What's the worst you've ever needed the toilet?
Apr 20th 2009, 6:33 am
#1
Hammer for Life
Thread Starter
Joined: Oct 2007
Location: Too far away from Upton Park, for my liking !
Posts: 5,524
What's the worst you've ever needed the toilet?
So.....Has anyone ever shat themselves or let the floodgates open whilst fully clothed as they simply could'nt manage to hold it in any longer??
I haven't but have come close on one or two occasions..............anyone else?
I haven't but have come close on one or two occasions..............anyone else?
Apr 20th 2009, 6:38 am
#2
Concierge
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 29,625
Re: What's the worst you've ever needed the toilet?
Apr 20th 2009, 6:44 am
#3
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 872
Re: What's the worst you've ever needed the toilet?
i've had a relief tube back up on me, and soak the flight suit, but i don't think that counts
Apr 20th 2009, 7:22 am
#4
Hammer for Life
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Joined: Oct 2007
Location: Too far away from Upton Park, for my liking !
Posts: 5,524
Apr 20th 2009, 7:48 am
#6
Banned
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 336
Re: What's the worst you've ever needed the toilet?
Not personally but my mate was stuck on the Saudi Bahrain causeway with wife and 3 kids for 6 hours. Very eventful by all accounts, peeing in bottles, crapping in tissue boxes...........horrendous situation to be in I'm sure.
Apr 20th 2009, 7:55 am
#7
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 645
Re: What's the worst you've ever needed the toilet?
Peed in an orange grove somewhere in Greece. 
Apr 20th 2009, 8:06 am
#8
Hammer for Life
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Joined: Oct 2007
Location: Too far away from Upton Park, for my liking !
Posts: 5,524
Re: What's the worst you've ever needed the toilet?
His mate had pulled this bird one night and they went back to her place, did the business, fell asleep, and when he woke up in the morning, there was no sign of her, all his clothes were gone and he was stark bollcok naked...
The bitch he thought, so he opened her underwear draw, took out some of them....had a dump in the drawer and then put her knickers and stuff back in on top and closed the drawer.....
Just then, she opened the front door with all his clothes dry cleaned, and with a breakfast take away....
He had breakfast, and got out of there as quickly as he could ......lol
Apr 20th 2009, 8:06 am
#9
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 644
Re: What's the worst you've ever needed the toilet?
Went to V Festival and was staying at a hotel in Telford.
Had drank lordy knows how many pints of cider throughout the day and was quite well oiled. Was walking for what seemed like hours down a pitch black road with the fullest bladder I have ever had trying to get a taxi we had booked who couldn't get near to the venue.
Couldn't pee in the woods, because everytime tried some stranger would appear out of the blackness and also was scared stiff of rats.
Didn't help that there were about 6 of us and everyone was making pssshhhhhh-ing noises to wind me up.
Eventually got taxi and returned to hotel, which was locked up for the night.
Rang bell for an eternity waiting for night duty manager, rang phone, hopped and danced a lot, til the moron (as he was in my head by then) turned up. (Was actually about to set off fire alarms to get them up.)
Don't think my feet hit a third of the stairs up to the room..... I practically flew to the loo!
Peed for literally 5 minutes.
Nearest I've come and probably only time in my life I really wished I was a bloke!
Had drank lordy knows how many pints of cider throughout the day and was quite well oiled. Was walking for what seemed like hours down a pitch black road with the fullest bladder I have ever had trying to get a taxi we had booked who couldn't get near to the venue.
Couldn't pee in the woods, because everytime tried some stranger would appear out of the blackness and also was scared stiff of rats.
Didn't help that there were about 6 of us and everyone was making pssshhhhhh-ing noises to wind me up.
Eventually got taxi and returned to hotel, which was locked up for the night.
Rang bell for an eternity waiting for night duty manager, rang phone, hopped and danced a lot, til the moron (as he was in my head by then) turned up. (Was actually about to set off fire alarms to get them up.)
Don't think my feet hit a third of the stairs up to the room..... I practically flew to the loo!
Peed for literally 5 minutes.
Nearest I've come and probably only time in my life I really wished I was a bloke!
Apr 20th 2009, 8:08 am
#10
banned
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 7,611
Re: What's the worst you've ever needed the toilet?
i was at a helping hands booksale a while back to see BC MEOW etc. Well i had been cycling that morning so was taking in the fluids big style in the car from AD to DXB. (and i mean litres of water)
Anyway, i was running late to get to my mates in JBR as i got sidetracked at the lakes club, and jumped in the motor and sped off towards JBR.....
WELL i got stuck in every red light and was banging the steering wheel with frustration as i was gaggin for a piss.(and i mean gaggin)
I drove into Rimal 4 and parked up, great, ill grab a piss in the car park (uncouth and downright disgusting i know but i was in SERIOUS pain)
(by this time im doubled over in agony--no kidding)
just as im about to do the business, a porsche Cayanne pulls up next to me and a whole family gets our and walks towards the lift entrance that i am now staggering towards putting my bobby away.
They got in one lift, i got in the other...
i never made the 25th floor...
frickin agony..
i arrived at his front door and burst out laughing, not as much as my mate it has to be said..
Anyway, i was running late to get to my mates in JBR as i got sidetracked at the lakes club, and jumped in the motor and sped off towards JBR.....
WELL i got stuck in every red light and was banging the steering wheel with frustration as i was gaggin for a piss.(and i mean gaggin)
I drove into Rimal 4 and parked up, great, ill grab a piss in the car park (uncouth and downright disgusting i know but i was in SERIOUS pain)
(by this time im doubled over in agony--no kidding)
just as im about to do the business, a porsche Cayanne pulls up next to me and a whole family gets our and walks towards the lift entrance that i am now staggering towards putting my bobby away.
They got in one lift, i got in the other...
i never made the 25th floor...
frickin agony..
i arrived at his front door and burst out laughing, not as much as my mate it has to be said..
Apr 20th 2009, 8:11 am
#11
Hammer for Life
Thread Starter
Joined: Oct 2007
Location: Too far away from Upton Park, for my liking !
Posts: 5,524
Re: What's the worst you've ever needed the toilet?
Went to V Festival and was staying at a hotel in Telford.
Had drank lordy knows how many pints of cider throughout the day and was quite well oiled. Was walking for what seemed like hours down a pitch black road with the fullest bladder I have ever had trying to get a taxi we had booked who couldn't get near to the venue.
Couldn't pee in the woods, because everytime tried some stranger would appear out of the blackness and also was scared stiff of rats.
Didn't help that there were about 6 of us and everyone was making pssshhhhhh-ing noises to wind me up.
Eventually got taxi and returned to hotel, which was locked up for the night.
Rang bell for an eternity waiting for night duty manager, rang phone, hopped and danced a lot, til the moron (as he was in my head by then) turned up. (Was actually about to set off fire alarms to get them up.)
Don't think my feet hit a third of the stairs up to the room..... I practically flew to the loo!
Peed for literally 5 minutes.
Nearest I've come and probably only time in my life I really wished I was a bloke!
Had drank lordy knows how many pints of cider throughout the day and was quite well oiled. Was walking for what seemed like hours down a pitch black road with the fullest bladder I have ever had trying to get a taxi we had booked who couldn't get near to the venue.
Couldn't pee in the woods, because everytime tried some stranger would appear out of the blackness and also was scared stiff of rats.
Didn't help that there were about 6 of us and everyone was making pssshhhhhh-ing noises to wind me up.
Eventually got taxi and returned to hotel, which was locked up for the night.
Rang bell for an eternity waiting for night duty manager, rang phone, hopped and danced a lot, til the moron (as he was in my head by then) turned up. (Was actually about to set off fire alarms to get them up.)
Don't think my feet hit a third of the stairs up to the room..... I practically flew to the loo!
Peed for literally 5 minutes.
Nearest I've come and probably only time in my life I really wished I was a bloke!
Apr 20th 2009, 8:12 am
#12
Hammer for Life
Thread Starter
Joined: Oct 2007
Location: Too far away from Upton Park, for my liking !
Posts: 5,524
Re: What's the worst you've ever needed the toilet?
i was at a helping hands booksale a while back to see BC MEOW etc. Well i had been cycling that morning so was taking in the fluids big style in the car from AD to DXB. (and i mean litres of water)
Anyway, i was running late to get to my mates in JBR as i got sidetracked at the lakes club, and jumped in the motor and sped off towards JBR.....
WELL i got stuck in every red light and was banging the steering wheel with frustration as i was gaggin for a piss.(and i mean gaggin)
I drove into Rimal 4 and parked up, great, ill grab a piss in the car park (uncouth and downright disgusting i know but i was in SERIOUS pain)
(by this time im doubled over in agony--no kidding)
just as im about to do the business, a porsche Cayanne pulls up next to me and a whole family gets our and walks towards the lift entrance that i am now staggering towards putting my bobby away.
They got in one lift, i got in the other...
i never made the 25th floor...
frickin agony..
i arrived at his front door and burst out laughing, not as much as my mate it has to be said..
Anyway, i was running late to get to my mates in JBR as i got sidetracked at the lakes club, and jumped in the motor and sped off towards JBR.....
WELL i got stuck in every red light and was banging the steering wheel with frustration as i was gaggin for a piss.(and i mean gaggin)
I drove into Rimal 4 and parked up, great, ill grab a piss in the car park (uncouth and downright disgusting i know but i was in SERIOUS pain)
(by this time im doubled over in agony--no kidding)
just as im about to do the business, a porsche Cayanne pulls up next to me and a whole family gets our and walks towards the lift entrance that i am now staggering towards putting my bobby away.
They got in one lift, i got in the other...
i never made the 25th floor...
frickin agony..
i arrived at his front door and burst out laughing, not as much as my mate it has to be said..
Apr 20th 2009, 8:16 am
#13
banned
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 7,611
Re: What's the worst you've ever needed the toilet?
HMS sutherland in 98 had the 'phantom shitter' who always during action stations took a dump in the laundrette spin drier.
We were pretty sure it was one of the 30mm gun crews who were located nearby.
It was a mystery that was never solved..the phantom shitter..
We were pretty sure it was one of the 30mm gun crews who were located nearby.
It was a mystery that was never solved..the phantom shitter..
Apr 20th 2009, 8:18 am
#14
Hammer for Life
Thread Starter
Joined: Oct 2007
Location: Too far away from Upton Park, for my liking !
Posts: 5,524
Re: What's the worst you've ever needed the toilet?
a more serious version of the Phantom Pie Flinger (Tiswas) then....
Apr 20th 2009, 8:18 am
#15
Concierge
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 29,625
Re: What's the worst you've ever needed the toilet?
i was at a helping hands booksale a while back to see BC MEOW etc. Well i had been cycling that morning so was taking in the fluids big style in the car from AD to DXB. (and i mean litres of water)
Anyway, i was running late to get to my mates in JBR as i got sidetracked at the lakes club, and jumped in the motor and sped off towards JBR.....
WELL i got stuck in every red light and was banging the steering wheel with frustration as i was gaggin for a piss.(and i mean gaggin)
I drove into Rimal 4 and parked up, great, ill grab a piss in the car park (uncouth and downright disgusting i know but i was in SERIOUS pain)
(by this time im doubled over in agony--no kidding)
just as im about to do the business, a porsche Cayanne pulls up next to me and a whole family gets our and walks towards the lift entrance that i am now staggering towards putting my bobby away.
They got in one lift, i got in the other...
i never made the 25th floor...
frickin agony..
i arrived at his front door and burst out laughing, not as much as my mate it has to be said..
Anyway, i was running late to get to my mates in JBR as i got sidetracked at the lakes club, and jumped in the motor and sped off towards JBR.....
WELL i got stuck in every red light and was banging the steering wheel with frustration as i was gaggin for a piss.(and i mean gaggin)
I drove into Rimal 4 and parked up, great, ill grab a piss in the car park (uncouth and downright disgusting i know but i was in SERIOUS pain)
(by this time im doubled over in agony--no kidding)
just as im about to do the business, a porsche Cayanne pulls up next to me and a whole family gets our and walks towards the lift entrance that i am now staggering towards putting my bobby away.
They got in one lift, i got in the other...
i never made the 25th floor...
frickin agony..
i arrived at his front door and burst out laughing, not as much as my mate it has to be said..
you pissed in the lift
