Jebs

Hello all!

I'm a first time poster on here in general, long time reader / lurker but I've been recently wanting to speak to people who have been in a similar situation that I am currently in now.

I moved from Wiltshire, UK to Canada in Vancouver, BC with my boyfriend back in August of 2013 on IEC Working Holiday visas, as we both wanted to have an adventure and experience a bit of life elsewhere for a while and see where it took us, and if we felt we could settle down elsewhere to live for good should things work out that way.

Last August we renewed for our final and second year visas through IEC, and were thinking of applying for PR (Permanent Residency) here through Adam (the other half's) work scheme, which is called PNP - Provincial Nominee Program.

However, I feel, and have felt since the first year here, that Canada is not the place I want to end up and settle down. The climate is beautiful, if rainy a lot of the time, much like back home really, and the people are friendly enough and are helpful and laid back mostly, but I just haven't felt that I "fit" here in this kind of culture.

I've been missing home awfully since the first year, mostly because I'm extremely close to my family, my twin sister especially, plus it was hard for me to find work, not so much for Adam luckily, but even though it will have been two years come August that we've been here and we're both in quite decent paying jobs for us, we are thinking of coming back to England once our second year visas run out.

I was just wondering if anyone out there on this forum has shared this same experience, or at least something similar so that I can hear your thoughts and what you did in the end once you decided if you wanted to go back home or not, how difficult it was and why you wanted to?

Were you happy to be back home? Did you regret coming back? And if not, what are you glad to be back for?

Any answers would be really appreciated Thank you for reading! And sorry if this was more rambley than anything

Bnet36

Jebs,

I can't give you any personal feedback or experience since I don't match most of your criteria but I can share this (I am in the US preparing to head back in a few months) once you have that feeling of not belonging, it usually doesn't go away, you will have seen this all over the MBTUK pages while you were in 'lurking' mode

Some expats manage to assimilate and settle into their new lives but some of us do not. I think its important to remember that no where is perfect so it is important to dig deep and figure out the emotions.

Others will jump in with experiences of moving back.

All the best with everything.

curleytops

Hi Jens, welcome from me too. My circumstances are also very different than yours but I agree with bnet when she says it's the feeling of belonging that is all important. I lived in Canada for 45 years and that feeling of not belonging never ever went away. You may feel as I did at times that you are better off in your adopted country but you can't manufacture a passion or patriotism that just isn't there. This affects people in different ways, often people in the same family and it's impossible to predict who will assimilate and who won't. How does Adam feel? Does your visa allow you to return to UK for a visit? If visiting is an option, you may very well get a shock (as I did) coming back and finding things not as rosy as you remembered. I felt more settled in Canada after I returned from my first trip to UK but it never ever felt like home to me. I finally returned to UK after my now husband came back into my life. I've been here and married for nearly four years and in all honesty life has thrown us some tough obstacles in that time but this is home and as a result, I have no regrets. I also got a pretty terrific husband thrown in with the deal. All the best with whatever road you choose.

Upintheair

@curleytops Hi! Could you please tell me what kinds of things were not as rosy as you expected them to be when you returned to the UK for a visit? I have a feeling the same would apply to us (we haven't returned for a visit in the 11years we've been here in Canada!)

curleytops

Hi Upintheair, my first holiday back was way back in 1970 and I was still at that time a kid of only 11 so the details are a bit rusty. What does come to mind is that back then many houses in the UK still had no central heating and the old terraced flats still had outside toilets. Those are things you'll not have to worry about in this day and age . Things seemed a lot more crowded than I was used to in Canada and I had been spoiled with central heating and an indoor loo, wide open spaces etc. I was happy to go back to Canada after 8 weeks and accepted the fact for a few years anyway that I was better off there.

I found that at in later visits my attitude towards the UK was somewhat different. I didn't return again until nearly 8 years later and by then I was working in Canada and making good money and had a serious boyfriend so I wasn't looking to return for good. BUT - it was during that trip that I realised where I really felt most at home and that was the UK. That feeling nagged at me over the years but it was a long time before I got to see England again - 32 years to be exact. By this time I was involved with my now hubby and I came back to see if I would be able to settle over here. I made a concerted effort to see the country without the rose tinted specs. Yes things had changed and time had not been kind in many ways to my home town in south Tyneside but it still felt home and I was amazed at how comfortable I felt.

I've always advised people who are thinking of coming home for good to have a recce trip first (particularly if they've been gone for many years) and to avoid treating the time like a vacation. You have to concentrate on what it would be like to live here day to day and be honest with yourself about how you feel. We all change over the years and so can our perceptions of the place we started out in.

You may well find congestion in urban areas bugs you over here or the narrow roads, smaller houses etc. or you may find that's no big deal to you. Everyone has their own likes and dislikes and you'll see stories galore across MBTTUK about what makes people happy and unhappy about being back. Be prepared to be flexible, make compromises and to make an extra effort to reconnect with old friends and family. Time changes us all and sometimes you can pick up where you left off with someone, sometimes it's just not meant to be. You have to accept that.

FWIW I hate where we live at the moment but I know we'll not be in this area of the country forever and I don't regret for one minute moving back, it's all been worth it.

Hope this helps, feel free to ask questions, someone's always willing to help out around here.

Upintheair

Thank you!! As I'm sure you can tell, I'm new here. We've just started seriously considering a return to England and feedback from those in the know is so helpful.

I think you're absolutely right about taking a trip back first, before a move. It's so true that we remember things fondly and that they may have changed, or we may have changed.

I have many more questions, but I'll start a new thread to keep things tidy.

Thank you once again.

Jebs

Thank you very much for your advice @Bnet36! I have indeed read a fair amount of differing stories whilst lurking about

@curleytops - Thank YOU so much for your input and advice also, I really understand what you mean. I have been back to the UK since being out here, it was for a couple of weeks for my twin's wedding so it was kind of like a vacation, but I remember how things work back home and all the things I would have to do like, find work, which isn't easy there at the moment, get our own place, pay council tax and tv licenses (not an issue in Canada!) and utility bills etc, but even knowing that, the wrench of coming back here was extremely hard, so much that I was upset on the plane when it took off, which made me think back then (May 2014) that I really shouldn't be going back to Canada if I felt that strongly about it.

Back home I felt that I could breathe again, relax and be myself totally, but here I feel on edge all the time and anxious, not pleasant! I'm not even really sure why I feel this way, it's not awful here or anything, in fact there are a lot of positives to living here that are better than the UK.

I've gotten used to the huge mixed culture of people and how things are over the year or so over here but I just do not feel that I "fit" like you say, I'm so glad you understand how I feel in that regard!

I'm sure that we are more than likely, say, 90% sure we are going to come home in August, and we've already given a heads up to my family about it, who are pretty happy with the news As am I, to be honest.

We are going to be moving to West Yorkshire though which is totally new for us Southerners, as we have friends there that are able to give us a bit of a leg up with jobs and a place to stay and things, rather than going back to Swindon in the south as it's not the best town and having lived there myself for 23 years, I'd like to branch out a bit and live somewhere cheaper would be very helpful!

Plus Yorkshire is beautiful

Thank you all for commenting on my thread, I really appreciate it and loved reading your own views on coming back home.

MarylandNed

My wife and I spent 7 years in Canada (Toronto). The original intention was to stay for a year but we just kept on staying because we liked it so much. Homesickness was kept at bay by annual visits to the UK; and by friends and family visiting us from the UK. Eventually we had 2 kids and decided to move back to the UK to be closer to friends and family. We lasted 2 years there before moving to the US where we've been for the past 17 years.

We don't regret the move back to the UK. In fact, we really enjoyed our time there and there is much that we miss about life there. However, we decided we wanted to raise our kids (3 by then; 4 currently) elsewhere.

Here's my advice. If you feel that you want to move back to the UK, then DO IT! The nagging doubt is unlikely to go away until you do something about it. Looking back, it was something that we had to get out of our system. It's easier to make the move while you're young and have no kids.

MarylandNed

After 11 years away, I would imagine that you would notice some significant changes.

I watch UK TV programs (particularly news and current affairs programs e.g. 'Question Time') to keep up to date with what is happening. I just got back from 2 weeks in the UK and the main issues, as I expected, were:

(1) NHS & Social Services. Much depends on where you are. My brother lives in NW London and he says the system is creaking under the strain of services not being able to cope with the growing population. Most of my family who live in rural Northern Ireland don't report the same issues. Other parts of the country report various issues with the NHS and social services.

(2) Immigration (particularly from eastern Europe). There is a feeling that the UK benefits system is too generous and is being abused by immigrants. Also, immigrants are flooding the job market and keeping wages low.

(3) Low wages. The government is claiming that the economy is growing but many people who are working are in low paid jobs, zero hours contracts or part-time work. There is a feeling that big business isn't paying its share of taxes and that wealth is not being distributed fairly.

(4) EU. There always seems to be dissatisfaction with the UK's relationship with Europe. There could be a referendum on whether the UK should stay or exit.

(5) Politics. Politicians' reputations are at an all time low and more people are failing to see much difference between the major political parties - which is a major reason why the UK now has a coalition government (something that is likely to happen again this year after the General Election).

(6) Education. Rising university tuition fees. OFSTED.

(7) Changing culture. This goes hand in hand with the massive amount of immigration that has occurred over the last 10 years or so. The UK is much more multicultural that it used to be. Some see this as positive but there are many people who feel that change is happening too quickly and that immigrants should be assimilating and complimenting Bristish culture rather that completely changing it.

(8) The rise of UKIP. This has happened as a response to the general disillusionment with all of the above.

AB4NOW

For me personally, I miss my old UK life. I do love Canada but I do miss the lifestyle I had in the UK. I'm a construction professional and I could work part time again, I miss cheap travel and the choice the UK offers and most of all I miss family & friends. Yes I am surrounded by amazing friends and they will be life long friends but just recently I've being thinking is this my life here, I don't do anything.

Sally Redux

Personally I don't see all this 'change' that seems to spook people. It seems fine to me, with a lot of regeneration so you get more shops and cafés springing up.

Also OP only left the country a year ago.

Sally Redux

Yeah you're just getting all that from tabloids. It's fine on the ground.

Knightrunner

When I was younger, I moved to France for a year and a half. I was on my own and I suddenly began feeling out of place. I had a job that I was good at, and a group of good friends but I still felt strange. I decided to return to the UK and was glad of it. I loved living in France, and visit regularly to see my friends, but at such a young age (21) it was quite emotionally taxing. I was back in the UK for a few years then ventured out again more able to cope. And although I still miss the UK when I'm living in other countries, I'm more able to handle it.

You've got to ask yourself if you can handle it. If not, that's okay. You'll be able to move away again in a few years if that's what you decide.

All the best.