Rete

Nope MG did not say anything about wanting a 20 yo bride. In fact he said he "didn't" want a 24 or 30 yo woman but one closer to his age and one that was physically fit as he is.

The person who commented on the old man/young girl scenario was Onigiri with his Mrs. Robinson post.

Rita

Michael Voight

Grinch wrote:
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Right, my wife looks great in jeans.

Forcefulljack10

Mikie2468 <[email protected]>
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Yup - Me. DMV lady told me that I was "illegal and needed to go home!" as my I94w had
expired.Her supervisor had the same opinion and talking to them both was difficult as
they both as thick as shit.

I asked for the manager of the place and got him to call the INS,I also got my
attorney involved. Seemingly,or so New Orleans INS stated - I am a temporary
resident and my I688b(ead) card is proof of temporary residence - They stipulated
that I94w shouldnt be accepted by any DMV anywhere within the U.S nowadays as the
I688b is a "less tamperable document" ie,It has your fingerprint/photo on and is
proof that the immigrant is going thru the correct INS channels. Dunno how much
truth there is in anything the INS said to be fair,and to be honest I couldnt care
less,It got me my DL.

Goodluck. FJ10.

ms_bhon

Ok, ok, I misread some of the posts, here...forgive me MG... you must just live in a geographical area where no women walk, jog, take yoga, or go to the gym or something. I don't know where I got the younger woman bit...must've read something in that wasn't there. I suppose we're all victims of where we live. Back all those years here where I live, when I was single and moaning about all the good ones being taken or otherwise they were a friends ex, or one of my exes, or a drunk, I finally, on a whim took to the internet. Little did I know I'd meet my match there... granted- we really didn't fall in love properly until I was living in his city for a time and we were dating normally, then did the LDR thing once I had to go home.
I guess I just take exception to men moaning about how hard it is to find a good woman... a victim of 16 years of singledom I suppose (18-34).

">Most of the 35 and up women who are available in my area are playing host to an extra 30 or 40 pounds of excess fat.
It is not an attractive feature in a woman (or man). I am sorry to say that if a woman doesn't take care of her body, I am not going to be attracted to her. I wish I was cause then meeting the right woman would be alot easier. As such I have chosen to look elsewhere and have found the right woman for me. I would guess that there are many men in my age group that feel the same way I do. Take a look in one of the dating sites that American women are featured in and then take a look at a Russian women web site. Which line would a older man want to stand in? The long one."

Yeah, well, whatever... *I've* got a thing for English blokes, luckily I married one ;-)

">I don't' think that men necessarily limit their field to only women 20 years younger
than them. However, all things equal, given the choice of an attractive young woman
or an unattractive older women, most guys, being largely visually focused and with
those instinctual, primeval forces controlling their decisions, will readily choose
the young, attractive woman"

Yeah, but what about a choice between an attractive younger woman *and* an attractive older woman? My argument is that the man would still choose the younger woman than the woman close to his age. Think of all the mid-life crisis cliches of the red sports car and younger woman affair thing. Cliches are only cliches because somewhere along the line theres some truth in it.

I don't know, I suppose all those years on me own makes me still want to champion the cause of all of the 30-40 somthing gal-pals o' mine that are still single. If I hadn't've met my now husband, that would be me...

Like I said, I suppose we're all victims of our geography. Some areas of the country have different male to female ratios. Its not enough to just find a bloke or a gal, the chemistry's gotta be right, mutual interests, common values, the list goes on. I won't begrudge anyone their personal list of what Mr. or Ms. Right is. People used to tell me my list was awlful long until I suprised everyone and myself by finally finding someone to fit the bill. :-)
I wish good luck to everyone else in their own pursuits.

Paulgani

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I disagree. If I were say, 35 years old, well traveled, stable in my career, and
looking to start a family, I'd seek out a woman with comparable goals. A 20 year old
is going to want me to take her to Disney World and dance to noisy techo music in a
club with other 20 somethings. Someone closer to my own age is much more like to
have done most of the things I've already done, and is interested to do the things
I'm now interested in as a 30 something person. The 30 something woman is also much
more likely to know what she wants in life, and will probably result in a much more
stable marriage.

As for mid-life crisis', yes, I agree older men would prefer to have a fling with a
younger woman. But marraige is different situation.

Paulgani

Onigiri

[usenetquote2]> > Yeah, but what about a choice between an attractive younger woman *and* an[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]> > attractive older woman? My argument is that the man would still choose the[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]> > younger woman than the woman close to his age.[/usenetquote2]

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fling
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I was reminded of Al Bundy of "Married with Children" !! He wanted hooters when
young, after two kids with Peggy, he still wants hooters, but not at home. If some
consulate offered to keep Peggy away from him, he'd go for it
! Peggy, OTOH, bless her tolerance, is more willing to put up with Al's
smelly feet in the marital bed !!

Shelley

My husband has a (nasty) habit of pointing out actresses on TV and telling me how
beautiful they look. But all I have to do is look in his eyes and I know he still
thinks of me as the sexiest woman he sees - and neither one of us could make a dime
if earnings were based on looks! "Sexy" is an image of the mind - it has nothing to
do with how someone actually looks. We all know the media standards for sexy - but
love is more powerful than the media, even a one-eyed hunchback troll is sexy to the
one who loves him/her. Take Care. Shelley

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Onigiri

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The girl on TV is not going to come by and demand he give her some attention, is
she ? He knows it, and so do you. And besides, that girl may not wear well if she
stuck around....that is the reason why the best parts of a fling are not merely
that people meet to make it happen, but also people part soon enough before the
distaste sets in.

mothergoose

I always love a good men / woman debate. I even like fanning the flames a bit to keep it interesting. For men, physical attraction is the first thing we notice and is also the deciding factor on if we wish the pursue a certain woman. Of course all those hundred's of other little things come in to play after a relationship starts and these determine if we have found our perfect(?)match. For me, physical and sexual attraction is important part of any relationship. The way my fiancee looks at me when i do something stupid is also important.
In my area, the men outnumber the women by about 20 percent. After a few years of looking I chose to expand my search via the web. One of the first things I noticed was that an attractive American woman has some pretty heavy finacial requirements. I don't make $75,000 a year nor do I live in a large, interesting city. On the other hand, the Russian women,in my opinion,have much more reasonable requirements.
One of the problems I had with my first marriage was my wife had this incredible sense of entitlement.At the time I was making over $75,000 a year and we were slipping deeper and deeper into debt. She took care of all the money and bills and I was working more and more hours to try to keep up. We had to have bigger house, better car, etc. I was also in hot water all the time because I was not spending enough quality time with her at home.
I now make about $30,000 a year. My 11 year old son lives with me and I'm there to take him to school and I also pick him up at the end of his day. I take his summer vacation off from work. My home is 1,350 sq ft, on the water and completely paid for.As is the fishing boat and vehicles. In our neighborhood we don't lock the doors and we leave the keys in the cars. I have found that American women I meet are not very interested in this finacial picture.
My ex has remarried and now has a 4,500 sq ft home with real leather furniture and real marble kitchen counter tops,a brand new BMW and a walk in closet bigger than our son's bedroom. Her husband works 12 hrs a day, 6 to 7 days a week. She has trouble each month paying me the $200 child support. Sometimes the checks bounce.
I also am well aware that I am far from perfect.I do have skid marks on my undershorts. I need to be sexually attracted to my partner. I smoke,I snore and I wash colors and white's together. On the other hand I am honest,easygoing,and in good shape. I am a wonderful father. I will put the toilet seat down.I know how to say"I'm sorry,I was wrong, I understand and I see your point. It's going to be OK".
I do find it strange that I had to go to Russia to find a wife. I am also glad I did. I wonder what might have happened if I took a trip to see ms bhon's many avalible women friends.I do hope I have thrown a little more fuel on the fire as I look forward to the battle of sexes we have been engaged in here.

Rete

In agreement regarding physical attraction being the catalyst to prompt a first meeting, at least in a face to face encounter. This does not hold true with online meetings as one does not have that opportunity to base attraction on what the eye sees but rather, on what the mind sees. However, physical attraction is different from person to person. For some men it might be the hour glass figure of a full sized woman, for other perhaps the female must be a Brittany Spears clone. I can't speak for other women but I can for myself. And honestly, I have dated men who have been out of shape, perhaps 20 lbs of middle more than should be there, thinning a little on top, or a little shorter than my 5'7-1/2" height. I dated them not because I didn't want to be alone on a date night but because while talking with them during the initial encounter, something in their mannerisms, personality, whatever, sparked my attraction and I wanted to spend more time exploring them as a person.

As a woman who spent the majority of her life being single as opposed to being married (7 yrs married to 23 yrs single), I have had the opportunity to sample a wide variety of the male species during those 23 yrs. I managed for the most part to keep my figure and I aged well up to a point and if I chose to send a Saturday night alone it was by choice alone ... mine. I've had three offers for marriage during those 23 years and that was with two very young children in tow as part of the package. One proposal was from a very wealthy gentleman but the offer came with the condition that my children attend boarding school. A definite turn off. The second gentleman didn't really suit so that was a no go. The third gentleman was all that I wanted in a husband and it was only because he died of a heart attack a month before the wedding that I found myself alone again.

I've dated younger men and found them tedious and boring and for the most part they lived up to the term "jack rabbit". My preference has always been for men nearer my age but older. The love of my life was 16 years older than me, my first husband was 5 years older and my present husband is 6 years older. None of them had more than a pot to piss in and it was not a problem.

Attraction is different from person to person. I view a certain type of dress sexy and my husband thinks it is a turnoff. He much prefers seeing a woman wearing a long, to the ankle dress than a mini and for lingerie he prefers fannel to silk and satin. Go figure.

Rita

ms_bhon

MG-
Our viewpoints might not be as different as you might think...
You posted:
"After a few years of looking I chose to expand my search via the web."

As did I, but also, a computer newbie at the time, I was amazed at the number of new "friends" both male *and* female I was, and am, able to meet via the net. Whilst I was at it...meeting people thru travel/backpacker wedsites and such, I also checked out a match site or two. Had a date thru one of 'em. A nice guy who only lived 45 mins away, worked in a similar field and all, but alas, no "love connection" My husband and I actually met thru a "pen pal" posting. He hardly told anything about himself. I wrote a cocky letter back telling him, how did he expect anyone to write to him, if he didn't tell anything about himself. Asked him all sorts of ?'s like where he'd travelled to, what he was reading at the time, what cd was geting the most play at the time, etc. etc. Imagine my surprise when he wrote back, and we had so many similarities. When we later exchanged photos, I was happily surprised to find out he wasn't bad looking, either. ;-)

you also wrote:
" One of the first things I noticed was that an attractive American woman has some pretty heavy finacial requirements. I don't make $75,000 a year nor do I live in a large, interesting city. On the other hand, the Russian women,in my opinion,have much more reasonable requirements."

and then Rete wrote:
"My preference has always been for men nearer my age but older.... None of them had more than a pot to piss in and it was not a problem."

I have to say I'm from the same school of thought as Rete. Which is not to say I want to be with someone who is completely destitute and lazy or something, but someone who can, and has been able to take care of themselves, and that's it. I don't have financial demands on a partner. Right now, my husband is still looking for work in this bad economy and has been since July, whilst I am the breadwinner. I don't care. What's mine is his, and what's his is mine and all that. I'm still much happier with him than without him. When he gets a job, he'll start to contribute to the household expenses again and things won;t be quite so tight as they are now.

Yes, I can imagine not too many women could be happy with a quiet, low key life on the Outer Banks (I looked up your profile MG). But, ya' know, there are still a select few that would think a quiet life on the water would be great. Landscape painter types, maybe some sort of holistic practitioner, someone whose needs are more spiritual than materialistic. There *are* woman out there like that, really. And from some of the posts I've read, there are plenty of materialistic Russian gals out there, as well as American ones.

It sounds to me you and your first wife just had completely different values. I personally don't need anyone to "provide" for me. If my husband and I decide to have children, and I'm the one who we decide should opt to stay home for a while, then that'll be our joint decision.

I have this saying that there are two kinds of women in this world. The kind that if they got a flat tire, would pull the jack out of the trunk and fix it themselves. The other kind would be the type to call someone to fix it.

I'm personally the first type. All those years I was "looking" I lamented the fact that what most men wanted was the second type. Maybe in your case you thought you wanted the second type, but what you really need is the first type ;-)

It can be rough "out there" in the field. I suppose the thing to do is to keep doing the things you love (travelling, boating, etc.) and hopefully, one day, you get lucky enough to find somebody who wants to do those things with you.
Have a good weekend, ya'll :-)

Jonathan_atc

Because older MEN have attractive qualities like stability and money. Older women
just have wrinkles. LOL!!! Just kidding!

But seriously. There is not a double standard. =20

When a young girl and an older man get together, many people assume and = even come
right out and say, "She is a gold digger only after his = money."

When a young man marries an older woman, people assume and even come = right out and
say, "He is a gold digger only after her money."

    >
Steen's Visa Pages http://www.mindspring.com/~docsteen/...o/visainfo.htm
Newsgroup FAQ http://www.k1faq.com Immigration and Naturalization Service
http://www.ins.usdoj.gov {I am not a lawyer and this is not legal advice. For
reliable legal advice, please consult with a professional immigration attorney.}

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[usenetquote2]> > Well, there you go- why not look for women yer own damn age?? I=20 personally[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]> > fell in love with and married a man 5 years younger than=20 myself. (He's 31, I'm[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]> > 36). He can appreciate a good thing!! Why =[/usenetquote2]
is=20
[usenetquote2]> > it when you have some sort of May December romance and he's older no =[/usenetquote2]

[usenetquote2]> > one bats an eye, but when the woman is older, its like " What does =[/usenetquote2]
he=20
[usenetquote2]> > see in her?". What a double standard. I don't have much sympathy for =[/usenetquote2]

[usenetquote2]> > the 40 something man who ignores all of the lovely, single, strong,=20 30-40-50[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]> > something women that *are* out there, so that he can skirt=20 chase 24 year old[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]> > girls. Sorry.[/usenetquote2]
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Di Martin

I have followed this thread on and off and I applaud you for your honesty. I can't
comment on US women as I am an Aussie I guess sometimes we can be compared at times.
My fiancee's (USC) ex wife sounds very much like yours but sofar she hasn't found a
man with LOTS of money but has proceeded to get herself further into debt, losing her
house along the way. I would only have perhaps one criticism and my wonderful man
found himself in the same situation. When you realised your ex was not handling the
money well why did you not step in or was that when you "stepped out" so to speak. My
man now on his own is handling his money extremely well and is now not afraid to open
the door each time someone knocks but we will be saddled with the ramifications of
bad debt for many years to come. When TSC finally gets their act together and allows
me to be with my man I will be more than happy with where he lives (spent 10
wonderful weeks with him there earlier this year) and am more than happy to go to
work and start contributing to our household. My man and I have been totally honest
with one another and have spent MANY hours discussing different things and yes
Physical and sexual attraction is high on his list too. Guess I fit the bill really
well . For a female maybe that priority is not quite so high but HEY I love what I
am getting!!!! Well I guess that is my 2 cents worth!!

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mothergoose

I really like the flat tire analogy and I believe it's true. I do want a woman to call me when she has a bit of trouble on the road. I want to be able to rush off and SAVE her. Must be a guy thing. Maybe it helps a guy feel like a man. Same as killing spiders that get in the kitchen.
I asked my fiancee if she can change a tire and she told me she could. Thankfully she is scared of spiders. I'll hide the lug wrench!!
Anyway I think we are beginning to understand each other a little to well on this thread. I'm starting to think that you women who slammed me on my first post are actually pretty cool. I'm going to go leave the toilet seat up and see if we can't liven up this debate.

Jim

One of my favorite observations on attraction comes from an essay by
D.H. Lawrence, titled "Sexiness versus Loveliness". He understood "sexy" to mean some
kind of vulgar attraction, like the kind men feel toward Brittany Spears. For
him, "loveliness" was something much better. It meant a certain look that
inspires love. In looking at the actors of his time, he thought Rudolph
Valentino was "sexy" and Charlie Chaplin was "lovely". What he couldn't have
known at the time was that Valentino never had a happy romance in his entire,
short life. While Chaplin found the love of his life when he was old. Oona
O'Neill, Chaplin's last wife, was several decades younger than him, and their
marriage created a scandal. But she was true to him until the day he died and
they were reportedly very happy together.

Rete wrote:

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