Moving to America despite hating it
Aug 28th 2014, 4:20 pm
#16
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 22,105
Re: Moving to America despite hating it
You will find a few who love it here, a few who hate it and want to move back, and most who don't think it's better or worse, just different. If you don't approach it with an open mind, you will probably hate it.
I work for a US company with a small (now almost gone) UK office. Five years ago, I was already making frequent (every month or two) trips to Houston, and subtle enquiries were made asking if I'd be interested in moving here. I wasn't interested. Three years ago, my now wife joined the half of our team in our US office and things changed.
I've been here two years now. Some of my prejudices have been dispelled, most confirmed, at least to some degree. On balance, we would both move to the UK if we could, but we don't want to take my wife's kids away from their dad.
Houston is home for us. On the downside, summer is very hot, politics are very different to the UK, there is almost no public transport and traffic is heavy and often aggressive, healthcare is good but expensive and the scenery is dull or ugly. However, income is higher, living costs are lower, particularly housing, and the quality of life is good, especially for families. New York will come somewhere in between the two, and in many ways it will be very similar to London.
Do not worry about the lack of gun control. There is more gun crime the US than the rest of the developed world, but the chance of being shot at is still much, much lower than the chance of, say, getting into a car accident. While I find Nutmegger's comment that the Newtown massacre "could have happened anywhere in the world" ridiculous, it is not something that should have an impact on your decision to move to the US.
What I recommend is this: Talk to your wife. Promise that you will approach the move with an open mind. If you can, agree that you will give it at minimum of, say, two years, before asking to return to the UK, so you can get past the initial period of homesickness, and start to build a life there. Ask her to promise that if you are still unhappy after, say, three years, you will both move back to London.
I work for a US company with a small (now almost gone) UK office. Five years ago, I was already making frequent (every month or two) trips to Houston, and subtle enquiries were made asking if I'd be interested in moving here. I wasn't interested. Three years ago, my now wife joined the half of our team in our US office and things changed.
I've been here two years now. Some of my prejudices have been dispelled, most confirmed, at least to some degree. On balance, we would both move to the UK if we could, but we don't want to take my wife's kids away from their dad.
Houston is home for us. On the downside, summer is very hot, politics are very different to the UK, there is almost no public transport and traffic is heavy and often aggressive, healthcare is good but expensive and the scenery is dull or ugly. However, income is higher, living costs are lower, particularly housing, and the quality of life is good, especially for families. New York will come somewhere in between the two, and in many ways it will be very similar to London.
Do not worry about the lack of gun control. There is more gun crime the US than the rest of the developed world, but the chance of being shot at is still much, much lower than the chance of, say, getting into a car accident. While I find Nutmegger's comment that the Newtown massacre "could have happened anywhere in the world" ridiculous, it is not something that should have an impact on your decision to move to the US.
What I recommend is this: Talk to your wife. Promise that you will approach the move with an open mind. If you can, agree that you will give it at minimum of, say, two years, before asking to return to the UK, so you can get past the initial period of homesickness, and start to build a life there. Ask her to promise that if you are still unhappy after, say, three years, you will both move back to London.
Norway massacre: A timeline of the attacks that horrified a nation - Telegraph
Villager slashes 22 kids with knife at elementary school gates in China - World News
Beslan school attack (Russian history) -- Encyclopedia Britannica
Students killed in German school shooting | World news | theguardian.com
BBC News - France shooting: Toulouse Jewish school attack kills four
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/School_shooting
A school shooting can happen anywhere in the world where there is a person who chooses to take a gun into a school setting.
Aug 28th 2014, 4:23 pm
#17
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jun 2011
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 6,159
Re: Moving to America despite hating it
Dunblane was terrible but almost 20 years ago, and a thankfully rare occurrence in the UK.
Seems to be a school/campus shooting here every other week.
Seems to be a school/campus shooting here every other week.
Aug 28th 2014, 4:25 pm
#18
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Joined: Jan 2014
Location: Anchorage, AK, USA
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Re: Moving to America despite hating it
Aug 28th 2014, 4:37 pm
#19
Deep in the woods of CT
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 7,002
Re: Moving to America despite hating it
You are seeing implications that simply aren't there. I merely commented that none of us can know what is around the corner, wherever we live.
Aug 28th 2014, 4:43 pm
#20
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Location: Anchorage, AK, USA
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Re: Moving to America despite hating it
Aug 28th 2014, 5:03 pm
#21
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Joined: Jan 2013
Location: Monterey, CA
Posts: 2,554
Re: Moving to America despite hating it
To the OP, if you hate America from your experiences visiting the place, I'm guessing you are gonna hate it even more if you move here. Personally, I love it here, and if the missus is coming over to a well paid job, then even better. Money seems to be pretty much everything here and it's definitely a country of the haves and have nots.
Aug 28th 2014, 5:11 pm
#23
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Joined: Sep 2010
Location: Sleepy Hollow, New York
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Re: Moving to America despite hating it
Irrespective of the pros and cons of the US vs the UK, I would say that the experience of actually living in a different country from your own, especially one as different from the UK as the US (I'd argue they are by far the most different English-speaking countries from each other), is certainly worth trying. It gives a sense of perspective about life that you wouldn't get any other way.
Aug 28th 2014, 5:19 pm
#25
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Location: Los Angeles
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Re: Moving to America despite hating it
Went to Starbuck's this morning then got stuck in bad traffic during the commute.
Tried one of those new salads from McDonalds for lunch. (Almost went for Subway's.)
On the way home I had to pick up some groceries in Aldi's. Looked at beds in Ikea, bought a new iPad in the Apple Store, (had to sidestep the people begging on the way), bought water and paper towels in Costco.
Went to the cinema that night, Guardians of the Galaxy...
Which country am I in?
Tried one of those new salads from McDonalds for lunch. (Almost went for Subway's.)
On the way home I had to pick up some groceries in Aldi's. Looked at beds in Ikea, bought a new iPad in the Apple Store, (had to sidestep the people begging on the way), bought water and paper towels in Costco.
Went to the cinema that night, Guardians of the Galaxy...
Which country am I in?
Last edited by Hotscot; Aug 28th 2014 at 5:22 pm.
Aug 28th 2014, 5:21 pm
#26
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Location: Los Angeles
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Aug 28th 2014, 5:45 pm
#27
Joined: Jun 2010
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,262
Re: Moving to America despite hating it
Back to the OP. How does your wife feel about it?
Aug 28th 2014, 5:46 pm
#28
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Joined: Jan 2014
Location: Anchorage, AK, USA
Posts: 1,347
Re: Moving to America despite hating it
I'm not sure what you're trying to say. I have successfully reduced the chance of being subject to gun crime (and other risks) by choosing to live in a nice and well-off suburb of Houston, instead of living close to work. Have I removed that risk? No.
Aug 28th 2014, 6:06 pm
#29
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 41,518
Re: Moving to America despite hating it
He's not asking for the pros and cons of the USA though is he. He already has concerns and is asking if someone who feels that way will grow to love it. I can't actually call to mind a member on here in that position. Maybe 'Sultan of Swing'.
Guns, healthcare and culture were exactly the problems I had, you can keep fighting the feelings but it's hard. However, marriage means compromise and he may have to approach it in that spirit.
Guns, healthcare and culture were exactly the problems I had, you can keep fighting the feelings but it's hard. However, marriage means compromise and he may have to approach it in that spirit.
Last edited by Sally Redux; Aug 28th 2014 at 6:08 pm.
Aug 28th 2014, 6:11 pm
#30
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jun 2011
Location: Los Angeles
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Re: Moving to America despite hating it
(Where is Sultan these days anyway...?)