[paulry]

Originally Posted by furbacchione Seriously mate - she's out of control on your account

Yeah. next she'll be scanning his computer for dirty pictures

[DeadVim]

Originally Posted by furbacchione I'd say australia is one of the better countries for socialising, they're like birds here hard to get them to stop chattering. Only thing you need to start a conversation here is have a welcoming face. Even an unwelcoming face still seems to get people that don't mind a chin wag with you. I know I've put on my best **** off face and they still want to chat!

I guess, to a certain extent ... I would say it is more superficial here but there is no replacing 30 odd years in the UK culture/friendship-wise.

People are more open to random comment here (vs SE England anyway) but I find the only real connectiveness (is that a word?) happens with British expats.

I have become accent-blind so I only find they are from the UK after I have been chatting for a while, often with amusing results.

Take my last visit to have a hair cut ... She said 'Where are you from originally?' and I did the usual 'Kent, Just outside London' spiel ... Turns out she was from Chelmsford and I hadn't picked it.

I like Aussies, generally, but I can't pretend I'll ever have a deep connection ... my daughter possibily excepted

[Zambia]

I once thought
"Depression my ass ,What that lad needs a good kick up the hole"

However I was very wrong and I regret the above attitude a lot these days.

[Perthbum]

Originally Posted by BadgeIsBack I never saw you as the anxious type. Me - I remember being a bit down in the dumps about 20 years ago - for a short time - but I worked out what I had to do to distract myself through a tough period and it was over soon - and I've never looked back. Since moving to Australia - nothing has been a drama - really. Have to be honest, my downfall is that I overfocus - and I can be quite aggressively tenacious sometimes to the point where I get tunnel vision. Exercise helps me run off energy. What always pulls me through isand I am going to get absolutely caned for this) i) My life... I only have to think of some of the things I have done and it pulls me up from a state of boredom. My wife tells me that when I am doing something monotous like mowing the yard I can always be found with a grin on my dial...it's memories that you treasure. ii)My wife. My wife amazes me every day, and I don't know how I could have got so lucky. There are things she does and the way she handles things that I have not come across in anyone else - male or female. It's can be a bit surreal.

Being able to give some one a good wank is a rare thing my friend....you are truly blessed with that wife of yours.

[paulry]

Originally Posted by Zambia I once thought "Depression my ass ,What that lad needs a good kick up the hole" However I was very wrong and I regret the above attitude a lot these days.

+1

Telling someone to just pull him/herself together doesn't address the chemical imbalance thats going on inside his/her brain.

[eddie007]

Originally Posted by DeadVim I hear that but whatever distress they are causing you I bet they are feeling much worse about themselves. It's tough especially when everyone cares about each other, in some respects it would be easier if nobody gave a monkey's but that's not how tight-knit families are. You can only be there and support, the sufferer has to want to move on and progress, nobody can change that. Good luck

Unlike alcoholics i havent met a person sufferring from depression who has wanted to stay depressed... Ie not wanted to move on or progress.... Has wanted to stay depressed. I know plenty of alcoholics in denial, or who at the bottom line dont WANT to give up the security/feeling/buzz/whatever... that alcohol gives them

When i first read that last sentence I got really quite angry, had to step away from the ipad..... Which is good... Its all progress........

A sufferer has to recognise the symptoms and learn that there are things they can do that will help.. And find out what those are....

It can be devastsating agreeing to medication and it doesnt work....antidepressants are notoriously slow working... By the time you know yours isnt working you've been seriously depressed for weeks... Feeling hopeless and this add to your hopelessness.... Then you have to try a different one????? Can you imagine the impact?

Not everyone can follow "common sense" self help advice (talk, socialise and exercise) due to circumstances beyond their control.... Eg injury...Or simply being too depressed to be able to engage without serious assistance....

People often forget that a depressed person doesnt necessarily need advice... More often they need to talk... There is a massive difference between the two...

I have a dear friend who tried to get me to go to church ,in her mind she KNEW it was the best thing for me... To get out, meet people, stop being socially isolated etc etc etc.... The timing was totally wrong...It added to my anxiety and alienated her for a while... She hadnt seen/ listened to me and seen that actually I was too teary (unable to stop the tears) and couldnt engage/function socially in my own home... A safe environment... Let alone in a social setting... I wasnt ready for that at the time... In fact it made me feel worse... Knowing I couldnt do it... Made me feel more useless, more hopeless..... More worthless....

Being told what you "need" to do when you arent ready isnt helpful....

Depression makes you feel guilty because you are letting everyone down, its frightening.... When I was improving...I appeared to be getting worse... Ie I went from flat unable to feel at all... to feeling teary and being teary the whole time..


I'm glad i didnt jump down your throat tho, and stomp on your head... Because i probably misinterpreted what you were trying to say.....

[iamthecreaturefromuranus]

Originally Posted by Jon77 Well are you a ***ing bloody keyboard warrior hero.

No I'm not. I've just not been depressed without a 'good' reason. That's a simple fact of MY life. Perhaps I'm just too stupid to be a depressive?

[eddie007]

Originally Posted by iamthecreaturefromuranus No I'm not. I've just not been depressed without a 'good' reason. That's a simple fact of MY life. Perhaps I'm just too stupid to be a depressive?

Sounds like IF you have had a depression due to what you consider "good reason" its most likely to have been a reactive depression... These are usually milder and entirely situational......

Best way to describe it is Its a different illness with some similar symptoms... But different diagnosis, treatment and prognosis.....

You're one of the "lucky onez" if this is the only kind of depression you have experienced.....

[Jon77]

Originally Posted by iamthecreaturefromuranus Perhaps I'm just too stupid to be a depressive?

<sniffs the bait, and walks away>

[iamthecreaturefromuranus]

Originally Posted by eddie007 Sounds like IF you have had a depression due to what you consider "good reason" its most likely to have been a reactive depression... These are usually milder and entirely situational...... Best way to describe it is Its a different illness with some similar symptoms... But different diagnosis, treatment and prognosis..... You're one of the "lucky onez" if this is the only kind of depression you have experienced.....

Exactly that. Sure, I've been depressed from time to time, but it's been as a result of some shit happening in my life.

[eddie007]

Originally Posted by iamthecreaturefromuranus Exactly that. Sure, I've been depressed from time to time, but it's been as a result of some shit happening in my life.

And that doesnt make your experience less "valid".......

People who are depressed tend to be defensive and emotionally labile... You may have had some of those feelings yourself during these periods....

anyone with depression needs some kid gloves, as you may know... And we need people who have experience to be kind to us... Particularly when that black dog is walking to heel and not scampering off in the distance...chasing a rabbit.... We need some understanding .....

Jeez this thread is good therapy for me.....

[ozzieeagle]

Originally Posted by BadgeIsBack She is sort of talented. Graceful, beautiful - has a way of holding herself - but also down to earth - draws people to her from all walks of life. Bit of an enigma. I've got used to it. If I stop to think about it, I shake my head. When we first got here, she was quite shy but she's really grown into mother hood etc. Yummy mummy. Women love her. She's not bitchy or what females would call a 'cow' either etc. We were out with a group a few weeks ago and she looked stunning. Bernie - get your chips and draw up a chair!

Sounds like what I would imagine a decent healthy French Woman to be like. I find myself drawn to nurses personally, not met many bad ones, and their choice of profession tends to show a certain type of caring and outgoing personality. Maybe you've got yourself a French Nurse !

One thing I feel I can say, as I feel very similarly to your re our wives, is that we could have too much of our souls invested in them. We'd both be very depressed without them I would say. So be careful of that.

What to say to the OP..... I was definitely very depressed between the age of 11 and 15.... Then my life seemed to start. Not sure how you get over it, not even sure how you deal with it. I think forcing onesself to exercise could be as good a starting point as anything.... Reason for being it comes down to and the brain chemicals released by exercise tend be as theraputic as any prescribed drug, so I'm told. I guess the other thing, is dont look back and try and live in the present.... and hopefully you'll start to be able to look forwards.

[Amazulu]

Originally Posted by Jon77 Just 'snap out of it' hey.

Er, dunno. If you say so I guess.

[Penny45]

Originally Posted by DeadVim I hear that but whatever distress they are causing you I bet they are feeling much worse about themselves. You can only be there and support, the sufferer has to want to move on and progress, nobody can change that. Good luck

Thanks for this and I know you're right, she feels much worse than I do.

Originally Posted by eddie007 Unlike alcoholics i havent met a person sufferring from depression who has wanted to stay depressed... Ie not wanted to move on or progress.... Has wanted to stay depressed. I know plenty of alcoholics in denial, or who at the bottom line dont WANT to give up the security/feeling/buzz/whatever... that alcohol gives them When i first read that last sentence I got really quite angry, had to step away from the ipad..... Which is good... Its all progress........ A sufferer has to recognise the symptoms and learn that there are things they can do that will help.. And find out what those are.....

The person in my family at the moment is very difficult to help though - I can say 'have a walk', 'sit in the sun' (vit D) 'watch something funny' etc but some days there seems to be no inclination to want things to be better and that is very frustrating for ALL of us. This is no way is a comment on how others feel, just my personal situation.

[chris955]

I used to be in the 'snap out of it' camp until it happened to me...hard. Since getting back to the UK I have halved my medication and can really see myself being able to be weaned off very soon.

Originally Posted by Beedubya I have been much happier since I came back to the UK, I think I spent far too many years living a lie trying to just "get on with it" and "fit in" when I felt like a fish out of water, my last year in Australia was truly horrible I was utterly miserable and depressed and never want to go through that ever again. I diagnosed myself as having situational depression. I have odd bad days now and then where I miss my kids and grandkids but this is only to be expected. It doesn't last very long but sure feels awful at the time.