and all that.
Alvena is right about money being one of the main things couples fight about, but I can say that "knock wood", even with my husband out of work, we fought more about this when we were dating, actually. As a married couple, you should be there for each other in whatever way you decide and agree to handle the finances ahead of time and should always discuss how money is to be spent and agree, both of you, ahead of time.
I don't think her opinion is a typically Russian one. My friend Larry is married to a Russian woman, they both work, and they seem to have a pretty even marriage that way. She was already legally working and living in the US when they met.
good luck to you.
Nov 29th 2001, 2:08 pm
#22
Guest
Posts: n/a
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When the love is gone, all that's left is the money.
Jo
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When the love is gone, all that's left is the money.
Jo
