AnonymousFatherDubai

My relationship with my wife has deteriorated to the point where it feels like we are just waiting to see who will divorce who first. After the final straw, I am going to take steps to make sure I’m not broadsided by a team of her lawyers and lose my kids.

Our situation is that we have 2 young babies. Tragic I know. My wife works long hours and rarely sees the children during the week. I work from home and while I have a high paying job, my workload is very low, averaging a couple of hours a day.

This means I have the time to walk, bath, read, feed, play with, and raise my beautiful babies which I’ve done for the past year. I’m there all day every day and I have the time and resources to be a full time stay at home working dad for the foreseeable future. I am in a very privileged position.

My relationship is over with my wife. I know the first thing to do is talk to a lawyer as terrifying as that seems. But I just want to understand the lay of the land first. What are the chances of me being granted custody and guardianship of my children considering I can be there to raise them all day every day when their mother can’t...?

This is more important to me than anything else. I want my kids with me as I don’t want them being raised by a maid somewhere while their mother is in the office all week.

Any advice appreciated in this desperate time.

scot47

Which jurisdiction will you take the action in ? Is your residence in the UAE tied to your wife's visa ?

AnonymousFatherDubai

Action would be taken in Dubai. We each have separate work-sponsored residence visas. Thanks.

TheShed

I know it sounds a bit wishy washy, but have you tried talking through the options with the wife? Sounds like she wouldn't have many options in relation to the kids due to her job, so maybe you could separate, do a deal on visitation, get it authenticated by an independent lawyer and deal with the divorce later?

I've had a couple of friends divorce here and the lawyers are like vultures. Both couples were seriously out of pocket at the end of the process.

Also, if you were originally married in UK or if the marriage is registered there, you may end going through two divorces, as happened to one mate here.

There seem to be a few lawyers here who are particularly tough in favour of the female so watch out if she instructs one of those. I met one of these lawyers socially and she was a serious rottweiler

One tip, keep an eye on ExpatWoman and she if your wife is on there seeking the same advice as you. Thats how my mate discovered that she was a little ahead of him in the process.

Hope you get it all worked out to mutual satisfaction.

Millhouse

Actually the first person you should talk to is your wife.

Anyway, congratulations on making an important life decision. While the journey ahead is not going to be easy you’ve already made the difficult and important first step towards a new life.

Taz786

Hi OP,

It's sad to hear your relationship isn't working and having officially divorced my wife less than a month ago, it's not easy but don't have any regrets.

We didn't have any kids so can't support on your original request. However, like others have mentioned, try and speak to your wife and reach an amicable agreement. I was fortunate our divorce went smoothly and my ex-wife was very reasonable but it could have got messy very quickly and out of my hands.

Let me know if you need any advice on the divorce proceedings in Dubai.

Max the Dog

Oh dear.. I went through the same situation 3 years ago and the circumstances sound almost identical in terms of the percentage of childcare you are responsible for.
My situation ended very badly, as most of them do, with her abducting my children to France whilst I was away on a business trip.
3 years of the worst hell imaginable, lawyers in 3 countries and several court cases and judgements later, I have all of the school holidays allocated to me, but no involvement in their day to day lives.... Truly devastating.
The only people who benifit are the scumbag “family lawyers” quick to feign compassion, but logging every second of communication.
Simply, my advice to you is, if there is any hope of resolving your situation try to do it, the alternative is unimaginable and rarely ends well for both the parents or children.

Sabi Star

Just a side note - Expatwoman is now just a shadow of its former self.

morpeth

Why would someone have to go through two divorces ? My understanding was getting a divorce in another country, as long as it can be documented, and was properly under the jurisdiction of the foreign court, doesn't need to be re-filed in the UK. I had a friend go through this and that was the legal advice he received in the UK.

I echo the other posts, perhaps time to re-evaluate how to try to save your marriage for the sake of the children.

mission

to the OP...i am so sorry to hear this....i hope you manage to get to resolves things...one way or another.

Millhouse

Better to get divorced in the UK. Cheaper and easier.

By the way, just in case you are including me in your thoughts, I never suggested saving the marriage. For clarity, I suggested talking to her to in order to achieve a good outcome in the breakup. In my opinion any attempts to save a marriage creates a long period of unhappiness and absence of intimacy until the kids hit 18 before the inevitable happens. And you teach your kids nothing about relationships in the process.

We agreed that in all events the kids happiness were the only thing that was important and we would work together to secure that. Money, blame etc has no place in such discussions.

AnonymousFatherDubai

Thanks all for the insight. Sorry to hear some are experiencing the same, if not worse.

The divorce/legal proceedings would definitely be here (Dubai) as we were married here and would probably both remain living here. Certainly as the father I know I have a much stronger position in this part of the world than the UK.

We are both UK nationals born and raised in the UK and have been here for circa 10 years together. Visas are independent as previously detailed and the children are on my visa obviously.

My real question is whether or not a judge will look at the situation and say, “Ok you are the father and you are at home all day and you have raised the children so far. Thus the status quo should remain, the children are best served being in your custody and guardianship”.

OR

Like the UK, these things are decided before a case is even heard in that the Mother will just gets the kids because that is the done thing and individual cases are not really considered.

Because honestly, if I decide to take steps toward divorce and end up losing my kids because of it then I would rather live in abject misery with my wife yet see them all day every day.

AnonymousFatherDubai

Hey thanks for this. Absolutely no reason for you to be nice to a random internet stranger. Made my night a little easier.

scrubbedexpat141

I'm a bit more calculating than others. Talk to her, but armed with intel.

Speak to a lawyer or two, get a general consensus on which of those options is most likely the outcome if in court.
Then speak to your wife, try to solve the problem diplomatically. If it's hard work, present some of your findings and explain that it's likely you'll get the kids regardless but you want to do this fairly, openly and in a way that works best for both of you with lots of access for her that works.
If you can't reach an agreement then go to court and let a stranger decide what's best for kids they don't know.

Having grown up with a court order dictating when and for how long I could see my Dad, how holidays were shared or rotated and that only on the 3rd weekend of every month I could stay over I can guarantee you that it's ****ing bullshit. Neither of my parents did anything productive or useful or positive in the entire process to make our lives and enjoyment of time with each of them better. Remember that and your responsibility to ensure the kids see their Mum and Dad and aren't used as tools to get at each other.

Good luck, sounds like you just want to do what's right regardless, if the wife does too then you'll be fine.

UKCityGent

Id echo many of the responses here.


Divorce is not the end but the beginning of a new chapter, however don't burn bridges from the past.


I have a few friends who divorced locally within the region - the general consensus seems to be that the male child under 7 stays with the mother then after 7 he is with the father (if he has re-married etc).


Personally I would also move liquid assets around to optimise your chances of a better future life, but watch out for the lawyers who are vultures and add no value to your case - if you can resolve it between your wife and yourself (with compromises on both sides) I would bite the bullet and take that option.