Backhomeatlast

Funny old world ain't it.

Ruby Murray

Hi Brits, what a lovely post! It's great to hear that you come from "down the road" from where I grew up! I have spent a lot of time in Dane Bank in my past - has some lovely houses there, although it's very close to the motorway don't you find (has it's plus points though too as you are always close to everywhere). It's funny you should mention Marple and Romiley...I've mentioned those areas to my OH too because I like those areas. I lived in Gee Cross before we came out to Canada, but unfortunately, it was on the "not so nice side", which has tarred my OH's memory of the whole of Hyde!! I've suggested that we can look for a nice house to rent on the really nice side, even though it means paying more...I don't mind doing that as we will both be working to pay the rent....but all of Tameside is out of the window. My OH has family who live in Romiley in a lovely house and I have a good friend who lives in Woodley. I'd like some information on Werneth High School as that would be the prospective school for my daughter. I keep looking on the house rentals on Rightmove for those areas but they are few and far between Ya never know, we could end up neighbours down the line!! Oh and if you do end up living in Romiley, there is an AWESOME Indian...we were treated to a big slap up curry when we were there last month and it is superb!! One thing about the UK, you are always around the corner from a decent curry/chinese/kebab or regular chippy!!

brits1

My husbands family are from Stalybridge....yes I know but they live in the nice area of Mottram Road....now there are some lovely homes etc there and in the "valley" part of Mottram....but we do not want to live that side of the city either.....Gee Cross does have some lovely houses.....but as you say there are in Tameside....and if you don't want to live there no point....have you looked at Glossop?....they have new homes being built there all the time and a lot have those "small deposit mortgages on them".....I would not mind living there either but our oldest son has a place at Marple and Cheadle College.....it's a very good college and some of his friends go there...our other son is 14 and will start his GCSE's this Sept and we would like him to go to Marple Hall High School which is a good school.....I don't know anything about Werneth High School but I do love those areas.......you are not far from Stockport....great train links to Manchester and the countryside is on your doorstep.......point all this out to your husband....I do know he means by not going back to your old area's....for us we enjoyed Danebank...(the boys primary schools was excellent and they would of gone to Audendshaw Grammer if we had stayed) and my dad and brother and our friends all have lovely homes there but we want to try a different area....not to far but just enough for it to feel "different"......there are a few homes to rent in and around Marple...my husband has been onto one of the Estate Agents and they have been great....will let you know if you'd like..........and yes would love to know of any great "Indian" in the area's.......we use to go to the Indian Ocean in Ashton when it was first opened...even had two Christmas Day meals there.....they were excellent...both for food and entertainment....family still go and they say the food is just as good......Did you ever go to the Windmill pub.....I use to say when I was little I wanted that for my home...and if I won the lottery I would buy it....great garden and lovely huge rooms upstairs....they have had it refurb now and it's lovely inside.....and the beer garden was just as nice.....................
Take care and use all your feminine charms you can on your husband......if that does not work....sod him..he's not worth it!!! ha ha only joking...

buggalugs

Hi Brits1 and Ruby Murray:

Just wanted to say that reading your posts made me very homesick indeed. You are talking about my neck of the woods, I was born in Romiley, went to Bredbury High School and lived in Marple Bridge as an adult. We have just found out our old house in Marple Bridge is now for sale, this time its 265,000! we sold it 8 years ago for 77,000! I could never go back to that area as I am now priced out of the market, but I would look at the Glossop area, its got loads of affordable (but usually small) houses and the people are very nice, down to earth and know how to have a good time. I am feeling more and more like I want to return to the UK. I have done 12years here in Canada, 11 in BC and still feel even after all this time that I dont really belong here. Anyway ladies, just want to say hi and tell you I enjoyed going down memory lane reading your posts.
Buggalugs

Elaine B.

I know exactly what you mean, I've been in Canada just over 8 years and it has never really felt like home and my OH who's Canadian agrees

Take Care.

Elaine

katesbackagain

I'll be telling them to count the wrinkles and frown lines on my face and then asking them if they remember me having ANY before I left.

Ruby Murray

Hi Brits,
Years ago, when we were miserable in our Gee Cross house, we looked at the possibility of Glossop and Simmondley, and although it was lovely there, it always bothered us about Mottram Moor. Just that one road in, one road out (so to speak)....I know there is another back way out via Glossop but that's the long way round. There's been talk for years now about the by-pass but when that's going to happen is anyone's guess!

I'm really quite envious that you're all looking forward to going back this June....I wish the same could be said for me. I've had yet another blow-up with him....he's sick of hearing me suggest places to live, told me to leave whenever I want, he's not moving anywhere, blames Expats for making me more determined to go home and that if we end up selling the house, he'll still stay here on his own and rent!! I'm not happy with him right now because he's mocking my depression, even though I was there for him when he went through his back in 2004 (when he insisted we sell our house in Ontario and move back to the UK where we lost THOUSANDS of pounds)!! A big part of me right now would jump on that plane and get the hell out of this relationship and make a go of things by myself but the thing is, in order to lead a happy life back home, I had plans of it involving all of us going. Me going back on my own....where will I end up with one, maybe two kids? In a cheap terraced in a not-so-nice part of town. What's the pull there then? Going back as a family unit would mean both of us working and renting a nice semi in a nice area. Without him, I won't have that. So does that mean I have to put up and shut up and live here, so that my kids aren't separated from their dad? Or do I dig my heels in and "show him I mean it" and go back without him? In theory, I would suggest to any woman who has a domineering OH to get out and live without him, but the reality is a different story. I don't want him to rub my nose in it a couple of years down the line telling my I ended up a single mother in a council house back in Hattersley, when I could've had it all here! Sorry, not really relating to the original thread now is it....I just had to get that off my chest

Ruby Murray

Hi buggalugs, you're still around good to see!! As I've just replied to Brits1, Glossop is nice, being on the edge of the Pennines but it just seemed too cut off with the awful traffic going up and down Mottram Moor. What's your situation right now...I know you've been homesick a couple of months now but are you going to try and get back or does the homesickness subside once Spring & Summer arrives? I'm sure I won't be as bad as I am right now when the great weather arrives but I'm really having issues right now that I'm sure will stick with me throughout the year. Keep in touch!
Ruby x

manghams

Just gotta say, I'm going back with hubby next Friday, I personally dont feel we have given it long enough - but hubby is so low, I cant bear to see him that way.

So today, the house went in the hands of the realtor, I booked the Flights and transport to and from each airport, and arranged the shipping company to come back again, to send out stuff back to the UK.

I have a heavy heart, but nothing like the way my hubby feels. We will take a hugh financial loss - but his health is more important.

I now think that immigrating is a very personal thing, my hubby was coming "home" Canadian by birth, but now is totally unable to settle. I think it is so very different from whatever your expectations are, that is harder to adapt for some people.

Being happy is more important, than loss of money and loss of face. We made this move for our family, and now our family is suffering, it will take a while to heal.

I admire greatly those who can stay and those who are able to admit it just isnt for them.

buggalugs

Yep, still homesick, or perhaps "not happy with my life" would sum it up better. I am fed up with it all being so hard here. For the average joe (and that would be me and my other half) I feel its hard going just to keep ticking along. Here in Victoria, we find many things so expensive and to top it off my hourly rate at my place of work hasnt increased in two years! I would love to re-train to do something else but find that whats on offer here on the island is so limiting. I would love to be able to get back to the UK more often but apart from the expense how can it be done when you only get 2 weeks holiday here! My boss is quite good about me taking more (unpaid) leave but still I find it that much more difficult. I often find myself thinking about returning home, but to be honest when I do I get an anxious feeling inside, I think that I am scared to go back in case it had changed so much I couldnt settle there.....and then where would I be? I am not a happy camper most of the time right now, cant settle here but dont know where else I could. My OH doesnt feel this as much as me, perhaps men dont need to have as many close friendships as women, but I know I am dying inside, I seem to be losing my "fun" self and thats not a good place to be, I am quite depressed at the moment, being 52 with hormones going wonky doesnt help much either but I feel If I were home then at least I would have some support system there. Actually, at the moment I feel trapped, here isnt right but I dont know if UK would be right for me either.
Good to get it off my chest.
Buggalugs

jojosan

Ruby, Ruby, Ruby, Ruby (sorry, just had to do that - reminds me of the Kaiser Chiefs song!)

Now back to your post

I do feel so incredibly sorry for you (but not in a patronising way..); as how you feel day to day totally impacts on everything you do and how you interact with others around you. We all know that as we've all been there (as posting on MBTTUK I guess!). It's just a total bugger when you feel at odds with your OH on such a fundamental aspect of your life. Seems a large percentage of us posters are female wanting to return, trying to convince our male OH's of the error of their ways - although I notice a fair few chaps are also feeling this way too.

Unfortunately there's not a lot of help I, or anyone else, can give; as your situation is personal to you. You know your OH, so would a more subtle approach be better? I don't know, maybe just mentioning the UK slightly less but in a more kind of positive light - like, " remember when we did XYZ when we first met at XYZ location?" Just to get him into the good times you had that were there, instead of why you desperately need to get back there NOW.

Sorry, this sounds so crap as I write, but I'm trying to think of alternatives. As I said to you before, I've been "lucky" in that my OH kind of saw my problem re wanting to return pretty early on. I did worry that we would end up in your situation on many an occasion, as I couldn't imagine he'd agree with me 'ruining' his dream of a new life etc... Luckily we did not get to that point.

Anyway, loads of luck and hugs. Even though I don't know you, I feel great sympathy for the crappy situation you're in . Hope you can get a way out of it that is good for all of you.....

Elaine B.

I can't believe you're leaving NEXT FRIDAY!! It's amazing you got things organized that quick. Part of me feels so bad for you it didn't work out and part of me wishes I was the one leaving.

I hope your husband starts to feel better soon and that you get the family support you need when you get back.

Jay Bird

I have come to the conclusion that men and women want different things in life. I think us girlies want the emotional support we had Back Home; men don't feel the need for that.....and it's this that has us pulling in opposite directions. How to solve it? I wish I knew. For a while I suggested my OH leave me and go off on his own, because I was so depressed and literally good for nothing. I had it all worked out: we would sell everything, split our assets right down the middle, then he could go off and do what he wanted on his own, and I'd go do my own thing. In my mind it would work..........until he said he'd spend the rest of his life worrying about me, and I realised I'd do the same......worry about him, I mean. So, we knew that even after all these years together (30+) we still care enough to want to be together.
We've sat down and looked at our situation objectively and know that too many things are going against us, not least of which is getting work in this area. Although the intention was to semi-retire, OH had hoped he would be the one to find work, even part time, instead of which I'm the one with a job.....not good for his male-ego but he copes quite well. Anyway, we've looked at things from every possible angle and have decided this life is not for us, and the longer we leave it, the more difficult it's going to be.............we're on the right side of 60, and that's all I'm saying! So, we're taking the whole of March to go Home and set things in place. This is really what keeps me going now......whenever I have to go out there with my snow shovel, I think "this is the last winter here".
Funny thing is when we came I was so excited to be here; so filled with optimism that this would be our final move and we could happily retire here...........and yet I told my Mum it was just a very long holiday! Looks like I was more right than I realised!

Jay Bird

Hi Ruby
Sorry to hear you're stuck in the middle of all this................I know how you feel, except I don't have kids to consider. You have to ask yourself if you and OH care enough for each other to stay together; when my OH and I realised we'd spend the rest of our lives worrying about each other, if we split up, we decided to really look at what we have here, and what we would gain by Going Home. I know you're desparate to go back asap, but 18 months/2 years isn't a long time in the grand scheme of things. If I were your age (oh how I wish!), I would stay and get my citizenship, then you would be able to go back and forth whenever. I didn't get mine when we lived here back in the 80's; I came back here as a PR, and had to pay for my visa and PR card. I'm not bothering with the citizenship thing as it takes too long, and for someone of my advanced age , I'm not going to gain anything, as once I'm Home I know I'll not come back here to live. I know I never say Never, bit in this particular I am 100% sure.
Good Luck, Rubes, and try and hang in there.

Tableland

I've been following this thread with some interest because I recall we had a disagreement a long time ago about the relative merits of the two nations. You were one of the most hardy advocates of Canada, as I recall, and also a harsh critic of Britain, describing it, if memory serves, as being "filth and chaos". Your rather rococo narrative of a Britain drowning in seas of dog crap is easily recalled.

But seriously, I was interested to follow your story because Canada (the land of three winters and you're gone) is often utopianised on these boards, so it's refreshing to see the process from another perspective. I have noticed from these boards that most seem to talk of Canada in the hushed tones of reverence usually reserved for religious observance all the way up to the third winter, by which time many would stow away on a tramp steamer bound for Baghdad. The first winter is cute, the second one business as usual and the third one is the smack in the face. Although some ride it out and get used to it, I don't blame people for packing it up. Heaven knows many Canadians would if they had a foreign passport.

Good luck all the same, and I hope your husband extends you the same support and courtesy you did to him.