Job offer Wellington but wife concerned
Apr 24th 2016, 10:31 am
#76
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Oct 2008
Location: Perth
Posts: 6,775
Re: Job offer Wellington but wife concerned
One can never say what the future holds. I followed all the yay - sayers, didn't listen to negative posts, hopped on a plane, found a decent job in Auckland, great friends, enjoyed the beautiful landscape, and am now happily settled back in Europe. Turns out that I agree with the nay-sayer 
Anyhow, I want to make the case to not only evalue the material situation but also the human side. Be aware that you are taking a major risk, especially if your wife is not on board! Do speak about what will happen if one is unhappy! I met a couple where she was unhappy and he loved it (funnily enough the combination of man liking NZ, and the woman not, seems to happen more often than the other way around). They had talked about the situation beforehand and agreed to return home if one of them won't like it. And that was what they did. I also know a couple where she is back in Europe with the kids and he is still in Auckland.
I also like to encourage you to think about leaving your extended family behind. Will you be able to cope with not being a big part of their lives? What about when they will get sick and die? Are you prepared to not hold the hands of your dying parent? Consider the possibility that your own kids as adults will decide to live in Europe.
I don't regret moving to NZ. NZ was a good experience and is a good country to live in! But for me everything worked out fine in the end, even the return home: My partner agreed with me about moving back to Europe, and I still had a few years with my dad, and can now say my proper goodbyes and help him make the transition. I would never want to be in NZ now - no matter how beautiful the nature, and how relaxed the lifestyle. I want to be at his side.
I realize of course that everybody has there own priorities and that living situations vary and that for many NZ gives more than they lose. But nothing is for free. Good luck with your decision!!
Anyhow, I want to make the case to not only evalue the material situation but also the human side. Be aware that you are taking a major risk, especially if your wife is not on board! Do speak about what will happen if one is unhappy! I met a couple where she was unhappy and he loved it (funnily enough the combination of man liking NZ, and the woman not, seems to happen more often than the other way around). They had talked about the situation beforehand and agreed to return home if one of them won't like it. And that was what they did. I also know a couple where she is back in Europe with the kids and he is still in Auckland.
I also like to encourage you to think about leaving your extended family behind. Will you be able to cope with not being a big part of their lives? What about when they will get sick and die? Are you prepared to not hold the hands of your dying parent? Consider the possibility that your own kids as adults will decide to live in Europe.
I don't regret moving to NZ. NZ was a good experience and is a good country to live in! But for me everything worked out fine in the end, even the return home: My partner agreed with me about moving back to Europe, and I still had a few years with my dad, and can now say my proper goodbyes and help him make the transition. I would never want to be in NZ now - no matter how beautiful the nature, and how relaxed the lifestyle. I want to be at his side.
I realize of course that everybody has there own priorities and that living situations vary and that for many NZ gives more than they lose. But nothing is for free. Good luck with your decision!!
This is a very frequent occurrence with ex pats not always recognised by the party pushing the move.
You were lucky having an escape plan in place when things got tough. As well as an agreeing partner. Obviously not all are so lucky.
Apr 24th 2016, 12:30 pm
#77
Welly bound
Thread Starter
Joined: Apr 2016
Location: Wellington
Posts: 170
Re: Job offer Wellington but wife concerned
OK just to put this discussion back on track, Mrs M just has normal emigration nerves now (as do I). I think we are both going for it on a fairly equal basis.
I've just come across Hutt International Boys school. Anyone have any knowledge or experience of this one?
I've just come across Hutt International Boys school. Anyone have any knowledge or experience of this one?
Apr 25th 2016, 8:21 am
#78
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 6,148
Re: Job offer Wellington but wife concerned
Be aware that you are taking a major risk, especially if your wife is not on board! Do speak about what will happen if one is unhappy! I met a couple where she was unhappy and he loved it (funnily enough the combination of man liking NZ, and the woman not, seems to happen more often than the other way around).
It's funny you say that, as I have the same feeling. The man is often happy with the change and just adapts, but women often miss the simple things and that's what I meant with being isolated.
It's not like being in Europe where you can get a cheap flight if you miss family and friends and even when it comes to shopping, women often get frustrated
. It might sound funny, but it really is something to discuss.
Apr 25th 2016, 9:49 am
#79
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jan 2014
Location: Kerikeri
Posts: 718
Re: Job offer Wellington but wife concerned
Apr 25th 2016, 8:54 pm
#80
MODERATOR
Joined: Oct 2011
Location: Wellington - I miss Castles, the NHS & English school system
Posts: 9,077
Re: Job offer Wellington but wife concerned
Hutt International Boys School - Upper Hutt | RateMyTeachers.com
which I had seen that ratemyteacher site back in 2012. would of saved us a lot of heartache and money
Last edited by MrsFychan; Apr 25th 2016 at 9:01 pm.
Apr 25th 2016, 11:09 pm
#81
Banned
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 21
Re: Job offer Wellington but wife concerned
The only problem now is that wife and one child are extremely nervous!!! After reading some of the above, it's not surprising she's nervous. Hopefully we will get through it together though and it won't be too terrible when we get there. Her friend is suggesting I go out first and start work for 3 months to make sure it's ok. Then they can follow me later. I'm not sure, but I know she is worried about the eldest and schools etc (year 6/7)
Holidaying in a place is a lot different from living in it.
If Manchester is pissing you off that much move somewhere else in the UK, you don't have to move to the other side of the world to avoid it. What are you really running away from?
NZ is the same shit, different bucket.
Last edited by Finkel; Apr 25th 2016 at 11:13 pm.
Apr 25th 2016, 11:12 pm
#82
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 450
Re: Job offer Wellington but wife concerned
Youre giving credence to a ste that is about anonymous adolescent students submitting what they think of their teachers? Examples : He is so hot. He is awesome because he lets us do anything. He is scarey when he stares at you ... and so on. Its a revenge site where if a student is told off or disciplined they can jump on there and say something nasty about the teacher.Not a good site.
Apr 25th 2016, 11:16 pm
#83
Banned
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 21
Re: Job offer Wellington but wife concerned
only thing I can see is that there are no current vacancies and the criteria to get in is fairly strict.
Hutt International Boys School - Upper Hutt | RateMyTeachers.com
which I had seen that ratemyteacher site back in 2012. would of saved us a lot of heartache and money
Hutt International Boys School - Upper Hutt | RateMyTeachers.com
which I had seen that ratemyteacher site back in 2012. would of saved us a lot of heartache and money
Education in New Zealand compared to the UK was one of THE biggest let downs for our family. The second was bullying in schools from both pupils and teachers. Very hard for children who've never experienced it before.
Apr 25th 2016, 11:18 pm
#84
Banned
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 21
Re: Job offer Wellington but wife concerned
It's funny you say that, as I have the same feeling. The man is often happy with the change and just adapts, but women often miss the simple things and that's what I meant with being isolated.
It's not like being in Europe where you can get a cheap flight if you miss family and friends and even when it comes to shopping, women often get frustrated. It might sound funny, but it really is something to discuss.
It's not like being in Europe where you can get a cheap flight if you miss family and friends and even when it comes to shopping, women often get frustrated
. It might sound funny, but it really is something to discuss.
Apr 25th 2016, 11:25 pm
#85
Banned
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 21
Re: Job offer Wellington but wife concerned
But apart from the earthquakes, the wind, the isolation, the crushing loneliness, the strange people, the cultural abyss, the social problems, the houses, the rain, the tsunami risk, the sand flies, the traffic, the cost of living, the lack of choice in the supermarkets, the politics .....it sounds pretty idyllic to be fair.
I hope your prospective employer is going to stump up for your total relocation costs? Want to test how genuine they are? Ask them to commit to paying for your repatriation costs to the UK after 2 years if things don't work out for you.
I can say with some confidence that if more migrants asked for this New Zealand would be a lot emptier than it is.
Apr 26th 2016, 12:23 am
#86
MODERATOR
Joined: Oct 2011
Location: Wellington - I miss Castles, the NHS & English school system
Posts: 9,077
Re: Job offer Wellington but wife concerned
Plus one. Just because a school charges fees it doesn't mean it's any better than one that doesn't.
Education in New Zealand compared to the UK was one of THE biggest let downs for our family. The second was bullying in schools from both pupils and teachers. Very hard for children who've never experienced it before.
Education in New Zealand compared to the UK was one of THE biggest let downs for our family. The second was bullying in schools from both pupils and teachers. Very hard for children who've never experienced it before.
Apr 26th 2016, 12:59 am
#87
Banned
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 21
Re: Job offer Wellington but wife concerned
Yes, some of the reasons. I suppose you could say we were among the lucky ones who were able to leave.
If only we'd had access to impartial and unbiased advice before we emigrated we'd have gone in with our eyes open.
If only we'd had access to impartial and unbiased advice before we emigrated we'd have gone in with our eyes open.
Apr 26th 2016, 1:04 am
#88
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Joined: Oct 2011
Location: Wellington - I miss Castles, the NHS & English school system
Posts: 9,077
Re: Job offer Wellington but wife concerned
what a shame you didn't find BE sooner
Apr 26th 2016, 1:05 am
#89
Banned
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 21
Re: Job offer Wellington but wife concerned
I don't think the people on here should be saying do it, don't do it. Just give you honest experiences good and bad, least then people can see what others have experienced and take it from there. if its understanding any pit falls and how they were over come to knowing that a certain area has this about it against another area which has that. Knowledge is the key
For example, if I were to say "Don't do it, based on my honest experiences good and bad, the bad outweighed the good because......"
I sometimes wonder if we'd have pulled the plug on the visa applications if someone had said that to me a few years ago.
Be honest, how many other people would've done the same. Yourself included?
Apr 26th 2016, 1:10 am
#90
MODERATOR
Joined: Oct 2011
Location: Wellington - I miss Castles, the NHS & English school system
Posts: 9,077
Re: Job offer Wellington but wife concerned
you would get answers based on peoples own experience. you have people in both camps and some are more vocal than others. You have read the rules so you will know what is allowed and what is not.
Everyone takes from it what they want to and ultimately its their decision.
Everyone takes from it what they want to and ultimately its their decision.