commander

agree with that. BUT, they need to make sure that the good fathers are protected. My ex didn't get the CSA involved. She claimed certain benefits that with hindsight she shouldn't have...This action alerted the CSA and before you know it, they were all over me and she never saw the money. I was already paying her "x" amount, and after the CSA investigated and calculated my earnings (I immediately went self employed, paid myself the UK minimum wage by PAYE and the rest went to my mother as a director of the company) so all they could claim from me was 25% of PAYE. The net result "y" was a lot lot less than I was paying my ex.

My attitude was of course, "**** you" to my ex and the CSA. I didn't ask for this shit.

So you have an angry father and an angry mother...all because of the CSA. In-between of course there was one little loser in all this...

Looking back at it now, it all could and should have been avoided. I don't need (legally) to provide anything for my daughter and the CSA cannot touch any of my assets. I told them I was moving abroad 8 years ago and they told me (in writing) my case file was closed.

Like most fathers, I have a parental duty and now that I do see my daughter whenever I want and speak to her on a daily basis, I support her.

Ill tell you what though, and call me a wanker, when my ex cut off all communication for me and my family when I moved to Dubai, I had no hesitation of pulling the plug on any funding. Instead the money went into a trust fund for my daughter. That went on for around 5 ****ing years.

Where all my family supported and understood my stance, all my ex's family hated me and played the bad father card to anyone and everyone who would listen..(forgetting they pulled the plug on contact). A real mess and ugly situation.

We now all get on brilliantly and both families get together regularly. It should be a case study on how 2 good families can get bent totally out of shape...when a resolvable situation spirals out of control. I don't know how much money I spent on lawyers!!

scrubbedexpat141

Absolutely. Like all things, you're more likely to hear a story of how shit soemthing is rather than about it working as expected.

scrubbedexpat141

You're a good egg eh. You definitely did the right thing. The closest my Mum and Dad come to any form of communication is me deliberately standing next to one whilst I ring the other on Xmas day so they HAVE to say Merry Christmas to each other. That's it. End of. My wedding day will be the most painful day imaginable.

People can say what they want eh Commander, you know you did no wrong and you know what you were doing in the backrgound. Good to hear it's all friendly now though. Much easier.

commander

thanks, yea it has all worked out now and we are totally fine. It was a bit weird though sitting in a restaurant back home recently having a lovely meal with my 2 daughters and their respective mothers. One of my pals walked into the restaurant, looked over and burst out laughing. Sent me a BBM asking how my dinner date was with my "harem".

Surely when you get married, your parents will put their differences to one side and get along. Otherwise its a great excuse to say bollox to both of them and go get married in Vegas

scrubbedexpat141

Bizarre to me mate. My mrs' parents get on fine, we were at her dads at Xmas with:

Her Dad
Her Mum
Dad's new mrs
her two kids
His ex Mother in Law
His two kids with ex (mrs' mum)
his son from the in-between-relationship.

It was like a middle-class Jeremy Kyle but all really nice and fun. It was astounding for me.

Dad will be fine. He'll just want to be there, won't want fuss or issues. Mum will be demanding that she gets this or that or whatever. She's planted the seed in my sister's head that my gran (her mum) should walk my sister down the aisle instead of Dad. It would ****ing kill him, I'd disown her.

Parents are *****...most of the time

Meow

Exactly that. Mr Meow's parents are divorced and hadn't seen each other for some 15 years when we married. Had either party kicked off they'd have been told to either grow up or eff off. Parents who behave in that way are selfish children who should not be tolerated. In fact anyone who makes a fuss about anyone else's wedding can get stuffed.

scrubbedexpat141

Irrelevant at the moment. I'm too young to get married.

Canuck Fan

I'd just like to add to this, to say that my partner (not married) has threatened to have nothing to do with his unborn child of 7 weeks and will go abroad so he will not have to pay any maintenance and laughed in my face about it more than once in the last few days. He worked in Saudi for 10 years until 2007 and has threatened to go back there. This is not unfortunately the first time (stupid me!), and has given me the choice between having a termination or bringing it up alone with no maintenance from him. Some men never grow up and accept their responsibilities in life even in their 40's.

Of course there's 2 sides to every story, but at no point have i said i will not allow him contact!