Mother with dementia
Oct 5th 2015, 7:16 pm
#1
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Joined: Oct 2015
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Mother with dementia
Ten years ago I took my mother to the doctor and asked for a short term memory loss test. We thought she was very bad with it. She was asked the day (didn't know), prime minister (didn't know), name of the queen (Elizabeth), we were told she had no short term memory loss.
While her sister was in hospital recently a resident there noticed my mother had problems with short term memory, and she arranged to have her tested - she was asked the day (didn't know), prime minister (didn't know), name of the queen (Elizabeth) - we have been informed that she has short term memory loss!
Not sure if this will be covered here but looking for initial steps to get Social Services to call on my mother daily to check she's taking her meds and general condition.
I want to start the process while I'm still here and try to get interviews/meetings lined up when I can go over there - hopefully within a month.
My mother 85 lives alone, although she sees her sister 80 everyday, they go off on the bus somewheer nearly every day, walk around, have a sandwich and come home - she is physically fit and bright and cheerful, she just has no short term memory and will ask you five times in a minute if you would like a cup of tea.
Unfortunately her sister was ill recently for a month or so and therefore my mother and her were not meeting up daily - her sister in law called by and it seems that my Mum has not be taking care of herself, the garden, or the house in that time.
All I need is for someone to call by each day for five minutes to make sure she has taken her pills, and that she is eating and looking after herself, and again in the evening.
It would be ideal if the two sisters would live together, but this has been suggested in the past and both value there independence too much to give in and live with each other! They are both as stubborn as hell.
It was suggested that I obtain power of attorney but I'm uncertain of this process. She does have close family all around her, but they are also elderly, and I feel this is something I must solve rather than rely on the good nature of others.
Sorry to ramble on.
If anyone has had similar experience and knows the best way to naviagte the system I would be eternally grateful to hear from you.
Many thanks
Jim Stallard (NJ, USA)
While her sister was in hospital recently a resident there noticed my mother had problems with short term memory, and she arranged to have her tested - she was asked the day (didn't know), prime minister (didn't know), name of the queen (Elizabeth) - we have been informed that she has short term memory loss!
Not sure if this will be covered here but looking for initial steps to get Social Services to call on my mother daily to check she's taking her meds and general condition.
I want to start the process while I'm still here and try to get interviews/meetings lined up when I can go over there - hopefully within a month.
My mother 85 lives alone, although she sees her sister 80 everyday, they go off on the bus somewheer nearly every day, walk around, have a sandwich and come home - she is physically fit and bright and cheerful, she just has no short term memory and will ask you five times in a minute if you would like a cup of tea.
Unfortunately her sister was ill recently for a month or so and therefore my mother and her were not meeting up daily - her sister in law called by and it seems that my Mum has not be taking care of herself, the garden, or the house in that time.
All I need is for someone to call by each day for five minutes to make sure she has taken her pills, and that she is eating and looking after herself, and again in the evening.
It would be ideal if the two sisters would live together, but this has been suggested in the past and both value there independence too much to give in and live with each other! They are both as stubborn as hell.
It was suggested that I obtain power of attorney but I'm uncertain of this process. She does have close family all around her, but they are also elderly, and I feel this is something I must solve rather than rely on the good nature of others.
Sorry to ramble on.
If anyone has had similar experience and knows the best way to naviagte the system I would be eternally grateful to hear from you.
Many thanks
Jim Stallard (NJ, USA)
Oct 5th 2015, 7:45 pm
#2
MODERATOR
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
Posts: 58,679
Re: Mother with dementia
Hi Jim,
It's not clear from your post, but since you posted in the USA forum, we can assume your mother is in the USA? Although the questions the doc was asking seem to be UK related.
Rene
It's not clear from your post, but since you posted in the USA forum, we can assume your mother is in the USA? Although the questions the doc was asking seem to be UK related.
Rene
Oct 5th 2015, 7:53 pm
#3
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 88,022
Re: Mother with dementia
Welcome to BE Jim.
I have moved your thread over to one of our UK forums. It is probably difficult to arrange anything from the US. I would start with Age Concern...they may be able to point you in the right direction...social services, CAB, Doctor also may be able to help.
Due to your mum's age and that she hasn't anyone wh can keep an eye on her...I would think she is entitled to at least one visit per day from a care worker.
I have moved your thread over to one of our UK forums. It is probably difficult to arrange anything from the US. I would start with Age Concern...they may be able to point you in the right direction...social services, CAB, Doctor also may be able to help.
Due to your mum's age and that she hasn't anyone wh can keep an eye on her...I would think she is entitled to at least one visit per day from a care worker.
Oct 5th 2015, 8:03 pm
#4
Was in Canada, now home.
Joined: Aug 2011
Location: Devon
Posts: 3,388
Re: Mother with dementia
I'm assuming your mum is in the UK but you are in the USA, and will be visiting mum in the UK.
My own mother is also in the early stages of dementia, and I've gone through some of the steps that you are contemplating.
Do arrange for a Social Services assessment. Contact the social services department of mum's local authority. You will probably be asked for some details. I arranged one for my mother in Sussex several weeks in advance, to coincide with my visit. However, if they think your mother has urgent needs they may wish to go ahead with the assessment before your visit.
We found the advice from the social worker helpful, but we weren't actually offered any practical help. That was for two reasons. Firstly, she was assessed as not being in severe enough need. Be warned that as a cost saving measure, social services departments have raised the threshold for care.
The second reason was that she had too much income and savings. She would have to substantially reduce her capital before she became eligible for care. There is a means test.
My brother already has lasting power of attorney for my mum. With your mum it sounds as if she has enough mental capacity at the moment to give you power of attorney. You can DIY it using this government website:https://www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney/overview
My own mother is also in the early stages of dementia, and I've gone through some of the steps that you are contemplating.
Do arrange for a Social Services assessment. Contact the social services department of mum's local authority. You will probably be asked for some details. I arranged one for my mother in Sussex several weeks in advance, to coincide with my visit. However, if they think your mother has urgent needs they may wish to go ahead with the assessment before your visit.
We found the advice from the social worker helpful, but we weren't actually offered any practical help. That was for two reasons. Firstly, she was assessed as not being in severe enough need. Be warned that as a cost saving measure, social services departments have raised the threshold for care.
The second reason was that she had too much income and savings. She would have to substantially reduce her capital before she became eligible for care. There is a means test.
My brother already has lasting power of attorney for my mum. With your mum it sounds as if she has enough mental capacity at the moment to give you power of attorney. You can DIY it using this government website:https://www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney/overview
Oct 5th 2015, 8:15 pm
#5
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Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 6
Re: Mother with dementia
Awesome info Edith, thanks very much, I actually found there's an online referral form for Southampton City - unfortunately after filling everything in, it says, service unavailable try again later, so I emailed screenshots of the form to them instead.
Thanks for the power of attorney link.
Many thanks
Jim
Oct 5th 2015, 9:37 pm
#6
Was in Canada, now home.
Joined: Aug 2011
Location: Devon
Posts: 3,388
Re: Mother with dementia
Welcome to BE Jim.
I have moved your thread over to one of our UK forums. It is probably difficult to arrange anything from the US. I would start with Age Concern...they may be able to point you in the right direction...social services, CAB, Doctor also may be able to help.
Due to your mum's age and that she hasn't anyone wh can keep an eye on her...I would think she is entitled to at least one visit per day from a care worker.
I have moved your thread over to one of our UK forums. It is probably difficult to arrange anything from the US. I would start with Age Concern...they may be able to point you in the right direction...social services, CAB, Doctor also may be able to help.
Due to your mum's age and that she hasn't anyone wh can keep an eye on her...I would think she is entitled to at least one visit per day from a care worker.
Half of all services now failing as UK care sector crisis deepens | Society | The Guardian
Oct 5th 2015, 10:26 pm
#7
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 88,022
Re: Mother with dementia
Unfortunately, we have a 'care crisis' in the UK, which means that many people who need help don't get it. Even if one is able to pay privately for care, it is expensive and in short supply.
Half of all services now failing as UK care sector crisis deepens | Society | The Guardian
Half of all services now failing as UK care sector crisis deepens | Society | The Guardian
Edit: my mother didn't have dementia...in fact mentally she was as sharp as a knife. Don't know whether dementia patients are treated differently.
Last edited by Jerseygirl; Oct 5th 2015 at 10:35 pm.
Oct 5th 2015, 10:32 pm
#8
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 38,613
Re: Mother with dementia
I'm assuming your mum is in the UK but you are in the USA, and will be visiting mum in the UK.
My own mother is also in the early stages of dementia, and I've gone through some of the steps that you are contemplating.
Do arrange for a Social Services assessment. Contact the social services department of mum's local authority. You will probably be asked for some details. I arranged one for my mother in Sussex several weeks in advance, to coincide with my visit. However, if they think your mother has urgent needs they may wish to go ahead with the assessment before your visit.
We found the advice from the social worker helpful, but we weren't actually offered any practical help. That was for two reasons. Firstly, she was assessed as not being in severe enough need. Be warned that as a cost saving measure, social services departments have raised the threshold for care.
The second reason was that she had too much income and savings. She would have to substantially reduce her capital before she became eligible for care. There is a means test.
My brother already has lasting power of attorney for my mum. With your mum it sounds as if she has enough mental capacity at the moment to give you power of attorney. You can DIY it using this government website:https://www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney/overview
My own mother is also in the early stages of dementia, and I've gone through some of the steps that you are contemplating.
Do arrange for a Social Services assessment. Contact the social services department of mum's local authority. You will probably be asked for some details. I arranged one for my mother in Sussex several weeks in advance, to coincide with my visit. However, if they think your mother has urgent needs they may wish to go ahead with the assessment before your visit.
We found the advice from the social worker helpful, but we weren't actually offered any practical help. That was for two reasons. Firstly, she was assessed as not being in severe enough need. Be warned that as a cost saving measure, social services departments have raised the threshold for care.
The second reason was that she had too much income and savings. She would have to substantially reduce her capital before she became eligible for care. There is a means test.
My brother already has lasting power of attorney for my mum. With your mum it sounds as if she has enough mental capacity at the moment to give you power of attorney. You can DIY it using this government website:https://www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney/overview
My MIL has advanced Altzheimers now. She has been sliding down the slope for a good 15yrs pr so and is now 87. It is her 79 yr old brother that is her main carer and so allows her to remain in her own home.
Also contact Alzheimers Society in the Soton area and see what sugget. The also run a volunteer service and it may be that their 'befriending' volunteer service would be suitable.
Last edited by BEVS; Oct 5th 2015 at 10:34 pm. Reason: argh . links .
Oct 5th 2015, 10:34 pm
#9
Was in Canada, now home.
Joined: Aug 2011
Location: Devon
Posts: 3,388
Re: Mother with dementia
A lot has changed in four years. There have been huge cuts in funding in that time. I know of someone, a relatively young woman, confined to a wheel chair, who used to have enough help to lead a reasonably full life. Now she is confined to bed until 11 am when a helper comes to get her up, and has to go back to bed in the early evening, immediately after her evening meal.
Oct 5th 2015, 10:42 pm
#10
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 38,613
Re: Mother with dementia
Cuts are making things ...difficult . Both for time slots and for allocated amount of time. Still, it is better than a poke in the eye and a care home.
Oct 5th 2015, 10:51 pm
#11
Was in Canada, now home.
Joined: Aug 2011
Location: Devon
Posts: 3,388
Re: Mother with dementia
I've discovered that even if you have the money to pay for care, you are still likely to be affected by the crisis.
One option I've investigated for my mother is a care home near me, and a few weeks ago she tried out a week in the nearest, which also happens to be the most expensive. But all the homes, including the one she tried, have block booking contracts with the local authority, which pays considerably less than private individuals. This puts huge costs pressures on the homes, which are short staffed, so private residents don't get what they are paying for. We paid over £800 for a week's care for mum, but she complained that nobody came when she rang the bell, and the meals were too small. At the end of her stay we discovered she hadn't had a shower all week, because she could not work out how to turn it on, and there was never anyone to explain.
Alzheimers complicates things horribly. Mum would benefit from having someone come in at least once a day to make sure she takes her medication and has eaten. But, while she is living on her own she insists she can cope, and refuses to allow us to hire anyone.
Currently, we are trying to sell her house and buy a bungalow for her near me. Then I'll be able to take a more active part in her care.
One option I've investigated for my mother is a care home near me, and a few weeks ago she tried out a week in the nearest, which also happens to be the most expensive. But all the homes, including the one she tried, have block booking contracts with the local authority, which pays considerably less than private individuals. This puts huge costs pressures on the homes, which are short staffed, so private residents don't get what they are paying for. We paid over £800 for a week's care for mum, but she complained that nobody came when she rang the bell, and the meals were too small. At the end of her stay we discovered she hadn't had a shower all week, because she could not work out how to turn it on, and there was never anyone to explain.
Alzheimers complicates things horribly. Mum would benefit from having someone come in at least once a day to make sure she takes her medication and has eaten. But, while she is living on her own she insists she can cope, and refuses to allow us to hire anyone.
Currently, we are trying to sell her house and buy a bungalow for her near me. Then I'll be able to take a more active part in her care.
Oct 6th 2015, 3:45 am
#12
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Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,477
Re: Mother with dementia
Jim, I have a degree in Gerontology, took classes related to dementia and Azheimers and worked in assisted living facility. I don't really know much about UK and its care and support for those with Alzheimers but in US one would get POA to cover all aspects of individuals life and death. Or if some folks have no family they can employ a fiduciary to handle affairs such as monetary, care etc. I'm thinking about becoming fiduciary myself. Good luck. Wish I could offer more advice but hope it helps a wee bit..
Oct 6th 2015, 12:52 pm
#13
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Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 6
Re: Mother with dementia
Once again, many thanks for all the terrific advice. Although the situation sounds bad back in the UK at least I'm feeling better about who to contact - I guess it's a case of the squeeky wheel getting the most oil, and I'm very squeeky!
Thanks again.
Jim
Thanks again.
Jim
Oct 6th 2015, 2:20 pm
#14
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Re: Mother with dementia
Cuts continue and it will get worse.
Oct 7th 2015, 7:14 am
#15
Was in Canada, now home.
Joined: Aug 2011
Location: Devon
Posts: 3,388
Re: Mother with dementia
There is an article on the care crisis on today's BBC news:
Councils reject two-thirds of requests for care - BBC News
Councils reject two-thirds of requests for care - BBC News