Janietrz

Hi all,
not posted for a while, My Husband has an Job Offer to go and work out in Alberta Canada, which we looked into, we thought long and hard about emigrating, and decided it was all the right thing to do. Things have really moved on for us in the last six weeks,we first put our house up for sale last year, waited for ages before we got a offer we wanted, in October last year, this offer went on and on , making no progress towards contract exchange date, then in early January, then we found out that the people who was buying our house was having problems with the people who was buying their house, in fact such a huge problem it was, he couldn't get a mortgage offer, and kept stalling for time, this went on for another 3 weeks, until we had had enough and put our house back up onto the market.

So there we was back at square one in late January, 1 week later we had another offer, this time cash buyers, its all gone very smooth this time around and very quick, so quick in fact that we now have exchanged contracts today, and have a moving date, the Work offer my husband has also got to the point where all they are is waiting on is us to fly out there, and everything has worked out good on time, But!, yes there is a but, why is it that for the last 3 weeks, I am getting cold feet about my move out to Canada?, my eldest daughter now is saying she doesn't want to go, and with all the mucking about with selling our house its just dragged on for so long, I think its just given me and my daughter too much time to think and get cold feet about our impending move, whilst before we both where enthusiastic about emigrating, yet my youngest daughter and husband are still very keen, just like I was a few weeks ago. Also I have given up smoking, 5 weeks tommorow!, maybe thats an added factor??

Is this a normal feeling, friends and family have all said its just cold feet, and we have had so much stress over house sale thats contributed to it all, has anyone else experienced or is experiencing this?, are you constantly asking yourself questions and asking is this the right thing, it doesn't help that my 14 year old daughter is now anti going, I just feel so tired with the constant worrying of it all, my husband says its up to me at the end of the day, its my decision at the final, which has put an even greater strain on me, sorry to have gone on, what should have been a day to celebrate with exchanging contracts I feel sad instead - thanks guys for reading

bart2804

Don't know if this helps but I guess most people have worries about emigration - when I do, I tend to take the view that if it doesn't work then I'll just come back after giving it a bloody good go - if you look at it in this context then it doesn't seem as quite an earth shattering decision.

Good luck in any case!

Ps Stay off the fags

dingbat

Listen to your gut instinct. Your husband also needs to be slapped (figuratively speaking) and told that any decision needs to be made with you as an equal partner. Don't burn your bridges in Blighty...if you know that you have a way of getting back if it doesn't work, the pressure and the cold feet feeling might ease. Canada is not for everyone, but it is the ideal place for some. Your daughter is fourteen, she does as she's told in my book....but I do understand her fears. She is at a crucial schooling age and will be behind if you do come back after any length of time. Sorry if that is too blunt. Cold feet are quite normal. Whether or not you act on your feelings is down to why you wanted to leave and what the prospects are for you (realistically) over here. Treat it as an adventure, who knows what is around the corner?

Alberta_Rose

You know, I think it is PERFECTLY normal to have some doubts, before, during and probably AFTER you make the move, so be prepared. There are times when the difficulties and strangeness of making a home in a new country/culture/whatever, away from every familiar person and thing can suddenly, and often unexpectedly overwhelm you!

I'm not saying I've changed my mind about moving here. I think it's the best thing we've ever done. It is also about the hugest decision I have ever had to make, and whilst I am happy here, settling down in my new job and with my new friends ..... I actually said to my hubby just this morning (maybe only half in fun?) OK we've done that now let's go home.

He stared at me aghast, and said "Are you serious?!!" and I said, "no of course not, I was joking" ..... but you know, maybe a bit of me does feel like that. I'm sure it will be some time, .....maybe a couple of years or more, who knows..... before I really feel this is home.

Another factor for me, is that my bro has just landed a job in the Bahamas for two years, and I'm imagining how my elderly parents must feel about another of their beloveds leaving the country ..... even if for a limited period.

Be prepared for mixed feelings, and remind yourself why you decided to do it in the first place. Some have suggested making a list, maybe with photos, before leaving the UK, so when homesickness and doubts hit you you can look at this to remind yourself what emigrating was all about!

Take Care, and good luck!

M

Tidge

I suppose when things are all happening at once the panic can set in (I've just sold my house in the last week, the buyers want to move in at Easter and we land in Canada at the end of the month!) Panic can hit hard, but it soon passes.

It's only natural to get cold feet - I find myself dwelling on all the things that could go wrong, rather than thinking about all the great things that will happen. I also do this before going on holidays for some reason... and holidays always work out fine. Different to what I expect, but fine anyway.

When I start to worry, I just tell myself to shut up and quit moanin'. There's people starving in Africa and I'm spending all my energy worrying about auto insurance... how lucky am I!

SANDRAPAUL

Normal. Very. And that will not always go away even when you are on the ground and living it.

Listen to advice but don't take it. Pick your way through the mess and search your soul. If you keep coming back to the same conclusion you know what you must do.

Canada is no different to anywhere else. It has good and bad bits. It would be very odd if it didn't now would'nt it....?

As far as offspring are concerned our son put it recently about his fears about coming here. He said one thing....'I was wrong to doubt the move as it is just like being at home'.

Education. If you live in Canada you will need to move at Canada's pace - not the Uk's, not France's, not China's....CANADA's. And I do not believe long term anyone suffers from the education on offer whereever it may be.

And that is the thing - it is on offer - take it or leave it.

(PS. Both of our children at High School absolutely love it)


Oh. PPS. Not once has it been for anyone in my family - I wonder what it is like in the UK. To be a success one needs to embrace and not hold back one inch. Smile and the world smiles back (9 times out of ten anyway!)

R2D2

Look at it this way.....................

You have the opportunity to try a new way of life. Its an opportunity that not everyone can grasp. Some people would never achieve the points or have the skills to do something like this and many people talk...........'oh yeah, I'd love to go and live in another country', but never actually do anything about it. Those of us that do it should feel lucky to be able to experience something like this.
It never has to be forever, have a short term timescale in mind. Ours is to stay for the 3 years, then apply for Citizenship, and just see how we feel after that. I have a sneaky feeling we may stay for good. Then again, we may feel we have had our time here and head back. Who knows !!!!

For now, we are making the most of it, embracing as many new and exciting opportunities as we can, and just getting on with our lives. And it certainly has given us a boost. We were stuck in a bit of a rut back in the UK, so its great to have this new lease for life.

Good luck with whatever decision you reach.

Tidge

Home is where your stuff is.

SANDRAPAUL

Sorry I dissagree. Home is where you feel at ease, with those that you are with, yourself, and those that you meet. Not what surrounds you materially.

I understand the concept though.

diddy

Cold feet are very normal in Canada. The further north you go, the colder they get.

Ekka

It's a very different country, unlike the other major Commonwealth countries which are much more UK-oriented, the same sports are followed, words are spelt the same way and there is a much greater sense of shared history and interests.

hot wasabi peas

I'll chime in and say 'yes' to the AFTER bit. Some days I wish I had never got the idea to live in a different country into my head; "what was I thinking? ffs!" And that sometimes can feed my self-doubt and I start questioning my ability to make decisions, period. And then I crawl under my duvet, roll up into the fetal position and whimper away until my mascara rivers soak into the fabric of my t-shirt that I just washed... grrr... etc...

But then, most of the time I just accept the fact that for now I live in a different country knowing that I can move back, or on to somewheres else, and try to take advantage of and appreciate the stuff that is unique to where I am.

julius smith

hi!
i can understand completely what you are going thru!
most guys (and gals!) on here will know me by know and my trials and tribulations!
in a nutshell, we emigrated to ontario in 2004 and we were over the moon when were about to leave!
we got to canada ok--i even got a fantastic job there within 8 weeks, which is very unusual indeed (just ask anyone!).
then a number of things happened--first, the winter arrived, and boy, what a winter!--second, i started getting irritated by the way things are done over there (especially the redtape that is put in your way when dealig with administration, jobs, househunting, applying for mortgages etc)--third, my kids, who funnily enough were the same age your daughter, found they just could not fit into the schooling system over there (and the leats of the problems were that they were being taught DEGREE level stuff there, whereas in the UK the kids had just about talked about matrices!!). i even had private tuition arranged at over $80 a week for them, but it just did not help; on top of that, at that age kids have got their own friends and hierarchy etc setup, so it is damn difficult to start again.
so, at the end of all the bitter arguments we were having there daily, should we go back or nor etc, we decided to jack it in and come back!
we have been back over a year now, kids are settled back into their old schools and loving it, i have another job ( aproper job, not hambrger flipping!) and our home is still here as we left it!
if i were you, i would sit down with all my family and have nice long chat, even if it takes hours, and decide what to do. it's not just that your hubby has a job, so lets go! no, you ALL must agree. if your daughter says no, i can guarantee there will be problems when you get there, take it from me!!
i have seen it all. if you decide not to go, i would wait till your kids are older and able to look after themselves, then go.
canada is not for everyone. we traveled back and forth over 7 or 8 times before we went, just to see what it would be like, but the sad truth is that no matter how many times you go, until you ACTUALLY LIVE there, you cannot judge anything!
happy discussing!!

R and K

I think it is only natural to feel nervous. I change my mind constantly - it's a big step. I have also been at the stage where I have convinced myself that it's the wrong thing and that we should stay put, but that's just because I am very, very scared. At the end of the day if you go and don't like it you can always come back, but if you don't go you will always wonder. Go for it, I'm sure things will work out fine.

frankieforehead

Of course its only natural to get cold feet....You're giving up a lot to come here...family, friends, etc. your daughter will miss her friends, but will still be able to keep in contact via MSN.

Your husband having a job offer is a positive...at least you won't have the stresses of looking for work.....for yourself it may prove difficult meeting people, and finding someone to relate to...hard to explain..but you'll see what I mean.

Anyway if you're coming here for a new life, you need to adapt and work at it, if you're coming for an experience...don't sell your home and give up your life in the UK...no matter how bad it appears to be.

I wish you well, Alberta is a fantastic place to live, and everywhere has something to offer....we love it, but miss everyone back home.
Good luck guys.