BEVS

Ooo yis. That one. We got that one a lot & now get the 'where are your kids' one, meaning where do the presumed offspring live as we are empty nest age and immigrants.

Stock answer for me these days is
"UUmm. We kinda failed at that lark despite enthusiastic best efforts. We ended up with an extremely loving much loved cat "

scrubbedexpat141

We talk about it. I'm quite keen, she is but nowhere near ready to meet the sacrifices.

On one day I can imagine having them tomorrow and loving life. On another day I can imagine making a choice to never have them and loving life...but the latter isn't popular with many people it seems.

DXBtoDOH

People who have children will never understand those who do not, regardless of the excuses you give (however justifiable they are).

People with children think that it gives them a moral superiority over those without children and that they're somehow more deserving and special.

scrubbedexpat141

Agreed completely. It almost makes me want to not bother so I can have the argument my whole life.

Don't use the word 'excuses' either. You choose not to have children, you don't then have excuses for choosing. You're not seeking permission, you've made a decision and if someone needs you to 'justify' your decision then fine, but you're not excusing yourself for making that.

Made in Sheffield 1

I'm 42 and we don't have any children.

After we got married at 25 we did think about it, but then it got to "if it happens, it happens".

To be honest, I don't think I'd have the patience. It's bad enough having a cat.

I'm sure I've mentioned this before on here but we never had any pressure from friends or family. Just one person has asked me why I don't have children ("if there's something wrong you can go to the doctor") and that was over here.

hnd

So true. Married for 40 years now and we both agree that our decision not to have children was and is absolutely right for us. The pitying looks we get now just bounce off but what really, really gets my goat is being asked, "Who will look after you when you are old?". As if that's a good reason for having children - or should that be future unpaid carers?

Arnold S

"Reluctantly" has kids late 30's and early 40's in a now or never, we'll probably regret this if we don't situation.

Have they changed my outlook on life and do I love them unconditionally? Of course. Do they do little insignificant things, that nobody would understand how it melts your heart? Yes, but then so does the dog.

Have they changed my life in a way "you just wouldn't understand" and you simply must do it? No. Love them to bits but there was a reason I left it so late and would have done for longer is there was more years on the clock.

martinbkk

Interesting ponderance. In an earlier life I was married and divorced without once ever wanting kids. Later I seemed to change my mind, this without any external pressure or influence that I'm aware of though it did necessitate sourcing a mate. Now later in life I find myself with 2 teenage kids and wondering at times why I didn't do it earlier, but then I remember that earlier was when I didn't want to do it, if you get my meaning.

Interesting add-on. Having had kids I do have a lot more sympathy when I see parents struggling or suffering, even some (note here I'm saying some not all) coping with them on planes. Much more than I ever had before. Positively excited at the prospect of grandchildren, at a suitable time of course

scrubbedexpat141

Lots of interesting posts there. I appreciate people sharing.

I'm of the mind set that I'm keen for kids and it's something I'd enjoy and really grow with. That being said, I'm also innately selfish and want to keep travelling and drinking and golfing and being a twat.

She's definitely of the opinion - 'not yet'. So we'll see what happens. Whatever it comes down to it's definitely not a worry, we're all guilty of forgetting how lucky we are anyway.

Miss Ann Thrope

This was you being ironic of course?

Millhouse

The pair of you have a lot in common.

Millhouse

I could not disagree more.

I don't care if people have kids or not, the world doesn't need anymore. Those without kids do miss out on a lot of emotional times (good and bad of course) and those with kids miss out of all sorts of adventure and lifestyle advantages.

There is definitely a balance. Personally I like having children as it gives me a sense of purpose and fulfilment. I'm quite sure others can get the same feeling from not having them as well.

Bahtatboy

Disagree completely (as a generalisation).

I totally understand those who don't have kids, although I'm not sure "understand" is necessarily the correct word. For those who tried and failed, c'est la vie. For those who took the conscious decision not to -- yeah, I can totally understand that.

I feel no superiority whatsoever from having kids, and I do not consider that there is any case whatsoever for those who do. On what basis could there be? Additional responsibilities, certainly, but they don't justify special treatment.

Millhouse

Which brings us to mother and child parking bays.

NorthernLad

I totally understand why people choose not to have kids...its the biggest responsibility anyone can take on and it's not for some people, fair enough.

My sister chose not have a family, her and her husband are very happy (for over 25 years). It took us nearly nine years and the price of a small house to have ours, never once have I ever taken this to mean I'm morally superior over those without kids. Each to their own.