JaneRiley

So.... we spent nearly three years in NZ and then we came back to UK. very expensive business but we felt it was right, or rather I did. Family ties were pulling me. However after seeing everyone again they haven't bothered where we are!
So do we give in to our innermost feelings and go back or just shut up and stay? I would appreciate any views on this.
Is this a common thing to do? Are we just like everyone else and is this a common phase people go through?
Would a holiday lay it to rest?
help!

JPA

Hi Jane,

Can't comment personally on going and coming back, as we haven't got there the first time yet. What I will say is that you can't live you life for others, you should do what is right for you and yours. This is one of our main motivations for going, it's right for us and its feels like where we should be.

If your gut feel is that you should be in NZ, then you should go with it. I'm sure coming back to the UK was expensive and going back out to NZ will be again, but if it's right then it's what you should do. Lifes too short.

Im sure you'll have plenty of good advice to follow, so good luck.

John

JaneRiley

Thanks for your kind words. We keep on saying that to ourselves but needed to get affirmation from outside. It just seems a bit crazy - but we want to do it - children all grown up and we should be able to please ourselves but... is it guilt I wonder. Good luck to you too. J.

janeyk

yes been to Wellington back to Cornwall for 7 months (could not find work) back to Auckland in 2010 looking to return for good but can not wait!
did you go back to the same place?
we went back with no illusions its not family as much as UK itself we miss. When we lived in Cornwall from 2003-2008 we saw very little of family and friends and made a new life for ourselves what drove us from there was the job situation as we would still be there.

Having said that we have other close family in canada and Oz we have seen more of the Canadians since we have been here than we did the previous 10 years!

Catchafire

There are no rules, only do what is right for yourselves.

Once you are in a foreign country, everything can feel very unfamiliar, family and friends are missed, food etc...you get nostalgic for a lot of reasons and for a a lot of things.

My wife originally lived in Sweden and for the first three years here in NZ, it was a struggle for her. It was only after a trip back, that she realised many of the things she missed, did not really exist in the way she missed it (if that makes any sense).

And yes, it is very annoying when the people who "missed you so much", then can't be arsed to travel 20km to see you, after you have travelled half way across the planet.

love30stm

Totally with you on that one, recently was in the UK, family made such fuss and want me to come home, been back over a month now and it's gone back to not keeping in touch with us anymore, and none of them have or are going to bother visiting.

My mum recently passed away, my dad passed years ago, so I see no reason to go back to the UK for family anyway.

selondon

Yes. Moved here in the 80's. It's a long story but missing friends and family and lack of communication tech in those days sent us back. Moved back here early 2010 and still have homesick moments but Skype & e-mail have made life easier. In an ideal world(or a lottery win) we would live 50-50 at both ends never seeing winter again! Remember, friends & family will miss you at first but they have their lives to live and you will become less of a priority to them over time.

Snap Shot

My husband's family emigrated from Scotland to NZ in 1966 when he was small. He returned to Britain for a late start OE in 1990. We met in 1992 and married in 1994. We then stayed in Britain until February 2011. He was getting sentimental for the past, um, I mean New Zealand. Am I married to a ping pong pom ? Time will tell.

I miss England all the time. I occasionally miss family. I know that none of them will visit. That suits all parties. My mum died in 2005 my dad is overweight and has been advised by his doctor not to fly long haul.

My sister mumbled that they (her plus husband) might come and see us when they go to Canada. What she needs is a geography lesson.

Also, as I haven't received either acknowledgement or thanks for the two most recent family birthday cards & presents I'm a bit fed up with them anyway presently.

I have no other relatives really. It will be a major suprise (not least, pain in the backside - all that hospitality !) if anyone from Britain visits us, even then I can see it being an old friend. They would be welcome, but, I've got to see anyone yet !

Bumptious

I came out on my own in 1987 to have a 'look' stayed for two years, got really homesick, went back, shipped all my stuff back and as soon as I landed at Heathrow, realised I'd make a BIG mistake. So stayed 4 months with no money, temped, got a job offer from NZ with my boss offering to pay my airfare so back I came and have been here ever since.
Much easier in those days though, didn't need a degree etc.
That was when I decided that NZ was home for me.
Have been back to see family numerous times, they've been out here but must admit although nice to visit don't think I could cope with the crowds and expense of UK these days, seems quite alien in lots of ways now.
Married a kiwi and don't miss any of my family emotionally particularly even though we are quite close and get on well, just prefer my own (husband and kids). I would never say this to my mother though, she would be very upset.

JaneRiley

Wow, you lot are brilliant! Thank you all so much for taking the time to share. I don't know anyone who has done this and we were feeling a bit embarrassed at having made such a song and dance about coming back! As for people not being arsed to come and see you - tell me about it!! We did all the visiting when we got back and apart from daughters coming this Christmas haven't seen anyone else! We will be pleasing ourselves I think! Next question: take the furniture this time or to hell with it all and forget about waiting 3 months for a container???!

Pom_Chch

We aren't called Ping Pong Pom's for nothin'!

JaneRiley

Exactly!! does it take a special kind of person to go to NZ in the first place? By special I mean 'special'...

JaneRiley

in the nicest possible way of course.

Pom_Chch

Don't think I catch your drift Jane Riley... maybe because I'm "special..." Why would you think only special people go to NZ? Please elaborate!

JaneRiley

well, some people like to stay at home and do the same thing over and over until they pop their clogs. We, special people, are more daring and have a sense of adventure. So we travel and cart stuff around the world.
What rubbish - what do I know?! Each to his own. (wish I'd never started)