thinking of returning after more than 25 years
Mar 17th 2015, 9:26 am
#1
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Oct 2014
Location: Italy
Posts: 31
thinking of returning after more than 25 years
I've been thinking of returning to the UK from Italy for more or less a year now. Sometimes my thoughts have been just images and feelings, sometimes I've managed to process them to concrete searches, planning and conversations (not only with myself!! 
) but all still on a 'vague' level. A "what if" scenario....
I must admit to lurking in this part of the forum now and again, and getting to grips with the valuable information that so many contribute with and
trying to understand that strange, unsettling limbo that many of us, seem to pass through...
...Very conflicting feelings, a cocktail of good positivity, feeling terrified, earnestly wanting to make changes, scared of doing the wrong thing... wondering though, what the right thing is?! ... Going with gut instinct, heart or head...or choosing to ignore...
So what's my story then? Well I've been here over 25 years and am in my mid forties. I am married and have no children. Partner has two kids late teens, from previous marriage. I have no immediate family in UK any more. I've spoken to him regarding this, he's open minded about what I say but is not clear on how he could fit into all this. Nor am I. Sorry - difficult to explain.
I work part-time but my prospects here at work are pretty bleak although I like what I do a lot. I asked to review my situation and set out to see if we could structure some sort of growth, security and direction. But more so than anything - security - (I work for an Association that cannot guarantee my position in the future). So after plenty of meetings this may or may not happen. But so far no concrete proposals.
If I end up having to leave my current position, there is realistically zero possibilities that i could get similar work here in Italy. And to be frank, i imagine that to be the similar case in UK.
So if nothing concrete comes out at work - I have to re-invent something or other. Which on hand hand fills me with 'excitement' and on the other is daunting. My reasoning is that it may be easier to do this in the UK. Where mid forties you still 'can do' things.. here it's a bit different...
I must admit though that I'd been thing about coming home to the UK for quite some time now. I never ever thought that I'd be in this situation. But then several years ago, things started to change.
I felt as if it was time to go home.
When I come back to the UK I always feel like a different person. I kind of feel alive. Here things are different. It get's a bit tiring.
But perhaps that's the philosophy of an expat.
Sorry if this turned into a ramble...
All ideas, thoughts and reflections greatly welcomed!!
) but all still on a 'vague' level. A "what if" scenario....I must admit to lurking in this part of the forum now and again, and getting to grips with the valuable information that so many contribute with and
trying to understand that strange, unsettling limbo that many of us, seem to pass through...
...Very conflicting feelings, a cocktail of good positivity, feeling terrified, earnestly wanting to make changes, scared of doing the wrong thing... wondering though, what the right thing is?! ... Going with gut instinct, heart or head...or choosing to ignore...
So what's my story then? Well I've been here over 25 years and am in my mid forties. I am married and have no children. Partner has two kids late teens, from previous marriage. I have no immediate family in UK any more. I've spoken to him regarding this, he's open minded about what I say but is not clear on how he could fit into all this. Nor am I. Sorry - difficult to explain.
I work part-time but my prospects here at work are pretty bleak although I like what I do a lot. I asked to review my situation and set out to see if we could structure some sort of growth, security and direction. But more so than anything - security - (I work for an Association that cannot guarantee my position in the future). So after plenty of meetings this may or may not happen. But so far no concrete proposals.
If I end up having to leave my current position, there is realistically zero possibilities that i could get similar work here in Italy. And to be frank, i imagine that to be the similar case in UK.
So if nothing concrete comes out at work - I have to re-invent something or other. Which on hand hand fills me with 'excitement' and on the other is daunting. My reasoning is that it may be easier to do this in the UK. Where mid forties you still 'can do' things.. here it's a bit different...
I must admit though that I'd been thing about coming home to the UK for quite some time now. I never ever thought that I'd be in this situation. But then several years ago, things started to change.
I felt as if it was time to go home.
When I come back to the UK I always feel like a different person. I kind of feel alive. Here things are different. It get's a bit tiring.
But perhaps that's the philosophy of an expat.
Sorry if this turned into a ramble...
All ideas, thoughts and reflections greatly welcomed!!
Mar 17th 2015, 12:33 pm
#2
Forum Regular
Joined: Feb 2014
Location: alberta
Posts: 61
Re: thinking of returning after more than 25 years
I get it.
I know a lot of the things I missed are gone now and it does worry me a little Ill move back and me miserable.
I am very unhappy in my relationship and this is adding to my need to return to the UK, I want a divorce, will be telling him very very soon.
I did consider moving to another part of canada, stunning views, milder clmate, cheap houses with land but the thought of having to find a job(I work for myself right now and dont want to do that anymore either, too tying and 7 days a week)and make new friends is a little overwhelming, Im in my late 40's now.
I havent been to the UK in heck 8 years, I have family there, parents too, they do not support my possible divorce so are no help atall.
The friends I have been in touch with want me to move back.
We have been here 12 years, married almost 10, together 25 years.
People change, I know I have, he hasnt, unfortunately, peri menopause makes everything he does or says aggitate me beyond belief.
What do I miss about the UK
People with a sense of humour, sarcasm, history, friends etc of course, decent chinese food, decent bacon and sausages, scottish beef(I prefer ontario beef over albertan), lots and lots of foods I miss, I miss the local equestrian scene, all the local shows, all the local events that I used to think were silly, I now long for that small intense community spirit, even the drunks!
The clothes, holy, what is it with clothes over here, their fashion sense is non existant.
What I hate about Canada.....their humour, SNOW, 8 months of SNOW, short if atall spring, summer is great Ill miss that, their work ethics and most of all the way they are towards animals, in particular horses.
What I love about Canada, the mountains, snow at xmas, some of the restauarants, the service, yes gonna miss that in the UK, cheap electrical goods and other stuff too, made a few friends but im sure they will come visit.
Ive been knowing Ill be moving from alberta for the past few years, so miserable here and its draining me, I had been seriously looking at another part of canada, had been in touch with realtors, had a flight booked to visit but only last week ago something happened, I completely changed my mind and once I decided to return to the UK I felt happier, more relaxed inside, Ive got way more done since then, organising paperwork, quotes for horses, what I need to do, I know I wont have a nice fancy house with my horse there but I dont care, it feels deep down the right thing to do, life shouldnt be materialistic.
Ill sound like an old hippy but I feel you know deep inside what is right for you, you just have to listen
I know a lot of the things I missed are gone now and it does worry me a little Ill move back and me miserable.
I am very unhappy in my relationship and this is adding to my need to return to the UK, I want a divorce, will be telling him very very soon.
I did consider moving to another part of canada, stunning views, milder clmate, cheap houses with land but the thought of having to find a job(I work for myself right now and dont want to do that anymore either, too tying and 7 days a week)and make new friends is a little overwhelming, Im in my late 40's now.
I havent been to the UK in heck 8 years, I have family there, parents too, they do not support my possible divorce so are no help atall.
The friends I have been in touch with want me to move back.
We have been here 12 years, married almost 10, together 25 years.
People change, I know I have, he hasnt, unfortunately, peri menopause makes everything he does or says aggitate me beyond belief.
What do I miss about the UK
People with a sense of humour, sarcasm, history, friends etc of course, decent chinese food, decent bacon and sausages, scottish beef(I prefer ontario beef over albertan), lots and lots of foods I miss, I miss the local equestrian scene, all the local shows, all the local events that I used to think were silly, I now long for that small intense community spirit, even the drunks!
The clothes, holy, what is it with clothes over here, their fashion sense is non existant.
What I hate about Canada.....their humour, SNOW, 8 months of SNOW, short if atall spring, summer is great Ill miss that, their work ethics and most of all the way they are towards animals, in particular horses.
What I love about Canada, the mountains, snow at xmas, some of the restauarants, the service, yes gonna miss that in the UK, cheap electrical goods and other stuff too, made a few friends but im sure they will come visit.
Ive been knowing Ill be moving from alberta for the past few years, so miserable here and its draining me, I had been seriously looking at another part of canada, had been in touch with realtors, had a flight booked to visit but only last week ago something happened, I completely changed my mind and once I decided to return to the UK I felt happier, more relaxed inside, Ive got way more done since then, organising paperwork, quotes for horses, what I need to do, I know I wont have a nice fancy house with my horse there but I dont care, it feels deep down the right thing to do, life shouldnt be materialistic.
Ill sound like an old hippy but I feel you know deep inside what is right for you, you just have to listen
Mar 18th 2015, 7:53 pm
#3
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Aug 2013
Location: Clarksville, TN
Posts: 392
Re: thinking of returning after more than 25 years
I am a ping ponger...moved to the US in "86. Moved back to the UK '97, stayed 6 months, Back to the US. Then the urge to move back again was very strong in 2013-2014. So after I received some good advice from this board, I spent 3 months in the UK last summer. It really was the best thing I could have done. That 3 months last year cured my hankering for home. I will be back again this summer for an extended trip, but for now, I am happy I didn't make the move.
Mar 18th 2015, 9:46 pm
#4
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 6,148
Re: thinking of returning after more than 25 years
I get it.
I know a lot of the things I missed are gone now and it does worry me a little Ill move back and me miserable.
I am very unhappy in my relationship and this is adding to my need to return to the UK, I want a divorce, will be telling him very very soon.
I did consider moving to another part of canada, stunning views, milder clmate, cheap houses with land but the thought of having to find a job(I work for myself right now and dont want to do that anymore either, too tying and 7 days a week)and make new friends is a little overwhelming, Im in my late 40's now.
I havent been to the UK in heck 8 years, I have family there, parents too, they do not support my possible divorce so are no help atall.
The friends I have been in touch with want me to move back.
We have been here 12 years, married almost 10, together 25 years.
People change, I know I have, he hasnt, unfortunately, peri menopause makes everything he does or says aggitate me beyond belief.
What do I miss about the UK
People with a sense of humour, sarcasm, history, friends etc of course, decent chinese food, decent bacon and sausages, scottish beef(I prefer ontario beef over albertan), lots and lots of foods I miss, I miss the local equestrian scene, all the local shows, all the local events that I used to think were silly, I now long for that small intense community spirit, even the drunks!
The clothes, holy, what is it with clothes over here, their fashion sense is non existant.
What I hate about Canada.....their humour, SNOW, 8 months of SNOW, short if atall spring, summer is great Ill miss that, their work ethics and most of all the way they are towards animals, in particular horses.
What I love about Canada, the mountains, snow at xmas, some of the restauarants, the service, yes gonna miss that in the UK, cheap electrical goods and other stuff too, made a few friends but im sure they will come visit.
Ive been knowing Ill be moving from alberta for the past few years, so miserable here and its draining me, I had been seriously looking at another part of canada, had been in touch with realtors, had a flight booked to visit but only last week ago something happened, I completely changed my mind and once I decided to return to the UK I felt happier, more relaxed inside, Ive got way more done since then, organising paperwork, quotes for horses, what I need to do, I know I wont have a nice fancy house with my horse there but I dont care, it feels deep down the right thing to do, life shouldnt be materialistic.
Ill sound like an old hippy but I feel you know deep inside what is right for you, you just have to listen
I know a lot of the things I missed are gone now and it does worry me a little Ill move back and me miserable.
I am very unhappy in my relationship and this is adding to my need to return to the UK, I want a divorce, will be telling him very very soon.
I did consider moving to another part of canada, stunning views, milder clmate, cheap houses with land but the thought of having to find a job(I work for myself right now and dont want to do that anymore either, too tying and 7 days a week)and make new friends is a little overwhelming, Im in my late 40's now.
I havent been to the UK in heck 8 years, I have family there, parents too, they do not support my possible divorce so are no help atall.
The friends I have been in touch with want me to move back.
We have been here 12 years, married almost 10, together 25 years.
People change, I know I have, he hasnt, unfortunately, peri menopause makes everything he does or says aggitate me beyond belief.
What do I miss about the UK
People with a sense of humour, sarcasm, history, friends etc of course, decent chinese food, decent bacon and sausages, scottish beef(I prefer ontario beef over albertan), lots and lots of foods I miss, I miss the local equestrian scene, all the local shows, all the local events that I used to think were silly, I now long for that small intense community spirit, even the drunks!
The clothes, holy, what is it with clothes over here, their fashion sense is non existant.
What I hate about Canada.....their humour, SNOW, 8 months of SNOW, short if atall spring, summer is great Ill miss that, their work ethics and most of all the way they are towards animals, in particular horses.
What I love about Canada, the mountains, snow at xmas, some of the restauarants, the service, yes gonna miss that in the UK, cheap electrical goods and other stuff too, made a few friends but im sure they will come visit.
Ive been knowing Ill be moving from alberta for the past few years, so miserable here and its draining me, I had been seriously looking at another part of canada, had been in touch with realtors, had a flight booked to visit but only last week ago something happened, I completely changed my mind and once I decided to return to the UK I felt happier, more relaxed inside, Ive got way more done since then, organising paperwork, quotes for horses, what I need to do, I know I wont have a nice fancy house with my horse there but I dont care, it feels deep down the right thing to do, life shouldnt be materialistic.
Ill sound like an old hippy but I feel you know deep inside what is right for you, you just have to listen
For me Ireland/parts of the UK have a great climate and I can't understand when people say outdoor living isn't possible. I'm outside most of the year and this Saturday the thermometer in my back garden was showing 26 degrees in the sun. For me Ireland wins because you get more house/land for your money (space for horses:-), but I'd be equally happy in the UK.
Mar 19th 2015, 4:13 pm
#5
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Oct 2014
Location: Italy
Posts: 31
Re: thinking of returning after more than 25 years
Thanks for the input.
Isismom: It must be hard so far away from the UK and with divided support. I hope everything works out for the best.
You did make me smile when you list the things that you miss in the UK - specially the dress sense! In Italy, people are very high maintenance, and fashion conscious - I must admit, I admire the effort and the result, but personally find it way to hard to keep up with :-)
DebzinUS:Glad you found the board to be a help! Being a ping-ponger would be my ideal situation I think. I couldn't think of anything better (perhaps it only works in a fantasy situation??? Does it??) than to spend time here and time in UK. The idea of an extended trip/holiday really tempts me. And I would so much love to do that.
Trouble is that my office would never allow that.. and things are quite iffy there at the moment - I've asked for development, more security and concrete direction and structure in my part-time job. If this doesn't happen then the extended trip could well be a possibility. BUT I have to admit, in the last few days i've been secretly hoping that they don't offer me anything 'serious'...!!
May I ask you why you didn't decide to make the move to UK permanent?
Moses2013: Yes, UK and Ireland have an 'interesting' climate - Incredible skies, which are just pure poetry!
Re the opportunity available, I totally agree. That's one of the major factor's that has made me start to 'think' about this. Very high up on the list of reasons for yes UK.
Very confused and trying to let time just pass, see how work develops and take one step at a time.
Reading other posts, it seems as if the choice to move back needs it's own time to mature, ferment and be digested. Not considering the time it takes to plan the practical side of the move.
Isismom: It must be hard so far away from the UK and with divided support. I hope everything works out for the best.
You did make me smile when you list the things that you miss in the UK - specially the dress sense! In Italy, people are very high maintenance, and fashion conscious - I must admit, I admire the effort and the result, but personally find it way to hard to keep up with :-)
DebzinUS:Glad you found the board to be a help! Being a ping-ponger would be my ideal situation I think. I couldn't think of anything better (perhaps it only works in a fantasy situation??? Does it??) than to spend time here and time in UK. The idea of an extended trip/holiday really tempts me. And I would so much love to do that.
Trouble is that my office would never allow that.. and things are quite iffy there at the moment - I've asked for development, more security and concrete direction and structure in my part-time job. If this doesn't happen then the extended trip could well be a possibility. BUT I have to admit, in the last few days i've been secretly hoping that they don't offer me anything 'serious'...!!
May I ask you why you didn't decide to make the move to UK permanent?
Moses2013: Yes, UK and Ireland have an 'interesting' climate - Incredible skies, which are just pure poetry!
Re the opportunity available, I totally agree. That's one of the major factor's that has made me start to 'think' about this. Very high up on the list of reasons for yes UK.
Very confused and trying to let time just pass, see how work develops and take one step at a time.
Reading other posts, it seems as if the choice to move back needs it's own time to mature, ferment and be digested. Not considering the time it takes to plan the practical side of the move.
Mar 23rd 2015, 7:48 am
#6
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jul 2010
Location: from Tilbury, Essex to Gallipoli, Italy
Posts: 614
Re: thinking of returning after more than 25 years
Why don't you come over to the Italy forum - there are a lot of us in the same boat! At least you can have a rant there and we know exactly what you're talking about. They give a lot of good advice, too.
Mar 23rd 2015, 9:27 am
#7
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Oct 2014
Location: Italy
Posts: 31
Re: thinking of returning after more than 25 years
ciao pugliese,
Thanks for your reply.
I'll pop over definitely. Didn't think of it because was under perhaps mistaken impression that most expats in Italy were 'happy' with life here...! Or at least had come to accept it
Thanks for your reply.
I'll pop over definitely. Didn't think of it because was under perhaps mistaken impression that most expats in Italy were 'happy' with life here...! Or at least had come to accept it
