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Whether to move back this summer or next?

Whether to move back this summer or next?

Old Apr 14th 2014, 4:08 pm
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Default Whether to move back this summer or next?

Dear all,

I've just discovered this forum and I know it is impossible for someone to advise me properly as you don't know all our details but I'll try to set out what I can and I'd really appreciate your thoughts. I've spoken endlessly to friends and family but seem to get nowhere.

We moved summer 2012 to NYC with my husband's company and our 2 children ages 2 and 4. We chose to live in Manhattan as we thought this would be an exciting thing to do before the children get too big. We have been here nearly 2 years and I am ready to go home. I crave a bigger house, garden, a car, greenery and a less expensive lifestyle. Also, the British culture and way of life for the children. We also had another baby and the cost of living here is getting too high. If we move back this summer there is a chance we can get into a good state school with my youngest starting reception and the other getting sibling priority in year 2.

However, my husband would really like to stay another year as he feels he still has a lot to do in his job. His company have said we can come back but the job may not be as good. We can't stay in Manhattan another year so would have to move for good public schools and more space. To me this seems crazy for one year. I really don't want to stay more than one year however.

We are having discussions back and forth and we have also considered that I will come back in July. My husband commutes back and forth and mostly stays here until Christmas - thus finishing more of his assignment. Are we crazy to consider this?

I am very homesick and miss family and friends. It was also a brutal winter and we face a hot/humid summer which is just not appealing to me. Give me rainy England any day - at least you can go out in the rain!

Does anyone have any thoughts? I know a year isn't long but I worry it will be more difficult to get a school place and I worry about moving apartment and schools just for one year. Also, my sanity!

Thanks for reading this and any advice welcome!
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Old Apr 14th 2014, 4:56 pm
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Default Re: Whether to move back this summer or next?

Originally Posted by izzie89
Dear all,

I've just discovered this forum and I know it is impossible for someone to advise me properly as you don't know all our details but I'll try to set out what I can and I'd really appreciate your thoughts. I've spoken endlessly to friends and family but seem to get nowhere.

We moved summer 2012 to NYC with my husband's company and our 2 children ages 2 and 4. We chose to live in Manhattan as we thought this would be an exciting thing to do before the children get too big. We have been here nearly 2 years and I am ready to go home. I crave a bigger house, garden, a car, greenery and a less expensive lifestyle. Also, the British culture and way of life for the children. We also had another baby and the cost of living here is getting too high. If we move back this summer there is a chance we can get into a good state school with my youngest starting reception and the other getting sibling priority in year 2.

However, my husband would really like to stay another year as he feels he still has a lot to do in his job. His company have said we can come back but the job may not be as good. We can't stay in Manhattan another year so would have to move for good public schools and more space. To me this seems crazy for one year. I really don't want to stay more than one year however.

We are having discussions back and forth and we have also considered that I will come back in July. My husband commutes back and forth and mostly stays here until Christmas - thus finishing more of his assignment. Are we crazy to consider this?

I am very homesick and miss family and friends. It was also a brutal winter and we face a hot/humid summer which is just not appealing to me. Give me rainy England any day - at least you can go out in the rain!

Does anyone have any thoughts? I know a year isn't long but I worry it will be more difficult to get a school place and I worry about moving apartment and schools just for one year. Also, my sanity!

Thanks for reading this and any advice welcome!
Yikes, the two of you seem to have covered all of the options and understand the opinion each of you has. There seems to be no "perfect" decision, but there never is.

If I was in your situation (as in "you", not "you and your family"), I would go home this summer. If I was in your husband's situation, I would stay an extra year.

It seems any opinions you get on here will only reflect what you have already covered. Maybe a better way of phrasing the question would be "Can anyone see something we are not thinking about?"

On that theme I'd say: Try to look ahead 10 years. Imagine yourself looking back at 2014-2015. Which of these two decisions are you most likely to look back on with regret?
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Old Apr 14th 2014, 5:16 pm
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Default Re: Whether to move back this summer or next?

Thank you Dunroving for your reply. That is a very good point and the problem is without a crystal ball we won't know. If my husband's new job in the UK doesn't go well then we could end up regretting not staying another year (and him blaming me/resenting me)...but equally if we can't get the children into a good state school or even in the same state school then we could end up regretting staying. I don't think one more year will mean more money in that it wouldn't matter and we could send them private. My husband feels it is worth unsettling the kids for the sake of better job opportunities. Moving to a new school two years in a row though surely could be upsetting for them!?!
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Old Apr 14th 2014, 5:57 pm
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Default Re: Whether to move back this summer or next?

If it helps I think you were nuts to move to Manhattan with two and four year olds in the the first place! I say "get the hëll out of there!"

(I did work in Manhattan but I would never live there).
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Old Apr 14th 2014, 6:03 pm
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Default Re: Whether to move back this summer or next?

Originally Posted by Pulaski
If it helps I think you were nuts to move to Manhattan with two and four year olds in the the first place! I say "get the hëll out of there!"

(I did work in Manhattan but I would never live there).
Well yes if talking of regrets then moving to Manhattan could be one of them...it is so expensive and although fun in the beginning has lost it's shine. But we've done it and had the experience which has been pretty special..just not sustainable. The options - moving to Brooklyn, which seems similarly expensive or the burbs, which are a bit too remote for me don't seem appealing either!
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Old Apr 14th 2014, 6:26 pm
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Default Re: Whether to move back this summer or next?

Originally Posted by izzie89
Well yes if talking of regrets then moving to Manhattan could be one of them...it is so expensive and although fun in the beginning has lost it's shine. But we've done it and had the experience which has been pretty special..just not sustainable. The options - moving to Brooklyn, which seems similarly expensive or the burbs, which are a bit too remote for me don't seem appealing either!
Agreed. Mrs P and I could not find a workable/ affordable compromise for working in Manhattan and living "in the area", whether short commute (live in Manhattan), extremely long commute (Duchess County, NY), or anywhere in between. So we left, and unless/ until someone is will to pay me 4-5 times my current salary I have no intention of ever going back there to work.

Last edited by Pulaski; Apr 14th 2014 at 8:21 pm.
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Old Apr 14th 2014, 6:28 pm
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Default Re: Whether to move back this summer or next?

Do you not have any flexibility on where you move back to in the UK (and therefore school places)?

Will you be returning to the UK to rent, buy or do you have a home you already own and will return to there?
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Old Apr 14th 2014, 6:33 pm
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Default Re: Whether to move back this summer or next?

Originally Posted by Pulaski
Agreed. Mrs P and I could not find a workable/ affordable compromise for working in Manhattan and living "in the area", whether short commute (live in Manhattan), extremely long commute (Duchess County,NY), or anywhere in between. So we left, and unless/ until someone is will to pay me 4-5 times my current salary I have no intention of ever going back there to work.
We are being paid more money to be here (not 4-5 times though!) but seem to be spending it equally fast!! Our plan was to save and have money to come back with however we have ended up using some of our savings just to live. My husband thinks we could move somewhere cheaper and spend the next year or two saving for our return. I think this just isn't going to happen and I'd rather just cut our losses!
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Old Apr 14th 2014, 6:36 pm
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Default Re: Whether to move back this summer or next?

Originally Posted by NiHao
Do you not have any flexibility on where you move back to in the UK (and therefore school places)?

Will you be returning to the UK to rent, buy or do you have a home you already own and will return to there?

We already have a home in Twickenham so would return there which I am very happy about. The demand for school places in our area is extremely high but I wouldn't want to move anywhere else unless we really had to.
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Old Apr 14th 2014, 6:41 pm
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Default Re: Whether to move back this summer or next?

Originally Posted by izzie89
....... My husband thinks we could move somewhere cheaper and spend the next year or two saving for our return. I think this just isn't going to happen and I'd rather just cut our losses!
Having worked in Manhattan myself, I am certain you are correct!
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Old Apr 14th 2014, 6:48 pm
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Default Re: Whether to move back this summer or next?

Originally Posted by Pulaski
Having worked in Manhattan myself, I am certain you are correct!
You think we should cut our losses and move back to the UK?
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Old Apr 14th 2014, 6:49 pm
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Default Re: Whether to move back this summer or next?

Honestly, I think if I were you I'd agree to stay the extra year. I know it's not what you want to do, but it will fly by. At least by staying another year you can really plan for your return and maybe your homesickness will subside a little if you can see a light at the end of the tunnel. Also, you won't be blamed by your husband for making him return when he wants the extra year.

I've never lived in Manhattan but have visited many times and it's not a place I'm too keen on, but why do you say you can't remain there an extra year, is your lease up on your home or did you mean you don't want to stay another year?

So, plan for the next 12 months and start counting down for your return. Your children are young and I'm sure the extra year won't do them any harm in their education.
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Old Apr 14th 2014, 6:51 pm
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Default Re: Whether to move back this summer or next?

Originally Posted by izzie89
You think we should cut our losses and move back to the UK?
Yes. .... You aren't going to save any money, you'd be lucky not to spend even more savings.
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Old Apr 14th 2014, 7:07 pm
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Default Re: Whether to move back this summer or next?

Originally Posted by izzie89
We already have a home in Twickenham so would return there which I am very happy about. The demand for school places in our area is extremely high but I wouldn't want to move anywhere else unless we really had to.
Okay, in that case I would say come home in July. Your husband staying on to work in NYC till end of the year would be a good compromise but whether he does or doesn't do that I'd still go home yourself in July so you can get the children into the school you want.

If you decided not to come home in July I really wouldn't bother going through the upheaval of moving within the NY area just for the sake of an additional 12 months too much disruption for not enough money saving/change in lifestyle.

I think its brilliant that you did the move to NYC! You would have always wondered about if you hadn't done it. You weren't able to make any money on it but it is still an amazing experience few people have had and adds to your husbands CV too. However, now 2 years in you know that you don't want to live in the US, you do miss life in the UK and you can't save money in NYC so now seems a perfect time to return because of the children's school places and as said previously your husband could stay on another 6-12 months if he would like to finish things up a bit more with his job and just make several visits home during that time.

Good luck and I say time to get excited about summer in the UK this year
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Old Apr 14th 2014, 8:07 pm
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Default Re: Whether to move back this summer or next?

Originally Posted by ElizabethK
Honestly, I think if I were you I'd agree to stay the extra year. I know it's not what you want to do, but it will fly by. At least by staying another year you can really plan for your return and maybe your homesickness will subside a little if you can see a light at the end of the tunnel. Also, you won't be blamed by your husband for making him return when he wants the extra year.

I've never lived in Manhattan but have visited many times and it's not a place I'm too keen on, but why do you say you can't remain there an extra year, is your lease up on your home or did you mean you don't want to stay another year?

So, plan for the next 12 months and start counting down for your return. Your children are young and I'm sure the extra year won't do them any harm in their education.
Thanks for your reply and I think if it was just a case of staying an extra year I would do it but it's the problem of the children's schools if we stay later and financially it isn't working for us. I'm not worried about the children catching up but how much harder it could be to get a year 1 and year 3 in the same school. Although there is no guarantees that this year will be easier but with my youngest starting in reception the council seemed to think it would be. Our lease is up on our home and they are putting our rent up by so much we really would need to move. So financially it isn't working for us anymore. Unless we move to the suburbs......
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