quiltman

Although the faff of going to 3 cashiers seems about normal for here,- it makes 3 jobs instead of one - I'd be very wary. When is your GFs sister next due to visit ? Could be months, or is she a regular visitor? Get her to take photo of receipt for fees and send to your phone, or email it to you , at least then you'll know quite quickly whether she has in fact, actually paid them and not diverted the money. Give her a time scale by which to do this otherwise you'll stop the other allowances.
At least you are starting to think like an expat and querying things!
Hope it all works out

Philosophical 11

Hi quiltman....thanks for that. She is a regular visitor and will probably be down here this Friday. They have a paying in book which she will show me when she next appears. Saw gf send message to her last night about the payment. Think she wanted her to text her to say the payment has been paid in. Or received. Not sure. Anyway, we will see when I see the paying book. Unless she forgets to bring it.... or lose it.

quiltman

Now you're thinking properly for here! At least she should be back at weekend with proof of payment. sounds like your recent "talk" with your GF is paying off if she is chasing her sister to get payment made!
A brilliant thread for others about to make the move here to be with a Filipina. Keep us updated, you have a lot of followers!

Philosophical 11

Thanks quiltman for the compliment. Just hope this all has a happy ending. Will be a good reference point for newbies either way!

Change of plan re payment. Gf sister rang this morning to say cashier cannot accept payment of 30k from her but only from her parents. She was not happy anyway about walking around town with 30k stuck in her back pocket. So her mother is going in tomorrow to deliver and pay the money. Must admit, it was the last thing I wanted to give the money to her family. Now its just a question of sitting back and see how it hangs. With back-side clenched. :-)

mikek1

Will only except the PHP30K from her parents......................umm.................. ..never heard that one.
Why would the college not accept the money from the sister. My nephews fees for a 4 year criminology course were over PHP30K for EACH semester and he never had to ask his mother to hand over the money personally.
Admittedly, he's 21, perhaps the sister is only 15 !!!!!

Philosophical 11

Another development...

The sister is about 18 - 19 I believe. Certainly under 21. Maybe they need consent when under a certain age. I don't know.

I will try to cut the minor detail out but this is what happened today. Gf said she gave the money to her mother but I found about 8k still left in her bag. I asked her about this and she said she got word from her sister that the amount may not be the full 30k. So she kept some back. She then gave the remaining money back to her mother who was here at the time with what looked like a scribbled list and was querying the contents of the list. No idea what the list was for but it looked like a shopping list or a breakdown of what the fees were. She gave the remaining amount to her mother because she said her mother had said it should indeed be 30k after all. Complicated I know. After mother left, gf went into big sulk and then burst into tears and fled to the bedroom saying something along the lines that she wanted to work so she didn't have to keep asking for money from me. I again explained the reasons why (a few posts back in this thread) and said I would give her an allowance. She has not responded to that proposal yet. She always keeps thoughts to her self. I do not know how this is going to go. But we will see.

So, there it hangs. There is an uneasy peace here at the moment. I am not sure if I will see a receipt but will probably stop her sisters allowance until I do.

As they say....Its more fun in the Philippines.

mikek1

There is NO such thing as a uneasy peace. How much longer will your G/F hide her real intentions ? I think you have the patience of a saint ,but with all the pretence and obvious lies even that must be wearing thin. I do not envy you when the G/F has one of her 'tampo' (long lasting quiet sulks) moods, especially when you don't speak Tagalog, and your an outsider.
Forget about the sisters allowance, if you decide to give the G/F a monthly budget be realistic.....................her father earns PHP 1.9k a month and manages to live. Apart from your rent and electric everything else is very cheap, so there is no need for over generous budgets. If the G/F refuses to discuss your proposals, move on.

Best Of Luck (you need it)


Mike K

Crystal Dale

Dude, I haven't read all your posts and the replies, but what you're saying about your gf and the 30k needed for her sister to finish her studies really does ring the alarm bells extremely loud. Thank goodness that my wife's family aren't the same. Anyway, I don't know if you will marry this girl or the reason why you trust her family so much? but if I was you I'd cut your losses and get home to Uk before you end up with nothing. Love shouldn't make any man loose his ability to make sensible decisions and to not trust his instincts etc. Good luck, going forward......

InVinoVeritas

Do not marry her, if only because you can't divorce in the Philippines!

mikemike

As a foreigner you can apply for divorce in your own country which when granted is accepted by the Philippines.

InVinoVeritas

Oh that's good news. Must be a trifle complicated though if the wife doesn't respond to the divorce papers and/or has limited English (if divorcing in the UK)?

knighstrike

It's really a stupid thing.

It shows how much of a backwards country Philippines really is. Only the Vatican and the Philippines are the only ones left that doesn't allow divorce.

It's still a fierce debate in the senate. A law has already been written about it for so many years, but until now it still hasn't been passed because of lack of senator approval. The Catholic Church has so much clout in Philippine politics, that if a certain law or ruling is not in favour with them, they'll just pressure the law makers to reject or withhold the law.

mikemike

She does not have to respond.You may wish to google Philippines family law and divorce of pinay married to a foreigner

Philosophical 11

Thanks all for your replies.

We discussed allowances yesterday and she agreed on my suggestion of 8k pm. I gave her 6k for the rest of the month. She was very thankful and said yet again she is too shy to ask for anything. She has mentioned this shyness before on many occasions and is happy to give and shy to receive. Gave her a birthday present last month and she burst into tears. Never had one before apparently. As she has said...if God has given you a gift (money etc) then it must be shared. I have seen her do that until recently and very generous with handouts.

If she has conned me out of money and I probably wont know for sure unless I see a receipt I think it was because she was desperate for money and too shy to ask. Maybe I am wrong. Anyway, she knows that I am on to her and I like to think it will not happen again. We shall see.

95% of the time she is like a typical pinay in her loving caring and attentive nature. She gives me back and foot massages very readily, always takes my hand when out and about....and leads me across busy roads like a blind man! She will not go to bed without me and will stay up to watch streamed football from the UK. What I find amusing is that she stuffs half a bucket full of water melon down my throat each night. It has the properties of Viagra apparently!

I think she also needed money for an on-line pyramid business. USANA which sells vitamin tablets. I think I have proof of that but she denies it. She..or father suggested I go into a bridging loan business for Govt Employers. Lend money between paydays. I dismissed that. A pig farm has recently been kicked into the long grass. I know going into business out here is not recommended.

Anyway, I took her to the dentist yesterday a couple of hours away. She couldn't go to the local one because they did not have the proper equipment and did not trust them. She was in for one hour and had a check up and two fillings. I asked the cost. She said 2.4k We went halves on that and I asked to see the receipt. It was for 3.1k. No idea why she got that wrong but I went halves on the difference. When we got back her sister asked how much it cost and she said 700 peso. I queried why she said that and replied that was the cost of check-up and clean. Thinking I caught her out, I looked into her purse and found that out of the 6k I gave her, she must have paid her half of 3.1k. It is a shame that a relationship can develop mistrust. Anyway...I enjoyed my half a bucket full of water melon later last night....

Before I end, thought I would mention that her father has duplicate keys whichI must get back from him and the land lady is a personal friend as well. Before we rented, furnished and refurbed the place was up for sale. She was happy to rent to us because of our connections. Prior to us renting, there was a guy in Switzerland who was interested in buying. He is now here in Sipalay and has been for the past week. Happy days!

mikek1

I think PHP8k allowance is generous. Don't want to put any doubt in your mind, BUT we think 700 peso for a check up and 2 fillings is about right. As for PHp3.1 no way..............that's far too much.
We use 2 dentists (one in Mangaldan, one in Dagupan City) and there is always a long wait, even if you specify a time. For my check up and full clean I pay PHP500peso and I'm a foreigner. The wife had a extraction and clean up and it was PH800peso.
Granted, depending on the quality of the filling used, it could be more expensive, BUT not PHP 3.1K

Cheers,

Mike