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Stay or go back - confused as heck.

Stay or go back - confused as heck.

Old Apr 5th 2015, 10:01 pm
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Default Stay or go back - confused as heck.

I've been reading through various threads here from people returning back to the UK and they're very useful. I have a bit of an issue and just need to share it here to help me think things through.

I moved over to the U.S. in last August with my company on an L1a with my wife and son. My intention was that this was a permanent move and my reluctantly agreed to the move but is struggling to settle here because she's not yet found any work. This is causing a lot of arguments because she wants a commitment from me that once my son finishes high school that we return to the UK.

I too miss London and my family & friends but put this down to the normal transition issues and we're heading back to the UK in the summer for a visit, our first one since moving here. I think this is too early to decide whether to stay or go back and I'd probably have to look for another job as I couldn't do the job I'm doing here in the US at my office in the UK because the job is here.

Also like most relocation policies I'm tied for 3 years and if I moved back before then I'd have to pay back some of the money they spent on bringing us here.

If we did go back we have the issue of school/university. I could go back after 3 years and wouldn't have to pay back any relocation costs but this would 1 year before my son would graduate from high school so he'd have no qualifications at that point. He'd have to do A levels at that age but not sure how this would work with no high school completed. Plus the 3 year residency for home fees would kick in for my son's university and he'd only be there 2 years by that time so would probably have to take a gap year.

I still have a house in the UK and bank accounts. Just confused at what to think or do right now and whether start planning to return home in 2 years time or wait until my son finishes high school and the get him to do A levels after that with a 1 year gap. Not sure what I'd do for work and would have to look for a new job, see if my company would give me something back in the UK or try and start my own business (easier said than done).

I want to make this work here but long term maybe we are better off back in London for intangible things like family & friends. Very confused right now. Any help with this would be much appreciated.
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Old Apr 6th 2015, 4:53 am
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Default Re: Stay or go back - confused as heck.

Just my opinion
All your reasons for not returning are financial or have a financial
implication.
There is more to life than wealth, and if I were in your position, which
I have been in the early 90's, I would be putting my wife's and child's
happiness before EVERYTHING else
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Old Apr 6th 2015, 5:05 pm
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Default Re: Stay or go back - confused as heck.

Originally Posted by Justcol
Just my opinion
All your reasons for not returning are financial or have a financial
implication.
There is more to life than wealth, and if I were in your position, which
I have been in the early 90's, I hwould be putting my wife's and child's
happiness before EVERYTHING else
Fair point.
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Old Apr 7th 2015, 10:14 am
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Default Re: Stay or go back - confused as heck.

I was the "reluctant partner" and couldn't get work (teacher) so ended up doing voluntary work. What I needed to know was that, at some point, we would go back. We ended up staying five years, 3+2 in terms of contracts. Re relocation, we were in the same situation as you, would have to pay back cost.
I think your son would be fine to transfer back to a UK school to do his A levels. If necessary, there are agencies that can convert his qualifications in the US into UK equivalents, but that probably won't be necessary.
I do recommend your son goes to uni in the UK.
We also had a son with us, but he was of college age. Something to bear in mind is that unless you get Green Cards, or possibly even become citizens, in the future, he will not be able to work in the (very long) college vacations, and getting any kind of college loans is also impossible. Been there! We ended up having to finance college ourselves.
I think, for you, the challenge of the job maybe outweighs missing home, family and friends. One year isn't long and it takes a while to adjust to a new life,but it's a great experience! As I say, though, I needed a time limit.
Oh, dear, sounds like I have a foot in both camps! For us, it was a great life experience. Family and friends, well, my experience is that life's a bit like a wagon train. It moves forward constantly. You hop off, but then you can hop back on again! We kept our UK house which made it much easier.
My only slight disappointment, and this may be just my observation, is that although we are all supposed to be so global these days, UK companies don't seem to be too impressed by US experience and vice versa. That surprises me!
In your shoes, I'd plan to do the three years, provided, of course, your wife agrees!
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Old Apr 7th 2015, 11:49 am
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Default Re: Stay or go back - confused as heck.

Originally Posted by Justcol
Just my opinion
All your reasons for not returning are financial or have a financial
implication.
There is more to life than wealth, and if I were in your position, which
I have been in the early 90's, I would be putting my wife's and child's
happiness before EVERYTHING else
What he said. My ex-husband putting his career and money ahead of our happiness was a large factor in our separating.
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Old Apr 7th 2015, 11:54 am
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Default Re: Stay or go back - confused as heck.

It's not clear-cut by the sound of it.

You want to stay but miss family and friends. Wife is not terribly unhappy, just wants to find work. How does your son feel?

My impression, as others have said, is that you're approaching it from the money side. You need to think long-term though, because your son will become American, especially if he goes to uni there. Then it will be harder for you to return to the UK.

Last edited by Sally Redux; Apr 7th 2015 at 12:11 pm.
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Old Apr 7th 2015, 11:57 am
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Default Re: Stay or go back - confused as heck.

Originally Posted by Sally Redux
your son will become American, especially if he goes to uni there. Then it will be harder for you to return to the UL.
That too. Even if I were to go back now my kids are here with fully integrated Australian lives. So, it's stay here and soldier on or go back and leave my kids behind on the other side of the world.
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Old Apr 7th 2015, 12:10 pm
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Default Re: Stay or go back - confused as heck.

Originally Posted by Dorothy
That too. Even if I were to go back now my kids are here with fully integrated Australian lives. So, it's stay here and soldier on or go back and leave my kids behind on the other side of the world.
It all starts to assume nightmarish proportions.

Wish I'd seen this in the small print.

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Old Apr 7th 2015, 12:54 pm
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Default Re: Stay or go back - confused as heck.

So, you didn't end up having to learn Sharia law then?

I'm starting the business of seriously looking at what would have to be done to move back, and son would probably have to go first in the sense of going to uni in the UK. Despite the non-resident fee situation, it can't be more expensive than paying for it here and probably a better experience overall for the Little Lion - he says that's what he wants to do, not that he really knows of course.

There is a mind-boggling list of things I don't know and things to sort out, after so long away, but it doesn't really matter. There isn't a headlong rush and there is a load of info on BE. I have no clue how to get plugged back into "the system" as it were, but it must be doable.
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Old Apr 7th 2015, 1:10 pm
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Default Re: Stay or go back - confused as heck.

Originally Posted by Lion in Winter
So, you didn't end up having to learn Sharia law then?

I'm starting the business of seriously looking at what would have to be done to move back, and son would probably have to go first in the sense of going to uni in the UK. Despite the non-resident fee situation, it can't be more expensive than paying for it here and probably a better experience overall for the Little Lion - he says that's what he wants to do, not that he really knows of course.

There is a mind-boggling list of things I don't know and things to sort out, after so long away, but it doesn't really matter. There isn't a headlong rush and there is a load of info on BE. I have no clue how to get plugged back into "the system" as it were, but it must be doable.
I think the uni costs are still competitive because you're out in 3 years.

There are plenty of international students so he would get a lot of support.

Happy to try to help you as best I can.

PS all that UKIP stuff is irrelevant and a complete joke.
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Old Apr 7th 2015, 1:51 pm
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Default Re: Stay or go back - confused as heck.

Originally Posted by Sally Redux
I think the uni costs are still competitive because you're out in 3 years.

There are plenty of international students so he would get a lot of support.

Happy to try to help you as best I can.

PS all that UKIP stuff is irrelevant and a complete joke.
Thanks, I may yet call on you! Biggest practical issue is probably property prices (think cheap yet with access to trains, etc.).

Yes, the international student thing is good, to help him ease into a new culture. He likes the UK very much, but as we all know being on holiday isn't the same as actually living somewhere.

I would also like to send him to the UK for part of a summer, to do something or other, so that he has a chance to mix more. Thinking summer of 2016, when he will be 16. He already laughs at UKIP, so we've got that covered anyway.
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Old Apr 7th 2015, 2:51 pm
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Default Re: Stay or go back - confused as heck.

Originally Posted by Lion in Winter
Thanks, I may yet call on you! Biggest practical issue is probably property prices (think cheap yet with access to trains, etc.).

Yes, the international student thing is good, to help him ease into a new culture. He likes the UK very much, but as we all know being on holiday isn't the same as actually living somewhere.

I would also like to send him to the UK for part of a summer, to do something or other, so that he has a chance to mix more. Thinking summer of 2016, when he will be 16. He already laughs at UKIP, so we've got that covered anyway.
Definitely a summer trip would be great for him.

Yes, property prices are an issue. I won't derail mcD's thread too much but will message you.
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Old Apr 7th 2015, 3:12 pm
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Default Re: Stay or go back - confused as heck.

Originally Posted by Sally Redux
Definitely a summer trip would be great for him.

Yes, property prices are an issue. I won't derail mcD's thread too much but will message you.
Yes, sorry McD.
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Old Apr 8th 2015, 12:49 am
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Default Re: Stay or go back - confused as heck.

Originally Posted by Sally Redux
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Old Apr 8th 2015, 1:12 am
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Default Re: Stay or go back - confused as heck.

[QUOTE=jemima55;11612491]
I was the "reluctant partner" and couldn't get work (teacher) so ended up doing voluntary work.
I am the reluctant partner. I can't get work (admin) so I've ended up doing voluntary work.

What I needed to know was that, at some point, we would go back.
I agreed to live overseas forever because it's what my husband wanted and I didn't want to be the bad guy for saying no. I didn't have the courage to say can we just give it a few years and see how we go. However, I did furnish him with that information shortly after arriving

I needed a time limit.
Let's just say the clock is ticking. Oh, look, it's the change of season already.

life's a bit like a wagon train. It moves forward constantly. You hop off, but then you can hop back on again!
Good analogy.

we are all supposed to be so global these days, UK companies don't seem to be too impressed by US experience and vice versa. That surprises me!
I believed that because of my age, I've got enough years of experience on my cv that if I didn't get a job or couldn't get a job in my skillset and had to find an alternative I had enough years of experience on my cv that the five years or so that I've been away should not have that much impact on my future employment prospects in Britain.

In the event, I've done several temporary jobs which are within my skillset which should be relevant to possible future employment vacancies. As well as anything else a future prospective employer wants to, 'cherry pick' from my cv. My voluntary work gives me an up to date character/employee reference. Watch this space.

Last edited by Snap Shot; Apr 8th 2015 at 1:21 am. Reason: editing
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