MCDesi

This is exactly what we think my wife will need to start doing and we're trying to get to more events to make more acquaintances leading to friends. She worked as a Teaching Assistant in the UK so would like to work in a school here too.


Our visa would be the same, it's initially for the 3 years and since my son will only start High School this September it would be best to do 3+2 so he can graduate before we work out the next step. Ideally I'd like for him to get a scholarship to an Ivy League that offers this to International students and then if that didn't work out we could go back and he attends a Uni in the UK.

This one is an interesting dilemma and helps explain why it seems I'm looking at things from a financial perspective but just trying to work out the practicalities of things. If we did end up going back after my son completes High School I've read other posts that suggest that if we can show that the move here was for a temporary period then he could attend a UK Uni and pay home fees despite not being there the 3 years prior. I read UCAS can convert his High School results to equivalent UK results for admission purposes. If I apply for a Green Card though then this negates that temporary move item so doesn't make sense to get this if we do end up going back.

Yes I am enjoying my new job and feel I have a lot to gain from staying here in the long term and thought this would be a good place for my son to progress his career once he graduated from Uni. But yes I have to also consider the impact on my wife and family. You are spot on and my wife is looking for exactly that - she want's to know that we will be going back at some point and pretty much at the end of the 3+2 because she can't see us living here for the rest of our lives. I also don't want to stay around here for the rest of my life and thought we could move elsewhere in the US at some stage in the future but maybe I just have to treat this as a 5 year adventure and then return home. I have over 4 years to work out how this would work. I'd probably have to leave the company I am working for and by then I'd have 24 years of service with them since the job I am doing is head-office based which is where I am and I wouldn't be able to do this job from our UK office (unless they really wanted to keep me and agreed to it).

MCDesi

My son, like me, has got on with things and has settled in more easily than we thought and is doing well at school. He's not unhappy but since we've only been here almost 8 months he misses his grandparents and his friends. He's not yet made really good mates but has a good group of friends he has fun with at school. My wife needs more social interaction and friends and usually she gets this from work but it sounds like that even with this she doesn't want to stay in the US long term and very much wants to go back where all our family are.

The money side is because I'm trying to work out how to make this work without getting financially crippled in the process. We do still have a house in the UK so that would make it easier to go back in the future.

MCDesi

Yes that's one option too - if my son goes to Uni in the US we could return to the UK. He'd likely be away even if he attended a Uni in the UK that wasn't close to where we lived so this would be just more distance than that would be.

Sally Redux

I think that each university, rather than UCAS, sets out what it accepts as equivalent qualifications and determines eligibility for home fees.

After 18 kids don't necessarily want what you do. If he has spent formative years in the US he will probably want to stay there.

Edited on seeing your later post: please do not underestimate the difference that being on two different continents entails.

MCDesi

No probs - sounds like you're close to having to work this out than I am. I think the good thing with the UK, especially places like London, is that it's very culturally diverse so he probably wouldn't find it too hard to connect with others.

MCDesi

Indeed. I visited a few Unis in the US whilst I was in the UK and I wish had gone to a US uni. He has the chance so I'd like to try and make this happen for him if that's what he wants than make him go back. And at the same time I may need to go back to the UK for my wife's sake.

I told her that perhaps just 8 months in this is too early to have this discussion and maybe in a couple of years once we're more settled into life here that would be when we'd be in a better position to determine if we stay here or go back for the long term.

Sally Redux

OK sorry I've got this all in the wrong order

Again I would urge you to seriously think about and discuss where you want to be long-term, because it gets very messy otherwise with people pulling in different directions.

Sally Redux

I have one in each country's system. The UK is more focussed without the General Ed which can be a pain, you can drink alcohol, and don't have those awful fraternities. But my son has had a good experience at his US uni too.

MCDesi

[QUOTE=Snap Shot;11613167] Snap Shot you've practically described exactly our situation. My wife agreed to come over reluctantly because she wanted to do this for me and I had hoped that once here she'd be happier about the move but like you this is not the case and she has told me that she wants to return at some point.

I too have a got a lot of good experience having changed careers with my company 2-3 times now which is why I've stayed as long as I have. By the time we might be going back I'd have learned this current new career very by then so hopefully this would allow me to find a new job in the UK or I could try setting up my own business as a Consultant. It would be a softer landing if my company allowed me to relocate back to the UK office in either the same work I am doing now but this job is based here and the move was meant to be a permanent move so this has all now knocked me sideways mentally as I was in building a new life in the US mode.

jemima55

MCDesi, I'm with you on the practicalities. Like you, we made the move, and I was happy to give it a go, build a life and I wouldn't have wanted to pay back the moving costs.
I just would have found the concept of staying in the USA indefinitely very hard. I knew people who did it, going home for visits two or three times a year. I also knew people who stayed a couple of years, moved home and then got new jobs, or founded their own companies.
For me, the pull of home was very strong.
We had a really good social life. A combination of work friends/church/neighbours, but we worked hard at it.
From the point of view of having had a son go through university, I know yours is a long way off that, but I found scholarships and bursaries were mostly available for the very bright or the very poor, and people, like us, who were non resident aliens, and not US citizens, were often flat out just not eligible.
At uni, he will be on his own student visa. When uni finishes he will have no entitlement to stay and work, but will have to return to his own country. This is if you don't go for Green Cards or citizenship. If you do, then it's another matter.
These are just my random thoughts from having been there.
Just keep talking about it with your wife. I found it took about two years before I felt in any way "settled" and able to decide whether I wanted to stay. But then I'm a bit slow!

Snap Shot

[QUOTE=MCDesi;11613652] Yeah, sorry this has knocked you sideways. My husband can see the pitfalls of living here long term. He's kinda over it now. We had such a rough start to our life here that our coping skills had pretty much evaporated by the time we started to properly live here. It took four months of looking in 3 cities for my husband to be offered a job in the town where we now live. That's when we truly began to settle.

I sort of envy people who go to live overseas on the strength of a job offer. Do they feel flattered ? Does it boost their ego ? Or just feel more pressure ? They just go from A (home) to B (overseas) with a big margin of their coping skills still in hand.

Although it doesn't stop the, 'wheels falling off' the job that they emigrated for. I've heard of several people in the country where we emigrated to who have changed jobs from their original job that they went there for. They didn't just use the job offer as a convenience to get them in the country either.

All cite different reasons for leaving e.g. the salary not enough to buy a house near the job, so they move to a more affordable city but the salary of the new job is reflected by that too. Or they totally change careers when they chuck in their trade in favour of a shift working job. Or switching jobs because the job they emigrated for has long hours i.e. meetings after hours and still expected to stay on for a 'social'.

I read on here of a disappointed worker who had arrived in Canada to be told, 'here's your job, I'll let you know when we've got some hours for you.'

I heard of a hospital worker who arrived in NZ and on their first day at work were asked, 'who are you ?' Basically due to a communication breakdown no one knew they were arriving that day, again,

It's not all, 'beer and skittles'.

MCDesi

I was hoping to start the green card process once I'd been here 12 months but now not sure if that is worth doing. If I did get it and we decide to stay and not go back then good I would have the GC done so not an issue. Plus if my son decided that he wants to stay here since he will have made friends and maybe somehow we managed to get a scholarship or found a way to pay for his Uni in the US he would then be able to work after that. If we did get it and then still decided to go back to the UK then he wouldn't have too many options other than potentially going to Uni in the US and then leaving to return to the UK so he may as well go back to the UK for Uni. Having a GC wouldn't then allow us to claim we went overseas for a temporary assignment with UK Unis since unless the Uni didn't mind that we applied for a GC if we had a letter from my employer saying it was temporary etc.

Maybe I just wait until about 2 years before even considering whether to go for a GC or not depending on how things stand there.

So you said you felt more "settled" after 2 years but you still had the draw of returning home even though you made friends here and got used to life here?

MCDesi

[QUOTE=Snap Shot;11614936] So it sounds like he was in the same position as me where he waned to stay but you didn't and now is OK with going back? I don't mind going back in the future - I actually like London - and I just think that perhaps after living here for 5 years would we really want to them have the upheaval of upping sticks again and restarting back in the UK. At the moment I don't even know how or what we will do when we go back since we'll have to find new jobs. I'd be 49 by then so not a spring chicken.

Although knowing that we'll go back gives my wife peace of mind knowing that it gives me stress trying to work out how to make it happen. I guess I have over 4 years to think about it.

fulwood

I wish you well with your decisions. If you have questions on attending uni in US - I may be able to help. Have 2 degrees from 2 different unis a product of the US college system. Loved it..

MCDesi

Thank you. I'll definitely take you up on that.