Ngray

Hi,
We're considering moving to New Zealand next year. We have 3 children aged, 4,2 and 7 months. I'm worried that they will miss the extended family. What are people's opinions on if it is worth leaving all the family behind? Is it worth it for the lifestyle? Thanks
Natasha

Moses2013

I can't comment personally but I would think that it depends how important your family is to you. It will also depend how you live now and what you expect to gain in New Zealand, or let's say the area you're moving to. A lot of people always bring up the outdoor lifestyle but some people will have a better outdoor lifestyle in the UK and others will have it in New Zealand.

Bo-Jangles

What 'lifestyle' are you hoping to achieve? Given you are starting with a clean slate I would have thought it would be a good place to start to see if that is even remotely possible for you to (a) get a visa, (b) find suitable employment here and (c) somewhere to live that will offer you something 'better' than the set-up you currently have.

Assuming the best case scenario of finding your dream job and an affordable house, in a dream location, with endless sunshine, beaches and scenery would you be happy to have all that and not see or have any support from your extended family for the next five years? I suppose you might.

With a worst case scenario of a crap low paying job, a crappy cold house in a crappy suburb of Hamilton or Auckland would you be equally as keen to leave your family out of the equation? Maybe not?

Then you can decide on all variable in between on which you would be willing to compromise.

Genesis

Hi, your angst is totally understandable. I dragged my twin daughters at two and their brother at 4 over to the other side of the world. Personally I would do it again in a heartbeat. I was fairly close to my family at that point but my kids need to have their own lives and I felt it was worth the negative aspects of not seeing their kin.

What you have to ask yourselves is 'do I live in the pocket of my extended family in such a way that leaving the UK will have a massive negative effect on my kids and us?' I saw my family but just 3 to 4 times a year when I was in the UK.

That was not worth hanging on for. I believe we must live our own lives the way we want to and the way we see fit. If your family are kind and supportive they will help you and have your back.

My mother accused me of 'deserting the family'. She is entitled to her opinion but it was unhelpul, to say the least.

Live your life the way you think best. I can assure you your kids will delight in life in NZ. More over your extended family will have a valid reason to visit one of the best places to be on earth. I wish you well.

PS Been here almost 12 years now and it is a great place, warts and all. My kids love their lives here too. So yes, it has ALL been worth it.

Ngray

Bo jangles - We have a job opportunity with a visa and a house in a nice suburb of Auckland, hence the difficult decision. I've travelled New Zealand about 7 years ago, but really wanted people's experiences of whether the day to day living is worth taking away the children from their grandparents which currently live around 3 hours away.

Ngray

Thank you. That sounds very similar to my current family situation, although most of the grandparents see it as a brilliant opportunity and think we should do it. Did you make friends quite quickly? And how are the schools?

escapedtonz

That was one of my wife's major issues, however we both had the desire to migrate overseas for adventure and to seek out a better standard of life, especially for the kids so she bit the bullet and went with it.
She has missed family a lot and does often feel guilty for taking the kids away from family, but we both feel the lifestyle is worth it and especially when you consider their options in the future and the different life they will lead here.
We love it here and won't be going back anytime soon. We are here for the long haul and hopefully one day 20 or so years from now, be sat on my deck in Russell or another place we have found more beautiful with the Mrs feet up enjoying retirement with grand kids running round silly

Genesis

Schools are great. Made friends, mainly non kiwis who tend not to let you into their lives IMO. I think the schools are great. All my kids are excelling. Sounds like you have a wonderful set up to arrive to. Auckland is a lovely place, I know the Ponsonby district fairly well. Only downside to Auckland are the house prices and the traffic. I really hope you do come, your grand parents sound very cool. Do not let anyone send you on a guilt trip...the only trip you need is a one way ticket to NZ!!!!!! Good luck.

Pom_Chch

It all depends how close you are to your family, how much they are a part of your everyday life and if you can adapt without them being there. Don't get me wrong, I love my family dearly, but ever since adulthood we are not part of each others day to day lives and don't see each other all that often. If we were lucky we would see them every 3/4 months and maybe catch up over the phone every 2-3 weeks. Personally that wasn't enough for us to not move and make a go of it.

The "is it worth it question" is a difficult one to answer as you are the only one that will know, and you will not know until you get here and live it. Other opinions will only confuse the matter as you will get 6 of one saying it's great and half a dozen of the other who think it sucks. I sometimes think it's better to arrive with no preconceived ideas or expectations. You arrive, take experiences at face value with no outside influence and make your own mind up.

Bumptious

I think having younger children when you make your move here will make it much easier to make friends. We moved to our region 13 years ago not knowing anyone after living in Auckland and one was at kindy and one at primary school. Made it much easier and now I have a really good small group of close friends (kiwis) and other acquaintances. I also have English friends I have met through various ways but don't think they are any different to my NZ ones (apart from the fact we were born in same country). Sorry can't comment on extended family as I came out here long before I had children, however my mother would've preferred me to stay closer to home, but I don't regret any of that at all. It's lovely going back to visit.

Robbie2010

Schools are shit! Primary, intermediate and college all totally failed my son.

Made friends quickly ... but not with many kiwi's .. mostly asian(Chinese, Taiwanese, Malaysian).

Only you can decide if its worth it.

Bumptious

Bit over the top re schools. Both my kids did well at school (they were born here) probably depends on the school and you can always get extra tuition if your child should need it. My daughter's high school gives extra lessons for free after school if they need a bit of help. Also depends on the child, if they are keen to study and get ahead they will ( like in any country). I know many immigrant families who have come from UK and their kids haven't failed at school. I can't compare to UK schools as I left mine in 1982. We loved the kindy, primary, intermediate and high schools that we chose for our kids.

Robbie2010

Not over the top at all ... its a true reflection.

My son is very bright but has dyslexia and not one of his teachers in any of his schools understood what it is!
All the private stuff we had done, all the assesments all passed to the schools and teachers and they still never got it.
Every year we had to tell every teacher over and over again.

If your child is dyslexic do not come to New Zealand! They have no comprehension of the condition whatsoever!

Genesis

I am afraid its the same with anorexia nervosa. Child psychologists are thin on the ground too. This is a tiny country so does not deal with the 'rarer' issues. My daughter had AN. Small town mentality I fear. Sorry to hear about the problems with your boy, my lad too has some issues. Hard innit??

BEVS

They have no comprehension for adults either.
My husband is very bright . Top 10% but attitude to him when being told he is dyslexic ( and with proof) is that of late 60's UK. Can't read or write like anyone else so you must be thick really.

TBH they don't quite get Asperger either.