Me and My Family
#1201
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Joined: Feb 2014
Location: Capiz
Posts: 1,646
Re: Me and My Family
In January, I came across paperwork where she had pawned her jewelry to the tune of about 100k. Interest at 3% pm. Now, she has no debts to which I am aware and has not been coming home with expensive items. So I wonder where the 100k and my 30k has gone. Maybe a business venture ....which I doubt. She has talked about buying her parents the house they live in.....maybe a deposit? Her father had a debt (documented here) which 2 yrs ago was about 80k. Maybe a repayment on that. But I am guessing and cannot think why she needs that amount.
#1202
Forum Regular
Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 55
Re: Me and My Family
I think the time has come to tell her you need a full explanation of where all the money is. Also explain to her that relationships cannot survive where there are suspicions and lies. Be prepared to walk away if she is not totally honest with you. I, like most people on here, hoped that you had weathered the initial storm and had come out the other side happy. If you manage to sort things out you should consider moving, far enough away that you can visit her family but they won't just turn up on your doorstep.
#1203
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 9,993
Re: Me and My Family
I think the time has come to tell her you need a full explanation of where all the money is. Also explain to her that relationships cannot survive where there are suspicions and lies. Be prepared to walk away if she is not totally honest with you. I, like most people on here, hoped that you had weathered the initial storm and had come out the other side happy. If you manage to sort things out you should consider moving, far enough away that you can visit her family but they won't just turn up on your doorstep.
Neither a borrower nor lender be. If you lend money to a personal connection, best to consider it a gift in your mind otherwise disappointment can be profound- that applies anywhere and more so in the Philippines.
To me just write it off to experience the money lost, any explanation she may give wont serve any purpose. She should have enough to run the household, and a bit of pocket money and leave at that- there are plenty of women in Philippines who would be happy with that. Maybe next time choose one a bit older, she may be more appreciative.
Last edited by morpeth; Feb 16th 2018 at 12:37 am.
#1204
#1205
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Joined: Jun 2014
Location: Philippines
Posts: 1,853
Re: Me and My Family
Greetings..
Today, she pawned another 10k worth.
Thanks for your responses, its always nice to hear your views!
As far as I am concerned, her money is her business and unless asked, I do not take an interest except for now. I can only assume that the money is going toward her family, maybe to pay off the loan or whatever. I have no problem with that. My problem is where my 30 + 7k has gone if my suspicions are correct. If its been re-directed to her family, there will be serious consequences. That will be hammered out on my return unless it resolves itself before hand. I will demand to contact her seller and if she refuses, then I guess that will confirm my suspicions. But in any case, there will be no marriage until the 30k is repaid....however this turns out.
It all seems very odd because as I have mentioned, since our engagement everything has been perfect hence no posts from me. So this has come as a shock and disappointment to me. The only time there was a problem was when her father said that they could not pay the rent and they were also one month in arrears. I guess eviction loomed. I paid half (5k) to help them out. She was told in no uncertain terms that was the last time I help them out barring medical emergencies of course. I have already spoken of a sister who could be earning good money in a call centre, a brother who has spent his money on a m/cycle and enjoys his booze ups. The new TV that has been bought and a dog which I am told is fed proper dog food from the store. I have explained that to her....so no more money. That's when she started looking into the possibility of buying them the house (although she pays half the rent). I guess if the loan is paid off, then that will help their situation. But then of course she will be lumbered with interest payments on her pawned items....about the same cost as her share of the rent!
I mentioned last year about apparent non-payment of rent. There is an end to the story which I do not think I have documented. To recap: I was not getting receipts for the rent and various obscure reasons were given. But the landlady is a family friend and no demands were forthcoming so I left it that. Then the fishy business began which maybe a result of my suspicious mind with anything to do with money. About a month before our engagement, she said that her land lady wanted to borrow money (undisclosed sum) to help with the build of their new house. Any money lent would be deducted from the purchase price of our house when we come to buy. Of course...I said no. This was not met with much mirth and merriment from her....indeed the opposite. Cue Pinay Pout. I was then told that the L/L needs the money and unless I buy now, she will have to sell our house to someone else. That didn't bother me. So, to play the game we went around looking for a mortgage to no avail ....we had to be married to get a loan. Then it went quiet on that front and the next thing that stirred my suspicions was a receipt she gave me for rent the next month. 15k. Its normally 10k. She said it was obviously a mistake. She must think I am stupid. Next month...another receipt for 15k. And then in the same month...another receipt for 15k. 30k she paid for rent for that month. She forgot she gave me the first receipt. Next month...another 15k. In total 30k overpayment, which is equal to the 3 missed payments...or lack of receipts. I just wonder if the "landlady" wanted to borrow 30k for the building of her house. Coincidence? I think not.
On a positive note for her. She intends to stand for election for Brgy vice-captain with the help of Waddly. She works for DSWD and is well respected by all. I think she will be good at it. Pay is about 10k pm so she tells me.
All for now...
Today, she pawned another 10k worth.
Thanks for your responses, its always nice to hear your views!
As far as I am concerned, her money is her business and unless asked, I do not take an interest except for now. I can only assume that the money is going toward her family, maybe to pay off the loan or whatever. I have no problem with that. My problem is where my 30 + 7k has gone if my suspicions are correct. If its been re-directed to her family, there will be serious consequences. That will be hammered out on my return unless it resolves itself before hand. I will demand to contact her seller and if she refuses, then I guess that will confirm my suspicions. But in any case, there will be no marriage until the 30k is repaid....however this turns out.
It all seems very odd because as I have mentioned, since our engagement everything has been perfect hence no posts from me. So this has come as a shock and disappointment to me. The only time there was a problem was when her father said that they could not pay the rent and they were also one month in arrears. I guess eviction loomed. I paid half (5k) to help them out. She was told in no uncertain terms that was the last time I help them out barring medical emergencies of course. I have already spoken of a sister who could be earning good money in a call centre, a brother who has spent his money on a m/cycle and enjoys his booze ups. The new TV that has been bought and a dog which I am told is fed proper dog food from the store. I have explained that to her....so no more money. That's when she started looking into the possibility of buying them the house (although she pays half the rent). I guess if the loan is paid off, then that will help their situation. But then of course she will be lumbered with interest payments on her pawned items....about the same cost as her share of the rent!
I mentioned last year about apparent non-payment of rent. There is an end to the story which I do not think I have documented. To recap: I was not getting receipts for the rent and various obscure reasons were given. But the landlady is a family friend and no demands were forthcoming so I left it that. Then the fishy business began which maybe a result of my suspicious mind with anything to do with money. About a month before our engagement, she said that her land lady wanted to borrow money (undisclosed sum) to help with the build of their new house. Any money lent would be deducted from the purchase price of our house when we come to buy. Of course...I said no. This was not met with much mirth and merriment from her....indeed the opposite. Cue Pinay Pout. I was then told that the L/L needs the money and unless I buy now, she will have to sell our house to someone else. That didn't bother me. So, to play the game we went around looking for a mortgage to no avail ....we had to be married to get a loan. Then it went quiet on that front and the next thing that stirred my suspicions was a receipt she gave me for rent the next month. 15k. Its normally 10k. She said it was obviously a mistake. She must think I am stupid. Next month...another receipt for 15k. And then in the same month...another receipt for 15k. 30k she paid for rent for that month. She forgot she gave me the first receipt. Next month...another 15k. In total 30k overpayment, which is equal to the 3 missed payments...or lack of receipts. I just wonder if the "landlady" wanted to borrow 30k for the building of her house. Coincidence? I think not.
On a positive note for her. She intends to stand for election for Brgy vice-captain with the help of Waddly. She works for DSWD and is well respected by all. I think she will be good at it. Pay is about 10k pm so she tells me.
All for now...
Last edited by Philosophical 11; Feb 18th 2018 at 6:52 am.
#1207
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Thread Starter
Joined: Jun 2014
Location: Philippines
Posts: 1,853
Re: Me and My Family
Thairetired
I already have a relationship. Yes, it may need rebuilding now from my point of view, but assuming the relationship is still intact after I return to the Philippines, there will be no more suspicion. No more money for anyone.
Regards
I already have a relationship. Yes, it may need rebuilding now from my point of view, but assuming the relationship is still intact after I return to the Philippines, there will be no more suspicion. No more money for anyone.
Regards
#1208
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Joined: Feb 2014
Location: Capiz
Posts: 1,646
Re: Me and My Family
Always difficult when money is involved, especially here where money is so important, not only to live with but also to gain respect. It has taken me a while to learn that, as the family now has about P500k of mine that is unlikely to be repaid. But I think the missus has now realised that there will be no more loans as the pedicab that I lent one of her family members P5k for not long ago, has been seized due to lack of payment. What upset her was that I used non family members to go and seize it and bring it to the house. Now it languishes in our front garden and will stay there until she finds someone else to pay P5k CASH for it. If she does not find someone soon, just to drive the point home I will take it down to the market and start plying for business, at P8 for a ride I could be a millionaire in about 200 years.
#1210
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Joined: Feb 2014
Location: Capiz
Posts: 1,646
Re: Me and My Family
I have just had a go on the pedicab - not such a cunning plan. The brake lever on the handlebars is just ornamental use, to slow it down you have to jam your foot on the rear wheel, it has no gears so just a gentle slope with no one in it I had to get off and push and the saddle is about as comfortable as sitting on a hollow-block.
#1211
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 9,993
Re: Me and My Family
Always difficult when money is involved, especially here where money is so important, not only to live with but also to gain respect. It has taken me a while to learn that, as the family now has about P500k of mine that is unlikely to be repaid. But I think the missus has now realised that there will be no more loans as the pedicab that I lent one of her family members P5k for not long ago, has been seized due to lack of payment. What upset her was that I used non family members to go and seize it and bring it to the house. Now it languishes in our front garden and will stay there until she finds someone else to pay P5k CASH for it. If she does not find someone soon, just to drive the point home I will take it down to the market and start plying for business, at P8 for a ride I could be a millionaire in about 200 years.
#1212
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Feb 2014
Location: Capiz
Posts: 1,646
Re: Me and My Family
I have to admit it is a bit perplexing looking at your posts why you advance money yet expect a decent or timely return. Better for mental health if you advance money just consider it a gift, and forget about it, that is if you feel you have to advance money to buy peace and quiet.
I may try what the local hardware shop has done, a few weeks ago I saw a list of names and number hanging outside his shop, it was a list of creditors who have not paid and the amount owing. Today the list was down from about 50 then to 6 today.
#1213
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Thread Starter
Joined: Jun 2014
Location: Philippines
Posts: 1,853
Re: Me and My Family
Morpeth,
Speaking for myself, I stopped loaning money a long time ago after the family welched on repayment. I like to help but once they take advantage then that's it for me. But that is to their disadvantage....not mine. Waddly for instance owes 7k which I kindly lent her to help out a year or so ago. Now, if she repaid that then I would help out again. I documented that my lovely lady appears to have got her a loan for 5k with 1k interest repayable in mid year. I would have helped out with an interest free loan if she had previously repaid. Her loss. Permanently. Her father owes me 2.4k. He wont ask for another loan because he knows what the answer will be. Yes...I might have been conned with the 30k I mentioned previously but that was after having previous loans repaid. But we will see what the outcome is on that.
In a nutshell, most of us have generous hearts and if we can help out, we will. Yes, we all have been warned that a loan is a gift. But perhaps you cannot tar all with the same brush. But there again, perhaps we have to.
Regards
Speaking for myself, I stopped loaning money a long time ago after the family welched on repayment. I like to help but once they take advantage then that's it for me. But that is to their disadvantage....not mine. Waddly for instance owes 7k which I kindly lent her to help out a year or so ago. Now, if she repaid that then I would help out again. I documented that my lovely lady appears to have got her a loan for 5k with 1k interest repayable in mid year. I would have helped out with an interest free loan if she had previously repaid. Her loss. Permanently. Her father owes me 2.4k. He wont ask for another loan because he knows what the answer will be. Yes...I might have been conned with the 30k I mentioned previously but that was after having previous loans repaid. But we will see what the outcome is on that.
In a nutshell, most of us have generous hearts and if we can help out, we will. Yes, we all have been warned that a loan is a gift. But perhaps you cannot tar all with the same brush. But there again, perhaps we have to.
Regards
#1214
Re: Me and My Family
I use PNB (Philippines National Bank) they have 2 branches in London. Money can be paid into the London branch via cash/cheque/direct bank transfer etc, and it is converted to PHP and transferred into your local branch within 24hrs due to UK/PH time differences. Cost around £8/transfer and the exchange rate is very good. There are lots of money transfer companies that are very good but often the fees/exchange rates are higher. Moving money around using these companies is very common in the Philippines and for Filipinos working overseas to send money back to PH.
#1215
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 9,993
Re: Me and My Family
Morpeth,
Speaking for myself, I stopped loaning money a long time ago after the family welched on repayment. I like to help but once they take advantage then that's it for me. But that is to their disadvantage....not mine. Waddly for instance owes 7k which I kindly lent her to help out a year or so ago. Now, if she repaid that then I would help out again. I documented that my lovely lady appears to have got her a loan for 5k with 1k interest repayable in mid year. I would have helped out with an interest free loan if she had previously repaid. Her loss. Permanently. Her father owes me 2.4k. He wont ask for another loan because he knows what the answer will be. Yes...I might have been conned with the 30k I mentioned previously but that was after having previous loans repaid. But we will see what the outcome is on that.
In a nutshell, most of us have generous hearts and if we can help out, we will. Yes, we all have been warned that a loan is a gift. But perhaps you cannot tar all with the same brush. But there again, perhaps we have to.
Regards
Speaking for myself, I stopped loaning money a long time ago after the family welched on repayment. I like to help but once they take advantage then that's it for me. But that is to their disadvantage....not mine. Waddly for instance owes 7k which I kindly lent her to help out a year or so ago. Now, if she repaid that then I would help out again. I documented that my lovely lady appears to have got her a loan for 5k with 1k interest repayable in mid year. I would have helped out with an interest free loan if she had previously repaid. Her loss. Permanently. Her father owes me 2.4k. He wont ask for another loan because he knows what the answer will be. Yes...I might have been conned with the 30k I mentioned previously but that was after having previous loans repaid. But we will see what the outcome is on that.
In a nutshell, most of us have generous hearts and if we can help out, we will. Yes, we all have been warned that a loan is a gift. But perhaps you cannot tar all with the same brush. But there again, perhaps we have to.
Regards
In our own countries we can read the signals, have different general standards of honesty, so a bit easier to make the decision of whether to lend money- but any where lending money on a personal basis any where is problematic.