cca123

Hello

Looking back on my posts over the last month I can totally see how inconsistent I have been but it is due to the absolute sheer weight I feel moving my family overseas to the UK.
I have lived in the USA for most of my adult life (I moved over when I was 23) and I am now 33. I got my first car here, got my teaching career am married to an American and have our beautiful baby girl. I am very proud of the life I have made out here. I came to the USA with just 2 suitcases and now I have so many things I am proud of.
Ever since I moved here I have been saying I want to move back and now we literally have everything ready to go (my husband has his biometrics tomorrow) I have been freaking out to the point where I actually pressed the refund button for the application (it didnt accept for whatever reason). The reasons I want to move back is being away from guns(I hate ding lockdowns with my students and hate the thought of my daughter doing it), Maternity is better over there (I get 6 weeks unpaid as a teacher), I have my best friend who is like my sister who also has a baby the same age, countryside walks, pubs (although I know this novelty will probably wear off!) and my daughters cousins (she doesnt have any over here)
We are very very close to my husbands family and its been a joy to watch my daughter grow a relationship with them (she is their only grandchild) and I know they are always close by to help us and support us in any way. My family have the "stiff upper lip" and "stand on your own 2 feet" attitude and so my husbands family have been the kind of support that I have never really experienced before. I called my Father-in law in tears yesterday saying I wasnt sure anymore. I know it wasnt right to drag him into my indecisiveness but for some reason I gravitated into calling him. He told me that when we said we were applying for visa he cried after we left. We discussed the pros and cons but it was so so hard to listen to that.

I have envisioned leaving to go back to the UK for almost 10 YEARS and I have never thought I would react like this but I guess, with our daughter, it makes things that much harder. I know we wont have the support that we do have over here with her and its also hard to start all over again...

So last night my head was absolutely reeling. I hate making decisions anyway but making one that is so big which affects so many people and determines if my daughter will have an American childhood or British...I am terrified of making a mistake (has anybody else felt this way??).
I basically thought long and hard about everything. I thought about what it would be like if we abandoned the application and just stayed here. We are settled and wouldnt cause any hurt to my husbands family plus my family is used to me being away now...I thought about life in England what it would be like once the novelty wore off (weather, cost etc) and I realized I cant know what happens in the future. I am not going to be able to know 100% what I will feel like but I DO know that if I abanden this application then we probably wont have the opportunity again. We have been very lucky in the fact that my friends dad has offered me a job starting in July as a favor and I have 6 months worth of pay slips meeting requirement (if we stay in usa I would want to be a stay at home mum and so I would no longer meet this requirement). EVERYTHING is ticked off and if we are going to do it I need to do it now. When thinking last night I realised that I cant control what I am going to feel like and I dont know whats going to happen but if I stayed I know the feelings of "what if" would eventually start creeping back. For me, I think the worst thing you can have in your life is regret and to also have "what if" hanging over you is horrible (I have had this for 10 years) so there is 1 thing in my control and that is to do it. Move over, get those "what if's" answered. What if we hate the weather, what if we can only afford 1 car, what if we dont like teaching in uk schools, what if we were able to travel to different European countries. Moving over in scary but it is even scarier to live with unanswered questions for the rest of my life and my daughter deserves to have a mum who is settled without much regret which would therefore create a settled and secure environment for her.
We might stay and we might love it but, right now, it is scary to think we could stay there. So we are seeing this like a 2year opportunity. We are going to embrace this as best we can. All the experiences both pros and cons will lead us into making a decision on where we ultimatley want to end up. Yes this is pricey but I think (hope) that this is better all round in the long run (my daughter is only 18months right now)...
I just hope we arent creating even more problems by moving back and having my daughter establish bonds with people in UK which will then make it hard to leave the other way around so then we would have 2 dilemas...I am hoping that, even though she will develop bonds, the answer of what we want to do will become very clear to us...

Sorry for the long post!! Has anyone else experienced this level of anxiety about moving back? This solution is the best thing I can come up with right now. The run up to leaving (intended travel date May 30th) is going to be very very tough but once we get there I think (hope) it will be better.

Thanks for sticking through this long long post!

kimka058

I know exactly how you feel. I have been talking about moving home for ages, and I really want to, but as soon as we actually made the decision, all the uncertainties seemed to grow. Am I pushing my family into this because I want it so much? What happens if we can't settle? Are we making a huge mistake?

These worries seem to be going nowhere, despite my partner and I agreeing that it is just another adventure, and that if it doesn't work, we will just try something else. Am giving up a brilliant paying job to go and be unemployed, job hunting for a position that will undoubtedly be a huge pay drop. All because I miss home, miss the culture, miss access to Europe, miss my family (who all have moved on and have their own lives that I have barely been a part of while I was away).

Despite all the doubts (which seem increasing all the time) I really want to be home. That is the main factor for me.

So rest assured that there are many in the same or similar positions who will be moving too. We just need to keep moving forward and be prepared as much as we can for the difficulties and problems ahead.

cca123

Thank you. I am sorry you are experiencing similar things too but it helps to know I am not alone!

BuckinghamshireBoy

You are not alone! There are loads out here who will try to help, I'm still trying to fully digest your original post and formulate some questions.

Stay strong!

BuckinghamshireBoy

You would seem to not to have been at ease in your 10 years in the US?

What is your husband's view on shifting?

Where would you be looking to relocate to in the UK? Appreciate and understand the gun thing, but a lot of UK cities have - sadly - these days become prone to knife and acid thugs.

Family is family - geographical distance shouldn't matter. If it works for you two/three then the rest will fit in. Or they should at least accept your decision.

Switching countries is never really easy, loads of unknowns, but only you will know if it's the right thing for you and yours to embark on.

spouse of scouse

CCA, remember that if you decide that the UK isn't for you, you can return to the US. Your family all has US citizenship, and you and your husband have held professional positions in the US before and could undoubtedly do so again.

I'm not trying to minimize the impact of moving from one country to another, very few of us have done that without at least some doubts or uncertainties. But it's important for you to tell yourself that your decision to move to the UK is not an irrevocable one. You won't be stuck there if you hate it, and if you do find that it's not for you will be able to find a way to move back to the US.

michali

I agree with SOS! Nothing is written in stone and children are very adaptable if you were to decide to move back but it is important to give yourself time to settle before making another move. Sometimes it takes time to adjust and it is not a good idea to decide immediately that you want to go back. Your ambivalent feelings are quite understandable. And you have to weigh up the pros and the cons. I absolutely love being back in the UK and nearer to my children but I also have to understand they have their own lives and have managed very well without us for many years! And I miss my friends who I left behind. But I have my lovely long walks here and my lovely husband! We have to enjoy each segment of our lives and what it offers at any given time.

cca123

Thank you all so much!Youre right about being able to come back. The teaching profession (which is what we are in) will be able to conduct skype interviews (something they dont do in UK really which has made it difficult) and we all have our USA citizenship like Spouse of Scouse said We will give ourselves a few years because I know that it will take a while to settle in. When we moved from Utah to a different state it took about 2 years to properly settle so I understand it will be the same in UK, if not longer! I just hope we are not going to complicate things even more by moving back eg my daughter establishes relationships with people over there, and the answer after a few years still isnt clear. Then what would we do?? haha Did most people have a clear answer ater a few years of living there? Yes, I am at home and this is the place for me or No, USA (or whatever country) is the place for me..?
But I could drive myself crazt thinking about about all the possible what if's. Im going to have to take a leap of faith. I just wish isnt wasnt so hard and uncertain. Im going to have butterflies in my stomach until we leave I think!
Thank you again for all of your kind advice though. It really does help!

quiltman

Maybe I've missed something but I see no mention of a spouse visa? As OPs husband is American then she will have to sponsor him. Hopefully they can use savings in order to travel together , otherwise she will need to meet the income requirements.
Appendix_FM_Annex_1_7_Financial_Requirement.pdf

They will be lucky to get a spouse visa by end May, based on current processing dates, but her hubby being American will help keep the time down.

michali

I had a clear answer from day one! But because my husband is subject to immigration control until he gets ILR, I always keep a part of my mind open to moving again. At our age and in our circumstances, that would be very challenging!

BristolUK

And don't forget that as a teacher in America the Prez wants you to have a gun

(sorry....I just can't get over this idea...it's a new low that I never thought possible)

cca123

Urgh I know!!! Dont get me started.......!

cca123

Current processing times for Jan decisions are 94% at 90 days apparently

cca123

Sorry, yes we have all that. My husband actually did his biometrics yesterday and we are sending off our packet next week