mikek1

Here we ago again! I would have thought that by now you would have realised that all the problems you have encountered with your g/f are related to MONEY. It is also very apparent that your G/f is very immature , particularly if she cannot get her own way. Personally, I think I would have 'thrown in the towel' by now. The constant blackmail is something that does not appeal. Your advice and monitoring on financial aspects are obviously not working. The 16K allowance , plus the rent and utility bills you are providing is a VERY LARGE amount of money for ANY Filipino family residing in the provinces. That amount would certainly not be earned the vast majority of occupations in the Philippines (parts of Manila excepted) so your G/f is EXTREMELY LUCKY. Unfortunately you are seen as a rich foreigner with an endless supply of money, so the family will continue to leech off you till you end up skint. Regarding any 'house purchase' you would have to be insane to even think about it. Rent ONLY............. if you don't like the surroundings etc. you can just hand back the keys and go. When you purchase, that's not an option. I am surprised your even thinking about it. Someone is obviously manipulating your G/f to assist in extracting money from you. As someone mentioned earlier, your G/Fs family ate before you came along and would eat after you departed. Remember, you did not ask your g/f to leave her job in Kuwait. Take a vacation for a month or so and see if that changes anything, probably not. If you do take a vacation, make sure you lock up any valuable items, TVs, laptops, jewellery, etc. as it may get pawned in while your away !!

Philosophical 11

Greetings all,

Guess I should have this topic renamed to "My Girlfriend and I!" Yes, I am aware it is all about money and as I have already shown she will not bleed me dry. All loans made have been repaid. All absurd requests have been turned down. They know me now and I am not an easy touch. Yes, 16k is a lot of money and that is the point. Remember she was earning excess of that as an OFW and sent most of that money home to support her family. She gave up her 1 month all expenses paid holiday back to Phils 2 years ago and sent that money home. When she came back from Kuwait with me in March she had a large amount of savings. I saw most of that spent on her family. She spent a long time agonising over a decision whether to quit Kuwait and her well paid job for a life with me. She was in effect a mother to a 9 month boy and loved him and the Kuwait family she lived with. She keeps in constant touch with them and her co-workers. Because she does not earn that amount now, I have had to take on that burden. I am happy to help support her family in absence of her income. She and her family greatly appreciate this. They have said as much and I am part of the family. They know they cannot bleed me dry. I am here for the ride, but will not be taken for one. If my contribution is not enough then she will have to decide to go back to Kuwait or stay with me. Incidentally, I understand why her father wants me to take on his 70k or whatever it is loan. He is paying interest at 20%. The savings for him and the family are obvious. How did he rack up such a debt? By sending his daughter to College for 4 years and looking after 4 kids for extended family who cannot look after them themselves. I admire the very close family unit of the Philippine culture....but not to the detriment of their finances.

Yes, she maybe is very immature. I have seen her have rows with her father but she will not do that with me. No idea why, because it makes it impossible to understand each others points of view. We just get the Pinay pout. She has also thrown her ATM card and money at me once in the past. But it always ends up in her tears. I find that very distressing. 95% of the time she is the most beautiful, caring and loving woman. It is a shame the 5% overshadows the 95%.

Never understand her logic. Last month she saw a tv on promo for about 28k over 12 months. Big thing it was. Said we could watch it in bed. I said no.... cue Pinay pout. 2 weeks ago, she said she wanted to buy it from her allowance. She did. End result is now of the tv I bought a few months ago stands idle in bedroom. No aerial. I think there is a nefarious reason behind this. Cannot think what it is. Might be a cunning plan. Oh, and disappointingly she has asked for a 3k advance of allowance. Why? Because she paid the first instalment of her tv. As previously mentioned in a post, they have the money today...so spend it.

Cannot see the point of going away for a month. Her mind will work overtime (another woman?). I am here to help and support as much as I can. Besides, I prefer to see what is going on here. Going away will only exacerbate the situation. If I thought it would help, I would be gone. But maybe in the future.

Gf just mentioned with a happy smile that she is giving her family 4 bottles of orange and some biscuits. Second time now in 2 days. The money doesn't bother me much, but the principle. They came the 800 metres by motor tricycle.... that amazes me. It is used for all short journeys.... why cannot they walk and save money? That will remain a rhetorical question. Pointless asking it.

A

Stokkevn

You mention the absurd requests get turned down, but to the family units here to give a party is not absurd but very important and some might see it as favoritism when turned down. Borrowing for a party seems quite acceptable here. To counteract the hard feelings, at Xmas, birthday or some other celebration I normally make sure they get a slightly larger/better present than some of the others, this normally kicks any favoritism accusations into the long grass. Even my wife had to admit this was a smart move. If you did understand her logic you would be receiving pleading letters from the rest of us asking for advice. Two families who live not far away, one a retired policeman and another a teacher have both bought cars, not new but still a substantial investment here in the provinces. One could say what is wrong with that, well no one in either family has a driving license, one car has not moved in the last 6 months and the other gets a once a month outing with a driver. It must be something about having to have something. My missus bought a motorbike which she has no license to drive and I won't as it was 40 years since I last rode one. The average wage round here is low, labourer for a day between P125/150 plus lunch. But they seem quite happy to spend P8 on a tricycle ride for the 500m home, same for the kids coming home for lunch P8 each way, what is wrong with a packed lunch. They can not understand me and my wife walking the just over 1Km to and from the market each day, I will admit the shopping normally gets the P10 ride home.

Gazza-d

My wife is the same, walking in the Philippines is a foreign country. When she came to the UK it was a bit of a shock to her that there wasn't a tricycle waiting outside the door.

Stokkevn

My wife has lived in the UK ( 27 years ) longer than I have ( 25 years ) due to me living everywhere else for the other 35 years. She has reverted in many ways ( belief in Tic-Tic and Wok-Wok being one of them so all windows shut at night except those that she does not notice I have opened and that all kids should be adorned with ginger and garlic. Tip for this they do not taste any better for it ). But even she does not understand those that use c-cat or motorised tricycles for short journeys, our car only gets an airing about twice a month plus beach and main shop trips.

Gazza-d

My wife is 20 year about 2 weeks ago. Anyway back on topic, The asawa works fulltime so money means a bit more to her. She has still been caught a few times by relations, it tends to be relations rather than direct family. We have a parcel of land inland from Amlan Negros Oriental that was owned by the grandfather, a good old boy who died about 7-8 years ago at 102. Anyway the black sheep of the family had been taking loans with the local bank against this land and was on the point of loosing it to the bank. We step in and bail it out of the bank in time, about 10 hectres for about 100k. We thought we were being helpful and with the grief we got I think we should have just let it go. In the end we had to divide the land and sell a bit to see our money back. The idea was that they would over 5 years pay it back from the harvests. Of course we didn't know when the havests were and how much money they were getting. Everything was very hush hush and the money just disappeared.

Stokkevn

Unfortunately the statement "We thought we were being helpful" covers most of us who have fallen foul of the family debts, me included.
A Brit friend who has been approached by quite a few family members for loans against land has only done it when he buys the titled land ( with full official papers ) in his wife's name for 1/3rd of the market value. When they repay the loan within the allotted time he signs the land back to them, if not his wife sells it and any excess is given to the family who borrowed the money.
I know one Fil-Am who had his land ( about 20Ha farm land and 2Ha residential ) pawned by his mother and when she did not pay it was auctioned and his brother bought it cheap without my friends knowledge, now he is paying his brother rent for the house he built.

Philosophical 11

After reading the last few posts, it seems like one horror story after another. And cunning plans! I have read similar before and that is why my guard is always up. As I said before, I trust her 99.9% and I do not think she will do anything malicious. She once said to me, if God has given you a blessing of whatever (money), you must share with others. Fortunately, I am not religious.

Couple of days ago, I saw get a pack of meat out of the freezer which I assumed was lunch. We were at the market later and she said we will have curried chicken for dinner and proceeded to buy a chicken. I asked what the meat was de-frosting if it was not chicken. I got a convoluted answer. I have since learned not to press any further because it becomes an interrogation and she gets upset. I reckoned, the meat was to be given to her family although I could be wrong. They have just bought a fridge freezer for 4500 peso which I loaned them and that was where the meat was going. I wondered if I should also give them the shirt off my back. Strangely enough, the meat was put back in the freezer when we got home.

Logic? Yes, I do wonder. Another reason why she wanted another TV was because we have a satellite tv and when we have a brown out the satellite loses its signal and she cannot watch tv. The other tv would just have a normal aerial. The fact that both TV's run on electricity seemed to escape her. I can mention many stories but one I shall always remember is when a household bulb blew. We went to the store and she found a 30watt bulb but it was 12v dc. I said it wouldn't work. She insisted. It didn't work.

I have mentioned earlier she gave most of her money to her family. Now she has a personal allowance it is different. She spends it all on jewellery and clothes sometimes in monthly instalments. She is one of the best dressed women here even if its a walk to the beach. Takes an age to get ready but she has a flattering reason. She says she does it for me and wants me to be proud of her. Well I am. But I prefer the shorts and tee-shirt. Sadly, she does not lend to her family anymore. All loans from family and friends are directed to me. She tells them she has no money. Most true, she has spent it all on herself. Maybe she feels she has done her bit over the years and I do not blame her in a way. Father, wanted to borrow 500 peso a few days ago. He was pointed into my direction.

Anyway, all is sweetness and light at the moment. But I wonder when the next thunderbolt will strike.

Stokkevn

They do struggle with technology sometimes. A few years ago my mother-in-law was staying for a couple of weeks and I was sitting in the living room reading my book, the conversation went like this
M-i-L "Can I turn the TV on?"
Me "No"
M-i-L "But I want to watch Wow Wow Wee?"
Me "Well you can't"
At this point she went and got my wife
Wife "Mum wants to watch Wow Wow Wee"
Me "Well she can't"
Wife "Why not?"
Me "Because there has been a brownout for the last 4 hours"
Wife burst into laughter, M-i-L got the hump and went and hid in her room for a couple of hours.

Gazza-d

I'm sure we all chuckled when we read that but the sad thing is it's way people think in the Philippines.

nonthaburi

As I said before, when it comes to family and money, you really have to be on the same page. It sounds like you're getting there if all requests are directed at you.

KevinTREvans

I'd be Interested to know just how much money she has gleamed out of you since this post started. If ya totalled it up it might be the thing you need to see before you pack a case and move to another island and find a decent girl

Philosophical 11

Kevin.... I support her sister at college to the tune of 5k for bed and board per month Her fathers medicine is just over 2k per month. I could charge her other sister 2k per month for rent etc. Been doing that since May of this year. You can do the sums.

Consider this. When she was working in Kuwait for 4 years, she earned a very good wage and most of it was sent home to her family. She gave up her 1 months paid holiday after 2 years and sent all the money home. She only went to Kuwait to earn good money for her family. That is how strong family bonds are out here. She was due to return for a months holiday in March but then she was torn between settling down at age 33 or continue her support of the family. She loved the Kuwait family she was working for. They treated her like a daughter. She was effectively a mother to their young 9 month old boy. She was there at his birth. I know she agonised over what to do. Her employer did not want her to quit and offered a large payrise. That offer is still open now. She misses baby Ali and is in contact with him and her co-workers in Kuwait.

She provided the money for her sisters education and medicines for her father. Plus food.... and more. I have now taken on that mantle.... if I didn't, she would have to go back to Kuwait. She offered to get a job in Bacolod to help finances but I declined that. It would mean we only see each other at weekends.

The family love me here. The kids give me hugs and high fives and the adults always greet me with a smile and handshake. Sometimes a hug and kiss when we get p....d together. I love them all too and want to help them when I can. They know I have limitations on money. It has not been a problem. She is still here.

KevinTREvans

Hey, I really hope it all works out well for you.

You seem like a good man with good intentions and I hope that translates to the locals.

Peace.

Philosophical 11

Hi Kev,

Thanks for your kind words. The advice and help I get from this forum is always hugely appreciated. More like a big family here.

The Philippines is a developing 3rd world country. I use the word "developing" advisedly! My opinion only.

I offer 3 pieces of advice for newcomers based only on 7 months experience:

1. Embrace the culture. You cannot fight it.

2. Have a huge sense of humour

3. Have the patience of a Saint

I'm sure others can add more!