Go Back   British Expats / Living & Moving Abroad / Far East and Asia / Philippines

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old Jul 15th 2017, 2:48 pm   #31
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: Feb 2014
Location: Capiz
Posts: 658
Stokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Humorous Episodes

Quote:
Originally Posted by springsteen11 View Post
I love these stories and I wish I could add more. But heres one that came to mind...

I mentioned in my Philippines thread how my lovely lady decided to wall paper the house late last year I think. Some wag (probably Stokkevn) cast aspersions on how well the wall paper will stick to the wall. A picture was painted of it all lying in a heap on the floor next day.
I fear your suspicion of of which wag it may have been was right.
Stokkevn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Jul 15th 2017, 7:02 pm   #32
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: Nov 2012
Location: Suffolk UK
Posts: 473
Gazza-d has a reputation beyond reputeGazza-d has a reputation beyond reputeGazza-d has a reputation beyond reputeGazza-d has a reputation beyond reputeGazza-d has a reputation beyond reputeGazza-d has a reputation beyond reputeGazza-d has a reputation beyond reputeGazza-d has a reputation beyond reputeGazza-d has a reputation beyond reputeGazza-d has a reputation beyond reputeGazza-d has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Humorous Episodes

The bedroom in the old house was wallpapered, I suspect ready for my upcoming visit. In the night when it was very quiet, yes unusual for the Philippines, I could hear a crackling noise. On enquiring I was told it was the termites eating the paste off the back of the wallpaper.
Gazza-d is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Aug 17th 2017, 3:24 am   #33
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: Feb 2014
Location: Capiz
Posts: 658
Stokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Humorous Episodes

Speaking to a retired American friend who has some rice fields. He said that one afternoon one of workers asked if he had any condoms as he thought he would be lucky that night. He had some he had brought from the States so he gave him one. The next day he inquired about his luck the previous night. All the worker could say was there was something wrong with the condom, it kept falling off.

Size maybe?
Stokkevn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Aug 17th 2017, 8:10 am   #34
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: Nov 2012
Location: Suffolk UK
Posts: 473
Gazza-d has a reputation beyond reputeGazza-d has a reputation beyond reputeGazza-d has a reputation beyond reputeGazza-d has a reputation beyond reputeGazza-d has a reputation beyond reputeGazza-d has a reputation beyond reputeGazza-d has a reputation beyond reputeGazza-d has a reputation beyond reputeGazza-d has a reputation beyond reputeGazza-d has a reputation beyond reputeGazza-d has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Humorous Episodes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stokkevn View Post
Speaking to a retired American friend who has some rice fields. He said that one afternoon one of workers asked if he had any condoms as he thought he would be lucky that night. He had some he had brought from the States so he gave him one. The next day he inquired about his luck the previous night. All the worker could say was there was something wrong with the condom, it kept falling off.

Size maybe?
I bought some local ones and man were they tight. and I've got nothing to brag about.
Gazza-d is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Aug 19th 2017, 3:02 pm   #35
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: Feb 2014
Location: Capiz
Posts: 658
Stokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Humorous Episodes

Reading a book the other day about a cruise ship holiday, fiction. But the following came up which is definitely not fiction.

Barman “If you ask any Filipino on this ship a question, the answer is always ‘Yes’”


Customer “Always?”


Barman “Yes. Only the ‘yes’ means three different things, the first type of ‘Yes’ means I agree. The second type of ‘Yes’ means I have no idea what you are talking about, but I am going to agree to avoid conflict. The third type of ‘Yes’ means that I hear you, and I completely understand, but I have no intention whatsoever of complying with your request, even though I am saying ‘Yes’”.
Stokkevn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Aug 22nd 2017, 2:09 am   #36
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 479
Philosophical 11 has a reputation beyond reputePhilosophical 11 has a reputation beyond reputePhilosophical 11 has a reputation beyond reputePhilosophical 11 has a reputation beyond reputePhilosophical 11 has a reputation beyond reputePhilosophical 11 has a reputation beyond reputePhilosophical 11 has a reputation beyond reputePhilosophical 11 has a reputation beyond reputePhilosophical 11 has a reputation beyond reputePhilosophical 11 has a reputation beyond reputePhilosophical 11 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Humorous Episodes

Greetings,

With tropical storm Isang lurking about causing unsettled weather here, my lovely lady reminded me that we have another 17 storms to come this year. I asked her how she knew it would be 17. Her reply was that the storms/typhoons are named from A - Z. This one was beginning with I which meant there were another 17 more to go this year before we started from A again next year. I nodded in acknowledgement of the wisdom of her statement. As you do.

Regards

Pete
Philosophical 11 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Aug 22nd 2017, 1:31 pm   #37
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: Feb 2014
Location: Capiz
Posts: 658
Stokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Humorous Episodes

Quote:
Originally Posted by springsteen11 View Post
Greetings,

With tropical storm Isang lurking about causing unsettled weather here, my lovely lady reminded me that we have another 17 storms to come this year. I asked her how she knew it would be 17. Her reply was that the storms/typhoons are named from A - Z. This one was beginning with I which meant there were another 17 more to go this year before we started from A again next year. I nodded in acknowledgement of the wisdom of her statement. As you do.

Regards

Pete
Told my wife about this, all I got was "Well she is right, isn't she" enough said.
Stokkevn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Aug 29th 2017, 3:59 am   #38
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: Feb 2014
Location: Capiz
Posts: 658
Stokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Humorous Episodes

Two for the price of one today.

The first is a definite contester for the Darin Awards. He had changed his motorbike front light from a normal white light to a red one, that definitely will not cause confusion at night.

The second was that in the main street in Roxas City they are having to repaint the zebra crossings because all the markings they put down just before Xmas have gone. One crossing there was absolutely no paint left so it was going to have to be marked out again. As I passed there were no signs or warnings that work was ongoing and only one person involved in the operation. He was on his knees in the middle of the road with a tape measure and piece of chalk, cars, trucks & tricycles going both sides of him. Did not see him on the way home 15mins later.
Stokkevn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Aug 29th 2017, 7:28 am   #39
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: Nov 2012
Location: Suffolk UK
Posts: 473
Gazza-d has a reputation beyond reputeGazza-d has a reputation beyond reputeGazza-d has a reputation beyond reputeGazza-d has a reputation beyond reputeGazza-d has a reputation beyond reputeGazza-d has a reputation beyond reputeGazza-d has a reputation beyond reputeGazza-d has a reputation beyond reputeGazza-d has a reputation beyond reputeGazza-d has a reputation beyond reputeGazza-d has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Humorous Episodes

Whilst visiting our son at Durham University we were visiting a local attraction which was in a deep valley. The wife wanted to take the usual selfies infront of the 30m waterfall and decided that her selfies stick wouldn't work because there was no bluetooth down here.
Gazza-d is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Aug 29th 2017, 2:20 pm   #40
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: Feb 2014
Location: Capiz
Posts: 658
Stokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond reputeStokkevn has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Humorous Episodes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gazza-d View Post
Whilst visiting our son at Durham University we were visiting a local attraction which was in a deep valley. The wife wanted to take the usual selfies infront of the 30m waterfall and decided that her selfies stick wouldn't work because there was no bluetooth down here.
My Missus still struggles to understand why the internet is required for facebook. She thinks that they are totally independent of each other.
Stokkevn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Sep 4th 2017, 10:04 am   #41
Just Joined
 
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 16
ChrisKVie is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Humorous Episodes

I'm not sure whether some of the stories in this thread are true, but they are entertaining. That was until just recently;

Grandad (lolo) often sits out front and watches the World go by and on Sunday he decides to speak to me for the first time in days. He said ' your friend was passing by with his kids and asked if you and Mikey (my son) wanted to go swimming' As it was nearly lunchtime I decided to drop my friend an SMS and say thanks for the offer but would have a raincheck.........my friend responded 'that was yesterday' !.
ChrisKVie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Sep 9th 2017, 12:37 pm   #42
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 479
Philosophical 11 has a reputation beyond reputePhilosophical 11 has a reputation beyond reputePhilosophical 11 has a reputation beyond reputePhilosophical 11 has a reputation beyond reputePhilosophical 11 has a reputation beyond reputePhilosophical 11 has a reputation beyond reputePhilosophical 11 has a reputation beyond reputePhilosophical 11 has a reputation beyond reputePhilosophical 11 has a reputation beyond reputePhilosophical 11 has a reputation beyond reputePhilosophical 11 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Humorous Episodes

Philippine logic...

We have a bus service that goes from Bacolod to Sipalay quite frequently. The bus completes the round trip. When getting the bus from Sipalay to Bacolod it goes every 2 hrs so I am reliably told. But from Bacolod to Sipalay its every 30 mins. I think there is a lot of missing buses hiding somewhere.....

Regards

Pete
Philosophical 11 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Sep 16th 2017, 7:33 am   #43
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 479
Philosophical 11 has a reputation beyond reputePhilosophical 11 has a reputation beyond reputePhilosophical 11 has a reputation beyond reputePhilosophical 11 has a reputation beyond reputePhilosophical 11 has a reputation beyond reputePhilosophical 11 has a reputation beyond reputePhilosophical 11 has a reputation beyond reputePhilosophical 11 has a reputation beyond reputePhilosophical 11 has a reputation beyond reputePhilosophical 11 has a reputation beyond reputePhilosophical 11 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Humorous Episodes

More Philippine logic.....

Sitting down to an excellent lunch today of prawns baked in a beautiful sauce, I casually mentioned that the smaller prawns are more tender than the larger prawns she normally buys. She agreed and added that a kilo of the smaller prawns would be lighter to carry than a kilo of the larger prawns. I have learnt to nod sagely.

Still remember a romantic evening on the beach and gazing together into the moon. As you do. I mentioned how amazing it is that man has set foot on the moon. She looked at me in disbelief and thought I was talking about witchcraft, sorcery or magic. Or perhaps a fictional film.

Regards

Pete
Philosophical 11 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Sep 16th 2017, 8:20 am   #44
Raffin 
Forum Regular
 
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 180
Raffin has much to be proud ofRaffin has much to be proud ofRaffin has much to be proud ofRaffin has much to be proud ofRaffin has much to be proud ofRaffin has much to be proud ofRaffin has much to be proud ofRaffin has much to be proud ofRaffin has much to be proud ofRaffin has much to be proud ofRaffin has much to be proud of
Default Re: Humorous Episodes

Quote:
Originally Posted by springsteen11 View Post
More Philippine logic.....

....I mentioned how amazing it is that man has set foot on the moon. She looked at me in disbelief and thought I was talking about witchcraft, sorcery or magic. Or perhaps a fictional film.

Pete
Over half of Britons think the moon landings were faked in e2save survey | Daily Mail Online
Raffin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Sep 16th 2017, 12:45 pm   #45
*********
Super Moderator
 
Jerseygirl's Avatar
 
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 76,813
Jerseygirl has a reputation beyond reputeJerseygirl has a reputation beyond reputeJerseygirl has a reputation beyond reputeJerseygirl has a reputation beyond reputeJerseygirl has a reputation beyond reputeJerseygirl has a reputation beyond reputeJerseygirl has a reputation beyond reputeJerseygirl has a reputation beyond reputeJerseygirl has a reputation beyond reputeJerseygirl has a reputation beyond reputeJerseygirl has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Humorous Episodes

As the title says this thread is for humourous episodes...therefore as requested I have removed the off topic posts.
__________________
You can take the girl out of Yorkshire but you can't take Yorkshire out of the girl.
Saw it. Wanted it. Had a fit. Got it.
The higher the heels...the closer to God.


Please contact me here if you have any site related problems.
Jerseygirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Go Back   British Expats / Living & Moving Abroad / Far East and Asia / Philippines


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT. The time now is 9:34 am.


Powered by vBulletin: ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
© 1999-2010 BritishExpats.com