Should we move back

Old Nov 16th 2014, 2:46 am
  #1  
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Mar 2012
Location: Calgary
Posts: 75
Reevokid has a brilliant futureReevokid has a brilliant futureReevokid has a brilliant futureReevokid has a brilliant futureReevokid has a brilliant futureReevokid has a brilliant future
Default Should we move back

I have not visited here for quite some time. 3 years ago I fell in love with a Canadian fella on a weeks holiday in Mexico. It was one of those 'I just knew moments'. To cut a long story short we now very happily married and live in Calgary.

My problem is I am so homesick and I miss my family terribly. I have found it very difficult to settle here. It has been 2 and a half years and I thought by now I would have got used to it but I haven't. In fact I experience panic attacks regularly and at times gut wrenching grief.

I have made lots of friends here and my husband is a wonderful man. I just can't get over not seeing my family every weekend. I see them through the computer screen sat round the table sharing food and my heart aches to be there. I cannot imagine this ever going away.

My husband is prepared to move to England for me. I am not sure he is in love with the idea but he says he would move to see me happy.

Should I try to make it work here ( do I need longer?) or should I look into moving back?

Any advice welcome.
Reevokid is offline  
Old Nov 16th 2014, 6:28 am
  #2  
Home and Happy
 
Pollyana's Avatar
 
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: Keep true friends and puppets close, trust no-one else...
Posts: 93,787
Pollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Should we move back

Originally Posted by Reevokid
I have not visited here for quite some time. 3 years ago I fell in love with a Canadian fella on a weeks holiday in Mexico. It was one of those 'I just knew moments'. To cut a long story short we now very happily married and live in Calgary.

My problem is I am so homesick and I miss my family terribly. I have found it very difficult to settle here. It has been 2 and a half years and I thought by now I would have got used to it but I haven't. In fact I experience panic attacks regularly and at times gut wrenching grief.

I have made lots of friends here and my husband is a wonderful man. I just can't get over not seeing my family every weekend. I see them through the computer screen sat round the table sharing food and my heart aches to be there. I cannot imagine this ever going away.

My husband is prepared to move to England for me. I am not sure he is in love with the idea but he says he would move to see me happy.

Should I try to make it work here ( do I need longer?) or should I look into moving back?

Any advice welcome.
Hi and welcome back
I understand where you're coming from, after 11 years in Aus I live for my trips home, and I have never been able to do skype etc as its too upsetting both sides.

First thing to look at, before you decide to make the jump though, is have a look at the UK visa forum and make sure that you can meet the financial requirements to sponsor your husband. Its not cheap or easy, and I'd hate you to get your hopes up too soon....



Good luck
Pollyana is offline  
Old Nov 16th 2014, 7:44 am
  #3  
BE Forum Addict
 
Joined: May 2007
Location: England
Posts: 4,206
brits1 has a reputation beyond reputebrits1 has a reputation beyond reputebrits1 has a reputation beyond reputebrits1 has a reputation beyond reputebrits1 has a reputation beyond reputebrits1 has a reputation beyond reputebrits1 has a reputation beyond reputebrits1 has a reputation beyond reputebrits1 has a reputation beyond reputebrits1 has a reputation beyond reputebrits1 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Should we move back

Hi We moved to Aus and left behind family and friends etc at first maybe 2 years or so I did miss the routine of meeting up with family/friends etc but it was never so bad that I/we wanted to go back home, maybe it helped because we only had the telephone and the mail back then (1998) if you take away the family (not literally) would you enjoy your life in Canada? if so then could you not visit the UK and your family visa versa, we did this and it was a great help. Good luck with everything
brits1 is offline  
Old Nov 16th 2014, 7:33 pm
  #4  
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Mar 2012
Location: Calgary
Posts: 75
Reevokid has a brilliant futureReevokid has a brilliant futureReevokid has a brilliant futureReevokid has a brilliant futureReevokid has a brilliant futureReevokid has a brilliant future
Default Re: Should we move back

Originally Posted by Pollyana
Hi and welcome back
I understand where you're coming from, after 11 years in Aus I live for my trips home, and I have never been able to do skype etc as its too upsetting both sides.

First thing to look at, before you decide to make the jump though, is have a look at the UK visa forum and make sure that you can meet the financial requirements to sponsor your husband. Its not cheap or easy, and I'd hate you to get your hopes up too soon....



Good luck

My understanding is I would have to get a job offer in the UK for £18,600 per year (I think)? This doesn't seem that hard but maybe I am missing something?

I even visit home fairly regular and people visit me. I am just so close to my family. I think I made a mistake by coming here and not getting my husband to come to England. I now feel trapped. I don't want to lose him but don't want to be apart form my family either

If I had no family I would be able to more happy yes for sure.
Reevokid is offline  
Old Nov 17th 2014, 2:50 pm
  #5  
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: Aug 2008
Location: Falmouth, Cornwall
Posts: 432
MrMuffin has a reputation beyond reputeMrMuffin has a reputation beyond reputeMrMuffin has a reputation beyond reputeMrMuffin has a reputation beyond reputeMrMuffin has a reputation beyond reputeMrMuffin has a reputation beyond reputeMrMuffin has a reputation beyond reputeMrMuffin has a reputation beyond reputeMrMuffin has a reputation beyond reputeMrMuffin has a reputation beyond reputeMrMuffin has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Should we move back

Hi Reevokid,

All I can say is from my personal experience with homesickness... it doesn't get any better. If you're hurting as bad as you are right now, even with huge distractions (lots of friends and family, things to do, hobbies, travel etc.) it still swells up and is all you can think of. I have been away for 26 years now and am finally getting back home in mid-January. I can't wait to be able to just go have a cuppa with my Mum and chat, rather than have to compress a year or two's worth of face-to-face chats into a 2-week visit. I can't wait to not depend on having to use Skype or whatever to see family face-to-face and having to deal with a time difference, which as we all know, is a pita.

My advice is if your other half is willing to move, then do it before that changes. I kept waiting for the perfect time, and for the best economic situation (for me personally or from a location standpoint) and things never lined up. We are making some huge sacrifices to move home and when I think back, I've grown so accustomed to being in the USA it's scary. I know there are going to be hiccups and hurdles to jump over, but at the end of the day it's all going to be SO worth it.

So my advice is make the decision, figure out the steps, and then start marching forward. Plan your work and work your plan. Good luck!! xoxo
MrMuffin is offline  
Old Nov 17th 2014, 3:11 pm
  #6  
Moderαtor Emeritus
 
iaink's Avatar
 
Joined: Sep 2003
Location: Upstate South Carolina
Posts: 30,768
iaink has a reputation beyond reputeiaink has a reputation beyond reputeiaink has a reputation beyond reputeiaink has a reputation beyond reputeiaink has a reputation beyond reputeiaink has a reputation beyond reputeiaink has a reputation beyond reputeiaink has a reputation beyond reputeiaink has a reputation beyond reputeiaink has a reputation beyond reputeiaink has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Should we move back

2 and a half years is long enough. But unfortunately moving to the UK wont likely be any sort of picnic either with the rules required for non EU spouses.
iaink is offline  
Old Nov 17th 2014, 4:02 pm
  #7  
 
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 6,848
Englishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond repute
Exclamation Re: Should we move back

I don't know if you are planning to have children or not.

However, if you do want to have a baby I strongly advise that you need to think very carefully about where you want to raise your child; if your baby is born in Canada you may find that your spouse decides after all that he doesn't want to relocate to England.

If your spouse chooses to stay in Canada then you will find that it would then be *very* difficult - if not impossible - to leave the country with your child. I believe that Canada is a signatory to the Hague Convention (the UK is) and the Courts would determine that your child must continue to reside in the country where he/she is 'habitually resident'.

I've been an expat for almost 20 years in three countries. Personally I've found that when expat friends have a baby, some of them just can't bear to be overseas any longer - they yearn to be with their mums/siblings/best friends and decide that they want to go back to their home country. I've seen that a number of expat assignments have been broken when the family moves home prematurely (sometimes this has also caused resentment by the other spouse as he fears his career is being compromised).

Some friends of ours (Husband English/Wife Singaporean and their 3 kids have recently left Switzerland to return to Singapore as she missed her extended family. Just heard that she's expecting again as she is happy to be home lol!

I know it's always going to be difficult when the spouses are from different countries as the choice has to be made where to settle, even if it's a 'third' country. Do you get on well with your spouse's family? Do you see them often? If you had a baby would they be 'hands on' or keep their distance somewhat? How do you think this would compare with your own family in England? Think really hard about it.....and discuss with your spouse.

The good thing is that at least he is willing to give it a try to live in the UK. What kind of job does he do? Is he likely to be able to find a similar occupation in the UK? It would help him settle more easily if he can find a job, and maybe he will want to stay in England for good....
Englishmum is offline  
Old Nov 18th 2014, 12:32 am
  #8  
Lost in BE Cyberspace
 
Gozit's Avatar
 
Joined: Sep 2013
Location: SW Ontario, Canada
Posts: 6,960
Gozit has a reputation beyond reputeGozit has a reputation beyond reputeGozit has a reputation beyond reputeGozit has a reputation beyond reputeGozit has a reputation beyond reputeGozit has a reputation beyond reputeGozit has a reputation beyond reputeGozit has a reputation beyond reputeGozit has a reputation beyond reputeGozit has a reputation beyond reputeGozit has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Should we move back

I think you need to move back, you've given Canada a good go, and you're still homesick. Is your OH eligible for any European citizenships? (Parents/grandparents born in an EU country?) That way you could bypass the treacherous spouse visa required for non-EUs.

I would wait until you can apply for Canadian citizenship to leave Canada though, you've only got <6 months to go for that.
Gozit is offline  
Old Nov 18th 2014, 2:00 am
  #9  
Moderαtor Emeritus
 
iaink's Avatar
 
Joined: Sep 2003
Location: Upstate South Carolina
Posts: 30,768
iaink has a reputation beyond reputeiaink has a reputation beyond reputeiaink has a reputation beyond reputeiaink has a reputation beyond reputeiaink has a reputation beyond reputeiaink has a reputation beyond reputeiaink has a reputation beyond reputeiaink has a reputation beyond reputeiaink has a reputation beyond reputeiaink has a reputation beyond reputeiaink has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Should we move back

Originally Posted by Gozit
I think you need to move back, you've given Canada a good go, and you're still homesick. Is your OH eligible for any European citizenships? (Parents/grandparents born in an EU country?) That way you could bypass the treacherous spouse visa required for non-EUs.

I would wait until you can apply for Canadian citizenship to leave Canada though, you've only got <6 months to go for that.
Good point regarding citizenship.
iaink is offline  
Old Nov 18th 2014, 8:19 pm
  #10  
Forum Regular
 
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 263
cliff1961 has a reputation beyond reputecliff1961 has a reputation beyond reputecliff1961 has a reputation beyond reputecliff1961 has a reputation beyond reputecliff1961 has a reputation beyond reputecliff1961 has a reputation beyond reputecliff1961 has a reputation beyond reputecliff1961 has a reputation beyond reputecliff1961 has a reputation beyond reputecliff1961 has a reputation beyond reputecliff1961 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Should we move back

I am just about due for my Interview with the US Embassy in which to move to US.
First of all I wanted my Fiancée' to move over here and in her heart she wanted to do the same even though she still had the thoughts of her family pulling her in the opposite direction.

I Guarantee you since 2012 it is not "Cheap" after getting information into
"Financial requirements" it is terrible and rather wait for 2 years before you become a permanent resident you now have to wait 5 years.

In which to return you have to have:

1: A job with an income of £18,600 per year for entry clearance or £62,500:00 in savings or a combination of both.
£18,600 is approx. £375 per week finding a job bring that in is not easy today !

2: 2.5 years later you still require to meet the above figure to apply for FLR Further Leave
to Remain.

3: 5 Years later you still have to meet the Financial Requirements but a lower Rate than above to apply for
ILR, Indefinite Leave to Remain and then become a Permanent Resident and become
FREE of the UKBA and Home Office.


I previously had some details given to me on site of how all calculations worked and below I have added more figures to give you some Guidance hope this helps.....



Further Leave to Remain & Indefinite Leave to Remain

Question:
When applying for FLR and ILR to meet the Financial requirements of £18,600 annual income or savings,
if you had no annual income would you qualify by having £18,600 in savings ?

Answer:
No, . . . if you have no income, for FLR(M), you need £62,500 in savings.
The savings amount needed is calculated as the following:


First £16,000 of savings are not counted.

On top of that £16,000, you need 2.5 times the difference between your income and £18,600 (for the 2.5 years of FLR(M)).


So, if you have no income, you need:
£18,600 - £00.00 = £18,600
works out:
£16,000 + (2.5 x £18,600) = £62,500 in savings


If you have £5,000 income, you need: . . . . £96.15 per week
£18,600 - £5,000 = £13,600
works out:
£16,000 + (2.5 x £13,600) = £50,000 in savings


If you have £8,400 income you need: . . . . £161.53 per week
£18,600 - £8,400 = £10,200
works out:
£16,000 + (2.5 x £10,200) = £41,500 in savings


If you have £10,000 income, you need: . . . . £192.30 per week
£18,600 - £10,000 = £8,600
works out:
£16,000 + (2.5 x £8,600) = £37,500 in savings


If you have £15,000 income, you need: . . . . £288.46 per week
£18,600 - £15,000 = £3,600
works out:
£16,000 + (2.5 x £3,600) = £25,000 in savings

__________________________________________________ __

For ILR, you don't have to worry about the 2.5 times part, you just need the actual amount to make it up to £18,600 on top of the £16,000.

So, if you have no income you need:
£16,000 + £18,600 = £34,600 in savings.


If you have £7,000 income you need: . . . . £134.61 per week
£18,600 - £7,000 = £11,600
works out:
£16,000 + £11,600 = £27,600 in savings


Or if you have some income, you just make up the difference... so, say you have £10,000 income, you need £16,000 + £8,600 = £24,600 in savings to meet the requirement.


They will not accept "Loans" as savings !

Last edited by cliff1961; Nov 18th 2014 at 8:24 pm.
cliff1961 is offline  
Old Nov 19th 2014, 2:21 am
  #11  
Lost in BE Cyberspace
 
Bermudashorts's Avatar
 
Joined: Feb 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 14,284
Bermudashorts has a reputation beyond reputeBermudashorts has a reputation beyond reputeBermudashorts has a reputation beyond reputeBermudashorts has a reputation beyond reputeBermudashorts has a reputation beyond reputeBermudashorts has a reputation beyond reputeBermudashorts has a reputation beyond reputeBermudashorts has a reputation beyond reputeBermudashorts has a reputation beyond reputeBermudashorts has a reputation beyond reputeBermudashorts has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Should we move back

Originally Posted by Reevokid
I have not visited here for quite some time. 3 years ago I fell in love with a Canadian fella on a weeks holiday in Mexico. It was one of those 'I just knew moments'. To cut a long story short we now very happily married and live in Calgary.

My problem is I am so homesick and I miss my family terribly. I have found it very difficult to settle here. It has been 2 and a half years and I thought by now I would have got used to it but I haven't. In fact I experience panic attacks regularly and at times gut wrenching grief.

I have made lots of friends here and my husband is a wonderful man. I just can't get over not seeing my family every weekend. I see them through the computer screen sat round the table sharing food and my heart aches to be there. I cannot imagine this ever going away.

My husband is prepared to move to England for me. I am not sure he is in love with the idea but he says he would move to see me happy.

Should I try to make it work here ( do I need longer?) or should I look into moving back?

Any advice welcome.
When I started of read this, I thought "oh dear, it is one of those stories". But then you said your husband will move back rather than see you so heartbroken. So do it. Don't be a martyr. Do it and thank your stars you got a good 'un there.

Good luck with it.
Bermudashorts is offline  
Old Nov 19th 2014, 10:28 am
  #12  
Forum Regular
 
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 263
cliff1961 has a reputation beyond reputecliff1961 has a reputation beyond reputecliff1961 has a reputation beyond reputecliff1961 has a reputation beyond reputecliff1961 has a reputation beyond reputecliff1961 has a reputation beyond reputecliff1961 has a reputation beyond reputecliff1961 has a reputation beyond reputecliff1961 has a reputation beyond reputecliff1961 has a reputation beyond reputecliff1961 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Should we move back

Originally Posted by Bermudashorts
When I started of read this, I thought "oh dear, it is one of those stories". But then you said your husband will move back rather than see you so heartbroken. So do it. Don't be a martyr. Do it and thank your stars you got a good 'un there.

Good luck with it.

Go ahead and do it . . . (if you can afford it ) !
cliff1961 is offline  
Old Nov 19th 2014, 2:15 pm
  #13  
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: Aug 2008
Location: Falmouth, Cornwall
Posts: 432
MrMuffin has a reputation beyond reputeMrMuffin has a reputation beyond reputeMrMuffin has a reputation beyond reputeMrMuffin has a reputation beyond reputeMrMuffin has a reputation beyond reputeMrMuffin has a reputation beyond reputeMrMuffin has a reputation beyond reputeMrMuffin has a reputation beyond reputeMrMuffin has a reputation beyond reputeMrMuffin has a reputation beyond reputeMrMuffin has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Should we move back

Originally Posted by cliff1961
Go ahead and do it . . . (if you can afford it ) !
What he said (above).
MrMuffin is offline  
Old Nov 22nd 2014, 3:51 pm
  #14  
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Mar 2012
Location: Calgary
Posts: 75
Reevokid has a brilliant futureReevokid has a brilliant futureReevokid has a brilliant futureReevokid has a brilliant futureReevokid has a brilliant futureReevokid has a brilliant future
Default Re: Should we move back

Wow, thanks for all the responses. You guys are 'AWESOME'! (said in a Canadian accent).

My husband, Aaron is a Project Manager for a company that fixes the city pipes (a certified Field engineer) and I am an Art Director for a Advertising Agency. We do quite well.

I can get a job back in Bristol pretty easily, I am well know in my field and would not take a job under £30'000.

So would that mean I can bring my hubby home with me? He is now excited for the adventure.

We do want babies too. I don't expect this move to happen overnight nor the babies . It will take some planning and some savings. We are visiting England in 4 weeks for Christmas and I will probably take another trip in the new year around March as a research trip. A 'do I really want to move back' trip. It has also been tough because my previous job served me up a rubbish amount of vacation time, my hope is to get home more often next year and hopefully this helps me decipher if I want to move back.

Neither of us want to stay in the money pit Calgary forever. We were both brought up in the country, me near Bath, him in Kelowna. We see our kids being raised in the same sort of environment. I am definitely not in love with Calgary as much as I am in love with Aaron!

Thanks everyone.
Reevokid is offline  
Old Nov 22nd 2014, 3:56 pm
  #15  
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: Aug 2008
Location: Falmouth, Cornwall
Posts: 432
MrMuffin has a reputation beyond reputeMrMuffin has a reputation beyond reputeMrMuffin has a reputation beyond reputeMrMuffin has a reputation beyond reputeMrMuffin has a reputation beyond reputeMrMuffin has a reputation beyond reputeMrMuffin has a reputation beyond reputeMrMuffin has a reputation beyond reputeMrMuffin has a reputation beyond reputeMrMuffin has a reputation beyond reputeMrMuffin has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Should we move back

From my research, you should be able to get more than 30K UKP being an art director, especially in Bristol. Obviously jobs in London are way higher and a decent art director position there would get you 6 figs. That's my line too (Senior AD/CD and I am also a pro photog too) but I am going to be down in Cornwall so 'if' (and it's a big if) I can find an agency down there that would employ me full time then I'd be really happy to get 30K. But I would think Bristol you'd be able to get 50% more at a decent sized firm.

Good luck to you!

Last edited by MrMuffin; Nov 22nd 2014 at 3:57 pm. Reason: Clarity
MrMuffin is offline  

Contact Us - Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service -

Copyright © 2024 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.