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Old Sep 9th 2016, 10:32 am   #16
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Default Re: Humorous Episodes

You will learn the stock answer to your second conversation.
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Originally Posted by springsteen11 View Post
Then during the day, we wanted to eat at a restaurant. This always seems to happen:

Missus: Where do you want to sit?

Me: Don't mind sweetheart, Hows about over there?

Missus: Why over there?
At this point you have a few possible replies that will take any further involvement by yourself out of the decision making but the best one is normally "Because the girl/boy sitting at the next table looks nice" Now you will sit where she thinks has the greatest distance from your choice.
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Old Oct 18th 2016, 1:14 pm   #17
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I was going through my book the other day and found the following. Although the positive outcome made this somewhat humorous it could have turned out very different.

One of the diver engineers was dispatched to a project location and on his way back from China he decided to take a few days leave in Manila before returning to Norway. The next thing we heard from him was that he was in serious trouble and he asked his friend to block his bank account and get help to get him out of the country. When he returned we got the full story out of him. After Dag arrived in Manila he was wandering around the streets in the red light district when he came across a game of poker being played on a table in the street, being bit of a gambler he stopped and watched for a while. After a couple of minutes a very friendly Filipino came up to him and after some general chit-chat asked Dag if he could beat the guy in the red tee shirt, Dag immediately replied “Yes, easy”, the Filipino made him a deal that if he bankrolled him they would split the winnings 50/50, but he must not let the guy know it was him bankrolling him, so it was agreed. Half an hour later Dag had lost all the bankroll money to the guy in the red tee shirt who had miraculously got a lot better since Dag had sat down, he had fallen for the scam. The Filipino bankroller pretended he was not happy, drew a gun and told Dag that he was going to have to replace the bankroll money and was marched down to the ATM and told to withdraw the maximum allowable and then back to the poker table to lose that as well. As no more money could be withdrawn from his bank that day the armed Filipino and a couple of his friends accompanied Dag back to his hotel room and spent the night guarding their new cash cow. This happened for the next two nights as well, on the third night for some reason they left him on his own in the hotel room, this is when he managed to contact his friend in Norway. Jan managed to block his bank account and contact the owner of our company who did a lot of business in the Philippines and knew who to get hold of who was not corruptible, mainly the diplomatic protection police. A couple of hours after Dag had made contact with Jan there was a knock on his door, being fairly scared already he carefully looked through the security viewer in the door, all he saw was about five well-armed Filipinos wearing baseball caps and carrying machine guns. Dag put the chain on the door and told them to go away, they replied “We are friends”.
Dag’s only reply was “F*** off, everybody in this f***ing country is your friend”, they then mentioned the company owner’s name and that he had phoned Jan. Dag immediately let them in. Within 30 seconds they had put all his belongings in plastic bags and were ushering him down the back stairs, threw him in the back of a panel van along with his cloths and drove him to another hotel that they said was safe but he was not to leave the hotel, two days later they got him on a flight back to Norway. A few days after his return to Norway the Norwegian police contacted him, they were after as many details as possible, the previous year someone from another Norwegian company had been murdered in Manila and the set-up sounded very similar to the one Dag had got himself into.

Last edited by Stokkevn; Oct 18th 2016 at 1:17 pm.
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Old Nov 20th 2016, 9:11 am   #18
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Before we moved to the Philippines we sent quite a few boxes of goodies to her parents containing everything from tinned food to cloths, toys and household electrics etc. most originating from our local car boot market. One item I did send was a very decorative Victorian chamber pot that I thought might be of some use before the in-laws new house was finished as the ‘thunder box’ was quite a way from the bamboo hut. When we were next at the in-laws place, I saw this chamber pot, it was now in the middle of the dining room table full of fish soup. I skipped that course and went straight to the BBQ meat. My missus did not know what to do so not wanting to put everyone off their food she kept quiet until after the meal.
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Old Feb 16th 2017, 11:56 am   #19
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I may have started a new thing for Valentines. The other day in the local market I bought my wife a pigs head and told her that it was her Valentines present ( keeping the real present until the 14th ). Anyway the outcome was merriment from the stall holders, long face from the wife followed by pictures and comments swiftly put on facebook. Result was that all her friends comments were in line with, 'wasn't he thoughtful', 'how nice', 'lovely idea', 'wish my husband would do that'. So next year I will have order early for a pigs head.
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Old Feb 20th 2017, 3:56 am   #20
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The things they say...

Spent a few hours yesterday trying to book flights and a hotel on-line for a few days away with my lovely lady. As you do.

The web site was poor (long story) and I eventually gave up after finding what I wanted because my credit cards were not accepted for some reason. My lovely lady patiently explained to me that the reason it cannot be booked on line is because now we have travel agents in town. A visit to the travel agent apparently does away with booking or conducting business on-line.

Having noticed that the flights would be slightly cheaper if we returned 7 days later instead of 4, she suggested that we go away for those extra 3 days and save on flight costs. The fact that the extra 3 days in a hotel plus eating out would make the trip away a whole lot more expensive didn't occur to her.

Just have to love them for their logic...

Regards

Pete
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Old Feb 20th 2017, 8:41 am   #21
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If you use an international credit card as opposed to one issued in Asia you may problems, one of the reasons we changed ours and never have had a local one rejected when being used internationally.
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Old Feb 20th 2017, 8:47 am   #22
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If you use an international credit card as opposed to one issued in Asia you may problems, one of the reasons we changed ours and never have had a local one rejected when being used internationally.
We have found the Cebu Pacific site a bit flakey using credit cards in the UK. Sometimes it is necessary to phone them to book flights.
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Old Mar 1st 2017, 8:32 am   #23
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For years now every day when I walk down to the Market, regardless the time of day, there have been two blokes sitting on a homemade bench talking ( gossiping ) to each other. For the last couple of weeks they have been joined by a lad of about 14, nice to see that there is an apprenticeship scheme here as well.
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Old Apr 25th 2017, 1:06 pm   #24
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A guy from Europe has moved into the village and his M-i-L has about 3Ha land that she has said that he can use to grow what he and his wife wants. I went with them to look at the land, we walked to the property and along the way i patted a pig, with which he asked if that was dangerous, followed by pointing at a cow "Is that a Water Buffalo" - me "No, that is a cow", Him "Is it a boy" - Me "No, it is a female". Me "You have not been brought up in the countryside have you", Him "No, Paris, why".

You have to admire him, starting a new venture here.
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Old Apr 25th 2017, 1:42 pm   #25
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Default Re: Humorous Episodes

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A guy from Europe has moved into the village and his M-i-L has about 3Ha land that she has said that he can use to grow what he and his wife wants. I went with them to look at the land, we walked to the property and along the way i patted a pig, with which he asked if that was dangerous, followed by pointing at a cow "Is that a Water Buffalo" - me "No, that is a cow", Him "Is it a boy" - Me "No, it is a female". Me "You have not been brought up in the countryside have you", Him "No, Paris, why".

You have to admire him, starting a new venture here.
"How hard can it be...?"
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Old May 3rd 2017, 2:17 am   #26
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Sign seen in local market, not too sure it is advertising the activity as a spectator sport though.

Humorous Episodes-aa-capture.jpg
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Old Jun 14th 2017, 1:18 pm   #27
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Not really humorous but it made me smile. In the last week/ten days we have been plagued with fire flies since the rains started. This evening I noticed one very bright one moving slowly across the roof of the verandah. Shining a torch on it, expecting a large queen fire fly all I saw was a gecko who had obviously had his fill of fire flies. Just praying for the day when the geckos turn their attention to the mosquitoes.
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Old Jul 14th 2017, 4:39 am   #28
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So just back out of the dog house after a wind-up the other night.

Her-in-doors was going out to see some friends in the afternoon, so I reminded her that I was off for a few beers with my friend later.

Sitting round my friends house she turns up in a tricycle.
Wife "Have you got your keys, I left mine in the house"
Me "No, I was hoping you were going to get home before me"
Wife "Oh" as she jumps back in the tricycle and leaves.

One minute later she is back

Wife "How did you lock the house up before you left"
Me "With the spare set as mine are up in the bedroom"

Luckily the front door was still unlocked when I got home.
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Old Jul 15th 2017, 1:06 pm   #29
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I love these stories and I wish I could add more. But heres one that came to mind...

I mentioned in my Philippines thread how my lovely lady decided to wall paper the house late last year I think. Some wag (probably Stokkevn) cast aspersions on how well the wall paper will stick to the wall. A picture was painted of it all lying in a heap on the floor next day.

Not quite. But last month we decided we didn't need a/c for the rainy season and used an electric fan to keep the bedroom cool. It can get quite warm in there. On the first night on using the fan I was woken up by a strange noise. I looked around in the gloom and saw what looks like lots of waving flags. It was the wall paper being disturbed by the electric fan and was peeling off and flapping about. Had to get up a few times that night with white tape to fix it back to the wall.

All ok now though. Lots of white tape makes the blue wall paper decoration look a bit bizarre. But there again....this is the Philippines.

Regards

Pete
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Old Jul 15th 2017, 1:28 pm   #30
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I love these stories and I wish I could add more. But heres one that came to mind...

I mentioned in my Philippines thread how my lovely lady decided to wall paper the house late last year I think. Some wag (probably Stokkevn) cast aspersions on how well the wall paper will stick to the wall. A picture was painted of it all lying in a heap on the floor next day.

Not quite. But last month we decided we didn't need a/c for the rainy season and used an electric fan to keep the bedroom cool. It can get quite warm in there. On the first night on using the fan I was woken up by a strange noise. I looked around in the gloom and saw what looks like lots of waving flags. It was the wall paper being disturbed by the electric fan and was peeling off and flapping about. Had to get up a few times that night with white tape to fix it back to the wall.

All ok now though. Lots of white tape makes the blue wall paper decoration look a bit bizarre. But there again....this is the Philippines.

Regards



Pete

Reminds me of my friend's husband. Years ago when they were first married...they decided to wallpaper...he used drawing pins instead of paste. He owned a stationery biz...so maybe it made sense.

Edit: sorry this was in the UK
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