Grayling

That will happen to us anyway....already has.

We have grandchildren in UK and Australia.


But we also have a large extended family in various parts of Britain so where we live is a matter of our choice.

Sally Redux

You can't warn people about this - but I wish I'd thought it through as well.

I agree that it's not like them moving away.

Pulaski

I'd not really thought about it, but it's another facet of my oft repeated advice that moving teenagers internationally is, IMO, not a good idea. My opinions are often dismissed or rubbished, and I have been told several times that children are flexible, resourceful, and resilient, but at the end of the day moving teenagers internationally does have consequences, consequences that are often not realized until years later when the "damage" cannot be undone.

Sally Redux

From our experience, over 11 starts to get difficult. Yes they will adapt, but may well be resentful.

Spending the teen years in a country will then tend to make it home, and you can't move them 'back' if you go, but they have limited support in the new country.

BEVS

All the very best to you Grayling for a smooth move back to the UK.

Hope everything falls into place for you just the way you would wish it to be.

Geordie George

Good luck with the escape plan, G. Blighty is just beautiful in spring; a good choice of time to head back!

Pulaski

Agreed. I think I have said 10 and over myself in the past.

Bnet36

Very interesting. I always looked at it from a education point of view. Move before school gets serious. I never considered the future separation aspect.

Pulaski

Well the separation aspect only becomes an issue when the parents (always planned to) return home but the children are settled enough (presumably when you move with "young" children, certainly younger than 12-13, or so), OR if the children don't settle but the parents have no intention of going home (presumably when you move with older children, 15-18).

Move with young children and stay "forever", or with older children and go home, and you probably won't have a "separated family" issue.

robin1234

Separation aspect doesn't have to be a negative. We have two children, aged 30 and 32, one lives in the US and one lives in the UK. We are very close, keep in contact by phone, family blog, email, facetime etc. We usually get together, some or all of us, maybe twice a year. (Well probably we see our daughter in MA at least 3 or 4 times a year.) Honestly don't see how this is that much different than if we lived in Cornwall and our kids lived in Birmingham and Edinburgh, for instance.

Kids were born in England, we brought them to America aged 8 and 6, one decided to go to England for graduate school and never came back. The other fell into good jobs and a relationship etc. over here.

We just bought a flat over in England, I really look forward to seeing our son more frequently, but we haven't really decided which country to make our primary home as we get older...

Amaike

Sage advice. Children will go where they want when they spread their wings but there will always be a pull to "home".

My parents moved to Australia in the late 60s, and now my 3 siblings have all gone back to UK long term where the wider extended family network is.

I was in UK till recently but returned to sunny Oz with 3 children under age of 11, they all transitioned fine. Ironically I am hoping that when they inevitably do a gap year, we can all transition back to UK to join the extended family.

I'd add that who they fall in love with will have a huge bearing on where they decide to live.

Sally Redux

I am not sure what will happen with ours but both seem to regard California as home.

We must have been out of our ****ing minds to get on that plane in 2005.

Sorry Grayling, all the best with your move! England is fantastic and you will feel good to have 'done your time' and be able to see more of that side of your family.

Lorry1

Us too Sally, in 2007!

My eldest, 20 is heading back to Nova Scotia in spring and my youngest, 12 is just not settling back in England. After a year and a half back home, she still misses friends in Nova Scotia too much so I have a feeling she wll return when able.

I sometimes think maybe we should return to Nova Scotia so my kids can be happy, but I just can't do it. I was so unhappy there my depression went through the roof and I had no control.
I just can't imagine returning there to live...ever!
Visit, yes...live, no!

It is correct that they can end up anywhere in the world and may have emigrated anyway, as we did. Nothing is certain in life. They could move to Scotland and we would probably not see them too much either.

I guess what will be, will be and we have to now live with it.

Good luck with your move home, Grayling!

moneypenny20

Congrats G, may you have a very happy and satisfying future.

Sally Redux

Yup, we are similar. Sorry to hear your youngest isn't settling.

If we went back my depression would be a big problem again.

My friends here have all got kids and even grandkids in easy striking distance.

Just have to think that worse things happen at sea, on a global scale there is so much suffering mine really is a first world problem.