Lorna at Vicenza

My son was badly bullied in his second year of Italian middle school aged 12. His school teachers had had lots of notes from me which were all ignored so when his bicycle tyres and saddle got slashed with a Stanley knife I marched straight into the Headmaster's office. That useless twatting bastardo almost pushed me out of his office saying that "all boys are the same at that age and your son probably isn't a saint either." I didn't even get the chance to say that we weren't talking about name calling but physical abuse and damage to personal property. His little plastic briefcase type thing with his Geometry textbooks in it, designs and projects went missing one day. The school caretaker found it a fortnight later thrown under some bushes at the edge of the school yard, soaked through with rain and everything inside it ruined. I'm not easily intimidated but I knew that the Headmaster had no intention of listening to me so I wrote a two page letter to the school and sent it by registered to be signed for post and then I would always have proof that the school had received and signed for it.

Some months later two lads beat my Alex up on his way home from school. He was walking home with two girls that live close to us and the two lads were behind them verbally abusing them all. When Alex heard one say "get him" he dropped his backpack and made a dash for it. The bigger lad caught him and held him in a headlock whilst the other boy made a running kick to his stomach and then carried on bashing him in the stomach with his knee. They punched his face and carried on kicking him when he was down on the pavement. They only ran away when a lady stopped her car because the girls were screaming, one of them was in the middle of the road picking up Alex's glasses and Alex was still down and still getting kicked.

At hospital he had x-rays on his face and arm and then an ultrasound scan of his abdomen which showed a puddle of liquid. We were told that we would not be allowed home until they knew if the puddle was from his spleen or his intestines. We were told that if it was a slow leak then the puddle would get bigger and they'd have to operate, or it could be trauma from all the kicking and the puddle would get reabsorbed. Alex was on a drip with no food or drink in case of emergency surgery and every three hours he was wheeled off for another scan. We spent all afternoon and all night on the paediatric ward and were allowed home at about 6pm the following day.

The police were involved and Alex was able to give them the names and surnames of the two boys. He also told the police that he didn't know the name of the nice lady that stopped and made the bullies run away but she works in the Coop supermarket. When we got home his class teacher telephoned to say that they'd heard what had happened to Alex and we were in their prayers but as he'd been beaten up outside school then the school wasn't legally responsible. I don't know how I managed to stay civil (but curt) and not tell her where to shove her useless prayers and her laws.

The next day the Maresciallo Mr High Up in the police ranks here came to our house for a chat with Alex and I was able to give him copies of the notes and letter I'd sent to the school. He was disgusted, especially when I told him I'd never had a reply to that registered letter. He also said that I couldn't sue the school on any legal grounds but there wasn't anything stopping him from walking into that Headmaster's office and having a "chat" with him. I told him to kick his arse. He also told us that whilst Alex was in hospital he'd been to the homes of the two boys and told their parents exactly what they had done and that we would be pressing charges. Neither of the boys' parents had any idea of what they had done. One father seemed to be very shocked that his son was a violent bully and the other didn't give a damn.

Alex was at home for a week. When that week with the papers from the hospital was up I told Alex that I was quite happy for his own GP to sign him off until the summer holidays which were about 20 days away and that she would give him a sick certificate if he didn't want to go back. He was getting bored at home though, wanted to see his friends and he was also scared of missing too many lessons and tests and ending up with a bad end of year report card.

So he went back to school and the first thing he saw when he walked into his classroom was one of the bullies smirking at him and telling him that "he'd beat him up better next time". The idiot teachers hadn't even moved him to another class. As soon as I found out I rang his teacher and asked her if she was stark staring mad and that it didn't take a degree in psychology to know that Alex could not turn up there everyday knowing that the bully was just a couple of desks away from him and threatening him. The school was absolutely useless. Nobody got suspended, nobody got moved to another class. They didn't have a school assembly to talk about bullying. No leaflets or letters were given out against bullying. No videos were shown. The police weren't asked to go in and hold an assembly. Alex's class teacher had a talk with Alex's classmates whilst he was at home in place of her usual Italian lesson but only because the girls were visibly upset, some crying, asking the bully if he knew what he'd done to Alex and why was he laughing and she couldn't carry on with her usual lesson.

BEVS

Lovely to see you here Lorna and I did think immediately of you and your son when I saw this thread title.

I've held off and will hold off personally venting about this. I was badly bullied both physically and physiologically by a gang of boys when I was 9. Why? Because I was new to the school. Because I was a bright bubbly friendly little girl then. Because I was bright in that class although at that time I didn't realise it was not the done thing to answer questions , pay attention and do the work. It had a lasting effect for many years.
I've no desire to bring to the surface incredibly bad memories of that time but I will add this. The school teacher and head masters answer to the problem was to sit me next to the ring leader.

Suffice to say it makes me sad and also angry that many schools are still not dealing with this as they should.

Lorna at Vicenza

Love you Bevs. My little revenge is that I work with lots of middle schools and High Schools as a hired language expert - language assistant kind of thing so I get to meet and know lots of teachers. I get to bad-mouth Alex's old school and the twatting Headmaster to lots of people and I know they have a pass it on gossip system. I will carry on bad mouthing that school and the bastardo Headmaster until I have breath in my body.

MrsFychan

I knew a little of Alex's ordeal but my that was something.

What is also the problem, is that kids have this idea of not snitching, why and how this no snitching thing became a thing is beyond me. We as parents need to empower our kids and the younger generation to actually speak out and say, no that is not ok and I am not allowing you to do that to me. We as adults need to support that and listen.
Snitching should be the thing to do not the thing not to do. I was fortunate with my daughter that a pupil in her class came to me and told me she was self harming because of the bullying. I immediately removed her from the school, this after months of making complaints, being ignored and then as previously stated having our complaints disappear from the records.

moneypenny20

Good grief, some of the comments on here lead me to believe some humans are completely devoid of common sense or any understanding of what bullying means to others.

It's not a silly joke that falls flat, it's not a single shove, kick, punch, it's not calling someone a rude name. It's an ongoing, relentless barrage of all the above to the point that a rational, intelligent, happy child or adult feels sick the entire time, dreads going to school or work, freezes when they see their assailant and in a worse case scenario causes them to end their own lives.

Just because you've not experienced it doesn't mean it doesn't happen. It doesn't mean the bullied needs to pull themselves together, it means one person or persons are deliberately targetting another person or persons simply because they don't like the colour of their tie or hair or anything. It's not done because the bullied has it coming or because they've done something wrong. It happens because some low life thinks they have a valid reason to hurt another person.

If that occurs in the work place or the school or the gym or anywhere where there are people in authority over the bully and the bullied they have a duty of care to have rules in place to stop it or prevent it starting in the first place. Yes the blame is at the hands of the bully but that doesn't absolve other people from trying to find a way to stop it.