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Old Dec 28th 2017, 8:27 pm   #1
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Question 10 years in NZ and still unsure

Hi everyone.

I'm new to this site. I hate to be a miserable "POM" but here goes...

I'm originally from a tiny village called Chalfont St Giles. My family and I moved to NZ when I was 17. I am now 27, happily married, lucky enough to be a homeowner and have somewhat of a good career.

....Yet I still crave the UK. I miss my friends and family still! I have not managed to create any strong friendships, even though I went to school and uni here! What makes it harder is all of my friends back home are still super close and would love to have me home.

I always feel like an outsider and believe I am treated like one too. Even my Kiwi husband feels NZ isn't a "open minded" place... don't get me started on "tall poppy syndrome".

I'm a Marketing Manager here and have been in marketing for about 7 years. I'm still yet to find a workplace that I really do like. No one ever wants to catch up outside of work, everyone is overworked and under paid. And all the bosses I have had have been bullies (and sexist - & I am by no means I big feminist!) Plus we work so incredibly hard, crazy hours!

My family are also considering the move back to England, which is making me even more tempted. My husband is open to it, but then I feel bad taking him from his home and his family.

I suppose I thought after 10 years I'd be more than settled. However the older I've become the more I am unhappy here.

I'd love to hear other peoples thoughts on this and if you came at a similar age?

Apologies for the very negative post!
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Old Dec 29th 2017, 7:36 pm   #2
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Default Re: 10 years in NZ and still unsure

Go home
You get one life, you're not meant to spend it being miserable
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Old Dec 29th 2017, 8:45 pm   #3
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Default Re: 10 years in NZ and still unsure

You dont mention any reasons why you’d like to stay, and if your husband is prepared to do it, then go back. What’s the alternative ? - spend another 10 years, wanting to go back but not doing so ?
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Old Dec 29th 2017, 9:13 pm   #4
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Default Re: 10 years in NZ and still unsure

I would say don't move back because friends are saying they would love to have you home, easy to say/type, harder to put in to practice, you will have nothing really in common and they have lived without you for many years it may well be hard to actually maintain a closer relationship than the one you have at the moment.

You say you have a good career here, home and happy marriage which is something not everyone can say.

I would suggest a long trip back, maybe a year to get a feel of "real life" before you make any permanent decisions and sell off your life in NZ, if in fact you need to sell it off to make a move anywhere.

I know how you feel, 5 years in and it still is lacking something here but we just cannot afford to pack up and start yet again and we have kids to consider. I am resigned to the fact that until the kids are independent of us we cannot make a major decision as to what I need to do. I have the idea that once the kids are off hands we would travel a bit more, firstly inside NZ and then the world is our oyster but realistically thats years and years away.

As for friends here, ours are generally expats, in the 5 years only one work colleague has become a friend and both myself and OH have worked at three companies. I would suggest you look at finding friends within the expat community if you have not been able to get home grown despite living here for many years. Your knowledge of how things work here would be very helpful to anyone moving here. Look on sites that have local communities as groups and get stuck in.

But saying that you are still young and if you have the monetary means then maybe scratch that itch and see what happens, but just don't burn your bridges.
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Old Dec 30th 2017, 4:56 am   #5
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Default Re: 10 years in NZ and still unsure

New Zealand can be a tough go for expats. 10 years is a very good run.

You will see on this forum, a lot of people who have settled more or less successfully, get the itch at about the ten-year mark.

At age 27, you can leave, come back in 5, 6, 7 years and still have a 30 year work horizon in front of you.

Lots of Kiwis your age leave, and have done so historically.

So if your family is looking at leaving, your husband is open to it, and you want to do it too - things are kind of pointing one way.

I assume you are a New Zealand Citizen. If not, I would get that sorted before leaving.
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Old Dec 30th 2017, 5:02 pm   #6
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Default Re: 10 years in NZ and still unsure

[QUOTE=MrsFychan;12407122]

I would suggest a long trip back, maybe a year to get a feel of "real life" before you make any permanent decisions and sell off your life in NZ, if in fact you need to sell it off to make a move anywhere.

Having read this post, and taking stock of my recent experiences I feel that if you are in a position to do so, taking Mrs F's advice (above) would be a good move.

Back in May 2016 I moved back to the UK for a many reasons after 8+ years in Auckland. Some of this was driven by my need to belong and also by my daughters (x2) desire to return to the UK too. They were 17 & 18 when we moved to Auckland and returned here at 26 & 28 having completed their tertiary education over there - and although they have successfully had the experiences they desired here including European travel, they now wish we had come back for an extended period (but not a holiday as it is not the same) before making the move lock stock & barrel. IE: put our household goods in storage and just paid for a flight back.

I say this as they are returning in February 2018 as their rose tinted glasses painted a picture of 'home' that just isn't a reality for them. So my advice would be to think very carefully before packing everything up. If you can come over without selling your property (may be rent it out) and see how it goes first, that might be sufficient to quell the desire to seek out new adventures.

If you wish to pm me please feel free to do so and I wish you good luck.
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Old Dec 31st 2017, 3:22 am   #7
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Default Re: 10 years in NZ and still unsure

I don't know if this sounds patronising, but presumably at 17 you wouldn't have had to put up with much of the responsibilities adult life in the UK - the tiresome commutes, traffic jams, council taxes, bills, working etc. So there would be a big difference to the fond memories.

But it would also be criminal for you at your age not to have spent time over there doing some sort of OE - something you'll completely regret later in life.
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