How have your children adjusted?
Feb 7th 2016, 7:32 am
#1
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Thread Starter
Joined: May 2014
Location: Auckland
Posts: 46
How have your children adjusted?
I mentioned in a previous thread that my children were unhappy in NZ.
I was asked to elaborate on that statement so I thought I would start a new thread were everyone could add to how their children have adjusted to the move and the lifestyle.
I have 2 children, a 10 year old daughter and an 8 year old son. They were both very happy and content in their school in Swansea and both had a very large circle of friends and were both very busy, happy children in Swansea.
They both attend what is considered a very good and progressive school. I know people complain about the education in NZ but I'm one of those people that prefer it here. Both of my kids have done very well, academically, at the school here and I'm happy with the standard of education.
However my daughter has struggled to make friends. She's a very genial, easy going sort of girl so it was a real surprise that she didn't settle straight in but we're almost 18 months in and she still doesn't have any real friends. That's been very hard on her. She also isn't very sporty, she's far more into art and music than sports and because school is all about sports she's had a tough time.
In Swansea she used to join all the school sports teams, it was fun and she enjoyed having fun with her friends. Even though she wasn't any good at it she always tried her best and that was enough. But at her school if you aren't good, you aren't allowed to participate at all in any of the after school sports that the school offer. One of my neighbours (from the UK) volunteered to coach the school netball team. When the school found out she was letting players who weren't that skilled play on the netball team, they threatened to sack her. Yes, they threatened to sack a volunteer because she wasn't cut throat enough with a bunch of 8 year olds. So my daughter is doing less sports activities and spending less time outdoors in NZ than she did in Swansea
On top of that she's been picked on by a number of bully's in her class. When it became evident that she was coming home with bruises on her arms and torso from being punched I spoke to the school. Their attitude was kids will be kids. It took me threatening them before they agreed to speak to the kids that punched my daughter. The day after I spoke to the school my daughter came home with a bloody nose after she'd been punched in the face. The school hadn't even bothered to call me. Needless to say I completely lost my temper and probably made a fairly inappropriate scene at school but I ended up having to get the police involved. Thankfully since then they have left her alone. But I really do just want to get her out of that school as soon as possible.
On the positive side she loves the warm weather and the sea. She's always been a water baby and loves that she can swim more than she did in the Swansea. However we live quite far away from the nearest swimming beach so we can only go on the occasional weekend. We can't live any closer to the sea because it's just to expensive in Auckland.
My son has had a much better adjustment. It helps that one of his classmates is our neighbour so he's had a good friend since we first got here.
His biggest issue was last winter. He's one of those scrawny, beanpole kids without an inch of meat on him so he feels the cold really badly. He struggled with our uninsulated, unheated house last year. It would get so cold he would cry and that was with jumpers and blankets and heaters going. Poor child would have
given anything for a radiator.
That's another reason we want out of this house before winter comes round again.
He's also had a few run in's at school but instead of being beaten up he was having his lunch stolen on a daily basis. Again I had to involve the school, in the end he had to sit next to the teacher to ensure his lunch wasn't being nicked. It's just ridiculous.
Overall I don't believe either of them are better off here. They both spent far more time doing sporting activities and being outdoors in Swansea then they do here. That seems insane but that's what has happened to them. They've hardly any friends to speak of. They can tell mom and dad are unhappy even though we try to hide it from them. They do both get on with things and seem to be fine but fine isn't great when you compare it to how genuinely happy they were in Swansea.
I'm hoping all this will change once we move. We have found Auckland a very difficult place to try and integrate, I'm hoping the schools and the people are
more accepting and kind away from Auckland, if not I'm on the first plane back to Swansea
I was asked to elaborate on that statement so I thought I would start a new thread were everyone could add to how their children have adjusted to the move and the lifestyle.
I have 2 children, a 10 year old daughter and an 8 year old son. They were both very happy and content in their school in Swansea and both had a very large circle of friends and were both very busy, happy children in Swansea.
They both attend what is considered a very good and progressive school. I know people complain about the education in NZ but I'm one of those people that prefer it here. Both of my kids have done very well, academically, at the school here and I'm happy with the standard of education.
However my daughter has struggled to make friends. She's a very genial, easy going sort of girl so it was a real surprise that she didn't settle straight in but we're almost 18 months in and she still doesn't have any real friends. That's been very hard on her. She also isn't very sporty, she's far more into art and music than sports and because school is all about sports she's had a tough time.
In Swansea she used to join all the school sports teams, it was fun and she enjoyed having fun with her friends. Even though she wasn't any good at it she always tried her best and that was enough. But at her school if you aren't good, you aren't allowed to participate at all in any of the after school sports that the school offer. One of my neighbours (from the UK) volunteered to coach the school netball team. When the school found out she was letting players who weren't that skilled play on the netball team, they threatened to sack her. Yes, they threatened to sack a volunteer because she wasn't cut throat enough with a bunch of 8 year olds. So my daughter is doing less sports activities and spending less time outdoors in NZ than she did in Swansea
On top of that she's been picked on by a number of bully's in her class. When it became evident that she was coming home with bruises on her arms and torso from being punched I spoke to the school. Their attitude was kids will be kids. It took me threatening them before they agreed to speak to the kids that punched my daughter. The day after I spoke to the school my daughter came home with a bloody nose after she'd been punched in the face. The school hadn't even bothered to call me. Needless to say I completely lost my temper and probably made a fairly inappropriate scene at school but I ended up having to get the police involved. Thankfully since then they have left her alone. But I really do just want to get her out of that school as soon as possible.
On the positive side she loves the warm weather and the sea. She's always been a water baby and loves that she can swim more than she did in the Swansea. However we live quite far away from the nearest swimming beach so we can only go on the occasional weekend. We can't live any closer to the sea because it's just to expensive in Auckland.
My son has had a much better adjustment. It helps that one of his classmates is our neighbour so he's had a good friend since we first got here.
His biggest issue was last winter. He's one of those scrawny, beanpole kids without an inch of meat on him so he feels the cold really badly. He struggled with our uninsulated, unheated house last year. It would get so cold he would cry and that was with jumpers and blankets and heaters going. Poor child would have
given anything for a radiator.
That's another reason we want out of this house before winter comes round again.
He's also had a few run in's at school but instead of being beaten up he was having his lunch stolen on a daily basis. Again I had to involve the school, in the end he had to sit next to the teacher to ensure his lunch wasn't being nicked. It's just ridiculous.
Overall I don't believe either of them are better off here. They both spent far more time doing sporting activities and being outdoors in Swansea then they do here. That seems insane but that's what has happened to them. They've hardly any friends to speak of. They can tell mom and dad are unhappy even though we try to hide it from them. They do both get on with things and seem to be fine but fine isn't great when you compare it to how genuinely happy they were in Swansea.
I'm hoping all this will change once we move. We have found Auckland a very difficult place to try and integrate, I'm hoping the schools and the people are
more accepting and kind away from Auckland, if not I'm on the first plane back to Swansea
Feb 7th 2016, 9:25 am
#2
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Joined: Oct 2011
Location: Wellington - I miss Castles, the NHS & English school system
Posts: 9,077
Re: How have your children adjusted?
feel for you and the kids. Know what you mean about the bullying and lack of support/resolution from the school.
Daughter refused to go in the end, the principal was very lacking to the fact of lying and not keeping documentation in her file. The Board of Trustees were also a bunch or aholes so we ended up contacting Heikia Parata and our complaints were overseen by a member of her staff and the Education Authority. We were lucky enough to move daughter onto college a year early - due to her previous UK education. and the son moved to a school out of our catchment zone.
As for making friends, daughter has had fair weather friends you know the ones where they are BFF and the next minute their not talking. She's a bit of a bookworm so not really into going out playing sports and going to the mall constantly is again not really something she wants to do every weekend.
Boys are different they just seem to muddle through and don't seem to need the approval of their peers.
Daughter refused to go in the end, the principal was very lacking to the fact of lying and not keeping documentation in her file. The Board of Trustees were also a bunch or aholes so we ended up contacting Heikia Parata and our complaints were overseen by a member of her staff and the Education Authority. We were lucky enough to move daughter onto college a year early - due to her previous UK education. and the son moved to a school out of our catchment zone.
As for making friends, daughter has had fair weather friends you know the ones where they are BFF and the next minute their not talking. She's a bit of a bookworm so not really into going out playing sports and going to the mall constantly is again not really something she wants to do every weekend.
Boys are different they just seem to muddle through and don't seem to need the approval of their peers.
Feb 7th 2016, 4:32 pm
#3
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Joined: Jan 2016
Location: Suffolk
Posts: 744
Re: How have your children adjusted?
I know that there is another thread going for "You know you are in NZ when....".
Sadly, we know we are in NZ (especially Northland) when we see the big billboard posters beside the road as you come into a town or village saying that domestic violence is just not acceptable.
I have also heard that a protocol to counter bullying in schools which was developed in NZ is likely to be adopted by some UK schools.
Sadly, you tend to develop world leading expertise when you have a lot of experience in the subject.
It also sounds as though they still have some development work to do.
Sadly, we know we are in NZ (especially Northland) when we see the big billboard posters beside the road as you come into a town or village saying that domestic violence is just not acceptable.
I have also heard that a protocol to counter bullying in schools which was developed in NZ is likely to be adopted by some UK schools.
Sadly, you tend to develop world leading expertise when you have a lot of experience in the subject.
It also sounds as though they still have some development work to do.
