TMR

Hi everyone. I'm new and wondered if anybody has some guidance re my situation..

My wife is a USC and we met in London. She was here on a Highly Skilled Migrant visa working for an investment bank. Previously she worked for banks in NYC and Chicago. She now wishes to progress her career back in NYC.

The problem is, I can't stand America. The politics are messed up, even pre-9/11 (I remember when NYC renamed a street corner after a convicted IRA killer) and the lack of universal healthcare and gun control sickens me. I love Europe's rich history. The idea of spending my reduced vacation allowance in eg Florida rather than France or Italy holds no appeal.

Has anyone else made the leap despite disliking the idea prior to arrival? The only people I know who seem enamoured with the place are those who consider Disneyworld an interesting destination.

Many thanks in advance. You all seem very helpful from my months spent lurking here.

Sally Redux

Sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Chapmandan

Um, well it's kind of tricky to answer as you've set your stall out pretty firmly there mate.

I can't speak for any others but as we're staring down the barrel of our move i'll admit that the points you raise were in my mind. Perhaps not to the same level though.

Having worked out there on extended trips and met those in and around the office I think you have to look past it a bit if you can. It is what it is and you either put it to one side and embrace what is there or you don't. There is culture if you look for it and there is history - ok it's not Rome or Paris but there is equal charm in other guises, you have to treat it as an adventure.

I think you need to work out if you can put those ideas aside and take it as it comes or not. If you go in with that mindset every small hiccup will become a big issue. Just my 2 pence (or cents in my new home)

TMR

Thanks. You're right and I probably will find enough local charm to just get on with things. America's other faults are more worrying for me. Remember the British child shot dead in the Newtown massacre? His parents said at the time they moved to the US for a better life. What a sham that clearly was.

thinbrit

I like it here, a lot. I'd never consider moving back to the UK. I find the thought of visiting Disney World repugnant.

Nothing is stopping you vacationing in Europe. You are moving to the US, not the moon.

Politics are screwed up in every country, I say that and I am an elected official.

Healthcare, as I remember it, in the UK wasn't that good. My nan got bumped from waiting list to waiting list to have her cataract surgery, and died 8 years later without ever getting it done. It sounds like you'll be in a position to pay for health care here. My medical needs have been met better than when in the UK, but I pay more for them here.

Gun control sickening you? Not sure if you are pro or anti gun, as gun control usually refers to anti gun. A lot of people are fearful of guns, and whether justified or not, they choose to live in fear.

Perhaps a little reflection is in order, to consider the possibility your fears are deeper than you think they are. What is the real concern about here?

MsElui

when my husband first came home with the suggestion from work - i was very 'meh'. about it. I didnt 'hate' america, but i had no burning desire to go there either. i thought the gun laws were stupid and disliked the 'stereotypical' brash loud yank. I had it in my head that the worst place to live would be Texas.

The move turned out to be to Ohio and I thought its not often you get an all expenses paid move (and potential to come back again) the two kiddos were both 1 and 3 so young enough not to have big issues, so why not try it - bit of an adventure.

Anyhow, we came and i settled very quickly and really liked living in Ohio. Made friends had a normal life, had a third kid, went back to work and was doing great. Then my husband got a job with another firm in Dallas, Texas. i did NOT want to go to Dallas as all, and we agreed he would WFH or a local sub office. He tried that for months but then his work trips started to get more and more and he pretty much did 4 months solid of flying to Dallas for his working week. No fun for the family and hard for me with a full time job, 2 dogs and 3 kids under 9. So we bit the bullet and moved to Dallas (again expenses paid).

Its been 9 months here so far, 6 of them in our new house, and im really enjoying it so far. Again Ive settled very quickly, kids are thriving in their new schools, im working from home with my OLD Ohio employer (v large bank), love the new house, the winter was a lot better (milder) than Ohio. I never expected to feel this 'at home' again - i thought being so settled in Ohio was a fluke.

So whilst i didnt 'HATE' the USA - I could see its flaws (and STILL CAN), but know that everyplace has flaws. I came with an open mind (try and see) and it has worked out for me twice.

So you are not GUARANTEED unhappiness - just let go of your preconceptions and come and see. Take it a day at a time and give it try and you may end up happy.

Nutmegger

You can't look at it that way -- Newtown is a beautiful small town with excellent schools and the opportunity for a great lifestyle. That child or any other could have been in the wrong place at the wrong time in any country in the world, including the UK.

Chapmandan

The media will always make the most of events wherever you are. The whole gun thing is unsettling to us Brits especially when they roll out the resident NRA loony after events but think about it realistically. What is the real risk of that being you? x million people in the US... whilst it's very serious the chance of it happening to you is a lot smaller than getting run over by a bus the next time you step out of the house.

Most people I've met, wherever they are in the world, are just keeping their heads down getting on with their lives. I say embrace the new opportunities and enjoy the adventure

fuchs01

When Mr and Mrs expat travel then emmigrate, the character or type of issues or points you mention, are not assocciated with your daily life.
Look what happened in Australia and NZealand, Canada, the new settlers took over settled and created a country to their liking , the indigenous just had to put up with it.
In fact all empire building was like that.
People built USA because they ran away from this so called great european history.
Romanticise about Europe has much as you like, but its politics stink just as much as
our modern cousins.Palaces, Schlosse, castles were built on corruption, rape and murder. Our cousins went to the newlands to run, sent or create a better life than they
were forced to live under.British history is no older than American history, just better
documented, and built up by all types of foreigners...Vic the viking, andy the anglo, sep the saxon.Nigel the Norman,Boudicca the Icener, named from Britannia from Romans.
So dont take any credit of being a good Brit.We are all bastards of mixed births and of nomadic origin.The USa not only had vikings or red indians but civilisations going back 1000s of years, the racist whites just didnt publiscise it alot.So much so, it never
got discussed in schools, ignorance born of ignorance, which runs riot in Europe too.
Dont let pretty buildings mist your thoughts.

So 1st start your life, not deceiving yourself over tradition and History.
Spent 3 years in the USA guns didnt see one or went through daily life worrying about them.
Oh seen Police carrying them around.In Belguim Gendarmes at all civil buildings carry
all types, with safety catch off, been amongst two shooting raids in Europe,
1 in france 1 in Belguim, relevant to an older adversary in old terrorism the jackel.
Plus in Germany where police drew weapons chasing and apprehending dangerous
criminals.
In Asia africa, seen/ witnessed the aftermaths of slaughter on scales outside any human imagination.
USA offers any type of life or living you want to hold your dreams up to, dont con your
wife or yourself, out of a future built up on false misconceptions.

Bob

Cost and a lack of holiday allowance certainly will though.

As to the OP, make sure the missus has UK citizenship first, then you can ping pong much easier.

If you're set to hate it, then you'll probably hate it.

Look on the day to day stuff that will really affect you daily rather than the theory, that really doesn't, especially if you end up with a job with decent medical insurance which judging from career field, would do.

Psyman

I'm with you on several of those things, and I've been living here 15 years or so. I'd like to move back to the UK for a few reasons, two of which are the health care/insurance system here and also the gun culture. With regard to guns, it's not that I'm afraid of people shooting me - I never see guns being carried around and have only witnessed one shooting incident (although that's too much) despite being in a State that is very conservative and gun loving. You talked about Newtown, and it's since then that I've wanted to leave the US. Why? Because of the reaction of so many Americans to the shooting of so many small children. The reaction wasn't "this is terrible, we need less guns here in the US", it was "the Government is going to take away my right to own an assault rifle so I need to go out and buy one now while I can". So while I'm not exposed to guns on a daily basis, I don't like the idea of living in a country where that attitude exists.

The health care issue is a complicated one. Basically, if you're earning enough to afford great health insurance, or are given it by your employer, then its no big deal and you'll get great service from the medical professions. But if you have no insurance or even average insurance, you can expect to be out of pocket by thousands of dollars even for minor medical issues.

Having said that, if you do come to the US, I would just treat it as a big adventure. So many Europeans say that the US has no culture or history, which is complete BS. Firstly, it ignores thousands of years of Native American culture and history. Secondly, the contribution to the world by the US in terms of music, art, film, writing and so on is immense. And NYC would be about the best place in America to immerse yourself in those things. If you end up living here, just make sure you find some nice liberal friends that you can have some good moans to about the crazy right wing regressives. I was doing it this morning (in relation to the 9 year old and the uzi incident), and its good to blow off some steam. And with regard to travelling, there are some spectacular places to see in this country, and you're much closer to Central and South America and the Caribbean.

Owen778

You will find a few who love it here, a few who hate it and want to move back, and most who don't think it's better or worse, just different. If you don't approach it with an open mind, you will probably hate it.

I work for a US company with a small (now almost gone) UK office. Five years ago, I was already making frequent (every month or two) trips to Houston, and subtle enquiries were made asking if I'd be interested in moving here. I wasn't interested. Three years ago, my now wife joined the half of our team in our US office and things changed.

I've been here two years now. Some of my prejudices have been dispelled, most confirmed, at least to some degree. On balance, we would both move to the UK if we could, but we don't want to take my wife's kids away from their dad.

Houston is home for us. On the downside, summer is very hot, politics are very different to the UK, there is almost no public transport and traffic is heavy and often aggressive, healthcare is good but expensive and the scenery is dull or ugly. However, income is higher, living costs are lower, particularly housing, and the quality of life is good, especially for families. New York will come somewhere in between the two, and in many ways it will be very similar to London.

Do not worry about the lack of gun control. There is more gun crime the US than the rest of the developed world, but the chance of being shot at is still much, much lower than the chance of, say, getting into a car accident. While I find Nutmegger's comment that the Newtown massacre "could have happened anywhere in the world" ridiculous, it is not something that should have an impact on your decision to move to the US.

What I recommend is this: Talk to your wife. Promise that you will approach the move with an open mind. If you can, agree that you will give it at minimum of, say, two years, before asking to return to the UK, so you can get past the initial period of homesickness, and start to build a life there. Ask her to promise that if you are still unhappy after, say, three years, you will both move back to London.

sir_eccles

She will be working in the City, what will YOU be doing?

I think to a large extent, happiness in the US is related directly to your own personal situation. If you are stuck at home watching day time tv dwelling on all that is wrong with this country, sure you're not going to like it. If you're out and about doing your own personal American dream it can be more fulfilling.

Hotscot

Been here 15 years but can't go back yet due to my business here.
I miss the day to day of being in the UK and the easy access to Europe. (Catch an Easyjet from Edinburgh to have dinner in Paris for example.)

Here in Los Angeles they just caught a guy who'd been driving around shooting and killing people at random, and every other week there seems to be a road rage shooting.

Also lots of "immigrant" gangs here to "work hard" for a "better life".

Nutmegger

Have you already forgotten Dunblane?