Tirytory

So schools back in Swansea, and I just spoke to receptionist about class sizes and the kids moving back, Sam would be starting year 5 this week. There are 3 on the waiting list for his year currently in catchment area and as such there is no place for him. The only thing keeping him going- he's so down about going to school here- is that he would go back to his old class.

So we've needlessly taking him out of his class where he had a solid bunch of friends and now I don't know where he's going to go. He's going to be devastated. I feel like such an awful parent. I feel so selfish about worrying my job and this house, and wish I could give up my job to get him back into school like some sort of reverse karma.

It's not like I didn't inquire about this. The then head said no, it's fine, junior class sizes don't matter so much but clearly they do. Any remote positivity has disappeared again.

Do you think it will help if I go back earlier than mid December? Will the LEA take into account any distress on the pupils part at not going back into his school or will he just be a number? Anybody have any experience? Not to mention that if we manage to get him in there is no place for his sister.

I hate this place, I hate that we ever came.

Sally Redux

I have been beating myself up about my kids for nine years and continue to do so. However, it's not a good thing to do! Console yourself that they're young enough to get back into the British way of life with few problems.

There is an appeals process for school places or at least there used to be because we tried it. We were unsuccessful, but another mum who cried at the hearing got in, so there's a tip. In our case, the new school actually turned out to be far better, so sometimes things turn out all right. You can only do what you see as the best thing at the time. Try not to let him see it's a big deal, with any luck the alternative school will be fine as it was for my daughter, if you can't get him back into his old class. Don't get hung up on karma either, that way madness lies.

Tirytory

I don't know Sally, he's 9 going into Year 5... I think it is actually a big deal for him. We made the decisions, he's stuck with the consequences. The nearest school is a good one too so probably just as full up.

Thank you for trying to make me feel better!

Sally Redux

It's a big deal but you have to downplay that. That's the age my daughter was at the time, funnily enough, and she kept in touch with friends from the old school right the way through, in fact she went out with one of them the other day! So at least he would still be in touch with them.

If they get a whiff of your sadness/guilt it's bad, that's what happened with my son when we moved to the US and we just fed off eachothers' negativity.

Bnet36

Tirytory... When faced with situations like this try to look past this moment. 5 years from now this will not be something your child holds against you. Talk to your son continuously about the situation and involve him in brainstorming the options. This is actually a 'teachable' moment on flexibility, what we want versus what is available etc. work on it together. As parents we often beat ourselves more than our kids ever will.

Best of luck!

MoshiMoshi

Is he on the waiting list yet? Or do you have to wait until you've actually moved back?

What's the school area like? I know here in London families are often coming and going and swapping state for private etc, so it would be perfectly feasible for four students to leave by Christmas.

Also, I know this probably won't make you feel better, but DH's family ping-ponged from UK to NZ and back via the Middle East while the kids were in primary school. None of the children bears a grudge for this in the slightest. They adapted as needed and gained a lot from a few years overseas. I really agree with what Bnet36 said.

Teaandtoday5

I keep trying to write something that says don't let this become the be all and end all of a successful return, but I know from experience that worrying, as a parent, is unstoppable.

Re. going back sooner - perhaps a mid- school year return will work to your advantage? After all those three kids on the waiting list will have to have gone somewhere by then, so all you need is for one kid already there to leave/ move away and he's in!

Seriously, best of luck. A scan of the newspapers when school places are handed out shows this is an issue that faces lots of parents, and I really sympathise.

Tirytory

We have to reply on winning an appeal, I spoke to the headmaster before I left and he assured me it was no problem- returning after a year, but I was naive and didn't speak to the local authority so now I know it doesn't work like that.

I feel really resentful of my husband at the moment, he's gained the most out of this move, and lost the least. He will return to his partnership with little changed. I've lost my set day which means very little overall but.... Our son might well be the biggest loser out all of this. I know you all mean well, but the guilt over this is just horrible. My two should be having their matching school uniform photos now and I don't know where either of them are going to be.. I hate it, I hate it, I hate that we ever came...

Sally Redux

At least you're getting out, you'll get straight soon enough.

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" (actually that's such a daft saying, but you get the idea).

Chin up, tits out

Tirytory

I realised I repeated a lot on that post! I'm so angry. It's frustrating being so powerless. I know I'm getting out, but doubts are starting to set in.... We're not going "back" now, I feel like we've messed up everything so badly with the house and his school, that maybe we/I should tough it out here. My boy at least at the moment says schools ok.

Sally Redux

I say cut your losses but if you feel it could work then explore that. You need to be sure or you'll be ping-ponging.

Tirytory

God I would never ping pong. Right now, I don't think I'll go on holiday ever again, I'm just going to stay at home forever

I don't want to stay. Need a time machine and David Tennnant. That's my pathetic attempt to cheer myself up.

Novocastrian

Does David really have four n's?

I think you're beating yourself up over not very much at all though. It'll all work out fine.

I remember very soon after we returned to Canada from Germany in 1993 our then 9 year old was asked in class to write a story about the worst day in his life.

He wrote about the day we told him we were moving back to Canada.

Now we're leaving him here (well not actually here, he now lives in Regina) when we return to Europe next year. There's no way he would even consider coming along: totally assimilated.

Sally Redux

John Simm

Tirytory

Ooh no!!!!!!