c_wal10

So next month we have been in NZ for 18 months.
We started off in Gisborne for just over 6 months then moved to Kaikoura and have been here since, and got our residency after about 10 months of applying. So far all has been good and we love NZ. But unfortuantely just recently I have gotten very very homesick (I am 10 weeks pregnant so know that these hormones aren't helping the job) and keep thinking about wanting to go home. I miss my family and friends, we had my dad out in Jan for 3 weeks and then husbands parents out in Feb for 3 weeks, I have made a few friends but don't feel as close to them as those back in the UK. We are farmers and I miss the farming social life that goes on in the UK compared to here. And then I miss the silly little things like the shopping (choice of shops etc). I don't miss the weather and the inlaws been right on our doorstep (But there again a month solid of them and not even been able to go to New World alone is hard). My husband loves farming here and we see so much more of him and can be involved more, he can hunt. the kids are outside loads and their so much opportunities open to them in school compared to UK (they go skiing every week in winter, swimming everyday in summer).
I'm so confused. Can anyone offer so words of wisdom or is in the same boat? Thanks

scrubbedexpat094

Oh you poor love, I do feel for you and know what you are going through. Too far away to be able to help you in a practical fashion. The pregnancy hormones won't be helping the feelings and having had family members to stay recently can be unsettling.

You built friendships up over a long period of time in the UK and you haven't been here long enough to get make those same connections yet. Please tell someone you do know how you are feeling and ask if they can take you with them when they are going somewhere. A friend told me she did this and it helped her enormously. I wish I had done something similar.

After 8 years here I still find the lack of decent shops & choice depressing, so I still do most of my clothes shopping on-line .

It does take time to fit in and become accepted. Any clubs etc. in the area that you can join even if your not particularly interested at first. Never thought I'd be involved in local theatre but have made a whole bunch of friends from it. Just do back stage stuff and some Front of house, now & again.

Talk to your OH about how you feel, it's hard when one of you loves it and the other doesn't. Got that T-shirt

No pearls of wisdom from me I'm afraid but I do want you to know that you're not alone in feeling this.

Robbo25

After 6 years of being here I find looking at Kiwi's dress sense (or lack of) pretty depressing too.

Nothing I can say either other than I sympathise, I can't rationalise it at all but feel there are some things which I am emotionally attached to that just won't leave me.

Sparkleydiva

I feel for you - it can be so hard when it hits

That said, you do have the extra burden of pregnancy hormones, but even so it is still a tough one

Even more so if you DH is happy here with his work, as mine is. Mine doesn't see the harder side of things and that he isn't close to his family doesn't help at all.

Don't get me started on the shopping/clothes/cost/quality/choice etc. 8 years in and I still buy all my clothes online - which is great in one respect but I so miss being able to go and shop and bring things home and wear them immediately.

Friendships are hard to make. I didn't have school age children when we moved and this made it even more difficult. Funnily enough I was talking with a kiwi woman last week who is returning here after 8 years in Aussie because she still feels like an outsider. It was the first kiwi I've come across who acknowledged this as being a problem. I still feel like an outsider, except at work where at least half of us are from the UK!

All that said, you are still in the early days of settling, it took me a long time to settle, then became unsettled again but give yourself some breathing space and time and having had visitors always unsettles even the most settled of us

Take care

moonie2011

Hi, I love it here but even that said sometimes it's hard, when you can't find something to wear, crap tv, when there are no decent eating places open after the cinema, when things just don't go right I cannot help but compare to the UK, it's a natural reaction I'm afraid.
I have long term suffered depression and I have had several low periods here, back in uk I would shout "why is life so hard, I hate my life" but here it automatically comes out, "that's it I want to go home!!!!"... I don't
I don't know if it will ever change because we are human and have memories.
If it helps put up a list somewhere and write everything that makes you smile, makes you say that wouldn't happen in the uk so that you can clearly see it when you feel low, get the whole family to do it
I also have a jar, the best bits of 2015 and we all write good things when they happen and put them in, they are open on New Year's Eve/day. It's amazing what you forget and how good it makes you feel
Don't be too harsh on yourself xxx

BEVS

Yes. If you have no kids. No existing pals or family when you arrive then it can be incredibly isolating. You can chuck yourself into groups and the like to help fill that void but it does not necessarily lead to the deeper & meaningful friendships that one has had for many years.
Some say that having kids helps . However others say that it doesn't lead to friendships as those Mum's of kids have already formed their groups from very early on.

Yes again. I knew a Kiwi woman, a budding friendship, who moved to the Nelson and Bays area but eventually moved back to the Dunedin area as she felt she didn't fit in and was homesick for the place she knew , her pals from down there and her family members. So she moved back. I think she gravitated towards me really as she was also from outside the area.

c_wal10. Stick with it. You're pregnant right now and all over the place. Kiakoura is quite a small community but I am sure once the bab comes along you'll be connecting with other new Mums in no time.
You'll be sharing that with them from the beginning, so you may find a couple that you click with.

Chocoholics

Such a difficult one and you are definitely not alone. I came home a bit depressed yesterday because it felt like everyone was out to take my money through hard-sell tactics for things I didn't need or want including the bank, hairdresser and pharmacy! It will take time for you to build up friendships again. We found that it really helps to have expats as friends (as well as Kiwis of course) that understand what you are going through when you are feeling low. This forum is also one of the best places to chat to people. I hope things get better for you soon.

moving2NZ2013

I feel EXACTLY the same!
My husbands in farming here we have way more family time I love the days out and the weather. But I'm soooo homesick

Marzie

Hope this might help. It's only natural to get these pangs of homesickness. Happens to most of us who emigrate at some stage. Be of good cheer and good luck.A new baby will help no end, speaking of one who went through the same situation decades ago now.

https://www.newzealandnow.govt.nz/li...of-settling-in

kitti

I went back to the UK from Nelson when I was pregnant because I was 18 months in and every fibre of my being LONGED for home.

Three months after those twins were born I was climbing the walls in frustration and fury that I'd gone back to the UK.

It took three years to get back, we're now in Kapiti and love it. Wild horses could not drag me back, I'm here to stay. Those pregnancy hormones are awful. Hang on in there. The only advice I could offer is perhaps try to find a group you could join? Make a huge effort to meet more people, it'll be worth it. Hope things pick up. xxx

BEVS

Hi and welcome to our wee NZ BE forum.

A helpful first post.

I read that you emigrated some fair old while ago. Perhaps think to create a bit of an intro thread if you have the time and inclination, giving a bit of your story.

All input from those that have gone through the emigration process from or to any country can be insightful and helpful for those thinking of making the same huge move.

Tom H

How can you be homesick in a country that has stunning scenary, beautiful mountains, views that you'd never get in the UK, beaches, stunning cities, wonderful capital, great people etc. How can you even think of the country where it's gone to the dogs, being taken over by PC people etc..

....

Actually I know exactly what you are going through and having a baby certainly helps. We've had plenty of obstacles to get over since being here. It's not easy moving thousands of miles away and facing unfortunate, unforeseen circumstances with no family to help.

Your new arrival will hopefully make things easier. You'll be able to join the plunket groups in Kaikoura, or even take the little un to play centres. I know it's a 2 hour drive away but Paradise City has an under 5 facebook site that lists all things to do with under 5s and that has helped us no end. We recently had Science Alive for under 5s that my 2 year old adored. Then there's location as well. Moving to Pegasus for us has helped massively.

Good luck, really hope things work out for you. If needsbe, feel free to come down to Pegasus - we're a friendly bunch

moving2NZ2013

Having a baby I a double edged sword. It's great to meet new mums ect but I still feel an incredible amount of guilt

MrsGreen2013

I just wanted to say I feel for you I really do, I know how hard it can be.
We too have been here just under 18 months and i'll be honest still struggle most days.

However someone else mentioned the idea of writing a list of everything that makes you smile in NZ, do your pro's and con's. I find it really works for my husband and I.

We laugh because in the UK we were always writing lists to help us make the decision to come, now we are doing it to help decide whether to stay. However we read through our old lists from the UK a few weeks back and it really gave us a reality check and helped us see the positive.

I send you huge hugs and hope that your little bundle of joy brings you lots of love and happiness when he or she arrives xx

Marzie

18 months isn't long. It gets better. Try to avoid comparing everything to how it's done back home is my 2 cents worth. It's going to be different but that is part and parcel of moving to any new country. Try to adapt to the lifestyle and you will soon fit in and grow to appreciate all the good bits and be happier for it. Have fun, life is too short to dwell on the past. Good luck and best wishes.