Dorothy

Yes it does. Especially when one party is unsure of whether they want to actually make the move.

paulry

I suppose in a one Australian, one British spouse situation the risks are greater that one spouse will want to stay and the other will want to return than for those families where both spouses are from the UK.

Dorothy

I don't know about that. I know of a few marriages that have split because one wanted to go back and the other didn't. In almost all of them they were from the same country. Although, I can see how it would be harder for mixed marriages. One person is always "home".

Emigrating is never easy. There are so many stresses that go with it and of course every person's experience will be different so it's really impossible to say what they are. For instance, in our case our kids really did not cope with the time change at all! We spent about 3 weeks trying to get everything done while dealing with kids who just could not physically adapt to the 11 hour time difference. Then my husband couldn't find work which was really soul destroying for him. And only 8 months after arriving he moved interstate leaving us living apart - which again the kids did not cope well with. Then 2 months later the kids and I moved to join him and it was me who couldn't find permanent work for a while. Any of those times would have seen us return or separate if only we had the money to do it.

Beoz

No prob. Yes not a great situation but I've got to make light of it for mental health reasons. By the way, my wife really likes it in Oz now. Bit of adjustment at the beginning. Its just the grumpy old bastard that gives her the regrets.

paulry

Absolutely. No two immigrant family's stories are the same but testing relationships to the extreme does seem to be par for the course.

CherryUK

I'm not worried about relationship breaking down. I have a wonderful husband and a very strong relationship. My husband isn't pressuring me to move to Oz. He loves it in uk as well and had his own reservations about moving back. But we have come to the decision its a better place to bring up our children.

My concern is over homesickness and missing my parents. Not my relationship which I know will survive.

paulry

I completely agree with that, moving here has been great for the kids. Our only regret is that we weren't able to do it a much earlier.

The very best of luck to you Cherry.

quoll

I wouldn't hang on the "better for the kids" thing. It'll be different but one first world country is much like any other and there will be swings and roundabouts. There's nothing magical about Australia for kids and you never know where they will end up (one of mine has found far better prospects in UK and has no intention of returning to Aus)

Just make sure your DH has his UK citizenship before you go because, if he doesn't, getting back into UK down the track could be nigh on impossible.

Kris_Rocks

My assumption was that they would be in it together and if she wanted to go back they would all go back, it was a general comment on outlook rather than pointing out every possibility that could go wrong or every worse case scenario which quite frankly doesn't help the situation.
We would be here all day if we pointed out every single possibility.

quoll

I'm intrigued - why is it that the leavers always expect their olds to spend their time and money coming to visit them? In my book, if you are the leaver it behoves you to spend your time and money going to visit them! My olds chose the 6/6 route once they hit 65 and that suited them for 15 years but not everyone has the wherewithal or the inclination to do that and it's getting harder to do.

quoll

Unfortunately, changing goalposts is quite a common theme on here - we've seen quite a few sad ones over the years.

Kris_Rocks

I personally think life is too short, if you spend too much time looking too far ahead at every possible outcome or spend your time looking behind all the time at what ifs you miss out on the here and now.
Everyone is always too quick to point out the bad possibilities yeah it could go bad but it could also be the best thing they ever did? my viewpoint is you will never know unless you do it and all the time you spen worrying about it is wasted time.
That's not to say you shouldn't give the possibilities a thought but I think its best to not dwell on them too much because you don't and can't know how anything in life will pan out.

chris955

Ah yes, a better place to bring up kids. Sorry but as Quoll said there is nothing that magically makes Australia 'better' for kids. Our kids have gone the other direction and arent missing out on anything and love it here. The assumption is right up there with a better work home balance.

quoll

Couldn't agree more but forewarned is forearmed they say and it's never wise to burn bridges. No one is saying don't do it, just be aware of the gamble you are taking and weigh that in the balance. Some are prepared to take bigger risks than others (and I say that as quite a high risker) and some, unfortunately miscalculate and find their freedoms restricted and that's never a comfortable place to be!

My suggestion is always take a career break, don't sell the house, try and keep contact with schools then suck it and see. If you love it, fine and dandy but if it doesn't work then you've lost little and you can move on again.

Dorothy

As much as I hate doing it I have to agree with you there, Chris. Australia, while I am very happy here, is not perfect. It's not better than any other first world country for raising children. We still have all the same first world problems here that we had before moving. Actually, our situation is probably exacerebated by the fact we have no family support here.

As the saying goes, "same shit different bucket"