himmeus

Hi all,well we arrived in NZ four weeks ago with my husband daughter of 19 and son of 15.All has been going well as we had a house set up for a year and the OH had a job to go to and ive been busy with the kids feathering the nest and getting our bearings.Anyway after my son;s 1st day at school he refuses to return and wants to go back to the UK-needless tosay we didn' t see this coming and are in turmoil.Our stuff hasn't left the UK yet we are now low on funds and if we don't return now before our stuff leaves we will not be able to afford to ship it back.We have a years lease on our house aphone/internet package for a year ,a permanent job with 2 year work permit and were just about to submit ITA.Now we don't know what to do??????
We had sold our home of 20 years so have no home or jobs to return to and are now £25,000 lighter.My OH and I are devestated at the mo and would appreciate any feedback!!!!!

Fooferfish

Its a tough one, we only have a 11 year old daughter and whenw e first arrived here in 05 she hated us, but now doesn't want to move anywhere else.

Have you tried to find youth clubs, surfing clubs and things on that line??

Is he into sports? find something he enjoyed in UK and see if there is similar in NZ, or see or book him onto a surfing lessons, once they find friends thats the key.

Mind you finding friends as adults is a tough one in NZ?

Got to keep them occupied and yourself.

Nige Dunedin since May05

simonmarkellis

What was his approach to coming to NZ before you left? Where in NZ are you?

himmeus

Thanks Nig
He says that the kids were nice enough and he could fit in but doesnt want to as they are all immature, dont do guy talk and only want to skate or do snow sports(.We are in Wanaka so its not like there is much else)He said the kids dont party or mix with girls and all so good and clean cut.Before we came he was all up for giving it all a go but I can't see how he's going to settle if he won't mix?

Woodlea

How about the incentive of a driving license at 15?

Genesis

My neice HATED my brother for taking her out of her comfort zone...SHE IS A PIG IN CLOVER SOME MONTHS ON!!! IMO you need to validate your son's feelings but explain to him that he will have to 'get back on the horse'. Going back IS NOT AN OPTION..you have made that clear. Explain the latter to him..you cannot do what HE WANTS..he will have to get his head round being here. Life is not easy. We all have problems and I am sure he will come round in time..if not he can return to the UK when he is 18. Point out the benefits to him..give him an incentive to be more positive. You cannot let your son's woes destroy the rest of the family!! GOOD LUCK>

luvwelly

15 is probably one of the worst ages at which to emigrate BUT as Genesis says...until he's an adult he doesn't have much say really....he at least has to give it a 'fair go' which means your stuff will have left...either way you'd lose loads financially.
Given that he seems to be suffering from 'my isn't NZ old-fashioned and uncool syndrome'...he'll probably come round eventually - let's face it he could return to UK alone once he's 18 if he really can't settle here.

I don't think it is reasonable or logical to abandon plans on the strength of a 15 year old's reaction to his first day at a new school....unless of course you all hate it...in which case the position is a bit different....and 'unburning your boats' might seem sensible.

Frenchy

My 15 year old told me that she hated me so much for bringing her here. I can fully sympathize with you!!! 18 months on SHE LOVES IT!!!!!! The only thing she doesn't like is single sex school!!

luvwelly

Is that the same for your son too...I must admit I wouldn't like to be dumped in a single sex school myself at 15 when I was used to mixed.

love30stm

My daughter is 15 nearly she still not that keen on it here we had major problems with her refusing to go to school, seeing doctor for depression....but me my husband and youngest girl of 12 likes it....so she has to try, but now she works from home on a correspondence course, seems to suit her and has met up with friends from the school she refused to go back to....we had really bad days with her and she cried non stop ....but after a year she knows we are not going back, she is slowly coming round to it..but at the end of the day, when shes old enough she can decide what she wants to do after all if we was in the UK she could have been the same about something else....14, 15 a weird age im sure...

We promised we will go back and visit maybe when she is 16...

just stick at it I know how you feel cause it got me down.

and ive tried all suggestions on here from people, and it is not easy to drag someone to school... as people who dont have that problem thinks it so easy and they would make them, but ignore it as they have not been in that position....


private message me anytime I know what its like

NZBee

This has also happened to a friend of mine. Basically she told her daughter as someone else said to get back on the horse, and get on with it as much as possible.
Daughter in question now refuses to go back to the UK even for holidays....as there is no 'surf' there....turned into a complete surfer and snow board chick, compared to the days she sat at home painting her nails!! Mum is very proud.......give it time....he is sure to come around.

love30stm

I Tried that one but she is stubborn as anything, I might as well talk to a brick wall this may work for some girls....but not mine, everyone is different, but as I said its getting better... well she has to get on with it at least.

howden40

It must be really painful for you to see your son so unhappy. All we can do is to be open with your son, talk about his fears, hates, and if their is anything he likes at all, explain nicely that it's not as easy as just hopping on a plane. As pointed out already a driving license at 15 can be some incentive, it will give your son freedom to meet up with like minded people.
You need to explain as nicely as possible that you will be here for at least 2 years due to the commitments you as a family made when you all agreed to move.

Compromise, rather than run back home agree to 2 years and re-evaluate. We have always worked on majority rules.

Hope this helps

Pauline

Scarpa

We have 16 and 13 year old boys. Our 16 year old can't wait to get there but our 13 year old is worried about making friends at school. He is a very popular boy and has lots of good friends here so we hope it won't be a problem. I think it's hard for parents because we try to protect our children and help them all we can but school is out of our hands, they have to do it on there own. There are days when they come home from school and they tell you things that have happened and you think well i would have said this or done that, but that's part of growing up and learning how to handle situations, but it doesn't make it easy for us if we see our children upset.

As we are still here in the UK we have bought ourselves and our son a kayak as it seems to popular in NZ and he loves it. We are out most weekends with him and hopefully he will carry this on in NZ.

He also wants a quad bike and we have told him he can have one, and our 16year old wants a car. We are trying to get them focused on our new life and give them something to look forward to. We don't know if it will work but we feel we have to try.

We got Application approved yesterday so it looks like were are going anyway!!!!

Frenchy

Yep son would prefer co ed to!!!