ping pong!!
Jul 25th 2006, 2:10 am
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ping pong!!
Hi,
For any one who remembers me, we returned to the UK after feeling very homesick only after a few days in Adelaide and sticking it out for 9 months to return to England just before Christmas.
We got back to normal life in Derbyshire, and at first it was great, if not a little cold, with family being there for us and actually they did have the kids for us so we could do some Christmas shopping, as we had nothing so all was good.
Anyway, Christmas came and went and so did the family support that I thought would be better having gone and come back. I got so much emotional blackmail off my Mum and MIL in Oz saying things would be so different if we came back and when you are a few thousand miles away its horrible having your Mum crying everytime you speak to her and the guilt is terrible so you start thinking their way. I would not mind that if they were grandparent who were alway there but once a month because they feel that they should have them, and that is both sets.
Anyway to cut a long story short, we returned but things got to the same point where my Kids only saw their grandparents a couple of times (they only lived 10 mins away) in the 6 months we were there (although my mates were amazing.) We were thinking why the hell did we come back, we did not give it long enough, we should have never given in to the emotional blackmail and thats why we are now back in Australia and it was a great feeling to be back here. We did not go back to Adelaide and thought we would give the Gold Coast a go and so glad we have. Its such a different place and in my opinion a better one for us.
My Mum did fall out with me and stopped all comunication with us when we told her we were returning, which is fair enough, she said she could not cope with saying goodbye again and did not want to speak or see us before we left which was really hard, and I went through the crying, numbness, and then anger that she could be like this to us because everyone else was so supportive to us. Anyway, now we are here we have been in contact and things are better between us as I can see no point in holding a grudge this far apart. She explained that now we are here she can cope with it and do text every couple of weeks and I ring her, although it will be a while before I can totally forget how she treated us. (but fully understand why).
I suppose what I am trying to say to anyone returning, do it because its what you want to do, not because you have been bullied in to it. You will regret it as soon as you have passed customs at Heathrow, like we did. Christmas made us channel our thoughts in to the Kids and there well being and being happy, but deep down we (hubby and me) were thinking the same thing, when can we get back to OZ. We did give the family a chance to change and become good grandparents - what we thought would be acceptable for my kids and would have cancelled our Australian life for them, but that did not happen.
Cor blimey I do go on a bit dont I.
Therapy, wow, I do feel better.
LibbyX
For any one who remembers me, we returned to the UK after feeling very homesick only after a few days in Adelaide and sticking it out for 9 months to return to England just before Christmas.
We got back to normal life in Derbyshire, and at first it was great, if not a little cold, with family being there for us and actually they did have the kids for us so we could do some Christmas shopping, as we had nothing so all was good.
Anyway, Christmas came and went and so did the family support that I thought would be better having gone and come back. I got so much emotional blackmail off my Mum and MIL in Oz saying things would be so different if we came back and when you are a few thousand miles away its horrible having your Mum crying everytime you speak to her and the guilt is terrible so you start thinking their way. I would not mind that if they were grandparent who were alway there but once a month because they feel that they should have them, and that is both sets.
Anyway to cut a long story short, we returned but things got to the same point where my Kids only saw their grandparents a couple of times (they only lived 10 mins away) in the 6 months we were there (although my mates were amazing.) We were thinking why the hell did we come back, we did not give it long enough, we should have never given in to the emotional blackmail and thats why we are now back in Australia and it was a great feeling to be back here. We did not go back to Adelaide and thought we would give the Gold Coast a go and so glad we have. Its such a different place and in my opinion a better one for us.
My Mum did fall out with me and stopped all comunication with us when we told her we were returning, which is fair enough, she said she could not cope with saying goodbye again and did not want to speak or see us before we left which was really hard, and I went through the crying, numbness, and then anger that she could be like this to us because everyone else was so supportive to us. Anyway, now we are here we have been in contact and things are better between us as I can see no point in holding a grudge this far apart. She explained that now we are here she can cope with it and do text every couple of weeks and I ring her, although it will be a while before I can totally forget how she treated us. (but fully understand why).
I suppose what I am trying to say to anyone returning, do it because its what you want to do, not because you have been bullied in to it. You will regret it as soon as you have passed customs at Heathrow, like we did. Christmas made us channel our thoughts in to the Kids and there well being and being happy, but deep down we (hubby and me) were thinking the same thing, when can we get back to OZ. We did give the family a chance to change and become good grandparents - what we thought would be acceptable for my kids and would have cancelled our Australian life for them, but that did not happen.
Cor blimey I do go on a bit dont I.
Therapy, wow, I do feel better.
LibbyX
Jul 25th 2006, 3:03 am
#2
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Re: ping pong!!
Nice post Libby, glad things are working out for you.
Karma sent!
Ruth
Karma sent!
Ruth
Jul 25th 2006, 3:41 am
#3
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Re: ping pong!!
Glad you got where you wanted to be eventually and a change of region has improved things for you in Oz.
I suppose it's what all dread at some time or other prior to returning to the UK, walking out of Heathrow and thinking sh## what have we done?
I suppose it's what all dread at some time or other prior to returning to the UK, walking out of Heathrow and thinking sh## what have we done?
Jul 25th 2006, 5:16 am
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Re: ping pong!!
l think another point raised in the story is that people consider moving to a different part of OZ before going back to the UK.
Jul 25th 2006, 7:20 am
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Re: ping pong!!
Hello my little fruit cake
Lovely post and thank you for the email. I am so happy for you all and its a joy to read that this time it feels right and that those lovely children of yours are settled too.
Life is too short and at least you have been able to speak to your mum.
Now you must really feel that you can move forward in Oz, no regrets.!!
Good on you for giving it another go, I know this time all will be doodle dandy for you.
I will reply to your email and update with my forever getting bigger " bump", which is such a joy in this heat!! Yes we have been having cracking heat here in Blighty..!!! I seem to live on ice-pops and ice cubes....!!
Good to see you post sweetie
chat soon
Love
P xxxx
Lovely post and thank you for the email. I am so happy for you all and its a joy to read that this time it feels right and that those lovely children of yours are settled too.
Life is too short and at least you have been able to speak to your mum.
Now you must really feel that you can move forward in Oz, no regrets.!!
Good on you for giving it another go, I know this time all will be doodle dandy for you.
I will reply to your email and update with my forever getting bigger " bump", which is such a joy in this heat!! Yes we have been having cracking heat here in Blighty..!!! I seem to live on ice-pops and ice cubes....!!
Good to see you post sweetie
chat soon
Love
P xxxx
Jul 25th 2006, 6:49 pm
#6
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Re: ping pong!!
Hi Libby.....very interested to read your post because we have been back here 3mths now and wondering what on earth we did ad just when we can get back. Did you ship all your stuff backwards and forwards each time?
We have Aussie citizenship so no worries as far as returning is concerned, just thinking what an expensive exercise it has all been. How old are your children? Mine are 4 and 2 and I'm feeling guilty about all the upheaval each time for them because of us thinking the grass is greener o the other side each time.
But for those thinking about coming back....definitely think long and hard about your reasos for doing so. We were looking forward to seeing friends and family, but in reality everyone is so busy we have to book people 3/4 weeks in advance. No spontaneous popping in etc.
Thanks for posting.....
Ping Pong Wannabe
We have Aussie citizenship so no worries as far as returning is concerned, just thinking what an expensive exercise it has all been. How old are your children? Mine are 4 and 2 and I'm feeling guilty about all the upheaval each time for them because of us thinking the grass is greener o the other side each time.
But for those thinking about coming back....definitely think long and hard about your reasos for doing so. We were looking forward to seeing friends and family, but in reality everyone is so busy we have to book people 3/4 weeks in advance. No spontaneous popping in etc.
Thanks for posting.....
Ping Pong Wannabe
Jul 25th 2006, 11:39 pm
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Re: ping pong!!
Libby - What do you prefer about QLD to Adelaide?
You have lived my biggest fear....
We are moving back so the grandparents can see the kids, yet they never bothered before so why should it change.
I do miss my Mum terribly and we had a great friendship when the kids had gone to bed but I do wonder that when she gets into a new relationship this friendship will get put back in the cupboard.
Financially we were much better off in the UK but looking into the wages and cost of living now I don't think that this will be possible anymore - why have wages gone backwards when all else has inflated
The cost of housing is also causing us much concern. :scared:
If only we hadn't left our comfort zone 3 years ago as I feel that we will never get to that financial point again. I wish that we could afford the trip home to see first but like many the money pot is empty and a trip to Europe is a luxury that we can't treat ourselves to for another couple of years.
You have lived my biggest fear....
We are moving back so the grandparents can see the kids, yet they never bothered before so why should it change.
I do miss my Mum terribly and we had a great friendship when the kids had gone to bed but I do wonder that when she gets into a new relationship this friendship will get put back in the cupboard.
Financially we were much better off in the UK but looking into the wages and cost of living now I don't think that this will be possible anymore - why have wages gone backwards when all else has inflated
The cost of housing is also causing us much concern. :scared:
If only we hadn't left our comfort zone 3 years ago as I feel that we will never get to that financial point again. I wish that we could afford the trip home to see first but like many the money pot is empty and a trip to Europe is a luxury that we can't treat ourselves to for another couple of years.
Jul 26th 2006, 2:00 am
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Re: ping pong!!
Originally Posted by woodyinoz
Libby - What do you prefer about QLD to Adelaide?
You have lived my biggest fear....
We are moving back so the grandparents can see the kids, yet they never bothered before so why should it change.
I do miss my Mum terribly and we had a great friendship when the kids had gone to bed but I do wonder that when she gets into a new relationship this friendship will get put back in the cupboard.
Financially we were much better off in the UK but looking into the wages and cost of living now I don't think that this will be possible anymore - why have wages gone backwards when all else has inflated
The cost of housing is also causing us much concern. :scared:
If only we hadn't left our comfort zone 3 years ago as I feel that we will never get to that financial point again. I wish that we could afford the trip home to see first but like many the money pot is empty and a trip to Europe is a luxury that we can't treat ourselves to for another couple of years.
You have lived my biggest fear....
We are moving back so the grandparents can see the kids, yet they never bothered before so why should it change.
I do miss my Mum terribly and we had a great friendship when the kids had gone to bed but I do wonder that when she gets into a new relationship this friendship will get put back in the cupboard.
Financially we were much better off in the UK but looking into the wages and cost of living now I don't think that this will be possible anymore - why have wages gone backwards when all else has inflated
The cost of housing is also causing us much concern. :scared:
If only we hadn't left our comfort zone 3 years ago as I feel that we will never get to that financial point again. I wish that we could afford the trip home to see first but like many the money pot is empty and a trip to Europe is a luxury that we can't treat ourselves to for another couple of years.
Jul 26th 2006, 3:59 am
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Re: ping pong!!
Hi everyone.
Thankyou for your support.
Queensland is what I expected Australia to be, warm weather...tee shirts even though its winter and the beaches are amazing, there is so much to do here and its all very easy to get to. Adelaide did not feel right for us at all and am so glad we moved here.
Financially its been a struggle but where there is a will there is a way. I am not in to possesions and fancy clothes, as long as my kids are happy, healthy and clean and they have nice clothes then I am happy. Kyle my eldest who is 6 never wanted to go back to England so when we asked him if he wanted to return to Oz, he was well happy, my daughter Katie who is 2 1/2 doesnt care as long she had food and something to play with and Mummy and Daddy.
I do think we worry to much about change for the Children, but in my experience its made my Son a more confident young boy and I wish I had half his confidence. I am so proud about the way he has handled everything we have put him through.
Woodyinoz, I dont think you would benefit to much from the holiday thing first, you never get a true sense of living when you are in holiday mode. I just hope that your experience of returning to the UK is better than what we had and everything works out for you where ever you are. X
Banjo, we shipped everything back to the UK and are now waiting for it to come back to Oz again, its not cheap but its certainly cheaper than starting again as we did the first time going to Adelaide. I think if its what you really want to do the you should do it and dont live with regrets and remember why you went in the first place. Do it for you and your family. Good luck.
As for you P how the hell are you matey, hope you and the P family are healthy and where the hell is my email??XX
LibbyX
Thankyou for your support.
Queensland is what I expected Australia to be, warm weather...tee shirts even though its winter and the beaches are amazing, there is so much to do here and its all very easy to get to. Adelaide did not feel right for us at all and am so glad we moved here.
Financially its been a struggle but where there is a will there is a way. I am not in to possesions and fancy clothes, as long as my kids are happy, healthy and clean and they have nice clothes then I am happy. Kyle my eldest who is 6 never wanted to go back to England so when we asked him if he wanted to return to Oz, he was well happy, my daughter Katie who is 2 1/2 doesnt care as long she had food and something to play with and Mummy and Daddy.
I do think we worry to much about change for the Children, but in my experience its made my Son a more confident young boy and I wish I had half his confidence. I am so proud about the way he has handled everything we have put him through.
Woodyinoz, I dont think you would benefit to much from the holiday thing first, you never get a true sense of living when you are in holiday mode. I just hope that your experience of returning to the UK is better than what we had and everything works out for you where ever you are. X
Banjo, we shipped everything back to the UK and are now waiting for it to come back to Oz again, its not cheap but its certainly cheaper than starting again as we did the first time going to Adelaide. I think if its what you really want to do the you should do it and dont live with regrets and remember why you went in the first place. Do it for you and your family. Good luck.
As for you P how the hell are you matey, hope you and the P family are healthy and where the hell is my email??XX
LibbyX
Jul 26th 2006, 4:48 am
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Re: ping pong!!
Libby,
Really glad things have worked out for you .. Must say I am very envious of your warm weather, we are in our second winter now and it seems to be going on forever!
Hope you find some sort of workable relationship with your Mum ..
Nikki
xx
Really glad things have worked out for you .. Must say I am very envious of your warm weather, we are in our second winter now and it seems to be going on forever!
Hope you find some sort of workable relationship with your Mum ..
Nikki
xx
Jul 26th 2006, 5:43 am
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Re: ping pong!!
Originally Posted by mysnix
Libby,
Really glad things have worked out for you .. Must say I am very envious of your warm weather, we are in our second winter now and it seems to be going on forever!
Hope you find some sort of workable relationship with your Mum ..
Nikki
xx
Really glad things have worked out for you .. Must say I am very envious of your warm weather, we are in our second winter now and it seems to be going on forever!
Hope you find some sort of workable relationship with your Mum ..
Nikki
xx
Must admit, its bit warmer this year. I can not believe you are in your second year already.....where does time go. Glad its working out for you in Adelaide.
Mum and Me are at a comfortable level at the moment, and time is a great healer, so no worries there mate, thanks for your support.
LibbyX
Jul 26th 2006, 6:28 am
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Re: ping pong!!
Originally Posted by LIBBY
As for you P how the hell are you matey, hope you and the P family are healthy and where the hell is my email??XX
LibbyX
Sorry babe just check you email now.....and get a cuppa too as its a long one to bore the pants of you.!!! lol Have emailed pics also..arghhhh
P xxxx
Jul 26th 2006, 6:47 am
#13
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Re: ping pong!!
Originally Posted by woodyinoz
Libby - What do you prefer about QLD to Adelaide?
You have lived my biggest fear....
We are moving back so the grandparents can see the kids, yet they never bothered before so why should it change.
I do miss my Mum terribly and we had a great friendship when the kids had gone to bed but I do wonder that when she gets into a new relationship this friendship will get put back in the cupboard.
Financially we were much better off in the UK but looking into the wages and cost of living now I don't think that this will be possible anymore - why have wages gone backwards when all else has inflated
The cost of housing is also causing us much concern. :scared:
If only we hadn't left our comfort zone 3 years ago as I feel that we will never get to that financial point again. I wish that we could afford the trip home to see first but like many the money pot is empty and a trip to Europe is a luxury that we can't treat ourselves to for another couple of years.
You have lived my biggest fear....
We are moving back so the grandparents can see the kids, yet they never bothered before so why should it change.
I do miss my Mum terribly and we had a great friendship when the kids had gone to bed but I do wonder that when she gets into a new relationship this friendship will get put back in the cupboard.
Financially we were much better off in the UK but looking into the wages and cost of living now I don't think that this will be possible anymore - why have wages gone backwards when all else has inflated
The cost of housing is also causing us much concern. :scared:
If only we hadn't left our comfort zone 3 years ago as I feel that we will never get to that financial point again. I wish that we could afford the trip home to see first but like many the money pot is empty and a trip to Europe is a luxury that we can't treat ourselves to for another couple of years.
I would echo what Libby said about the holiday....sometimes we think that's what we should have done, but holidays are very different to reality, so for us I think we had to do it this way and now at least we can have some more confidence in making the decision to go back and be more settled.
Fortunately for us my husband got a well paid job just 5mins down the road which is a small step up from what he was doig before. If he was at that same level we just could't afford to make eds meet - ad we don't even buy heaps of luxuries etc. no sky.....actually no tv licence full stop!
I think it is definitely worth trying somewhere else in Oz before coming back.....whatever you do stick it out for citizenship just in case, and see how that changes things for you to.
All the best in your decision making
Jul 26th 2006, 7:46 am
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Re: ping pong!!
Originally Posted by LIBBY
Hi everyone.
Banjo, we shipped everything back to the UK and are now waiting for it to come back to Oz again, its not cheap but its certainly cheaper than starting again as we did the first time going to Adelaide.
LibbyX
Banjo, we shipped everything back to the UK and are now waiting for it to come back to Oz again, its not cheap but its certainly cheaper than starting again as we did the first time going to Adelaide.
LibbyX
Jul 26th 2006, 9:23 am
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Re: ping pong!!
Originally Posted by banjo
hey woody....been wondering how things are going for you and whether you were still thinking of coming back over. Housing prices here are frightening and we just ca't afford to get back on the ladder at this point and that is with a semi-decent deposit - but then, part of that decision is that I don't want to be stuck here if the market crashes....which surely it has to do at some point?!
I would echo what Libby said about the holiday....sometimes we think that's what we should have done, but holidays are very different to reality, so for us I think we had to do it this way and now at least we can have some more confidence in making the decision to go back and be more settled.
Fortunately for us my husband got a well paid job just 5mins down the road which is a small step up from what he was doig before. If he was at that same level we just could't afford to make eds meet - ad we don't even buy heaps of luxuries etc. no sky.....actually no tv licence full stop!
I think it is definitely worth trying somewhere else in Oz before coming back.....whatever you do stick it out for citizenship just in case, and see how that changes things for you to.
All the best in your decision making
I would echo what Libby said about the holiday....sometimes we think that's what we should have done, but holidays are very different to reality, so for us I think we had to do it this way and now at least we can have some more confidence in making the decision to go back and be more settled.
Fortunately for us my husband got a well paid job just 5mins down the road which is a small step up from what he was doig before. If he was at that same level we just could't afford to make eds meet - ad we don't even buy heaps of luxuries etc. no sky.....actually no tv licence full stop!
I think it is definitely worth trying somewhere else in Oz before coming back.....whatever you do stick it out for citizenship just in case, and see how that changes things for you to.
All the best in your decision making
We to have found that even on OH good salary we are struggling. Not in the every day things but Grandpa now has to help out for music, ballet and horse riding. Holiday's are therefore not going to be for a long time. How can I take a mans pension then swan off on hols
I haven't seen my Dad for 2 years and this hurts. We have always been close and the thought that he is going grey without me laughing at him is unfair.
I do wish to have family around and be there for them as I would love to have them there to watch the girls ballet etc. I am so scared though about the horror stories regarding teenagers etc.
I have wanted to lease my house and put things into storage whilst we take a trip back. OH isn't keen about giving up his job just to ping pong back again. In fact I have been given the here or there automation. It would be so much easier if I didn't love the life that I have!