Hi everyone,

I'd really appreciate any advice/tips anyone has in relation to my situation.

After living for 9 years in Australia, and in that time marrying an Australian, i'm pining for that feeling of home, that feeling of belonging and familiarity with my surroundings. I've achieved a lot whilst i've lived here and Australia is a beautiful place with beautiful people. Ever since i've lived here, I've felt a strange feeling more often than not, like i'm almost observing my life and not really living it, like i don't fully belong. Might sound strange but it's hard to articulate...

I've filled most of my time here with work, and renovating a house (i wonder sometimes whether i've subconsciously kept myself busy to avoid feelings of homesickness). I have travelled back to the UK around once every 18 months.

I'm feeling ready to start a family and i can't imagine living on the other side of the world from my own family. I have fears about what moving back to the UK might mean for my husband and I, but acknowledge that the mind is good at creating fear :-).

I'm blessed to have a supportive husband and we've worked on a plan, which currently is:

I give up my job in Australia (which i'm not enjoying) and spend Sept - Dec 2013 in the UK whilst my hubby stays in Australia.

During that time, I test out life in the UK, get a short-term job, look for somewhere to settle.

Husband wants to hang in current job in Australia until Oct 2014 (when he can get access to his 10 years long service leave, as a payout if he resigns). I respect this decision.

Depending on outcome of my visit, i either stay in the UK and husband visits the UK a couple of times before moving over in October 2014, or i return back to Australia in Dec 2013.

I would rather not do it without my husband as i'll miss him, but this plan is a low risk/financially responsible plan.

Would love to hear your thoughts/tips/advice on the above...

Thanks in advance, i sincerely appreciate everyone's support!

If you have the cash, go visit

even if its for 2 weeks, alone! least you can focus on YOUR feelings without pushing them aside and considering his. Harsh i know but figure out what YOU want/need/desire do it and try to include him and come to a comprimise on what ever you decision is

That sounds like a plan!

You are very lucky to have found one who will move with you, often Aussie men seem to be reluctant to do that. (Mine said he would move if I wanted many years ago but then he changed the goalposts until circumstances dictated that he really had no choice but to move - and he appears to be having a really good time!)

I can tell you now, that it will be difficult to do without him - I'm sure you will be wise to that though! Heck, there have been times when DH has been back on holiday in Aus and I have been here in UK that I have thought quite positive thoughts about Australia and wistfully thought of buying a ticket to just be with him! Doesn't last once he is "home" though!

You might want to check out the LSL conditions - I thought it was 10 yrs to pay out but someone on another board was implying that the rules changed recently and it's now 7 yrs (you can certainly take LSL after 7 yrs but whether they pay out the balance is another issue)

I do know just ow you feel about being an observer in your own life - even after 32 years in Australia I was still an alien, my head told me it was home but my heart always knew it wasn't! Now I am "home" at least for the short term foreseeable future my heart is happy!

Good luck with your quest to find belonging!

It definitely sounds like you've thought everything out, so I'd give it a go and see what happens when you get back to the UK. I agree with 'quoll' because I too thought the LSL was reduced to 7 years, unless it's 10 years the first time and you become eligible again after 7 years. But something definitely to look into because if they HAVE reduced it to 7 years then hubby doesn't have to wait and can go with you.

Then all you have to think about is filling in the appropriate paperwork in order to bring your husband to the UK. I'm sure someone here will help with that if you don't know what to do. Having never gone through that aspect of relocating to the UK I'm far from being Knowledgeable LOL

Good luck to you...hope everything goes super smoothly for you and as a Lancashire Lass myself I understand your feelings for wanting to come back here

Thanks Quoll. I do feel so blessed to have a supportive hubby.

Since my last post, we've done some more research (thanks for your pointer re: LSL!) and we have decided to do this together, rather than me go over for a while by myself. This decision has been driven by a few things, including the UK Spouse visa, which i've researched more recently. As the financial requirements for that visa are dependent on my salary alone, i think it's wiser to stay in the job until we apply for the visa.

I'm so happy to hear that your heart is happy too :-) That's what it's all about really!

Thanks WhoFan63! It turns out that in Australia now, after 5 years of LSL accrual, you are eligible to receive the accrued LSL amount in payment if you resign due to certain circumstances including "pressing domestic need" which i believe moving to another country to live with your wife falls under. So a big thank you to you and Quoll for mentioning LSL.

And thanks again for sharing your personal story in other BE posts. Inspiring :-)

Glad to hear that research has paid off re LSL!

Dont suppose your DH has a UK born grandparent lurking in there somewhere? If he does, then the ancestry visa is a whole lot easier to negotiate than the spouse visa!

Unfortunately no! DH's mum is dutch, but dad is a true blue Aussie! Thanks for suggesting though .

Could he claim Dutch citizenship by descent? That would make him an EU citizen and then he could move freely to the UK.

Good thinking!

Yes, great suggestion thanks. There's some good info on this website. I don't think my DH's mum was a Dutch national when my DH was born as she moved to Australia at an early age and went through the Australian naturalisation process. But definitely worth further investigation.

Thanks again

Hiya

OMG I know that feeling all to well! We have been in NZ nearly 6 years this year and we have never felt settled!

It is a weird "living in a bubble" type feeling and I am so glad it's not just me!

Good luck with your plans they sound well thought out Which part of the UK will you be staying in?

We are due home in October cannot wait!

Georgina x

Congratulations Georgina, that's wonderful news. And thanks for sharing your personal experience, i too have often thought that it's just me who experiences these feelings, but clearly not!

We're looking to move to somewhere on the outskirts of Manchester so that we can commute to the city for a job. Still researching at this stage.

How about you?

Good luck with all your planning

Hi after 13 years of trying to make Aus feel like home we decided on returning to the UK, we have nothing really against Aus but it was just not home and we did miss loads of things we could not replace in Aus. We currently live in the Peak District but an easy commute to Manchester, there are lots of lovely areas outside the City to live in like most places you have to do your homework. Good luck and I hope you find "your place" soon wherever that might be, I know its not great carrying that feeling around with you. Take care

Hey,

I know exactly how you feel as I am in the same situation except in reverse. I'm Australian living in the UK with my English boyfriend. We have been back and forth Uk-Aus for the last almost 4 years (3 moves). I am desperate to go back home again.

It seems to me you already have things figured out. And it also seems you have a good enough relationship which will enable you to make this choice. Just know that your partner may get the same feelings you have now when you live in the UK (Just from my experience being in a UK/Aus relationship). So even though now it may be all exciting the idea of it, once the dust settles one or both of you may feel differently. I think you both need to really think about long term - where would you be happy to live for the rest of your life, are you happy to give up the things you have in Aus? Is your memory of England distorted because you haven't lived here for so long? So many things to consider as it is a very expensive move and also can be quite stressful.

I am currently trying to figure out where I think would be best to settle for life as we have done the move too many times and at a huge expense with sending 3 dogs over too. My boyfriend has said when I go back to visit in August to go and stay 6 months get a job and decide if that's definitely what I want and if it is he will save up and get back out to Aus with me though I'm not sure I could handle that period of separation. So I need to decide if this would be worth it or not.

It may also be that it's your job that is making you unhappy too as I have found this is the case with me. Unhappy job = Unhappy life as you spend most of your time there. This is possibly why now I am desperate to go home, my job is making me miserable and bored and I dread going every day. So for now in the short term I have decided to change jobs which is quite easy for me I do temp work and my contract ends in July so I will just move onto the next place when I return from Aus (if I return). So could a change of job help with how you are feeling now do you think? I don't know just giving you thoughts from my own experience as it doesn't sound all that different.

Good luck with whatever you decide though.


Kym x