La Joconde

We have found it increasingly difficult to make good friends, we are in our fifties, young at heart and enjoying being in Spain very much, although we have met loads of people and have many acquaintances, we regret that they are very few people that could be called friends. We live in a small town with a growing British community, but it looks like everyone knows everyone's business and gossip is thriving. We live outside the town, so, luckily we are not involved or the target of gossips.

We have made quite a few spanish friends and enjoy their company a lot, but sometimes it is nice to spend quality time with British people too.

Why cant people just be nice, happy to be retired and enjoy life, isnt it why we all have opted out of Britain and come to enjoy a Happy Life in the Sun?

sibsie

It is hard to find your niche over there. Expats can be very gossipy, backstabbing and a pain in the arse! It's easy to find bar buddies but finding good friends is more of a challenge. In fact it's the reason my parents decided to move back after two years in Javea. They tried their usual activities of golf, bridge and general out and aboutness but to no avail.

Have you tried looking in your local English paper to see if there's any get togethers locally?

Mercedes

Or put an ad in the paper saying anyone who is nice, non gossip, backstabber, nutter, criminal, user, please contact us on.............I am sure you will meet more genuine people that way, must be a few who are sitting at the home wondering the same thing......seems to be a common complaint

La Joconde

Thanks Sibsie & Mercedes,

I guess it is not that much different than in the UK or anywhere else in the world, it takes ages to develop good friendships, but when you have a full time job, you don't get the time to analyse relationships as much as when you are retired.

We do love it here tho.

That's why I wrote a note on this Forum, because we were wondering if it was just us or if anyone else felt the same. Now that I know, that ""we are not alone" I wont worry.

I am nearly tempted to place an advert in a local paper as suggested by Mercedes just to see the kind of response we would get. But there are much too many nutters out-there

Best to leave it to chance.

Mercedes

Or you could start a club, you often find the non gossipy type will also be living outside towns and more integrated often into spanish areas. Maybe put an ad in the Spanish papers instead asking for like minded Brit, as they will be often a different type of Brit and may be more your cup of tea.

TheArmChairDetective

Please take the time to tell us your hobbies.
I believe the answer lies in meeting people with mutual interests, from there friendships can grow.
I'll start you off, I'm into Land Rovers and Off roading. Making signs and T-shirts. These hobbies give me the opportunity to mix with loads of like minded individuals, some of whom have become firm friends.
Are you in Spain full time as your location is shown as UK/Spain?

La Joconde

We live in a Spanish Community, we are friendly with all our Spanish neighbours, and have developed a good rapport with all the shopkeepers in the Town. It is not a rare occasion having to stop the car to pick up locals who are walking to the village. I/We always help oblige, but most of the "others" Brits found this extremely strange and would not think of it. We are just being nice and neighbourly.

When we arrived in Spain we didnt speak any Spanish but taught ourselves by interacting with locals and watching a bit of Spanish TV, we get by OK and make ourselves understood one way or the other by sign languages and a lot of smiling! We do get there.

We do have Satellite TV too which is great especially during the winter evenings.

ACD asks about interests, there are so many but none that I could call hobbies. I love IT, and read all that I can about latest technology, I enjoy graphic design as well as designing gardens, but only as an amateur as I have no real experience.

We do commute between Spain and the UK once in a while, but are mainly based in Spain.

Spanishliferules

Sibs

Why are always slagging off Spain. I am sure you had some good times there.Yes you are more than correct with your experiences of bad times but surely they were in the minority compared to the good times!!

maryg

Hi there,
I found this site today, and thought I'd jump right in.
We have just recently purchased a house in a smallish town, inland Murcia. We are planning to be living in Spain by the end of February 2006. There are a few odds and ends to tie up here and also a little TLC needed on the house.
We have friends on the coast at Torre and it's been said on more than one occasion that they find the other expats very nosy and gossipy. I suppose its inevitable with a small number of people....boredom sets in. The old saying 'get a life' springs to mind! I believe friends, true friends are a valuable commodity and not easy to find, but acquaintances can be interesting and helpful and good company.
We are looking forward to our new experiences living in a Spanish community with just a few other Brits in nearby towns to call on. I am learning Spanish at present and really enjoy it. I found that just by trying to speak in Spanish, that the locals were so much more friendly and helpful.
We did the 4 day tour trip looking at houses on urbanisations, and although they were lovely we felt we'd be claustrophobic, thats why we decided to come further inland and find somewhere away from the 'vampire Brits'. I can think of nothing worse than sitting in a Brit bar, paying double the price for a beer surrounded by glammed up sun worshippers that don't even say hello because you're not in their circle of friends or because we have a Black Country accent. Every Spanish bar/restaurant/truckers lay by we have been in, we have been welcomed and treated well.
My husband is 52 I am 46, we have many interests and plan to live the next 5 years as fully and pleasurably as possible. Why five years, because we have budgeted to live on our savings for that time in case work opportunities don't happen, if they don't we review our situation. We both have skills that will help us find work. And although neither of us intend to work full time once we come over, I don't personally feel I could give up work altogether, even if it means starting up a voluntary club (I am a breast cancer survivor) for local ladies.
I'm certain that a positive open frame of mind will help us find new friends, new interests and a new way of living. I will be advertising in the local papers so look out for me!
Mary Groom MICHT
Holistic Therapist

La Joconde

Maryg,

You are certainly more eloquent than I, and cant agree more with your comments, and as you say they all "should get a life!".

Good luck with your preparations.
Looking forward to reading updates on your progress. Somehow I think that you will enjoy every minute of it.

maryg

Thanks for the reply.....I know we'll enjoy every moment of living in Spain, how long that time will be remains to be seen. We have adopted the attitude that we will give it our best shot.
I will keep posting on here as it seems to be a very useful and helpful site.
I wish you all the best in your search for real friends.......I'm sure you have many , some you just haven't met yet.

TheArmChairDetective

Good for you, welcome and please continue to contribute.

maryg

Thankyou for your welcome note....I've got so many questions,......you'll all be sick of my posts!!! However, I'm gradually reading through the archives so that I don't repeat threads....cheers

ranger tom

Hi All,

I have lurked on this site, long enough, it`s time to say hello. Welcome Mary, for a new member you make some valid comments. My wife and I have an apartment in Torrevieja town centre, that`s used for holidays at the moment. Hoping to move over for good next year. We made several visits before deciding where to buy, 3 visits were on urbanisations. How people can spend all day in pubs moaning about what a crap country England, Scotland etc is, all the usual stuff, weather, asylum seekers,etc. While some of the points are fair enough, to do nothing but moan about what they left behind is unbelievable.

Good luck with your location Mary, it doesn`t sound like you will have to many moaning Brits around you. Thankfully we chose an area with only a few expats, who seem to appreciate their new country.

Cheers

Tom

La Joconde

Thank you for the kind comments Maryg.
As I am forever an optimist I am sure that you are right.

Please feel free to ask questions as some of us have had quite challenging times relocating to lovely Spain so we might be able to help a little.

Spain is a super country, once you get to know the way of life, understand the language a bit and allow for the relaxed "manana" attitude, then it becomes "paradise".