Originally Posted by DoyleLinda

wouldnt it be great if life were that simple. We have three young children to consider here so having made the decision to uproot them from their comfort zone wasnt one we took lightly, we simply couldnt possibly turn around 6 mths later and go back. We have given ourselves a two year time frame and if we feel its not going to get any better then we decided we would look at things again but its too soon to make a rash decision just yet. Its not as simple for us to go back home either, cos we left debts behind us, we had a car that we had to return to the finance company and two business loans that we had personally guaranteed without knowing at the time. We also have a mortgage to pay and wouldnt be in a position to repay the mortgage with the way things were going. my OH hadnt worked for over two years and his social welfare was much smaller than what you have quoted here. Im shocked that you get so much. We werent able to live on what he was getting, the only reason we could was because we got help from my parents. It was an impossible situation towards the end and there was no light at the end of the tunnel. We wouldnt even have been able to afford to send our daughter to secondary school, let alone to college in a few years time. We couldnt afford the books, uniform, etc. like I say if only it were that simple. We are not in a position to just turn around and go back, in fact even if we both really wanted to we wouldnt even be able to afford the air fare. i have been told that it takes at least two years to get on your feet here having given up everything and had to start all over again, we had to buy everything when we came including beds, furniture, kitchen utensils, the lot. We only shipped clothes and kids stuff. We rented out home in Ireland out fully furnished but we couldnt get the rent to cover the mortgage cos of where we lived. It was impossible to find renters to pay anymore than 650.00 euros per month and our mortgage was 900.00 per month. So thats our situation. We are here now, paying 1500 dollars a month rent, and the rest goes on bills but we have a reason to get up in the morning and our kids have some kind of future to look forward to. I have been told that there is nothing going to change back home for a long time and i have many friends in situations that they cannot see themselves getting out of. I also have friends who have committed suicide due to depression from debt, etc so i really think deep down that altho its difficult for us right now it has to get better and it has to be better than worrying about the next letter in through the letter box that you cannot afford to pay. We are going to give it the two year timescale and hopefully things will improve. i agree that there is more to life than mere survival but right now thats all we can hope for. Our kids have to come first and everything else second to that. I also agree it would be great to be at home with the support of family, etc. but we didnt have much of that so unfortunately that wasnt something that wouldve kept us at home, the one thing i miss the most is my dear mother who is now left back in ireland on her own with no grandchildren to see growing up in front of her but hopefully she will come over here in the Summer and visit. She is not too old to do that thankfully. So thats my story really, not much of a choice Im afraid. you are a lucky person if you are getting that much money on social welfare cos i really dont think that we would be in the same boat having had two years of a nightmare trying to fight for just the basics from social welfare so count yourself lucky. thanks again for all the advice, but this is the situation we have to live with for now and have to make the best of it. i pray every day that things will get better and what doesnt break me will only make me stronger.

Originally Posted by honeybunny2011

Linda your post pulled at my heartstrings So much for you to deal with on top of a new country, new culture, new lifestyle etc.... Your boss sounds like a right aul shite. I really feel for you having to both get 2nd jobs. Money defo makes the world go round. I had young kids when we moved here and I just could not settle. We had brought a large some of money with us and were pushed into buying a house we didnt really like because we were afraid that the banks were going to collapse and we would lose everything. We also have plenty of weeks where my OH gets paid and then a few days later we have next to nothing. I am not working and dont intend to as the childcare for 3 kids would be nearly the same as what I would earn. We have OH's family here but they havnt even brought the kids out to the park or to the shop for an icecream since we have been here. They dont really like kids so have never shown an interest. Really drives me insane.

When I got here i spent at least 6 months very unhappy so we decided to go back for a holiday. I couldnt believe how bad things were in ireland and that was in 2009. I had to get back on that plane and return here and hope things would get better for me. I figured that we could go back for another 3 years at the most and things would be better in Ireland by then. We are nearly here 4 years and its no better in Ireland. I was so sad that my oldest was learning to count in Maori and not in gealic but I slowly came around to it and was glad eventually that at least he was learning another language. I suffered such bad homesickness that I went to see a life coach and she really did help me move on. I didnt cope very well with the bugs etc... I woke up one night and went into the bathroom and saw a cockroach on my toothbrush. I went through about 4 different sprays before I found something that stopped the mozzies from eating me alive. The food was so different, nothing like irish food. I laughed when my OH suggested we eat pumpkin for dinner, to me that was something we carved out at halloween. I started homebaking as I couldnt justify paying $10 for a cake. I became sick of people telling me to give it more time. I was giving time, time. Our first winter here was shit. Our house had no heating or double glazing so we had to get a gas fire in and that only kept one room warm at a time. We have since had to get heaters in bedrooms and its a bit better but I dread the winters coming again. Our electricity bill is $300-$400 a month. In our first house here, tablets would crush into nothing when you picked them up it was so cold.

I feel that I have given it my best shot here after this long now and I do feel stuck here til we are in a better position to go back with savings etc... A holiday there is $17,000 to $20,000 so its not a holiday you would save for every year or even every 3 years. I hate the location of this country. I havnt seen my mam in almost 2 years and my brother in almost 3 years. I have missed out on his kids growing up. Thankfully a year ago my mam went to a computer course and learned how to skype. This was a big step for her as she had trouble working out the microwave.

I finally made a very good friend, a few infact and because of them I am alot happier here. There are alot of expats here, english, south african, aussies etc.. and most of them have settled and done well and all have big houses and nice lifestyles. I have had some bad days over christmas and birthdays and that little battle that I have goin on in my head is a nightmare. I had a baby here too and that was so hard going through it all without my mam. Nobody in Ireland has met my baby and thats so hard. I have 1 friend so down about the recession as she is now on a payfreeze and has to work so much harder making her days longer. My brother, who lives in clondalkin is down to 3 days a week and he is sick of it all too. I also have other friends that are not really effected at all by it. I just keep reminding myself that it was the best thing to do for my family. It would be very hard on OH if he was at home all day long for years and years. I think he could handle 1 or 2 years at the most but 5-10 years would be too much, even with kids keeping him/us busy. We have friends leaving here in a few weeks and I am so envious of them heading back. We also have friends moving out here next tuesday because things are so bad in Ireland. Another irish family we know that moved here in July last year, hate it here and are trying to get a job in the usa. They dont want to return to Ireland.

I'm glad we came as it has been a great adventure for us, and my OH was able to spend some time with his family, even if they are a useless bunch of you know what.................. I got to spend time with my kids while they are young and need me and I have learned alot since I left Ireland. It is better to have tried something than to sit and wonder what it would of been like had you not tried something.

You are doin whats best for you family right now. In years to come you will be glad that at least you tried, who knows you might start to enjoy it more, the economy will pick up at some point and you might be able to return to Ireland if you still feel the same. I really hope things improve for you and I admire your determination PM me if you ever need to vent. I have trawled through hundreds of posts on here and we are not alone when it comes to settling in another country. Lastly, be kind to yourself, dont be too hard on yourself

Originally Posted by honeybunny2011

Linda your post pulled at my heartstrings So much for you to deal with on top of a new country, new culture, new lifestyle etc.... Your boss sounds like a right aul shite. I really feel for you having to both get 2nd jobs. Money defo makes the world go round. I had young kids when we moved here and I just could not settle. We had brought a large some of money with us and were pushed into buying a house we didnt really like because we were afraid that the banks were going to collapse and we would lose everything. We also have plenty of weeks where my OH gets paid and then a few days later we have next to nothing. I am not working and dont intend to as the childcare for 3 kids would be nearly the same as what I would earn. We have OH's family here but they havnt even brought the kids out to the park or to the shop for an icecream since we have been here. They dont really like kids so have never shown an interest. Really drives me insane.

When I got here i spent at least 6 months very unhappy so we decided to go back for a holiday. I couldnt believe how bad things were in ireland and that was in 2009. I had to get back on that plane and return here and hope things would get better for me. I figured that we could go back for another 3 years at the most and things would be better in Ireland by then. We are nearly here 4 years and its no better in Ireland. I was so sad that my oldest was learning to count in Maori and not in gealic but I slowly came around to it and was glad eventually that at least he was learning another language. I suffered such bad homesickness that I went to see a life coach and she really did help me move on. I didnt cope very well with the bugs etc... I woke up one night and went into the bathroom and saw a cockroach on my toothbrush. I went through about 4 different sprays before I found something that stopped the mozzies from eating me alive. The food was so different, nothing like irish food. I laughed when my OH suggested we eat pumpkin for dinner, to me that was something we carved out at halloween. I started homebaking as I couldnt justify paying $10 for a cake. I became sick of people telling me to give it more time. I was giving time, time. Our first winter here was shit. Our house had no heating or double glazing so we had to get a gas fire in and that only kept one room warm at a time. We have since had to get heaters in bedrooms and its a bit better but I dread the winters coming again. Our electricity bill is $300-$400 a month. In our first house here, tablets would crush into nothing when you picked them up it was so cold.

I feel that I have given it my best shot here after this long now and I do feel stuck here til we are in a better position to go back with savings etc... A holiday there is $17,000 to $20,000 so its not a holiday you would save for every year or even every 3 years. I hate the location of this country. I havnt seen my mam in almost 2 years and my brother in almost 3 years. I have missed out on his kids growing up. Thankfully a year ago my mam went to a computer course and learned how to skype. This was a big step for her as she had trouble working out the microwave.

I finally made a very good friend, a few infact and because of them I am alot happier here. There are alot of expats here, english, south african, aussies etc.. and most of them have settled and done well and all have big houses and nice lifestyles. I have had some bad days over christmas and birthdays and that little battle that I have goin on in my head is a nightmare. I had a baby here too and that was so hard going through it all without my mam. Nobody in Ireland has met my baby and thats so hard. I have 1 friend so down about the recession as she is now on a payfreeze and has to work so much harder making her days longer. My brother, who lives in clondalkin is down to 3 days a week and he is sick of it all too. I also have other friends that are not really effected at all by it. I just keep reminding myself that it was the best thing to do for my family. It would be very hard on OH if he was at home all day long for years and years. I think he could handle 1 or 2 years at the most but 5-10 years would be too much, even with kids keeping him/us busy. We have friends leaving here in a few weeks and I am so envious of them heading back. We also have friends moving out here next tuesday because things are so bad in Ireland. Another irish family we know that moved here in July last year, hate it here and are trying to get a job in the usa. They dont want to return to Ireland.

I'm glad we came as it has been a great adventure for us, and my OH was able to spend some time with his family, even if they are a useless bunch of you know what.................. I got to spend time with my kids while they are young and need me and I have learned alot since I left Ireland. It is better to have tried something than to sit and wonder what it would of been like had you not tried something.

You are doin whats best for you family right now. In years to come you will be glad that at least you tried, who knows you might start to enjoy it more, the economy will pick up at some point and you might be able to return to Ireland if you still feel the same. I really hope things improve for you and I admire your determination PM me if you ever need to vent. I have trawled through hundreds of posts on here and we are not alone when it comes to settling in another country. Lastly, be kind to yourself, dont be too hard on yourself

Originally Posted by Sean MacMaghnuis

Running away from debt is never a good reason for emigrating. To be honest with you, I think you have made a real mess of things. You should have declared yourself bankrupt and allowed your house to be repossessed. At least that would write off the bulk of your debt. It sounds like you bought a house you could not afford. Now it is in negative equity what is the point of continuing to service the mortgage on it? You would be better off writing it off. Bankruptcy lasts 12 years in Ireland. It is unlikely you would ever get a mortgage again anyway, due to your poor credit history. It sounds like you bought during the Celtic Tiger boom at premium market value. You are not alone in doing this. I think your debts are the real reason you are afraid to come back to Ireland. You can't face up to them. One should never emigrate when you are broke. Definitely not when you are broke, and you owe money too. It will all catch up with you in the end. I think it would do you good to come back and sort the mess out. It will be a load off your minds. Running away from your Irish debts isn't the way to start again.

Originally Posted by Sean MacMaghnuis

Ask yourself this, is your quality of life better now than when you lived in Ireland or worse? Is your work/life balance better now or before? The truth is that you were better off in Ireland. I think you made a mistake emigrating. And I think in your heart of hearts you know you did. This is the problem people face when they marry someone who is culturally different. It works for your Husband, but it will never work for you. I was raised on boxsty, colcannon, coddle, champ, bacon and cabbage. I would never emigrate anywhere I could not get that food. It would not be the same listening to the Foggy Dew by Luke Kelly on youtube eating pumpkin for dinner. You are learning a hard lesson. Before you emigrated you should have done your homework, the basics like food, climate, living costs. I have come to Ireland twice a year every year of my life, so I knew what I was getting into. It never ceases to amaze me how people gamble their lives with little or no research. I planned to live in Ireland 1 year before I made the move, so I had enough savings in the bank to support me for 2 years. I would regard this as the minimum preparation one should do prior to emigrating. It really saddens me when you read these tales of woe from people who have emigrated, and moan about how its not Ireland. You might call me old fashioned, but I am a great believer in marrying your own. It would break my heart if a child of mine was learning Maori not Gaelic. You know what really matters more than the economy? Seeing your children grow up knowing their Gran before its too late. I don't think you can out a price on that. Maybe I have old school values, but family is more important to me than anything. You should think about that yourself.

Originally Posted by Londonuck

Please use new paragraphs, its so hard to read a big block of text!!


I spent the first 6 months of mine time in Canada waking up from nightmares thinking I was back in London.

Originally Posted by Sean MacMaghnuis

Ask yourself this, is your quality of life better now than when you lived in Ireland or worse? Is your work/life balance better now or before? The truth is that you were better off in Ireland. I think you made a mistake emigrating. And I think in your heart of hearts you know you did. This is the problem people face when they marry someone who is culturally different. It works for your Husband, but it will never work for you. I was raised on boxsty, colcannon, coddle, champ, bacon and cabbage. I would never emigrate anywhere I could not get that food. It would not be the same listening to the Foggy Dew by Luke Kelly on youtube eating pumpkin for dinner. You are learning a hard lesson. Before you emigrated you should have done your homework, the basics like food, climate, living costs. I have come to Ireland twice a year every year of my life, so I knew what I was getting into. It never ceases to amaze me how people gamble their lives with little or no research. I planned to live in Ireland 1 year before I made the move, so I had enough savings in the bank to support me for 2 years. I would regard this as the minimum preparation one should do prior to emigrating. It really saddens me when you read these tales of woe from people who have emigrated, and moan about how its not Ireland. You might call me old fashioned, but I am a great believer in marrying your own. It would break my heart if a child of mine was learning Maori not Gaelic. You know what really matters more than the economy? Seeing your children grow up knowing their Gran before its too late. I don't think you can out a price on that. Maybe I have old school values, but family is more important to me than anything. You should think about that yourself.

Originally Posted by Londonuck

You can do as much homework as you like, its never gonna prepare you for homesickness. What about your parents emigrating to England? When they did it, presumably back in the 50/60's, they might as well been going to Australia. I bet they were homesick, hence your nostalgic taste buds.

And mate, you obviously dont cook much. Most of things are made of potato.

P.S. I hate coddle. Saturday nights after the football results, i knew it was coming. Boiled sausages is just wrong.

Originally Posted by honeybunny2011

Funny you say that, cause I lived the majority of my life in Ireland and I NEVER had a coddle in my life. Not a fan of sausages. Boiled sausages are so so wrong. We were brought up on all types of stews but never sausage. Think my mother had her fill of the sausage stews when she was growing up.

You are right londonuck, nothing prepares you for homesickness. This site is fantastic for those of us that suffer from it.

PS - I love a bit a potato - Its in the blood...............

Originally Posted by michaleen oge

Don't want to come between the "coddlers" and the "coddler haters" here mate,but I think my Da used to make coddle when I was a youngster. Sausages,taters,white pudding,all mashed up and eaten with a loaf or two of bread? Hope I didn't leave anything out. I used to love it too.
Happy new year to you and yours. Still flying the flag over here!!!!

Originally Posted by Londonuck

You too Mick

Yep, thats coddle.

Originally Posted by Sean MacMaghnuis

Maybe I have old school values, but family is more important to me than anything. You should think about that yourself.

Originally Posted by dbd33

It doesn't seem as if you have any values at all. You mock people who go to the end of the earth to find work while, by your own account, you live by sponging off the taxes of those around you. Give your head a shake.