Dutchie

And why?

Lets add some water to the dry UK humor on this board shall we?

It ain't much if it ain't Dutch... Is what I saw on one of my last business trips over to the USA on one of their famous Yellow Cab bumpers in the big Apple.

A few things we Dutchies are good at.

1. When are the biggest suppliers to the UK smugglers of Booze and "fags" back to the UK.

2. "Our" Johnnie Walker is at least 25-30% cheaper then yours is. Gets even worse with the really good stuff called Green / Blue or Gold Label "Walkers". Ok the holy grail? The beers? Hmmm... I'll swallow my Dutch pride, yours are better.

3. Our coffee shops? Are for the tourists, and amateurs, a real Dutchie grows it him or herself.

3.A. And yes, you can have a joint in your hand and ask a Dutch cop for a light. Most probably will get it to.

4. Amsterdam's red light district? Ain't anything in the UK that can compare to that. Even if you don't visit the Ladies (or Gentlemen, or both...) the atmosphere is truly unique. I can remember a UK customer of mine once carefully asking "You guys have a condom and sex museum? This I wanna see...

5. We are the most stuburn and independent race of people on this planet, most probably in the entire universe. The biggest mistake a tourist can make? Seeing our woman as the weak sex. A battle lost even before you start it guys, be warned.

6. Your PM and our PM have one thing in common. Your "Charlie Brown" and our "Harry Potter" version of PM's are both weak figures. Now if that awesome looking UK Lady would write a book about those two? It would be a mega bestseller under the mega bestsellers worldwide.

7. In my country with humor added, when caught speeding at 3:30 AM on the A10? If you know how, you can settle the dispute over a cup of coffee at a gas station (If you're lucky). And no, don't tell a Dutch female cop she looks fantastic in blue. In the UK? Clocked at 186.4 miles per hour on the M1 at 3:45 AM? I still here that dry Oxford dialect stating "You are not in the Europe Sir... Planes take off at that speed here." And yes, paid a fine that put me on a diet for the rest of the month. Why do you guys hate yellow number plates over there?

8. My absolute number one sport? When HMS Customs tells me "Welcome to the UK?" Hmmm... Can't resist. "Sorry Sir, just drove from one side of the EU to the other...."

9. The biggest shock of my life? My rookie's trip to the UK? Ordering UK breakfast at 6AM in a hotel. I can still hear the French guy sitting at the table next to me whisper "I admire your courage Sir...". Sausage and beans? I looked at that plate for ten minutes, couldn't push myself so far as to try it. Ok, admitted defeat, ordered coffee. And again I hear a French accent stating "Oooo boy, this must really be your first time to the UK, prepare your mouth for a king size shock...". Bloody hell, you guys would have won the Iraqi war with dropping off breakfast like to the terrorists 24 hours prior to starting the war.

10. What made me really realize I'm really in the UK? Waiting my turn in a pub somewhere in London. That itself was a major achievement in survival sports. Then to kindly ask the Lady behind the bar in my mixture of Dutch / American English for a beer. "May I have a beer please..." Only to see her look up really surprised "Hey Mates, we have a Bloody American standing here...". Only to reply in typical Dutch logic "Ok Lady, keeping in mind that if you where to swing your boobs you'll most likely kill me, I'm sorry I insulted you. Now may I have my beer please?"

You wacky UK nationals? In a weird way? You do fit into the Dutch society. Ok most do. So don't see this posting as an insult, see it as getting used to Dutch humor. I'd love to hear the "other way around experiences".

Dutchie

Mitzyboy

We used to do a lot of business with the Dutch and spent a lot of time there but in the early days my business partner walked in to a "coffee bar" in Amsterdam and asked for two cappuchinos ..... strange looks ensued.

Dutchie

Hahaha... I can imagine that. So no trip to the next universe huh?

elfman

In the UK? We don't - our cars have them too (unless it's all changed since December)

Casa Santo Estevo

Like this?

or this?

Dutchie

Hi Casa,

Yes, getting there, are you Dutch? I've seen Hermans several times live, Holland lost it's best ever one man show in him when he died. But it's like Freddy Heiniken once said "Our humor? Even translated it opens any door. Now why can't I find the joke that opens Ford Knox huh?"

Dutchie

Nice... really nice... The rest of the EU should treat you in the same way the UK treats a none UK driver. With arrogance and racist remarks I mean. Driving off the boat? I see old beaten up station cars and Vans packed full with illegal booze and cigarettes driving off the same boat as well, but with UK number plates. The "Albert Einsteins of HMS Customs" don't even stop them. But every one with German, Dutch, Belgium, French and god knows what else number plates is stopped, pulled over and pushed to the limits of decent behavior with HMS Customs semi intelligent remarks and / or questions. Long live the EU, to witch the UK also belongs.

Casa Santo Estevo

50-50!