To stay or not to stay
Nov 4th 2011 | 9:32 pm
#31
Ping-ponger
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 12,090
From: Yam Yam land
Re: To stay or not to stay
Can't help but comment here. My Brit OH moved over in June, so going on 5months ago. I (a USC) have just arrived 3 weeks ago on my spousal visa. Now, my OH has had a rather global life. His folks moved from Glasgow to Johannesburg before he was born, so he was born, raised and spent most of his life (20 odd years) in SA. He then moved back to the UK, along with his folks, in 2000. We then met and he moved to the US in 2004. So he's spent more time outside Scotland than in.
He's now been saying for about the last month that he doesn't like it here, and he's now willing to overlook all the US's shortcomings and move back. I don't know what to say about it. I haven't been here long enough to love or hate it. Of course there are certain things that are different or are inconveniences for me, but so far nothing that feels major. I don't know if his dislike of being here has to do with his crappy first job (which laid him off after 90 days and not paying him for a months' wages), or if there are some other underlying things he's not liking. I'm just afraid he's putting rose-tinted glasses on the US because he's frustrated with things here, cuz the US ain't perfect.
Luckily, after being laid off 4 weeks ago, he contacted his old boss here in the US, who replied back that he could have his old job back plus a raise. I told him last night that perhaps he should go ahead and contact his boss and see if the offer is still on the table and we should head back. I'm just so torn as to whether we should go back or not. I told my mom today, and she seemed to think perhaps we should if he has a strong chance of getting his old job back.
I just don't know anymore...do you think it looks like we are running away and not giving things a fair chance? I do know that I have a stronger chance of actually finding an engineering/technical job back there, as well as potentially get into some studying opportunities that aren't available here. So that's definitely an advantage of returning. I think financially we would be better off back in the US, but money isn't everything either. Advice anyone?
He's now been saying for about the last month that he doesn't like it here, and he's now willing to overlook all the US's shortcomings and move back. I don't know what to say about it. I haven't been here long enough to love or hate it. Of course there are certain things that are different or are inconveniences for me, but so far nothing that feels major. I don't know if his dislike of being here has to do with his crappy first job (which laid him off after 90 days and not paying him for a months' wages), or if there are some other underlying things he's not liking. I'm just afraid he's putting rose-tinted glasses on the US because he's frustrated with things here, cuz the US ain't perfect.
Luckily, after being laid off 4 weeks ago, he contacted his old boss here in the US, who replied back that he could have his old job back plus a raise. I told him last night that perhaps he should go ahead and contact his boss and see if the offer is still on the table and we should head back. I'm just so torn as to whether we should go back or not. I told my mom today, and she seemed to think perhaps we should if he has a strong chance of getting his old job back.
I just don't know anymore...do you think it looks like we are running away and not giving things a fair chance? I do know that I have a stronger chance of actually finding an engineering/technical job back there, as well as potentially get into some studying opportunities that aren't available here. So that's definitely an advantage of returning. I think financially we would be better off back in the US, but money isn't everything either. Advice anyone?
For me, there are very few positives for WoS when I write up the old "Pros and cons" list. It may be different for you and hubby - family, friends, other connections, maybe? I can see how Scotland would feel like a foreign country for both of you. About the only positive here for me is a slightly better financial situation in my particular job, especially if I get promotion next year. But as you said, money isn't everything.
I'm curious - if your finances were OK here in Scotland, would you even be considering returning to the US?
Normally, I'm in the "give it at least 2 years" brigade, but in your case it seems like money is a major factor and your hubbie has a job offer - in some ways (depending on personal circumstances), moving to the States from Scotland for a new job isn't that different from moving to London for a new job. It depends on why you are here in the first place - a lifelong yearning, a "try it and see", a "looking for our permanent home" move? I think your decision depends a lot on why you both moved here in the first place.
[Edit: I just went back to some of the earlier posts about why you moved, and hubby said he'd rather be poor but living close to family and with free health care than poor in the US.... at the time you/he seemed to have a pessimistic attitude to likelihood of employment in the States. Re: this latest job opportunity, are you positive there is job security in the offer?]
Last edited by dunroving; Nov 4th 2011 at 10:43 pm.
