Barnsley

Old Aug 10th 2016, 4:53 pm
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Default Barnsley

Ever since I was a boy I have been fascinated by Yorkshire. It has always ben my dream to move there and integrate with the locals.


Who can give me advice on becoming a Yorkie ?


(Well if others can post like this about the US, I can about Yorkistan !!!. Tongue in cheek - from scot47
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Old Aug 10th 2016, 5:02 pm
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Default Re: Barnsley

Originally Posted by scot47
Ever since I was a boy I have been fascinated by Yorkshire. It has always ben my dream to move there and integrate with the locals.

Who can give me advice on becoming a Yorkie ? ....
I'm beginning to warm to you!
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Old Aug 10th 2016, 7:59 pm
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Default Re: Barnsley

Well if you want to be the most famous Yorkie in the land you could purchase Wentworth Woodhouse, its still for sale and has all the space a family could possibly need

Savills | Wentworth, Rotherham, South Yorkshire, S62 7TQ | Property for sale
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Old Aug 10th 2016, 8:13 pm
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Default Re: Barnsley

Will the locals accept me? Will I have to learn how to speak like those characters on TV sitcoms ? (I mean Compo and Norah Batty)


Is it a requirement to support Yorkshire on the cricket field and to play Rugby Union ?
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Old Aug 10th 2016, 8:16 pm
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Default Re: Barnsley

Originally Posted by scot47
Will the locals accept me? ....
It's easier if you marry one.
..... Is it a requirement to support Yorkshire on the cricket field and to play Rugby Union ?
It's League! Rubgy LEAGUE!
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Old Aug 10th 2016, 8:18 pm
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Default Re: Barnsley

That is the kind they don't play in Scotland. I can see that I shall have to go to citizenship classes when I make the move.


Can I get someone to sponsor me and give me a job there ? It doies not have to be Barnsley.
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Old Aug 10th 2016, 8:18 pm
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Default Re: Barnsley

Originally Posted by Pulaski
I'm beginning to warm to you!


Me too.
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Old Aug 10th 2016, 8:24 pm
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Default Re: Barnsley

I've "lived" there for 15 years and I'm still bloody waiting for my resident’s permit. I even took a local name...
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Old Aug 10th 2016, 8:39 pm
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Default Re: Barnsley

Originally Posted by Bahtatboy
I've "lived" there for 15 years and I'm still bloody waiting for my resident’s permit. I even took a local name...
Do you wear a flat cap? ..... Do you have a whippet or any ferrets? ..... I hope you're not still eating your Yorkshire puds with the meat course?
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Old Aug 10th 2016, 10:58 pm
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Default Re: Barnsley

You have to apply to me to become one of us.

Here's some tips to pass the Barnsley Citizenship test to put you well on your way to becoming a proud Yorkshireman/woman.

- Do must have gravy with every meal.
- Stop using the word 'the', either miss it out or start the next word with a 't' sound.
- It's Breakfast, Dinner, Tea, the word Lunch is for posh southern tory folks.
- Everything, and I mean everything, should be blamed on Margaret Thatcher.
- You must question the price of everything with the loud battle cry 'ARR MUTCH'.

If you wish to continue with your application send for a Barnsley Citizenship form, you can do this in person or by carrier pigeon.
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Old Aug 10th 2016, 11:18 pm
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Default Re: Barnsley

Originally Posted by barnsleymat
..... or by carrier pigeon.
Pigeons. I forgot about that, you have to have pigeons.
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Old Aug 10th 2016, 11:27 pm
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Default Re: Barnsley

You must also learn the little saying that starts with the phrase, 'eat all, sup all, pay nowt. See all, hear all say nowt.'

I learned that from a bloke I once knew who came from oop that way.

He was the one that remarked that people who wear flat caps when they drive, that's so you can't see the scar where they've had their brains removed.

He used to equate poor driving with flat cap wearing drivers. Go figure !

Last edited by Snap Shot; Aug 10th 2016 at 11:43 pm. Reason: Always time for another anecdote.
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Old Aug 10th 2016, 11:28 pm
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Default Re: Barnsley

Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.
"Is it a Tom?", asks the vet.
"No ah brought it wi' me." replies the Yorkshire man.

*****

Twerk.

a) a type of modern dance move.

b) Where a Yorkshire man goes 8 'til 5 - Mon to Friday.
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Old Aug 11th 2016, 7:54 am
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Default Re: Barnsley

I have become a great consumer of Yorkshire Tea. Before I proceed with the irrevocable application for Citizenship, I should like to visit the Tea Plantations in Yorkshire. I believe they are near Harrogate. Will some kind soul please take me there for a visit ?
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Old Aug 11th 2016, 8:41 am
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Default Re: Barnsley

You also have to love and eat fat bacon, and by that I mean bacon that is almost all fat, with just a sliver of lean, about 1/4 inch thick running through a 5 inch slab of fat, beautifully described in one of the All Creatures Great and Small books and shows. My father loved it, and so we had it fairly regularly for tea, cold, it was the only time I ate picallillli, just to hide the taste with something maginally better.
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