Sally Redux

We won't fight over men

ann m

I agree with this. The knots I turned myself into when we moved (to Canada) were all for nought in the end. The energy, tears, fears and upset drove me up the wall for months. Your son will adapt, whether it is with old friends (and they will grow apart anyway, believe me ), or whether it is with new friendships that are formed. He has barely done a few years yet, there's loads more schooling to come - be positive, empathize if he gets upset, and do what you can to find a good resolution all round. Good luck. :thumb up:

brits1

Our two sons have moved schools a few times (we were in the wrong areas etc) and although I felt soooooooooo guilty every time I did not show it , we made it as light hearted etc as we could (we also moved home these times as well and I really hate moving myself) now our boys are young men and if you ask them now they really cannot understand when I say I felt so guilty, they had friends all over Perth not just at their last school and they said it made them more confident in life. I think guilt comes hand in hand with being a parent but your doing this for the good of the whole of the family, take a deep breath, try and take a couple of days off from worrying (and I know how hard that can be) then start again, look at other schools within the area even if it involves a longer commute it will be worth doing it if your son gets into a good school, you will be happy and a happy Mum makes a much happier family.

Sally Redux

Move over anyway, I feel like the world's worst parent for putting 6,000 miles between daughter and her boyfriend.

FelicityG4

I was where you are in 1998. My beautiful son had just started a super lovely school and we pulled him out. He was five years old and has retained his English accent. He attended what was supposed to be a good school and an international one at that. It was dreadful in every way. I felt like the worst parent in the world.

One very lovely French lady asked about education here on the West Coast of the US because she was planning her family and life. My response was this - if education is not a high priority remain here and your children will be blissfully ignorant of so much but at least blissful. If you want them to be well educated, to the highest international standards, return to France.

I am in the process of setting up a secondary school and husband is currently looking at returning to the UK.

MrsDarcy

Tirytory please try not to worry about your son. He is still young and he will be fine even though things are not going quite as you had hoped. Stay calm, don't let him see your worry and be honest with him about what might happen when you move back so that he can be prepared.

If it helps I too have a 'feel like the worst parent in the world story.'
I have a 20 year old daughter who is at present is having a wonderful time at university in the UK. She graduated High School in the US in 2012.
I also have a son who is 17. At the beginning of 2013 my husband was becoming increasingly unhappy with his job and suggested that maybe it was time to move back to the UK. I was on board for this but was concerned about how my son would cope with the rigors of sixth form. He has a July birthday so is always one of the youngest in his grade and also I felt that maybe it was a bit mean not letting him get his High School Diploma as his sister had. After all he had moved here when he was 5 years old and although he had completed a year of UK infant school before we relocated his education had been an American one.
I suggested to my husband that if he could just keep going for another year in his job then we could graduate our son a year early, sell our house move back to the UK in the summer and then our son could go to the local sixth form college in the town where we would be moving back to. In my eyes he would be just that bit more mature to take on A levels and that as a lot of kids feed into this college from different schools he would just be one of the many new students. Better to make friends that way. I told my son the plan and he had a major meltdown. It was pretty horrible and I experienced guilt trip number one but I kept the dialogue open and both myself and my husband explained our reasons for moving and he eventually came around to the idea. Even his sister spoke with him and he could see what a great time she was having at Uni and how happy she was.
Fast forward to now and my son has graduated High School a year early and had a place at the sixth form college all lined up to start in September however we have been unable to sell our house (long story) and it looks like it is going to take much longer then we ever anticipated. Guilt trip number two. I had tell my son that we obviously would not be moving back yet that I would have to cancel his place at the sixth form college and that in the interim while we wait to sell it would be best if he signed up for some classes at our local US community college. This again did not go down too well with him and I was overwhelmed by guilt and anxiety for coming up with the whole crazy plan in the first place plus an unhappy husband in a job he doesn't much like but there really was not much that could be done. As the Americans like to say 'it is what it is.' We have just had to make the best of it until things change which they will eventually.
At the moment we are not in the ideal situation and things have not gone according to plan. My son is two weeks into community college. Is he happy? Well, he is a great kid and has accepted it as a temporary blip. On the plus side he still gets to hang out with old school friends and see his girlfriend. He is just trying to make the best of it and in some ways this situation is going to teach him something that crap happens in your life but you do survive it. There is usually a solution to every problem that comes your way and when there isn't one immediately in front of you just have to make the best of it until the right solution presents itself.
Good luck.

Tirytory

Ah best of luck Mrs Darcy!

trottytrue

Mrs Darcy..Would it be possible for you to rent your house out I know how long it can take to sell it.

Deley

Hi Tirytory,

We have recently moved back to the UK after 2 years in New Zealand. We have been very lucky and managed to get our two boys back into their old primary school. They have gone into year 5 and 6. My other half did a recci back to the UK before we returned and visited the school to meet with head to discuss (one of reason was the school had changed headmasters since we left) our situation and find out how likely it was that they would be able to return. Even though he was very positive and could not see a problem taking our boys back it was down to the local LEA and because its always over subscribed with the new intake I was very worried. When we completed the school application we put in some supporting notes to explain how the children had attended the school before, how much they loved it and flourished there. Also explained that they had attended two different schools in New Zealand during two years we was away from then UK and how we really believed it was vitally important and in their best interests that they returned to same school. We also rented a house in the catchment area for the school and I put in our applications before we left New Zealand. We was very lucky and the boys are now into their 3rd week back at school.
I would be surprised if the children that are on the waiting list for year 5 would still want a place???? Maybe you could have another chat with the head to find out the full picture and get your application in.
Really do hope it works out for you, I certainly know how you are feeling.
I try to tell myself its not worth worrying and stressing over something that might not happen and sometimes some things are just not in our control. Like they say when one door closes another one opens.
Let us know how it goes, keeping everything crossed for you

Tirytory

Thanks for that. Unfortunately it was bad news, we put three good schools on our list and got turned down for all three due to over subscription. We were offered a place at the worst school nearby. 20% lower pass marks for all classes, and an area filled with disengaged parents and economic poverty- you can probably imagine our reaction!