Diane M

Are all couples as stressed about all of this as Eddie and I are? We haven't fought
or anything, but both of us are losing sleep over worrying about the K-1 interview,
and getting him and his cats and his possessions moved from Montreal to California,
and selling his house, and getting him settled here, and planning a wedding... it
seems like so much to deal with while we are both working hard and missing each other
terribly. I don't know why I'm posting this here, I know it's OT, but I wondered if
anyone who had been there had any advice on how to deal with the stress. I don't know
of anyone else who might have a clue what this is like. It's just one thing after
another - each time we cross one hurdle, there is another before we even have a
chance to catch our breath.

Diane M.

lisac77

Well, I'm an I-130 filer and while I'm not separated (distance-wise) from my spouse,
but I can certainly tell you that anything from the INS in the mail causes instant
stress (unless it's something like a receipt notice). We're constantly worried about
moving, not moving, paperwork, our lovely "proof of a valid relationship" collection,
and the long, long, long waits involved with this process. No end is in sight. It's
like the freaking energizer bunny that just keeps going, and going, and going.

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smldnabjp

I can understand the stress, lately its been building, and just tryiing to deal with the unknown was very hard, things have gotten better now we know when his K1 interview will be but its still hard, I'm still having a hard time getting excited about our wedding because of this little voice in the back of my head saying what if...
I just try to relax, take walks with my brother's dog when I can, some how that seems to help me,

Shelley

Glad to say most of our INS stress is gone now - after a mere 2 years and 2 months,
from engagement to I-551. However my husband's house is Canada still remains unsold.
Anybody want a beautiful 3 bedroom in Cypress River, Manitoba. A steal at only
$40,000CDN (or best offer). I wish I knew a way to deal with the stress, but I am
just a worrier. I always expect the worst, that way I'm never disappointed. Take
Care. Shelley

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Rete

Life is seems is nothing but stress. And when you have to deal with government agencies and the inability to actually reach out and touch someone, the stress level goes through the roof.

Get use to the stress. We started this process (K-1) in March, 1998 and are no where near finished. Finally had AOS interview in June 2000, no I-551 stamp until September, 2001 and no green card has arrived in the mail box. No answers to formal request form for information from Vermont. No answer to personal letter written to NYC. No answer to lawyer written letter to NYC. No answer from Social Security regarding removal of legend on card. No answers from MP's in Canada or Revenue Canada re back taxes. No answer from NYS who took double payment of 1998 taxes from us.

Sure we are together but is togetherness all that great when the stress levels of the two individuals is so high that a stroke is imminent?

You do what you can. You shut the emotional door on things you can't control. You believe in the best because to believe in the worse is to add to the stress without cause. When and if the worse happens you stress about that then.

Rita

Gary

Diane M <[email protected]>
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Diane, you're not alone. I just received NOA#2 June 13. My life has been upside down
for months. I think about things going wrong everyday. Its hard enough being without
the person you love. Let alone having to jump through the hoops the INS put in front
of you. Its like I tell my fiancee. Just try to look to the future when all this is
behind us.

Gary T.

billypilgrim

Quick question: Why can I only find the replies to this thread, and not the
original post?

Anyway, as for dealing with stress: I try not to think too far ahead. We've looked
ahead into the process and tried to be three steps or so ahead of ourselves as far as
documentation and what not. However, other than that I try to take it one day at a
time. The waiting is the tough part: you get your first NOA and you're on cloud nine
for a day, and then you start waiting for 2nd NOA, and so on and so on.

The night I called the INS to order the I-129F packet, I barely slept. Then I sat
down and told myself that this whole process will take years, and if I'm going to be
like this the whole time, well I might as well just forget the whole thing. So that
calmed me down a bit, though Shawn will attest to the fact that I've had my days
where I thought the stress would kill me.

More recently, between Shawn and myself we've had about a half-dozen setbacks in our
family (my brother lost his job, my father nearly killed himself falling off a 10
foot ladder, Shawn had two relatives inexplicably quite ill and had a cat hit by a
car). All this was within about a two week period. And that sort of put the whole
thing in perspective for me. Because all of our stress is voluntary (we chose this
path) and it is all towards a good end. Compared to, say, losing a parent or losing a
job when you have a mortgage and a family, I suppose this isn't so bad. Of course if
by chance we're turned down, I'll feel differently....

And so I guess I've just tried to tell myself that there are worse things in life
than waiting for an NOA in the mail.

Having said all that, I'll be quite surprised if I don't throw up on the day he has
his interview!

Beth

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Diane M

Because I wussed out and canceled the post, I thought before it had gotten out. I'm
glad I waited too long. Thank you, and everyone who replied. Sometimes it makes a
difference just knowing you're not along, and that others have survived this stress.
Eddie and I both know how lucky we are to have each other, and generally one or the
other of us can generate enough enthusiasm to fight the fears. I know we're going to
be together, and that it will be worth the wait. I know that we have a lot of
challenges facing us - and that we can handle them together. Now if I can just
convince that little voice in the back of my mind. <g> Meanwhile, I'm saving all of
the responses to my non post, and next time I'm feeling insecure I'll re-read them.

Thank you all.

Diane M.

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[usenetquote2]> > I can understand the stress, lately its been building, and just tryiing to deal[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]> > with the unknown was very hard, things have gotten better now we know when his K1[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]> > interview will be but its still hard, I'm still having a hard time getting[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]> > excited about our wedding because of this little voice in the back of my head[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]> > saying what if... I just try to relax, take walks with my brother's dog when I[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]> > can, some how that seems to help me,[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]> >[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]> >[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]> >[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]> > --[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]> >[/usenetquote2]

billypilgrim

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wrote:

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That's the most important thing, I think: where you say "one or the other of us
can generate enough enthusiasm....". If I am having a bad day, Shawn rallies to
mention a whole string of positives and why we shouldn't worry or be upset. If he
is having a bad day, I do the same for him. I think as long as the two members of
the couple take turns being the strong one, and being the one who's allowed to go
to pieces just a little, then everything will be ok. I think if one person always
had to be the strong one, it would be much more difficult.

Beth