quiltman

Sensible advice Dorothy. I'm sure will think about it as it seems to me a good method of showing he is trying to reach an amicable settlement.

Stokkevn

If your ( or her ) solicitor is going to raise that it is cheaper to rent here just send attached to them saying you want to move to Makati where there are more Brits ( https://rentpad.com.ph/long-term-ren...ati/apartment# ), just put in 2 beds. I know I was not offered more when I lived in Norway. And I think MikeNZ was right when he said "This is matrimonial property, your current situation has nothing to do with your divorce."

David Mashael

Hi
To me it is obvious that your wife has no intention to settle in a fair or amicable way. If this is the case, you have no choice but to go back and fight it. Do yourself a favour and get another solicitor, your current one is not giving you accurate advice. Where you choose to live has no bearing on the way the house is divided. As others have said, just move to a really expensive area and then try claiming more than half of the value of the house.....ridiculous. You are being stitched up If your LL cannot accept that you need to go back to resolve this and he chooses to leave to Kuwait as she is often threatening, then so be it.

morpeth

If the solicitor incompetent by al means change solicitor.

As far as "taking the gloves off" or people advising to fight, I would advise strongly to just consider what is important or not in your life, than spending time, more money, over material things.

I do agree I find it very odd where you choose to live, and since no children involved, why that would make the slightest difference in determining your share of the house.

Fighting to often results in (a) excessive legal fees ( b) result perhaps worse than what gain was perceived to get from fighting (c) a drain on emotional resources and stress. Furthermore, since you are obviously as anyone emotional about the matter, that can effect your decisions hence why the quality of the solicitor important. Maybe call another for a second opinion specifically about the house.

Do what's best for your own happiness. From your posts it seems you constructed a new life for yourself, enjoy it !

Philosophical 11

Many thanks for your helpful replies. I feel more confident and at ease with the situation now. Especially about the house sharing if it came to that.

To clarify and to sum up. Still no reply after 2 weeks after my proposal. I will give it another few days and then issue the ultimatum as suggested. It should not take 2 weeks or more to consider what is a very fair proposal.

I doubt very much if my lovely lady would go back to Kuwait. I called her bluff on that a few months ago which I described on these exalted pages and she backed down. But even if the threat was again made.....then so be it.

I talked with my lovely lady about the whole thing again yesterday and she is adamant that I should not force my ex to sell the house for my half share. She is happy as things stand at the moment. She is aware of the ramifications of this. I have to say that I would prefer my share which means we can do a lot more in the Phils such as holidays, a business maybe...a car and such forth. More flexibility rather than just constrained to a pension as income. But as been said, maybe just be happy with life and not material things.

Something I have not mentioned which gives you an idea of my thinking. I have been married for over 40 years and its fair to say I have no animosity towards my ex....yet. I cherish most part of my marriage and have great respect for her and our life together. I do not want to hurt her. I wish this can be ended amicably but I fear this will not be the case. I am not proud of how I left her and I can understand her hurt. I think I described all this sometime ago. She has found out about my lovely lady which adds to the hurt although my liaison with her as far as my ex is concerned is based on nothing concrete. I have not made anything public. I have 2 sons who love us both and they are not siding with anyone. I want to keep it that way. But as I said before, I do not want to be backed into a corner.

I await the coming days for news from her solicitor.

Now...a different subject which I will expand upon later. I mentioned the alleged affair which my mates gf appears to be having whilst he is out of the Philippines. It has now developed into something more concrete which involves lies and deceit. I am not happy about it and I am worried it could affect my relationship with my lovely lady. More on that later.

Take care all

morpeth

I find it curious that your current lady wouldn't want you to get something from the house, though if she is speaking out of consideration for your ex, that is a noble sentiment though somehow I doubt it.

I find your directness in speaking from your heart about such matters refreshing as well as the complexity of dealing with the local culture there. I suspect ultimately your current lady just wants financial security and also from her not understanding your own culture, she is often as confused as you are- or she understands a lot, and uses the drama ( consciously or subconsciously) to keep things manageable on her own eyes.

As far as what is the honorable way to treat your ex, only you can decide that.

SushiFan

Maybe my comment sounds very harsh. In that case I apologise in advance. I think that it is easy for your Lovely Lady to take this stance. She did not have to work and suffer for several decades to build up this wealth. It was you who put in all the effort and sacrifices. So it is obvious that it does not hurt her as bad if suddenly half of it is gone. On the other hand, I can very well understand that you want to hang in there and get as much out of the situation as possible to make your future life easier. And get something better, in return for all those years that you toiled.

Millhouse

I've said this before, but it still stands

You had kids with this woman - Maintain your dignity in front of them.

A couple of grand here or there to not look like an asshole in front of the kids is money well spent.

Gazza-d

I though the 50/50 split was a thing of the past and it more to do the amount put in. If you earnt twice as much as you spouse it would be 66/33 to you.

Philosophical 11

Thanks all again,

I think an important point has been raised which I have been very mindful of. My two sons. Obviously they are watching from the sidelines and they love both of their parents. I have to try and keep a very fair balance to keep everyone happy and at the same time be respectful and fair to my ex. I do not want to appear an ogre in front of them and damage my relationship with them. I want also to do the best for my future life in Phils with my lovely lady. But that is secondary. I need to strike a balance which I think I have done with my offer. This should satisfy my ex and my sons. My lovely lady appears to be happy with that also. But I have had no response from my offer. It what comes next from her solicitor will be the defining moment.

As far as my lovely lady finding it easy for me to give up everything I have worked for might have a bit of truth in it. However, I am reminded that she picked me to settle down with and help support her family. I can only do that effectively if I have capital from the house. She has now accepted that I am limited in what I can do without that capital. But she stands by me knowing that .... and debunks any theory that she and her family only want me as an ATM. As I have also mentioned, she does not want me to fight for the house for fear that I will need to return to the UK ....and never come back. It maybe also that she has a vision that because my ex may have to sell the house, she will be left homeless on the street. Or maybe losing a home after 25 yrs is too traumatic for any woman to bear. My lovely lady does not want that on her hands.

Regards...and thanks.

Bealinehx

Very well put, and I wish you a settlement that you are happy with so that you can enjoy the future with your LL

Philosophical 11

Thanks Bealinehx. I have decided that if I have not received a response by C.O.B. today, I shall inform them that if a response is not forthcoming by C.O.B this Friday, I shall withdraw my offer and pursue a 50/50 share of the marital home and anything else including the £2k that is owed. It is now 2 weeks and I need to move on to bring this to a close. I should clarify incidentally that the advice I have been receiving is from a number of solicitors. I have been taking advantage of their free initial advice.

Moving on....

I mentioned last week that a friend's gf appears to be having a liaison with a pinoy whilst he is away. She is best mates with my lovely lady. Things seem to have taken a turn for the worse and I am less than impressed with the situation and the invidious position I find myself in.

All the info is from my lovely lady and I am aware that this is therefore 2nd/3rd hand. Also things get lost in translation. My lovely lady has advised her to stop the liaison because the rumours appear to be turning to facts. She has now been seen numerous times with this man and sometimes tries to hide her face when riding together. The wife of the pinoy involved was recently admitted to hospital for a day because of the mental stress. She has now left the guy involved and moved away from the area. They are now officially separated. She has reported the matter to the Barangy Capt and an official will visit my friend and her when he returns later this month to the Philippines. In the interim, she has various people watching this woman for evidence of an affair.

To make matters worse, this friends gf is still buying jewelry from my lovely lady. A watch was received yesterday. She does not appear to have the financial means to buy jewelry with the 10k allowance pm she is currently receiving. She openly admitted that she will tell my friend when he returns, that she received the jewelry etc from her sister in Canada if she is found out. This lie will not be believed. He is not stupid and also knows her sister in Canada.

I mentioned that this pinoy has somehow received a motor cycle and a new mobile phone. He does not appear to have the means to buy these. I have been told she has done this before with other pinoys (prior to her current relationship) to give them gifts in exchange for their affection.

My mate has had a new fishing boat built and its in her name. He wants her brother to operate it which will give him a job. It was delivered the other day and my lovely lady and I was invited to see it. I refused to go. I want nothing to do with this woman. My lovely lady reported back later that the pinoy was there with her and the boat did not look new. The paintwork looked old. It could be that it needs a second coat of paint but its only about 3 weeks old. My lovely lady has said that it would not be repainted.

The estranged wife of this pinoy is now a fb friend with my lovely lady and is pumping her for the name of the foreigner whose gf has stolen her husband. She has refused to give out that information. She obviously wants to get a message to him to let him know that his gf is being unfaithful and has broken up her marriage. Adultery is unlawful in the Philippines.

Finally, and most sinister. My lovely lady asked this pinoy that now he is separated, perhaps he will be looking for a gf. His reply was that he already has one and waiting for her contract to finish. I took this to mean perhaps he has an OFW gf. My lovely lady understood a more sinister connotation to the word "Contract".

So, my mates gf appears to have wrecked a marriage, happy to tell lies to him when he returns and is spending a lot of money which she appears not to have. And what is this contract?


I am not happy with this situation, nor enamoured with the fact that my lovely lady is selling her jewelry. But as she says.....there are no facts and she has also advised her to steer clear of this pinoy. But this has fallen on deaf ears. This woman still has a happy go lucky attitude and does not seem to care that when her bf returns, almost certainly the s..t will hit the fan. But perhaps she has no reason to care. For whatever reason.

Happy days

mikemike

If a friend of mine , no matter the circumstances was in potential danger then I would have no hesitation in advising that. I could not sleep with knowing that my silence could have been complicit in their undoing.

Philosophical 11

I agree mikemike. He is not due to return for about 3 weeks. I am hoping something materializes before then. Then I have a decision to make.

Thanks

Gazza-d

A man in the Philippines does not commit adultery only a woman. It is illegal for a woman to commit adultery and can go to prison over it but for a man it is called concubinage and it not illegal. Welcome to the Philippines.

Another difference you will find in the Philippines compared to the west is that in the west in general the aggreived wife will take it out on the wayward husband whereas in the Philippines the wife will go after the husbands gf for stealing her man. It can become quiet violent. A story I heard was where a Samar woman, apparently they are the worst, chased her husbands gf into a house where the gf shut the door so the wife stabbed the gf through the door.