[Reading fan]

Hi,
We have currently been back in Oz for about 6 weeks having previously lived in South Aus for 7 years and back in the UK for 2 years. We decided to try QLD (Brisbane area) as we are looking for more of a ''lifestyle'' - going to the beach,diving and surfing etc - and felt the climate would be more suited to our ''wants''.We never left the UK previously because we didn't like it and fortunately lived in a lovely part of England and have been lucky to never experience crime etc. We left primarily for husbands work.
However, we did leave Aus because husband just didn't feel happy in South Aus (hence trying another state this time). I always wanted to return to Aust and instigated the move back.
The minute we got off the plane in QLD I knew we had made a massive mistake - we couldn't believe the changes in the 2 years we had been away (I know everyone says it but rents and food have gone up alot).We travelled down to Byron Bay and up to Noosa looking for our new home but haven't found ''the'' place. After much deliberation (lots of wine) we got in the car and drove for 3 days back to Adelaide.I think we just wanted the stability of somewhere familiar.
To be honest we both look/feel shellshocked we just don't know what to do for the best - our container is in Brisbane awaiting our instructions.We both feel a bit stupid - having lived here for 7 years we felt we knew what to expect but haven't been prepared for wanting to go home.We both agree its not Aust its us.
So I just wondered to those who have ping ponged how did it work out ?

[bluekipper]

HI, can I just say did your hubby go because of work again? or can u live & work anywhere? if thats the case spend some time deciding where you may want to settle. We lived in Adelaide,and are now bk in the UK been bk just over a yr, we want to try another state aswell,, but find the whole thing daunting,,wondering if we`re making the right decision too,, guess you never know until you give it a go, I agree with you thats its not OZ its in us, and how you percieve everything whilst liveing there,,I was a very negative person living in OZ last time, but feel ive done some work on myself to be more positive if & when we return, I too feel drwan bk to Adelaide,,like you say - familiarity,,I really hope you give yourself time to re-adjust and settle,,stay positive and hope
you settle soon,wherever that maybe

bluekipper

[PLANTS]

Ive been looking and looking at this question and wanted to reply but don't know how and thought others would do it for me!

Well, here I am. we have ping ponged more than others 3 times now and each time its been for either work related or missing England (not necessarily family missing, although we did miss them).

This current time we have been back since August 2007 and were quite prepared to stay put and make a go of it and then our teenage son who is 16 next year announced to his grownup sister (32) who lives in Perth. that he wanted to go back and didn't really want to come back to the UK this time, just did it for us. Well, you could have knocked us over with a feather and that was about mid way through last year 2008. Since then we have been in utter turmoil not knowing what to do, thinking we were staying here and then knowing our son is one day going back.

Now I am lucky I have two grownup kids 32 and 34, one daughter and grandson in Perth, and my son married with a lovely wife and three gorgeous grandkids in UK. But fortunately or unfortunately my OH only has the one, our teenage son and quite rightly he doesn't want to live his life without some sort of contact with his son. Its been bad enough for me with split kids in either country and not seeing the other one so I am sure you can appreciate why we have ping ponged as often as we have done. I just wanted to tell you this lot before I say anything more. Oh and there is no chance the UK based son will ever go to Perth either before anyone asks! Plus the daughter is in Perth to stay permanently!

We are now in the process of going back to Perth in August this year.

Ping Ponging isnt something I would advise doing, we all do it for a variety of reasons but in the end you are just running away from yourself. You/us emigrated for a reason or reasons best known only to each individual so always try to keep those in mind, write them down and refer to them as often as possible you will be surprised at how you are feeling. I used to feel so negative about Perth but knew the positiveness of living in Australia. In trying to think things through and get an answer as I always do from A-Z I drove myself nuts, literally and had a breakdown and my husband brought me back to England to get me sorted out.

Now I am thinking a lot clearer I can see that Perth is the best place for us and I am truly glad, and always have been, that our son was brought up in Perth, as he had a fantastic childhood. Its all he has ever known except for us ping ponging of course. I went back for a holiday for 4 weeks back in October and was very surprised at my thinking as I was so happy to be back in Perth again with all that lovely sunshine and scenery plus all my mates are back there too.

So, what is the success in ping ponging, just do it for the right reasons and don't listen to others, its what is right for you, oh and discuss things as a family. Try and pursuade the family to be honest and open about their feelings and not to go with the flow.

May I wish you every success with your decision and if you need a personal reply just PM me, we will help if we can.

Plants

[Babsw]

Originally Posted by Reading fan Hi, We have currently been back in Oz for about 6 weeks having previously lived in South Aus for 7 years and back in the UK for 2 years. We decided to try QLD (Brisbane area) as we are looking for more of a ''lifestyle'' - going to the beach,diving and surfing etc - and felt the climate would be more suited to our ''wants''.We never left the UK previously because we didn't like it and fortunately lived in a lovely part of England and have been lucky to never experience crime etc. We left primarily for husbands work. However, we did leave Aus because husband just didn't feel happy in South Aus (hence trying another state this time). I always wanted to return to Aust and instigated the move back. The minute we got off the plane in QLD I knew we had made a massive mistake - we couldn't believe the changes in the 2 years we had been away (I know everyone says it but rents and food have gone up alot).We travelled down to Byron Bay and up to Noosa looking for our new home but haven't found ''the'' place. After much deliberation (lots of wine) we got in the car and drove for 3 days back to Adelaide.I think we just wanted the stability of somewhere familiar. To be honest we both look/feel shellshocked we just don't know what to do for the best - our container is in Brisbane awaiting our instructions.We both feel a bit stupid - having lived here for 7 years we felt we knew what to expect but haven't been prepared for wanting to go home.We both agree its not Aust its us. So I just wondered to those who have ping ponged how did it work out ?

I think we may have mutual friends in adelaide,in Blackwood? Your post was almost the same as the email i received from these friends.She was emailing me to check and see if we were settling ok this time.We did the same as you but we were in adelaide for much less time and moved back to the UK for 2 yrs and have just moved here to brisbane in Oct. We are very happy this time but pm me if you want to chat about it more.I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time,it must be a terrible time for you.

[Reading fan]

Just wanted to say thanks for your replies. We have been out & about having a fantastic time catching up on old friends. No firm decisions have been made but we know the time is fast approaching.Of course the sun has been shining and friends have really bent over backwards - some of their friendliness has restored my faith in other people.We did some 'drop' ins and their faces were a picture they didn't even know we had left the UK.
The only thing that nags is that we left because not completely happy in the first place - can that be resolved ? although of course we left the UK as well.
Thanks again and good luck to all ping-pongers - its bloody hard work we feel mentally & physically exhausted - all last year planning and probably all this year thinking !

[thefroggiebox]

Thank you everyone. I'm here in Perth after spending 20 months back in the uk & prior to that 3 years in Melbourne. Still don't feel settled & I am spending most of my days weighing up pros & cons of life in Oz versus life in the UK.
My OH instigated the move back to Oz & feels settled here where I have mixed feelings. It wears you out constantly thinking of what to do. I always thought I was sensible & level headed & would never get homesickness. As I've now ping ponged from kent to Melbourne to Wiltshire & now Perth I have friends everywhere but nothing feels like its home yet. I'm determined to make things work this time as I don't think my kids could cope with another move. My 18 year old is back in the UK after 4 months in Perth & is now wanting to come back again!

It is good to realise that I'm not the only one feeling this way (OH is getting a bit fed up with me)

Australia is a great place to live but the Uk is too but never feels like it is when I'm living there!

[bluekipper]

Originally Posted by thefroggiebox Thank you everyone. I'm here in Perth after spending 20 months back in the uk & prior to that 3 years in Melbourne. Still don't feel settled & I am spending most of my days weighing up pros & cons of life in Oz versus life in the UK. My OH instigated the move back to Oz & feels settled here where I have mixed feelings. It wears you out constantly thinking of what to do. I always thought I was sensible & level headed & would never get homesickness. As I've now ping ponged from kent to Melbourne to Wiltshire & now Perth I have friends everywhere but nothing feels like its home yet. I'm determined to make things work this time as I don't think my kids could cope with another move. My 18 year old is back in the UK after 4 months in Perth & is now wanting to come back again! It is good to realise that I'm not the only one feeling this way (OH is getting a bit fed up with me Australia is a great place to live but the Uk is too but never feels like it is when I'm living there!

Hi,,glad you posted, I have an 18yr old to,,she wants to go bk to OZ aswell,,Im just wondering how your finding perth? and how easy it is to settle in another state in OZ? Id love to go bk to Adelaide but jobs are not so easy to come by there!

Bluekipper

[Sherro]

Hi,

To the Original poster I am curious as to your geographical choices. You moved to Queensland for a lifestlyle after 7 years in South Australia.

I get the Queensland lifestyle thing, although it definately would be just too slow and full of Ockers for some of the more traditional brits.

I dont yet know the Ping Pong result in my world but I know this. I left Australia after 9 years there because I hadnt met the right girl and was bored. On coming back to the UK I realised its a great place, ill always be a pom but I have changed and I dont have the stomach for London anymore.

I have, however met my girl and we both will return to Australia. I would only do that however by going back to where I made a life for myself first time round. For me it is Melbourne.

I travelled to all states with work and always thought Melb and Sydney were logical places for most brits as WA, ACT, QL and SA and NT were way more 'Australian' in their remoteness and arrid landscape and slower lifestyles.

I think you have to be really careful about where you want to live and dont just buy into the dream/idea that it will be white sand, barbys and surfboards.

Melbourne, to me is the most beautiful and lovely city I have ever been too. I just spent 5 days in Barcelona and thought, great city but doesnt have anything on Melbourne. They really got that one right.

it has enough brits to give you a fix but not full of them like sydney so you feel immersed in australia, and it has a fantastic lifestyle scene with beaches they jokle about but would be best in europe if over here so still lovely. (Dromana, Mornington, Mentone etc). bars and restaurants, never got a bad meal anywhere i cant recall. maybe the odd dodgy kebab at 3am

So later on this year I will go back, 8 years in Aus, 1 year Uk and back to Aus and like original poster I was running from myself as I couldnt settle and couldnt get with the aussie girls, they werent for me overall. But I will go back to Melbourne, no question.

SO, maybe SA is for you if you have friends there etc, at least for now anyway.

Being an Ex pat can be so much fun and exciting but also extremely frustrating cant it, so best of luck with what you do.

[Daydreamer123]

I am not a ping ponger maybe a ping pinger, instead of moving back we just keep moving somewhere new. What I do know is that the first 2 years anywhere are hard, but after that you start to feel settled. So far we have only been in Oz a few months, and we have thought that we may not stay for ever, but wont be going anywhere soon. What I really wanted to say though, was that shortly after my first country move, I remember reading an article written by a serial country mover, and what she basically said was that once you move away from home (country wise not moving out on your own) you never feel as though you have a home again. She went on to explain that she had moved countries and lived there for a while, missed the UK and moved back, but what she found when she moved back was that everything was different. Only when she looked closer, she realised that only some things were different, what had changed most was her. Also despite keeping in contact with friends and family, she had missed the day to day living that keeps everyone together and they had grown in different directions to her. I dont know what the conclusion is really, but know that when we go back to our various 'homes' I think how I miss them and also how I could never move back there. Its hard to feel that you have no roots, I come from a family of ping pongers too, must run in the family, so even growing up I felt I was always in the wrong place, folks were always saying 'one day we'll go home' so always felt where we were wasnt right. I think my conclusion is that after moving somewhere new, to totally accept either place is impossible, if you never move you never have to compare anything but once you have seen different things its that much harder to settle, nothing is universally better. So I think whatever we do, because we have done more than folks who never move away, we are stronger because it takes more willpower to truly settle down.

I dont know if that makes sense to anyone else, and certainly no answer sorry

[Rainydaze]

Daydreamer 123, your post certainly makes sense to me. I've been in Sydney for 4 months, came out here with my Aussie OH. He had been in the UK for over 9 years and he's spoken about how things have changed in Australia, how it's not quite the same place he left. That's not to say things are worse or better, it's just that it's not the same as it was when he left. This includes things at a mundane level - e.g. the price of beer has gone up, GST was introduced in his absence, etc - and things at a personal level, because his family and friends' lives have all moved on. So he didn't come back to how things were when he left, because they were different. That place and time doesn't exist any more.

I've thought about his experiences a lot. Once you've moved somewhere new, you're conscious that you're not from there, you have no roots, you're a blow in. But you're also an exile from your place of origin, and even if you return, it will have changed. You can only really return if you can time travel!

So you have to be pretty adaptable I suppose, and you have to rely on your own inner resources. But it's a strange feeling of not knowing where to put down roots. Besides ping-pongers, I think this also goes with the territory if you're in bicultural relationship, because you don't have a mutual place of origin.

Originally Posted by Reading fan The only thing that nags is that we left because not completely happy in the first place - can that be resolved ? although of course we left the UK as well.

When I left Australia, to return home to England, permanently and for good, and promising never to set foot back in Australia, I really felt that I hated Australia.

However, 4 years later I came back, and am now very happy. Albiet in QLD not NSW.

Originally Posted by Reading fan We both agree its not Aust its us.

Like you, I ended up realising it wasn't Australia, but it was me, and I changed.

[Wendy]

Originally Posted by Reading fan Just wanted to say thanks for your replies. We have been out & about having a fantastic time catching up on old friends. No firm decisions have been made but we know the time is fast approaching.Of course the sun has been shining and friends have really bent over backwards - some of their friendliness has restored my faith in other people.We did some 'drop' ins and their faces were a picture they didn't even know we had left the UK. The only thing that nags is that we left because not completely happy in the first place - can that be resolved ? although of course we left the UK as well. Thanks again and good luck to all ping-pongers - its bloody hard work we feel mentally & physically exhausted - all last year planning and probably all this year thinking !

Are you still in Adelaide now?

[bluekipper]

Originally Posted by ABCDiamond When I left Australia, to return home to England, permanently and for good, and promising never to set foot back in Australia, I really felt that I hated Australia. However, 4 years later I came back, and am now very happy. Albiet in QLD not NSW. Like you, I ended up realising it wasn't Australia, but it was me, and I changed.

Thats fantastic, and makes me feel even more confident to try a 2nd go,,dont want to regret not going back. We to will try a different state!

Bluekipper

[sprintman]

Even though we left England 42 years ago I class myself as a South Australian as that's where I went to school. Now though an ex South Australian like so many others and under no circumstances would I return there. Why so many Brits go to Perth or Adelaide I just don't understand.

[bluekipper]

Well Sprintman,

I can only speak for myself,,we initially went to adelaide because the SA Gov sponsored us, we want to try Perth because its where we should have more luck with jobs,going by the jobs being advertised. Would love to go back to Adelaide if the jobs were as easy to come by!

Bluekipper