Lonelygirl

Hi, this is my first post here and wondered if some of you could offer some advice.
I have lived in Thailand for the last 3 years, I met my now husband 4 years ago and we set up our own business here. Last year we bought some land with the intention of building our own house and 6 months ago decided to start trying for our first child.
I've just returned from a trip back to he Uk, which i do every year, alone as my husband has never got around to visiting with me. Each year it seems to get harder and harder for me to come back, the week following my return I'm always emotional and missing my family and friends so much. This year it just seems worse than ever. My friends back home are all getting married and starting their families but I just can't seem to get it out of my head that I'm missing out on so much by being so far away. Sometimes I am so unhappy here, I don't have any close friends here due to the fact that my husband and I work such long hours with our business, when we do have time off I spend it alone mostly as my husband goes fishing. He also doesn't drink so we don't go out socialising, something I miss terribly, as usually I'm quite a sociable person.
Last night I told my husband I wasn't sure if I wanted to stay living here anymore, which obviously upset him greatly, and we talked a lot about what we would have to do if I did decide to return to the uk. He will not come with me, his parents are getting old and need caring for and he will not leave them which upsets me a great deal. If I leave we will have to sell everything we have worked hard for and I feel like I am throwing the last 4 years away. I don't want to hurt him. I feel so stuck, I want to spend my life with this man but I'm not sure I want to grow old here away from my family. But I am also so scared about returning to the uk and starting over, I will probably struggle to find a job and will have to move back in with my parents which is going to be hard. It's so hard trying to decide whether to stay here with the person I love or return to the uk where my family and lifelong friends are.
Have any of you been through this, how did you deal with it and what did you do? I understand I am the only person who can make this decision but I just want some advice as I don't have any one to talk to.

Shard

You're in a difficult situation. Kind of dammed if you do, dammed if you don't. IMO keeping your family together should be your first priority. It's the fairest thing to do for your child and for the father (especially if you are in a loving relationship). You also don't know how things will change once you have a child, your feelings, your priorities, your relationship. Perhaps the best strategy would be to try and divide your time between Britain and Thailand, 3 or 6 months in each country while you are figuring this out. Obviously the familiarity of your own culture and support networks will make things easier as a young mother, but becoming a single mum is never ideal and you should really give your situation more time (a few years). It's not until school when actual choices have to be made, and perhaps by then your partner will have changed his views or situation.

bakedbean

Hi there and welcome to the forum

May I ask which part of Thailand you are living in? It seems to me you need a network of friends, particularly girlfriends, where you are. Maybe we can offer some suggestions if we know where you are based.

By the way, I used to live in Thailand (Phuket) and know how difficult it can be to make friends there.

It's great that you're talking about the problem and particularly to your husband. Good that you have that kind of relationship.

Elvira

You are not actually pregnant yet, are you?

Whatever you do, do not get pregnant until you have made a firm decision either way.

Otherwise you may get stuck in Thailand, if your husband refuses to let you take your child back to the UK.

No one can help you make the decision to stay or leave, but this is absolutely crucial.

Shard

+1

Yes, I think I misread the situation prior to my reply. I agree that you need to be really sure.

wwinit

Sorry to hear you have experienced some psychological problems in Thailand, which is a friendly country. Given your busy life, it sounds like you know very little about Thailand. Due to the advance in IT and the Internet, you can join your British friend cycle via e-mail, LINE, TANGO, etc. or chat with your friends or family via Skype, MSN, LINE or other media. Use your smart phone to get all information or do whatever you like. If possible, please contact the British Embassy to get some more information about social, self-help or volunteer groups across the country. I am now in the Middle East, but feel like being in Bangkok or Edinburgh with lots of friends and family around 24/7. If you really want to make friends with the local, get out of your comfort zone, learn some Thai language and enjoy your social life. Life in Thailand is always beautiful with the sea, sand, sun, somtom (papaya salad), Singha beer, shopping, sex, you name it, except snow. Hope you could convince your hubby to chill out sometimes or find few British or Thai friends to do pubbing, shopping, etc. very soon; otherwise, you will suffer from chronic depression which is awful.

nonthaburi

Tricky situation and no easy answers . One thing I would suggest , is that you suggest to your husband that him going out fishing as a hobby and leaving you on your own as billynomates isn't helping matters . Try to find something you can do together in your freetime , and even better find something you can do with other people so a circle of friends will have a chance to develop .
It's also a lot easier being an expat these days with Skype and everything . I probably talk / see my parents more now than I would do in the UK .
Also , as Wwinit says , try to get out and about a bit more . There may be some Thai language classes near to where you are that you could meet possible friends at and this would also help you to make friends with more Thais . There's 65,000,000 of them and they're a fairly friendly bunch on the whole !
Where are you in Thailand out of interest ?

bakedbean

[QUOTE=wwinit;10968478 Life in Thailand is always beautiful with the sea, sand, sun, somtom (papaya salad), Singha beer, shopping, sex, you name it.[/QUOTE]

Yes...thank God I left Thailand.

julian1968

Don't forget that the saying 'the grass is always greener' can be very true. You seem to miss the UK life after a visit and thats understandable. But would the reality of it all be very different to what you have now. Think of the rubbish weather we are just about to have. You will need to find a job (which can be hard) and when you do, you will be working hard. Your friends and family, who may make lots of time for you when you visit, will go back into normal life mode if you live here again... They will have little time to get together with work, family etc.

If this is a real issue for you, why not spend several months back in the UK to see how you then feel about Thailand and your fella, you may miss them as much?

Your having a hard time of it I can see, the advice from others is all good, I hope you are ok?